#phai-mail

[notesfromthemirror]

Queen Lily, I don’t think you realize how much I’ve been consumed by the idea of a scenario involving Reader, curiously and half-innocently, asking Phainon in the Wishbearer series if he’s ever watched them while they were in the shower. He did say he was always watching in the literal sense so Reader can’t help but ask.

But Phainon would never! The very question has him struck silent and red in the face from indignation. And only indignation, don’t misunderstand. Of course he wouldn’t look during such a private event! But now that the thought is in his head, he’s too flustered to look at Reader’s face. Phainon may be a demigod, but he still has human desires. Not that he exactly wants Reader to see that on his face. At this time.

Hi anon! :) Okay first of all, bless you for this, really, because I have been deep in my head about this series (and overthinking it…) and sometimes what you need is someone arriving in your inbox with exactly the right chaos energy. And I mean that entirely as a compliment. Clearly we are operating on the same frequency here. :D

I will now confess that I absolutely had thoughts along these lines while writing. Some of them almost made it in. Some were sacrificed at the altar of pacing and symbolism. But since you’ve opened the door:

This is the AU within the AU. Or just a collection of what-ifs from a person who is sick, in her Phainon missing hours, has too many Phainon feelings for one body to contain, and loves to yap. So. Here are some of my ideas (there is always more). Naturally I had to write short snippets too. I blame my brainrot, you and Phainon for this:

Reader going: “Wait. You’ve been watching me this whole time. Have you ever watched me shower?” would probably make him short-circuit on every conceivable level.

He goes still. “Of course not.” He is flustered and trying so hard to sound dignified.

Meanwhile Reader is now staring. “Wishes, your ears are red.” And then he gets MORE upset because now not only has he been accused unfairly, but his body is betraying him in real time. And internally he is absolutely having the catastrophic realization of: I am, in fact, still a person with human desires. This is deeply unfortunate. What do I do now?

Meanwhile reader is trying not to laugh because this ancient demigod is suddenly acting like a scandalized man in a period drama.

The funniest part to me, though, is that Reader would probably get curious after realizing how affected he is. Because then the dynamic shifts from: “Did you look?” to: “You are thinking about it now though, aren’t you?”

And Phainon, who has spent three thousand years maintaining composure under cosmic torment, suddenly discovering he cannot survive one mildly teasing conversation with reader intact is very important to me personally. (Look, I just love the idea of flustering him…)

Because once he starts rediscovering humanity and touch and desire and closeness in real time… he becomes dangerous. This man has repressed every personal want for millennia and is suddenly discovering he enjoys intimacy, teasing, warmth, being wanted, existing as a person instead of a function… I mean, COME ON.

Here are some scenarios I had in mind while writing:

━━━━━━━━

Scenario A:

He’s granting wishes, and you’re talking in the in-between moments the way you always do now. And then there’s a crash. Or a sharp word. Or just an emotion spiking through the connection like a struck bell.

And Phainon, who has spent weeks slowly, helplessly learning the texture of your specific emotional landscape and now cannot not react to it… immediately, completely without thinking, tunes in.

You feel his presence go very, very still.

Wishes. Are you there?

Nothing.

…Don’t tell me you just—

More nothing.

I thought you were in danger, he says finally, and he sounds precisely like someone who was not prepared for what he found and would like to not discuss this for the remainder of his very long existence. You were just—

He doesn’t finish. You can feel what he doesn’t say. And also something new in his presence: slightly elevated, very carefully not being named.

Wishes, it’s fine, you say. Just don’t do that again.

A pause.

Understood.

Unless you need to, you say. For safety reasons.

He doesn’t know why you added that last part. He is going to think about the last part for a very long time.

━━━━━━━━

Scenario B:

He’s been running on empty. The wishes have been worse: the petty ones, the cruel ones, the ones that make him question what, exactly, he’s sustaining.

And you are there in his awareness the way you always are now, this warm thread running through everything that drains him. He tells himself he’s just checking. Making sure you are alright.

He does not examine that very closely.

You are getting ready for bed. It’s nothing. You don’t know he’s there. He knows he should look away.

He looks away. He looks back. He looks away again, faster.

