Queen Lily, I don’t think you realize how much I’ve been consumed by the idea of a scenario involving Reader, curiously and half-innocently, asking Phainon in the Wishbearer series if he’s ever watched them while they were in the shower. He did say he was always watching in the literal sense so Reader can’t help but ask.
But Phainon would never! The very question has him struck silent and red in the face from indignation. And only indignation, don’t misunderstand. Of course he wouldn’t look during such a private event! But now that the thought is in his head, he’s too flustered to look at Reader’s face. Phainon may be a demigod, but he still has human desires. Not that he exactly wants Reader to see that on his face. At this time.
Hi anon! :) Okay first of all, bless you for this, really, because I have been deep in my head about this series (and overthinking it…) and sometimes what you need is someone arriving in your inbox with exactly the right chaos energy. And I mean that entirely as a compliment. Clearly we are operating on the same frequency here. :D
I will now confess that I absolutely had thoughts along these lines while writing. Some of them almost made it in. Some were sacrificed at the altar of pacing and symbolism. But since you’ve opened the door:
This is the AU within the AU. Or just a collection of what-ifs from a person who is sick, in her Phainon missing hours, has too many Phainon feelings for one body to contain, and loves to yap. So. Here are some of my ideas (there is always more). Naturally I had to write short snippets too. I blame my brainrot, you and Phainon for this:
Reader going: “Wait. You’ve been watching me this whole time. Have you ever watched me shower?” would probably make him short-circuit on every conceivable level.
He goes still. “Of course not.” He is flustered and trying so hard to sound dignified.
Meanwhile Reader is now staring. “Wishes, your ears are red.” And then he gets MORE upset because now not only has he been accused unfairly, but his body is betraying him in real time. And internally he is absolutely having the catastrophic realization of: I am, in fact, still a person with human desires. This is deeply unfortunate. What do I do now?
Meanwhile reader is trying not to laugh because this ancient demigod is suddenly acting like a scandalized man in a period drama.
The funniest part to me, though, is that Reader would probably get curious after realizing how affected he is. Because then the dynamic shifts from: “Did you look?” to: “You are thinking about it now though, aren’t you?”
And Phainon, who has spent three thousand years maintaining composure under cosmic torment, suddenly discovering he cannot survive one mildly teasing conversation with reader intact is very important to me personally. (Look, I just love the idea of flustering him…)
Because once he starts rediscovering humanity and touch and desire and closeness in real time… he becomes dangerous. This man has repressed every personal want for millennia and is suddenly discovering he enjoys intimacy, teasing, warmth, being wanted, existing as a person instead of a function… I mean, COME ON.
Here are some scenarios I had in mind while writing:
━━━━━━━━
Scenario A:
He’s granting wishes, and you’re talking in the in-between moments the way you always do now. And then there’s a crash. Or a sharp word. Or just an emotion spiking through the connection like a struck bell.
And Phainon, who has spent weeks slowly, helplessly learning the texture of your specific emotional landscape and now cannot not react to it… immediately, completely without thinking, tunes in.
You feel his presence go very, very still.
Wishes. Are you there?
Nothing.
…Don’t tell me you just—
More nothing.
I thought you were in danger, he says finally, and he sounds precisely like someone who was not prepared for what he found and would like to not discuss this for the remainder of his very long existence. You were just—
He doesn’t finish. You can feel what he doesn’t say. And also something new in his presence: slightly elevated, very carefully not being named.
Wishes, it’s fine, you say. Just don’t do that again.
A pause.
Understood.
Unless you need to, you say. For safety reasons.
He doesn’t know why you added that last part. He is going to think about the last part for a very long time.
━━━━━━━━
Scenario B:
He’s been running on empty. The wishes have been worse: the petty ones, the cruel ones, the ones that make him question what, exactly, he’s sustaining.
And you are there in his awareness the way you always are now, this warm thread running through everything that drains him. He tells himself he’s just checking. Making sure you are alright.
He does not examine that very closely.
You are getting ready for bed. It’s nothing. You don’t know he’s there. He knows he should look away.
He looks away. He looks back. He looks away again, faster.
His entire experience of that moment is approximately three seconds of visual information that his mind immediately, helplessly replays in considerably more detail than three seconds justify.
He feels as though he has committed several crimes against decency. He has not felt ashamed of himself like this in three thousand years. Possibly not ever.
He is also, and this is the part that slightly alarms him, not only ashamed.
