the light is the farthest back; post-retrace 75 drabbles
Author's Note: I have too many feels. Need to write them out. Here's angsty drabbles about the reactions of Oz, Gil, and Break at Alice's disappearance. Might add on more later.
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the light is the farthest back
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Oz
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The lights dispersed around me, carrying away the last remnants of Alice's presence. It took only a moment for me to realize what I had just done. My fingers curled inward, but they refused to form a fist, my eyes refusing create the tears that my chest was trying so hard to combat in unleashing. I had caused her to vanish, disappear. All that time, all that desire to keep her with me, to keep her by my side -- it had all vanished along with her.
Alice was gone.
I barely even felt the rain falling onto my face, my body filled with grief. Regret. Sorrow.
"I want to stay by her side, and watch... just what will that light will radiate into in the end."
Those words felt as if they had been spoken long ago, from someone else's life. And in a way, they had. I was not Oz Vessalius. I was Oz, the B-Rabbit. I was a Chain meant to destroy, and I had. I had single-handedly brought the world one step closer into another tragedy, all perpetrated by Jack. Soon, the chains would collapse and this world would sink into the Abyss, per Jack's wishes, and he would be reunited with Lacie again.
I, on the other hand....
"When I'm suffering, or when someone tries to hurt me, at that time... you will surely come to save me, right?"
No, Alice.
I would never be able to. It was just as I had told Jack back then; I am weak, so I am unable to properly become your knight. I was never able to protect you, never able to protect anyone. This way, without you here, you won't have to suffer anymore. You won't have to suffer because of me. This was for the best. For you and for me.
Because in the end, although you were my light, the light - in the impenetrable haze of darkness - is always the farthest back.
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Gil
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Through my numb, barely functioning mind, I watched as she faded. Her body, shaking with shock and fear, was becoming transparent, like an image waiting to be deleted. She was talking to Oz, pleading, and then... and then, she was gone, as if whisked away by the wind. The girl I had for so long wanted to disappear, so long wanted to just die, was no longer here.
I didn't know what to feel except shock, and yet, even as I gazed at Oz, he didn't cry out, or get consumed by emotion, of grief, at what he had just done. He looked even a little bit relieved, though it was clear from his eyes that the act had caused him unspeakable pain.
The stupid rabbit, who had for so long annoyed me and caused Oz and I nothing but problems... was just gone. I slowly realized, as my feelings came back to me, that I should be happy about this. Even if Oz was not my master any longer.... that girl had vanished, no longer able to hurt him.
So why, then, was I the one hurting? Why did seeing her fade away before my eyes create such a growing sorrow within me? Had I, too, come to care for her, just as Oz had? I could almost laugh. Had this been any other time, had this been when we first met her, I wouldn't have cared. I would have been the one to end her. But now, after getting to know her.... it was only now did I realize what a presence she had brought, what happiness she had brought to Oz. She had not caused him suffering. She had made him happy, happier than I ever could. She was his light, and I was his darkness. We all balanced each other out. And now that balance was distorted, twisted, off-kilter. The light was gone.
"I.... what will become of me...?"
The question she had asked back then... she had truly been afraid. I had been too lost in my own mixed feelings towards her back then to even give her an answer, but now I had one, and it was surprisingly the one I would never had opted for before now, before I had come to care for her, the answer I wished so badly I could have told her back then.
Nothing, Alice. Nothing will happen to you. Oz would never allow it.
I saw, however, that had I said those words to her then that I would have lied. Because Oz had allowed it, Oz had caused her to fade away and disappear, and given to her the very fears she had tried so hard to fight against.
Only darkness remained.
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Break
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Even without my sight, I knew something had happened. Something had happened to Alice. There was nothing but silence, when moments before there had been her voice, pleading with Oz, pleading for him to not do this. But it seemed whatever she had been hoping against, Oz had done, and only silence lingered. There was only the sound of the rain as it hit the pavement, and my lone eye, however useless it now was, could see the blandest of a black shadow mixed with the green, Oz lying against the grass, but there was no red shadow beside him, no small, vivacious girl with long brunette hair that danced past her calf's, no sign that she had existed at all.
There was no Alice.
"Please, then... I want you... to save that girl. Save Alice!"
The Will of the Abyss's precious wish -- that I save her twin -- was nothing more than an empty promise. Her sister was gone, dispersed, and I was not able to do anything to stop it. Along with the oncoming sorrowful feelings at the loss of the girl, I felt the deepest pang of regret, that I was truly unable to fulfill her wish after all.