His entire experience of that moment is approximately three seconds of visual information that his mind immediately, helplessly replays in considerably more detail than three seconds justify.

He feels as though he has committed several crimes against decency. He has not felt ashamed of himself like this in three thousand years. Possibly not ever.

He is also, and this is the part that slightly alarms him, not only ashamed.

He keeps a very careful distance for the rest of that evening. When you speak to him later, easy and habitual: Are you alright?

He says: Mm.

You say: You’re being weird today.

He says nothing, which is also a kind of answer.

The dream that follows is eventful. He is more flustered than he has ever permitted himself to be. The careful distance he has maintained has developed a notable crack in it, and he is aware of this, and he blames you, privately, for existing with such consistency.

And he also wants more of this. So much more.

━━━━━━━━

Scenario C (in a dream)

It comes up naturally somehow.

“Wait,” you say. “When you said you were always watching—you meant literally, right?”

“Yes.”

“Like. Everything.”

A long pause follows.

“Phainon.”

“Yes.”

“Did you see me naked?”

The silence that follows is the loudest he has ever been.

“No,” he says, eventually. “I mean—once or twice it almost—I looked away. Your emotions at certain hours are very—it’s difficult not to notice when something shifts strongly through the connection and I—“

“Phainon.”

“…Yes.”

“Once or twice.”

“I am,” he says, with as much dignity as the situation allows, “extraordinarily disciplined.”

You decide, for now, not to pursue this. Instead you say: “Alright. Let’s just not do that again. Unless I say so.”

He has absolutely already thought about the last part. He has no idea what to do with it. He finds this deeply inconvenient. (And he wishes you would say so)

━━━━━━━━

Scenario D:

You are lying in the dream wheat fields, facing each other. He has admitted to having seen you naked. Just like that. But he can barely look you in the eye, his ears getting redder the longer you talk.

You wonder what made him watch you in the first place. You think about what might have been different late at night when you had taken that shower. You had felt more raw. Longing for touch more than usual.

“Can you feel it”, you ask, “when I yearn for something?”

He considers this longer than necessary.

“Yes,” he says finally, blushing slightly. “I think so. It feels similar to…” He pauses. “It feels like what I experience when I think about holding you.” He says it evenly. As if this is just information. “And when I think about more than holding you,” he adds, also evenly, “it feels like that too.”

You open your mouth. Close it. Open it again. “Phainon, you can’t just—”

“I know.”

“That’s not how humans—”

“I know.”

“You can’t just say it like that.”

“I am aware,” he says, and his voice has the quality of someone who said it exactly like that on purpose and has no regrets whatsoever. “I have now said it.” He exhales softly. “We can both think about it.”

You both think about it.

The silence between you is not nothing. Neither of you says anything else for a while.

━━━━━━━━

On part 4 (Stirring):

Part of me could not do this. It’s already 17k words. There are Things that must happen first. The other part of me absolutely had a version where reader showers at some point during the evening and Phainon tries very hard to be composed and nonchalant and is not. Even slightly.

I also wanted reader to tease him about it. I had very specific thoughts…

And then later, lying in the dark with his hand on your stomach and your warmth against him, something about it has him less careful than he means to be.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about how you would feel,” Phainon says into your neck, because he is committed to saying true things tonight, and his hands get more urgent…

Well. Part of why Part 4 escalates emotionally the way it does is because they are both already very aware of each other physically by that point. They’re just trying very hard to remain somewhat sane about it.

Adding something like this into the actual chapter probably would have changed the emotional pacing too much (and somehow made the chapter even longer 😭), but I do think both of them had moments where composure was hanging on by a thread. Soo… it would have ended quite differently than it currently does if I leaned more into this kind of energy… :D

The reasonable writer brain won. With great difficulty. Largely by reminding myself that pacing exists. But I see it. I know exactly where it lives. I am simply being responsible. For now.

And now I’m sitting here wondering whether I should elaborate on some of the thoughts I had while writing certain parts of the series... :D

Thanks again! :)

Lily 💙

P.S. “Queen Lily”?! Omg, thank you 🥹

[notesfromthemirror]

actually also consider if you're someone twitchy like me that gets instincts to knead and scratch at stuff. using phainon as a stress ball. go cat mode on him. like he's bread. he's just happy to be there

Hi again! :) First of all, I loved both your energy and the fact that you sent me two asks in a row. :D That made me smile because it felt very much like “I just had a thought and now Lily needs to hear it immediately.” Which I fully support, by the way.