He keeps a very careful distance for the rest of that evening. When you speak to him later, easy and habitual: Are you alright?
He says: Mm.
You say: You’re being weird today.
He says nothing, which is also a kind of answer.
The dream that follows is eventful. He is more flustered than he has ever permitted himself to be. The careful distance he has maintained has developed a notable crack in it, and he is aware of this, and he blames you, privately, for existing with such consistency.
And he also wants more of this. So much more.
━━━━━━━━
Scenario C (in a dream)
It comes up naturally somehow.
“Wait,” you say. “When you said you were always watching—you meant literally, right?”
“Yes.”
“Like. Everything.”
A long pause follows.
“Phainon.”
“Yes.”
“Did you see me naked?”
The silence that follows is the loudest he has ever been.
“No,” he says, eventually. “I mean—once or twice it almost—I looked away. Your emotions at certain hours are very—it’s difficult not to notice when something shifts strongly through the connection and I—“
“Phainon.”
“…Yes.”
“Once or twice.”
“I am,” he says, with as much dignity as the situation allows, “extraordinarily disciplined.”
You decide, for now, not to pursue this. Instead you say: “Alright. Let’s just not do that again. Unless I say so.”
He has absolutely already thought about the last part. He has no idea what to do with it. He finds this deeply inconvenient. (And he wishes you would say so)
━━━━━━━━
Scenario D:
You are lying in the dream wheat fields, facing each other. He has admitted to having seen you naked. Just like that. But he can barely look you in the eye, his ears getting redder the longer you talk.
You wonder what made him watch you in the first place. You think about what might have been different late at night when you had taken that shower. You had felt more raw. Longing for touch more than usual.
“Can you feel it”, you ask, “when I yearn for something?”
He considers this longer than necessary.
“Yes,” he says finally, blushing slightly. “I think so. It feels similar to…” He pauses. “It feels like what I experience when I think about holding you.” He says it evenly. As if this is just information. “And when I think about more than holding you,” he adds, also evenly, “it feels like that too.”
You open your mouth. Close it. Open it again. “Phainon, you can’t just—”
“I know.”
“That’s not how humans—”
“I know.”
“You can’t just say it like that.”
“I am aware,” he says, and his voice has the quality of someone who said it exactly like that on purpose and has no regrets whatsoever. “I have now said it.” He exhales softly. “We can both think about it.”
You both think about it.
The silence between you is not nothing. Neither of you says anything else for a while.
━━━━━━━━
On part 4 (Stirring):
Part of me could not do this. It’s already 17k words. There are Things that must happen first. The other part of me absolutely had a version where reader showers at some point during the evening and Phainon tries very hard to be composed and nonchalant and is not. Even slightly.
I also wanted reader to tease him about it. I had very specific thoughts…
And then later, lying in the dark with his hand on your stomach and your warmth against him, something about it has him less careful than he means to be.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about how you would feel,” Phainon says into your neck, because he is committed to saying true things tonight, and his hands get more urgent…
Well. Part of why Part 4 escalates emotionally the way it does is because they are both already very aware of each other physically by that point. They’re just trying very hard to remain somewhat sane about it.
Adding something like this into the actual chapter probably would have changed the emotional pacing too much (and somehow made the chapter even longer 😭), but I do think both of them had moments where composure was hanging on by a thread. Soo… it would have ended quite differently than it currently does if I leaned more into this kind of energy… :D
The reasonable writer brain won. With great difficulty. Largely by reminding myself that pacing exists. But I see it. I know exactly where it lives. I am simply being responsible. For now.
And now I’m sitting here wondering whether I should elaborate on some of the thoughts I had while writing certain parts of the series... :D
I really like the idea of Reader running their hands through Phainon's hair in bed while he's asleep because they'd be too embarrassed to do it while he's awake.
But it would turn out that Phainon was awake during all those times. This man already has trouble sleeping so of course he'd be easy to wake. And he would wonder why his Dawnlight was playing with his hair. Were they trying to wake him up? Did they need something? But judging from their soft content giggling, he realized they were just enjoying themselves. He'll definitely tease them about this later, but for now, he'll just enjoy the feeling of their fingers in his hair.
Hi anon! :) Ah, your ask made me feel so soft. I’m already weak for such fluffy/cozy moments with Phainon, and the way you described this was just so wholesome. His hair looks so soft, so I think Reader wanting to run their fingers through it is very relatable.
