#pezzy angst

[sirensdollesque]

𝑴y star in the sky

pairings:husband!pezzy & wife!reader

warnings: miscarriage, mentions of blood, mentions of peeing?(you'll understand it when u read), grieving

pregnant– that word in bold on countless test had been the biggest light in your world for you and max, baby clothes neatly folded in their room, the start of a crib being built, the gang was happy for you both, excited to be uncle's.

you should've known it was too good to last.

you'd been careful, doctors said that it it was a risk in the first trimester but that everything seemed to be on track– key word: seemed.

8 weeks of pure joy were snatched from you in your sleep, you woke up the next morning to aching cramps, unlike any you'd experienced, still unaware of what was truly going on and the blood on the bed sheets, you left bed leaving max to sleep as you walked to the bathroom and turned on the light to pee and get some advil for the pain.

the moment the clot and blood was visible to you as you pulled your pants down your heart sank, this wasn't real, right? you'd done everything right, you couldn't have lost the baby.

your vision went blurry, forcing yourself up from the toilet seat and back in your room you saw max awake, staring at the bloodied side of your bed that you hadn't seen until now.

your eyes stared at the blood on the bed, you and max didn't exchange words, he just walked to and held you close and like a dam being opened, the tears fell.

hours passed, max had helped you get cleaned up, calling your doctors to get an appointment to check up on you, you didn't feel like you were here, the same spot on the wall being your safe spot to stare at, as if it were the only thing holding you together.

max knew what you felt was indescribable, he couldnt even described the pain he felt, the sad numb look in your eyes pained him, in a blink of an eye the smiles and bright eyes you two had were stripped away, your miracle angel baby taken from you both, and you couldnt help but feel like it was your fault.

no matter how many times you were told it wasnt your fault, that you couldn't have known it would happen you still couldn't shake that guilty feeling.

and so you fell deep, the grief took over you, days turned into chores, and you feel into an never ending cycle of numbness.

max had fallen too, both of you still tried to comfort one another but the pain was all too much.

your baby was a star in the sky now, one you two were so excited to meet, and now you'd never get to experience meeting the biggest miracle you'd ever experienced.

toritalks🖊- idk if i hate this or not

tags @fawnquette @st6ined @trulygentle @sturnsflirt

[sirensdollesque]

𝓔ternity

𝒘idower!𝓜ax(pezzy) && 𝓭eceased!𝓡eader

𝑰𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉, max(pezzy) hasn't learned to be without you, and so one day he writes you a letter warnings: greiving, mentions of death, allusion to suicide (if you or a loved one need to talk to someone 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline can help), loss of spouse

july 6th. the date that lingered in Max's memory. the day that his life changed for the worse, the day his world caved in, the day he lost you.

three years later and he still couldnt escape the monster that was grief. everything around him reminded him of you. the couch in the living room with a small red stain from a night filled with wine and laughter, the bottles of your perfumes he refused to get rid of, the slowly rising dent on your side of the mattress, the pillow case that still faintly smelt of you that he swore to never wash in fear of getting rid of your scent.

simple things even reminded him of you, a cat passing by, a butterfly that stayed near for a second too long, your favorite food, and most importantly even himself.

visting your grave was a daily occurrence, max had convinced himself he could still feel your warmth when he was there, the soft melody of birds chirping and the breeze blowing accompanied by the flowers he replaced every week for now 3 years at your tomb.

today was different, he got home greeted by sly, the cat rubbing on his leg as he placed the flowers he'd bought to make a fresh arrangement for you, along with a envelope for a letter he'd planned to write, his friend claiming "it can help to place your emotions onto paper."

the assortment of flowers were finished, two beautiful white, pink, and yellow flower bouquets to replace your old ones, now sat on at the dinner table that was once for two now just for him, he pulled out a pen and wrote his letter, eyes glassy and paper stained with tear marks from tears that werent wiped in time.

𝓜y dearest love, 1095 days have passed since ive lost you. 3 agonizing years. and in reality it has felt like an eternity since ive last had you here with me, since ive last heard your voice, the sweetness of your laughter, the gentleness of you lip pressed against mine. ive had to learn how to cross this life alone, I still can't let go of this lingering hope that this is all a bad dream, that tomorrow ill wake up to you laying on my chest, to hear the sweet melody of your voice. there's nothing I wouldn’t sacrifice to be in paradise with you my love. I love you, ill be seeing you soon. Your dearest, Max

that afternoon max sat at your tomb speaking to you, hoping that somehow you could hear him. he'd placed the letter on top of your stone tears filling his ocean blue eyes and cascading down like heavy rain on a spring afternoon.

"i still havent learned to live without you my love, I dont think I ever will. I still yearn to see your sweet return, to feel you in my arms once more. these three years have been an eternal prison that I cant escape. I- I don't think I can continue in this eternity of pain. I miss your warmth, your smile, I miss you my angel. I love you, I'll see you soon my dearest, I hope you're saving me a spot in paradise."

that afternoon as he returned home he sat on the couch staring at the picture of you two on your wedding day, the sobs the wracked through his body were agonizing, long, and raw.

and that same night he kept his promise, meeting you in paradise.

toritalks🖊- to be with you in paradise, what i wouldn't sacrifice

tags- @fawnquette @st6ined @trulygentle @sturnsflirt

[sirensdollesque]

𝓟romise

𝓔x!𝓜ax(pezzy) & 𝓔x!𝓡eader

𝑰𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉, promising yourself to forget Max seems to be harder than you thought

you made a promise. the moment you and max broke up you swore to yourself you would distance yourself.

and for a while you had, and you went on a trip, flew overseas and spent a week healing- or so you thought, then that night on the plane as you returned the lingering memory that you'd never said "goodbye" but "see you later" and that somehow brought you hope.

Max's name in your contacts was like a taunt, screaming at you "call me! call me, i know you want too!" and the amount of times you stared at his contact should've burned holes in your phone.

and so you didn't call max for 16 whole days after the breakup. it was impressive honestly with how many nights you spent staring and debating if it was worth calling.

but, every night that you debated calling that number you knew like the palm of your hand and hear that voice you couldn't burn out your head even if you tried– you remembered one thing, as much as it hurt to be something without him, it was much worse to be nothing with max.

and yet, after doing the math, seeing there was no solution and that you'd never last, you broke your promise.

you watched the phone ring, silently hoping he wouldn't answer, that he was busy, but then he answered. "hello?" Max's voice was like a shot to the chest, so calm and confused yet such a punch to a gut aftet 16 days without hearing it.

"hey, I uhm... I don't know why I called." "oh, that's fine no–" your voice cut through his unfinished sentence, "no.. no it's not. I shouldn't have called I just... I was walking today and saw a guy who looked just like you," you sighed "I broke my promise, I really shouldn't have called."

"it's oka- hello? y/n?" you didn't let yourself continue to talk to him, you hung up reminding yourself it hurt to be something without him but that it's worse to be nothing with him.

toritalks🖤- i want hot fries

tags- @fawnquette @sturnsflirt @trulygentle @st6ined