And I absolutely loved both asks. I will also get back to the other one. :) For the clingy-and-grumpy Reader one, I still haven’t decided whether I will simply reply with my thoughts or if I might actually write a short fic because that scenario is so sgvujdkfjdlfjdkf. 😭

Now back to this ask. :)

So I read your tags on the clingy Phainon fic where you mentioned that you love the idea of simply doing your own thing while he’s nearby. And same, actually.

I love that dynamic. Perhaps because I’m somewhat cat-coded myself in certain regards. :D

Sometimes my hands just need something to do. Sometimes my brain gets loud. Sometimes I just start absentmindedly touching whatever happens to be nearby.

So this made me laugh out loud because yes. I immediately understood the vision. And Phainon would be perfect for this.

The hair alone. We need to discuss the hair because I am convinced it is ridiculously soft.

So naturally Reader would start threading their fingers through it without even thinking about it. Just absentmindedly combing through it over and over while reading something or focusing on another task.

And Phainon would absolutely notice. He would not immediately say anything, just quietly enjoy it.

Then there is the neck situation. :D Because if Reader is particularly cat-coded, I can absolutely see them lightly dragging their nails over the back of his neck or along his shoulders while they’re thinking.

Which would probably soothe both of them (well or not? I guess it depends :D).

And then there are his arms and chest. Because if we’re staying with the “Phainon as a stress ball” image, I think Reader would absolutely end up poking, squeezing, pressing or absentmindedly kneading him like bread while thinking about something entirely unrelated.

The funniest thing is that Reader is doing all of this completely subconsciously while Phainon is over there experiencing the emotional equivalent of being chosen by some divine being.

Like… Reader is absentmindedly using him as a comfort object.

And Phainon is thinking: “This is the greatest day of my life.” Without saying it out loud. ☺️

He would definitely tease Reader about it too. “You’re doing it again.”

“Hm?”

“You’ve been petting my hair for ten minutes.”

“Have I?”

“You have.”

“Sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

And then Reader would immediately continue doing it.

I also think that if Reader is reaching for his arms or chest, Phainon would very obviously and very shamelessly adjust himself so they’re more comfortable.

Like Reader isn’t even paying attention and suddenly his arm is right there. Or his shoulder. Or his chest. Entirely by coincidence, I’m sure. :D

And I think this could go on for hours. Reader gets comfort. Phainon gets affection. Everyone wins.

Thank you for this mental image. It made me giggle. :)

Lily 💙

[notesfromthemirror]

For the longest time, I could not understand what that gold line near Phainon’s collarbone was.

One of my friends said it was a part of his sun mark on his neck, but HOW?? I don’t understand??? And now I can’t stop imagining Reader being just as confused about it as I am. Think about them staring at the gold line and Phainon notices but thinks they’re staring at his chest only, being amused that his Dawnlight would feel the need to sneak looks at him like that (but that makes him feel validated since he also sneaks looks at them, he’s just stealthier about it). And then when Phainon is training shirtless, Reader just steps up close and traces the gold line, FINALLY asking Phainon what exactly it is supposed to represent and why is it on his chest specifically. And it is the only reason why they’re staring at his chest, don’t misunderstand. The gold line was just very perplexing, that’s all.

Hi there! :) Okay, first of all: I need to preface this by saying that I am by no means an expert on the exact lore implications of Phainon’s gold line situation. :D But I was always convinced it was connected to the sun mark on his neck too (especially because it almost looks cyclical?).

That being said: your thought process here is taking me out because this is EXACTLY the kind of thing I would do too. :D Just staring at him like: “Hold on. What IS that actually?” while conveniently ignoring the fact that yes, he also just happens to be absurdly attractive.

And Phainon absolutely notices. Immediately.

The thing is: he already likes when Reader watches him train. I genuinely think he enjoys being observed by them in general, especially physically, because he himself is constantly sneaking glances at them too. Meanwhile Reader is over there staring at the gold line near his collarbone with the intensity of someone trying to solve a historical mystery.