It’s very cute that Reader would do this only when they think Phainon is asleep. For one, I get that this would make them self-conscious at first, especially if they haven’t been together that long. But I also love it for the intimacy it creates. They are together at night, just the two of them, and everything is finally quiet.
So from Reader’s perspective, I could immediately see this playing out. They would cuddle with Phainon beforehand, of course, both of them talking maybe or just enjoying the other’s presence. And then they would feel Phainon drifting off. And maybe Reader would feel a little sleepy too, but then they would of course be tempted. And especially doing this for the first time would make them a bit nervous. But once that hurdle is overcome… they would just go with it. And the longer they do it, the more confident they would get.
And this would of course repeat every night. I think they would feel particularly encouraged when Phainon reacts to it in his sleep with little contented sighs or by subconsciously nuzzling into the touch.
But now. The twist. I giggled when I read that Phainon actually wakes up in between. Oh my. I mean, my heart also ached at the thought of his bad sleep, but then again his Dawnlight helps him, so that’s good.
So initially when he wakes up, he would be confused, asking himself similar questions to the ones you mentioned. I think there would probably be some more, too.
Things along the lines of: Are they trying to wake me up? Did they have a bad dream? Do they need something? Do they have some late-night activity planned? Maybe they’ve decided now is the perfect time to bake something. Perhaps they want to play a game. Or maybe we are going somewhere.
And then, after a moment: Oh. They’re just playing with my hair.
I think he would be quietly delighted by that realization. Especially because it would lead to further thoughts.
Do they like my hair that much? Is this something they’ve wanted to do for a while? Have they been waiting until I was asleep because they were embarrassed?
And once he reaches that conclusion, I think any confusion would disappear completely. At that point he would just be enjoying it.
But shortly after, he would only have thoughts about the action itself. About how good it feels. How relaxed he feels. How comfortable. How skilled Reader is at making him feel rested even while being awake.
He would feel a bit drowsy and almost fall asleep again, but I also think he would try to stay awake for a bit. Just to enjoy it a little longer. He would be very careful to still appear asleep, of course. And I think eventually he would get more relaxed and just let himself enjoy this because Reader is so thorough and relaxed themselves (which is probably why they don’t notice Phainon being awake).
I think once he realizes how much Reader enjoys it, he would feel all warm and smile to himself (subtly). And the more Reader giggles and audibly enjoys this, the more he would think about just pulling Reader closer, much closer, and holding them again. Maybe redoing the favor. Or just cupping their face without warning and kissing them.
I can almost hear him thinking: They’re enjoying this far more than I expected.
Or: I should probably tell them I’m awake.
And then absolutely not doing that. :D
But in the end, he would settle on not saying anything because the whole moment is just so nice and he doesn’t want to interrupt it.
Of course, eventually this would stop because Reader feels so relaxed from the repeated movement that they fall asleep. So I think either Phainon would fall asleep again in between (because it’s so soothing) or he would really wait until Reader falls asleep and then let himself drift off to the sound of their breathing.
I think both would happen. And both would relax him, although differently. In the past, Phainon wouldn’t have been able to simply fall asleep again once he woke during the night. But now he has Reader beside him.
And oh yes, he would tease Reader a lot, I think. I already have different possibilities in mind for how he would bring this up and how it would play out. Because he could approach it in very different ways. In a sweet teasing way, a playful teasing way, a clingy teasing way, a menace teasing way, or by starting with more physical teasing and only commenting on it later, eventually. :D
Shirtless Phainon truly is too powerful. Imagine him and Reader sleeping in bed together like they often do, but when Phainon starts sleeping without a shirt, Reader turns away from him. And Phainon is confused! And maybe a little hurt, too! His Dawnlight would always be in his arms and always face him while they slept! So why the change? Did he do something to offend them? Did he return home too late for their liking? This went one for a few nights before Phainon started to notice the tips of Reader’s ears would be red. He’d realize Reader was simply too flustered by his shirtlessness to face him! Which he found all too amusing and couldn’t help but nibble on the tip of Reader’s red ear to tease them 🤭
-🧋anon
Hi again 🧋 anon! :) I have to say this again: I really like your energy. :D And this ask in particular affected me personally. 😭
This has gotten long, so I’ll put my thoughts under the cut:
First of all, the way you described the whole thing is so fitting for Phainon.
I do think that eventually Reader would get somewhat used to seeing him shirtless. Then again… can you ever really get used to that view? Because I certainly wouldn’t. :D
But the first time? Oh no. Because suddenly all the usual cuddling feels different. Reader is trying very hard to be normal about it and failing miserably. Their thoughts are running wild.