And of course this happens while he’s shirtless because the Nameless faces trailer apparently decided peace was never an option for any of us. So now I am convinced that he basically trains shirtless all the time. 🤭

(Side note: I truly will never recover from those scenes. The lighting. The fact that they animated every muscle in his torso with religious devotion. The close-ups. Like. Come ON.)

But yes, I think at first Phainon completely misreads the situation in the funniest way possible. Reader keeps staring, keeps getting distracted, and meanwhile he’s over there internally going:

Ah. So my Dawnlight likes what they see.

Which is valid. :D

So naturally he starts showing off a little more. Nothing too blatant at first, but enough. Slower movements. More stretching. Taking his time wiping sweat from his neck. Very aware of his own body in that quietly confident way he has.

Because I really do think Phainon knows he’s attractive. In the sense that he understands the effect he has on people (well... I think so?! He can be so endearing when he’s a little clueless or surprised). Or at least he knows his body… looks like that. :D

And Reader, meanwhile, is STILL trying to figure out the gold line.

I love the idea that eventually curiosity wins and they finally walk over while he’s resting after training. And Phainon immediately notices the determined look on their face.

Then Reader steps closer. Close enough that he automatically stills. And maybe they trace the line lightly with one finger while asking:

“What exactly is this gold line supposed to be?”

And OH he would absolutely get affected by that. Because I think the line is sensitive. Or at least emotionally charged for him somehow. (This is just my headcanon, though...)

So the moment Reader touches it directly, especially with genuine fascination, he probably shudders a little before he can stop himself.

And Reader notices. Obviously. :D Which makes the entire situation worse in the best way. I also think Phainon would tease them immediately to recover. Something like:

“So that’s what’s been distracting you?” (he chuckles)

And Reader, trying to preserve dignity: “I was curious.”

“Mm.” He looks entirely unconvinced. “Only curious?”

Meanwhile Reader is fighting for their life because now they’re touching his bare chest and he’s looking at them like THAT.

I also think that he might not even give a serious answer at first. Knowing Phainon, if he realizes Reader is flustered, he might deliberately make something up just to amuse himself (and Reader :D).

Like: “It’s where the sunlight leaks out, dawnlight.”

Or: “Oh, this? This started appearing when I fell in love with you. Sometime after we first hugged, I think. I found a liking to it, so I presume you should keep touching my chest just to make sure it stays.”

Meanwhile Reader is staring at him like: “You are impossible.”

And he’s clearly enjoying this far too much. But beneath the teasing, I do think there’s something genuinely intimate about the moment too. Because the gold line does feel deeply personal somehow, almost vulnerable, and Reader touching it without hesitation would probably affect him more than he expects.

Especially because Phainon is someone who carries so much symbolism and burden in his body already.

So once Reader starts tracing the line slowly, absentmindedly, maybe following where the gold disappears beneath his skin—

Yeah. At that point the tension is catastrophic. :D

And depending on the mood/location/privacy levels… Reader is definitely not just tracing the line anymore after a while. ☺️

Thank you for sending me this brainrot! :) (And for the pics too!)

Lily 💙

P.S. I took some screenshots of said video again. Just because. 😇

[notesfromthemirror]

They definitely had sex in that wheat field afterwards, I just can’t prove it 🤨

Anon, I’m losing it. I love this. ☺️😭 Well. And I agree with you. And honestly there is nothing to prove because spiritually I think this is simply true.

The real question is HOW it happened.

Personally I think there are two possibilities:

1) They completely lose their minds immediately in the wheat field. (🤭)

OR

2) They attempt to behave normally after the kiss because there is fish waiting and Phainon’s parents exist and society unfortunately has rules.

Which means they return looking suspiciously flushed while trying very hard to act composed.

Meanwhile Phainon is internally experiencing approximately every emotion at once because:

- you get along with his parents,

- you love his home,

- you kissed him in his favorite place,

- and now he cannot stop thinking about your mouth.

So naturally he becomes unbearable.

He’s kissing you in quiet corners of the house. Pulling you closer every time you pass him. Whispering things in your ear while pretending to be normal. Completely failing to be normal.

And eventually he absolutely asks you to go walking with him again because “the wheat fields look beautiful at night.” He also brings a blanket “so you won’t get cold, dawnlight.” (While internally thinking, very persistently: I will make you warm)

Sir, you are not subtle. And THEN the yearning finally collapses completely.

Personally I think the sex would start very soft and emotional and then progressively become less civilized (read: wild) once they stop overthinking and fully realize:

oh. this is real. we can touch each other as much as we want.

Also yes, I’m still convinced that Phainon is the kind of person who would be very intense about physical closeness once he finally allows himself to have it.

Also there is something very interesting to me about the symbolism of the wheat fields specifically.

Because this is where he used to come when he wanted peace. Where he grounded himself. Where he sat alone looking at the sky and trying to quiet his thoughts.

And now suddenly you’re in the place that always belonged only to him.

And there is also something to be said about him lying in the wheat field looking upward the way he always used to… except now the sky isn’t the only beautiful thing above him anymore. (;-))

Things to think about. :D

Anyway I support this agenda completely. Thank you for sending me this brainrot. Now I have Thoughts.

Lily 💙

[notesfromthemirror]

You haven’t talked about the most devastating part of the Phainon date vid! The part at the end where he notices something stuck on our face and the tone he uses when he says, “Close your eyes and let me help you.” SIR?? Hello??? And why would we need to close our eyes, hm?? 🫢🤭

Anon, yes I am very aware that I haven’t talked about this because I was embarrassed by how much that moment got to me 😭

First of all they are sitting in his favorite spot overlooking the sea which is already enough to emotionally destroy me because the sea is one of the only places where I truly feel at peace. And then this man (with THAT voice and THAT tone) just goes: “Close your eyes and let me help you.”

Sir. (The “let me help you” in particular got to me because all I could think was: “Help me with what again? Huh?” 🙈)

And yes indeed WHY would we need to close our eyes 🤭 Okay let’s see:

a) He is yearning™️ and wants one moment to just look at your face properly without shame and without immediately looking away again.

b) He is also probably afraid of accidentally startling or hurting you which is objectively very sweet but personally I think he could just kiss it better instead. Ahem.

c) He removes the wheat very carefully and then starts softly rambling about something completely unrelated midway through because he’s trying to act normal and failing. Probably something about the fish or the sea or the fields and then suddenly he’s just admitting he’s happy you’re there with him.

d) And THEN comes the dangerous part because I can absolutely imagine him chuckling softly once he realizes how flustered you are. And now suddenly his voice is a little deeper and he’s still touching your face and you can already feel his breath because he’s too close and—

Anyway.

He would kiss you there. Very softly at first. And then maybe not so softly because this man is still wet from throwing himself into the water to catch fish and probably running on adrenaline and joy and affection all at once.

Okay I think I need to stop 😭

Lily 💙

[notesfromthemirror]

Reader sees Phainon training shirtless for the first time and becomes so flustered they ask him, "Are you trying to destroy what's left of this world?" Because he's so handsome, the world wouldn't be able to bear it.

Anon, thank you for this brainrot. It made me chuckle. :D

And I will admit that reader is me here 😭 As much as I love the idea of flustering him in general (there are so many possibilities), I would definitely be affected by that moment. And while I believe reader would probably catch themselves later on and admire and cherish his chest the way it deserves (heh), the initial flustered state is very relatable.

And Phainon… I’m not sure. I can actually see him reacting several different ways.

If he catches on immediately and is amused by it, he could even make a joke about it. Because the phrasing is honestly hilarious and it would absolutely make him chuckle. Which means he would immediately start trying to fluster Reader even more. :D

He could also be completely confused at first because, well, of course he isn’t trying to destroy the world. The puppy eyes would be devastating.

Reader: “Are you trying to destroy what’s left of this world?”

Phainon: “…What did I do?”

Reader: “You know what you did.”

Phainon: “I really don’t.”

And meanwhile Reader is having a crisis.

He could also be so honest.

Something like: “No matter if it gets more destroyed, I do everything I can to bring a better future. For the people.” And then his gaze softens. “But mostly for you.”

Kiss.

And then there is the version that is perhaps the most dangerous. The one where he’s already stressed. The world is ending. Training has him full of adrenaline. He might be a little on edge. Reader is staring.

And suddenly he’s just a little less composed than usual. A little more direct. A little more raw.

Because one thing I love about Phainon is that beneath all the gentleness there is also someone capable of being very intense when he’s agitated or emotional. We see that in canon too, especially when he’s under pressure.

So in that scenario I could see him simply walking over, cornering Reader’s attention completely and saying something like: “If I’m destroying the world, then at least let me enjoy this moment first.”

And then kissing them before they can recover.

Which is admittedly very unfair of him. :D

Or, of course, Reader could recover and eventually manage to fluster him right back. At which point he forgets about the training entirely.

Side note: in general I find it very interesting that even something simple like seeing him shirtless or him removing his shirt, can play out so differently depending on the context.

E.g. him taking his shirt off when he wants to hold reader and cuddle or even for warmth. Or when he just changes in front of reader. Or when he wants more than that. The difference of tone in such scenes alone is so interesting. I have many thoughts but this is not what the ask was about :D

Lily 💙

[notesfromthemirror]

Reader in the Wishbearer series has the opportunity to be even more of a menace when it comes to asking Phainon if he’s ever seen them naked by asking, “Well, what did you think?” with genuine sincerity. Phainon would blush and shine like a light bulb uncontrollable like a flustered mess and I think that’s beautiful.

Hi anon! :) Okay so you are absolutely right and I love that people keep sending me thoughts about this series because the yearning is intentional and apparently very legible. My mind also went places while writing certain scenes.

The “what did you think” follow-up to this is perfect and I love your mind for it because Reader absolutely has that audacity. They’ve been calling him Wishes for weeks. Teasing him. Of course they’d ask.

How Phainon responds to that question depends entirely on what state he’s in.

If he still has distance:

He deflects and probably vanishes mid-silence. If pushed, he says something like I have no comment on that in a voice that is itself a comment… and you feel exactly what he’s not saying anyway, because you always can, which is somehow worse.

And then you, because you are like that, probably say something lightly, like it’s nothing: I’ve thought about seeing you too.

And the silence that follows is so heavy you can feel it in your sternum. Nothing is resolved. Everything is worse. Both of you very aware of the other for the rest of the day and not discussing it.

Scenario A:

This happens when he’s already wound up. Already at the limit of a distance he’s been maintaining through sheer stubbornness.

And then you do something completely innocent (like: you dress for going out, or say something casual, or simply exist in proximity in a way he finds difficult) and there’s a moment where Phainon’s control goes very thin.

What are you doing?

You, confused: Going to the shops?

Like… like that?

…Yes? Why?

He can’t say why. He knows exactly why. It has nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with the thought of other people looking at you with any kind of attention, which fills him with something that doesn’t have a clean name but lives right next to rage.

It’s cold today, he says, because this is the only sentence he can currently form.

You put something on, mostly because Phainon sounds like he might combust. And later, the question surfaces again: So. What did you think? When I was naked?

Something in him stops being careful.

I wanted to touch you. His voice is quieter than you expected. When I saw you naked. Even when I was still afraid I would hurt you. I didn’t understand it. I wanted to know what your skin felt like under my hands. I wanted—

He stops. I hated myself for it, he says. And I still wanted it. A pause. Shorter this time. I also wanted to show you how wonderful you are. I don’t know how to separate the two.

You cannot reply. You are not going to be able to form a coherent sentence for some time.

━━━━━━━━━━━

Scenario B:

He doesn’t build up to it. He just starts talking like he’s been carrying something and has abruptly decided to set it down.

I thought you were beautiful.

You, not expecting this at all: What?

When I saw you naked. A pause. I was ashamed at first. And then I couldn’t look away. Another pause. I’m sorry for that. Something in his voice shifts into something almost wondering. The water made you look otherworldly.

You are already affected.

I kept thinking about how good it must feel, he continues, almost to himself. The warmth of it. Whether it was helping your shoulders—the ones you hold tight when you’re thinking too hard. I kept wanting to—I wanted to take care of you. Under the water, my hands on your shoulders, and nothing else having weight for a while.

He stops, like he’s heard himself. I’m sorry, he says again. I—

And he’s gone, leaving you sitting there with his words still in the air.

You call for him. Twice. Three times. The warmth in your palm is distant because he’s buried himself in wishes, the only place he knows how to disappear.

You are left alone with what he said, and with your own feelings about what he said, which are considerable and not going anywhere.

The evening does not improve this situation. Romance movies were a poor choice in retrospect. Ice cream helps marginally. You keep reaching through the connection and finding him present but unreachable: clearly aware of them, clearly not ready to be reached.

Eventually you think: I do need to shower. Which is perhaps the worst possible moment to remember everything he said.

By the time you’ve emerged (warm, wrapped in a towel, still thinking) something through the connection has changed.

Phainon’s careful retreat has become something much harder to name. He is there suddenly, completely there, and what’s coming through the warmth is lit from inside in a way that doesn’t need explaining.

Phainon, you say.

The warmth flares once. He has been trying very hard to be disciplined tonight.

He is running out of discipline.

Thanks again for the brainrot! :D

Lily 💙

[notesfromthemirror]

hiii it’s salem @solar-halo again because it’s 1 in the morning and i have nowhere else to yap about this to so you’re my brainrot victim of the day 😋 (or night, i guess..)

something i don’t think i’ve ever seen ANYONE bring up before is the little half-finished wooden hand-carved toy soldier you find in aedes elysiae during the 3.4 quest. ever since i saw that i have Always headcanoned that phainon still carves small things out of wood when he’s some kind of bored or nervous and anxious about something, etc. (you know what i mean, he gets into those solemn reflective moods when he’s bothered about something and this would be something semi-mindless he can do while thinking)

+ tangentially related but i also really love to watch wood carving videos when im dealing with an insomnia bout (which is basically every night for me lately 🥹), and pretend that its phainon in the same room (when studying i also like to do this with those library ambience videos bc we know he sure loves his reading 😭 but i digress)

anyway since you’re in an aedes elysiae brainrot mood, i thought you’d appreciate this idea. personally, i’ve always liked to think he’d make me a small owl (or several knowing him) since they’re my favorite animal, but there’s a lot of other potential here i think in terms of what he could do. He could make a million little things to leave around the house (despite any protests that you don’t have any more shelf space. he will learn the art of stacking if he has to), he could make a special one with some kind of phainon-style poetic love declaration etched/written on the bottom (depending on how big it is..), he could carve a little thing (this is probably where favorite animal comes in) as a way to make you feel better if you weren’t doing so well (and i like to think he’d tie a horrible little yellow and purple bow on it to make you at least laugh a little about his persistence that this is a very valid and viable color scheme, especially if it gets your mind off whatever’s going on), he could make and give something to one of the various aedes elysiae children who gather around him to watch literally any activity he does because he’s phainon and he’s just so cool so ofc they’re watching him. he could, of course, if you want to get extra cliche with it, use it as yet another reason to get way too close into your personal bubble by claiming he just wants to show you how to do it too (he’s full of lies and can’t be trusted.).

on top of that i just like to think about the idea of him sitting there thinking, carving away absentmindedly at something. it’s like a physical representation of his mind working overtime to solve yet another thing. i just like thinking about how focused he’d look and how serious and quiet he’d be .. and not that you want wood shavings on you and wood dust in your lungs, but you could probably all but fall asleep on him and he wouldn’t even fully notice because he’s so in his own world 😭 ueee

i don’t know really where i’m going with this but. yeah there’s the brainrot. i send it off in your direction on a carrier pigeon 🕊️

Hi again Salem! :) Okay first of all, I need you to know this very clearly: please never stop sending me your brainrot via carrier pigeon. Seriously. :)

Because I also read your other ask earlier (the rings one!!) and I’ll get back to that too, but once again I just sat there thinking: our minds really work in very similar ways sometimes.

And the wood carving thing especially made me emotional because YES. I had been itching to write something focusing more on that aspect of him. (And yes I included carving in the wheat field fic, but I mean the activity as such.)

Specifically the idea of you actually getting to watch him carve something. Or discovering that he does it when he’s restless or nervous or thinking too much about something and needs to occupy both his hands and his mind at once.

And I love that detail about him so much. Apart from the fact that it’s canon, it just feels deeply fitting for who he is as a person.

He’s detail-oriented. Patient. Appreciative of beauty. He likes working with his hands. He likes creating things that have meaning.

(And yes, another important point is also simply that he has very nice hands. I must remain truthful here.)

But I think carving would probably become something soothing and grounding for him. Especially because it’s tied to earlier, happier memories too. So naturally I can absolutely see him continuing to do it later in life, especially during reflective moods or periods where his thoughts become too loud.

And watching him do it would undo me emotionally. Because I think a lot of people underestimate how intimate it is to simply watch someone fully absorbed in something they genuinely enjoy. The concentration. The quietness. The way they move. The tiny habits and expressions that appear when they stop thinking about being observed.

And Phainon specifically would look SO focused while carving. Serious. Completely inside his own thoughts. Meanwhile you are just sitting there watching him and internally combusting. :‘D

And now your actual ideas.

Yes. Yes. An owl feels so fitting somehow. I think birds in general would suit him honestly. Partly because I also love birds (especially eagles), but also because the symbolism fits him so painfully well: freedom, flight, open skies… all those things connected to someone trapped in endless cycles.

And he would carve little things to make someone feel better. That feels incredibly true to him. Small acts of care. Things made with intention. Tiny physical reminders that someone was thinking about you lovingly.

And of course he would insist on horrible color combinations for ribbons/bows if it made you laugh. 😭 (And yes yellow and purple!! Obviously.)

I can absolutely picture him carving tiny comforting objects depending on what you need emotionally.

A tiny bed because you haven’t been resting enough. A little sun because it’s been raining all week. A bird because he wants to remind you to keep looking forward. A heart because subtlety has left the building entirely.

And the NOTES.

Oh my god.

Imagine waking up and finding one sitting near the bed or on the bathroom counter or next to your tea.

“I hope you slept well, love. You looked beautiful while dreaming.”

Or: “I carved you a sun because today was gloomy and the sun reminded me of your smile.”

Or: “A heart for the one who permanently occupies mine.”

(And yes. I fully believe he would carve hearts once he’s deeply in love. He would commit to it completely.)

And then there’s the idea of your entire home gradually filling with carvings because he simply does not possess a concept of “this is enough.”

Once he realizes you genuinely treasure them? It’s over. He cannot be stopped.

The image of him learning the art of stacking because shelf space ran out is genuinely making me laugh. 😭

Like:

“Look, I organized them.”

“Phainon there are thirty-six tiny owls.”

“Yes. And now they have structural hierarchy.”

I strongly believe be would organize them differently depending on his or your mood. Not just in categories but also just… to tell a story or something. (I believe he would really get into it.)

And YES to the children too. I think he would absolutely bloom in environments where he gets to create things for people and make them happy, especially children. I can so clearly picture kids gathering around him while he carves something and him pretending to remain dignified while secretly loving every second of the attention.

And the idea of him using carving as an excuse to invade your personal space is SO real too. He absolutely thinks he’s subtle. Meanwhile he is standing directly behind you guiding your hands with his own while explaining things in that warm voice and pretending this is entirely educational. 😭

And the final image you described really got me too.

The quietness of it. Him sitting there carving absentmindedly while thinking too hard about something. Wood shavings everywhere. Completely focused. You slowly drifting closer and eventually half-falling asleep against him while he keeps working almost automatically… until he notices you laying on his shoulder. Then he’d put his stuff away and just hold you for a moment or carry you to bed, clean off and join you.

I also like the idea of him then holding you just for comfort or so you can both sleep better after having spend such a long time focused on an activity done with his hands… I don’t know I like the symbolism a lot.

There’s something incredibly comforting about that image.

And now regarding your other ask and the real life stress/overthinking you mentioned there: genuinely, if sending thoughts like these helps even a little, please keep doing it (well, you can keep doing it anyway, naturally). :) I really enjoy hearing them and I think we resonate with very similar kinds of emotional details when it comes to characters and intimacy and comfort. <3

Thank you again for the brainrot. My mind is now full of tiny carved owls and poetic Phainon love notes. :)

Lily 💙

P.S. I can relate to watching those videos. I also often put on things in the background when I can’t sleep or get anxious, also ocean sounds etc. 🥹