They’re imagining what it would feel like to be wrapped up in those strong arms, or pressed against that very unfairly muscular chest, or being spooned by him while simultaneously trying not to think about any of those things.
Which, of course, only makes them think about those things more.
Meanwhile, Phainon is having a completely different crisis. Because he loves cuddling. We all know this. He has gotten used to falling asleep with Reader in his arms and now suddenly they’re turning away from him.
Phainon would absolutely overthink it. Did he say something wrong? Did he do something? Are they upset? Should he give them space?
And because he is Phainon, he would somehow manage to both analyze the situation and spiral about it at the same time. Mostly spiral.
But also, what absolutely took me out while reading this ask is that I immediately started thinking about the logistics of the whole thing. 😭
Because okay. We are talking about Reader being flustered. Fair enough. But what about the moment Phainon decides to sleep without a shirt in the first place??
How did we get here?
Because I can think of multiple possibilities.
Maybe he just got back from training and is tired. Maybe he bathed, his hair is still damp, and he simply decides that finding another shirt is too much effort. Maybe he is already half asleep and just goes: “Mm. I’ll put one on tomorrow.”
Or maybe Reader made the mistake of complimenting him. Something harmless.
Reader: “I think the training is paying off.”
And Phainon immediately lights up because he values their opinion.
“Really?”
And now he is proudly explaining things and showing Reader exactly what he means while Reader realizes they have made a terrible mistake.
Because Phainon is being completely genuine.
Meanwhile Reader is trying very hard not to look too closely.
And I don’t think Phainon would even realize what he’s doing at first.
He’d just be comfortable. Happy. Why wouldn’t he be? He’s at home. He’s with Reader.
The shirtlessness itself wouldn’t even occur to him as noteworthy. Which somehow makes it worse.
And what also affected me a lot is imagining Phainon before he realizes what’s actually going on.
Because Reader turning away wouldn’t just confuse him because of the cuddling itself. It would also confuse him because suddenly he can’t see them anymore.
Phainon absolutely strikes me as the type who would love those quiet moments before sleep. Looking at Reader. Talking softly. Seeing their expression when they’re getting sleepy. Maybe brushing their cheek. Just enjoying their presence before both of them drift off.
So when Reader suddenly starts facing the opposite direction every night, he’d notice immediately. The first night he would probably ask if they’re alright. And Reader would mumble something about being tired.
Which only makes Phainon more affectionate.
So now he’s rubbing slow circles against their back. Pressing little kisses to their shoulder. Maybe tucking the blanket around them because they seem sleepy. Meanwhile Reader is having feelings.
Then the second night happens. And now Phainon is confused. Because surely it wasn’t a coincidence.
So he starts thinking. Maybe they’re stressed. Maybe they’re tired. Maybe something happened. And because he cares, he keeps trying to comfort them.
He might rest a hand on their waist and nuzzle closer. He might talk quietly about his day and tell them something sweet before bed.
And Reader is just lying there thinking: “Oh no.”
Because now the shirtlessness is no longer the only problem. Now it’s shirtless Phainon being even more affectionate.
But then the turning point.
I had to laugh so much at his realization. I just love the contrasts in Phainon. He can be very humbled and all that in one moment (with the puppy eyes and all soft and eager, you get the idea), but he also has this confidence, you know? And once he has leverage…
Well. It would absolutely return.
And I mentioned many times that I am WEAK for teasing/cheeky Phainon. I would not be able to stay normal about this. 😭
His gaze alone. He would look at Reader, and Reader would literally see the realization happen.
And then he would be both amused and relieved. Maybe he’d chuckle softly. Maybe he’d just stare for a moment with that delighted look on his face.
Because oh. Oh! Everything is still fine, actually. There is nothing to worry about. Reader is just flustered by him.
And Phainon would be so ridiculously relieved. I think he would feel it in his whole body. All the tension from the last few days would finally leave him and all those emotions would come flooding back at once.
And then he becomes a menace. Because once he feels secure in a situation, that playful side of him comes right back out.
And unlike Reader, he can actually function while flustered (well in that scenario, at least… I have also scenarios in mind where he can‘t think properly anymore). :D
So he would start talking.
Something like:
“Oh, Dawnlight… if only I had known.”
Or:
“I would have made sure you got properly used to this.”
And then he’d have the audacity to say it in that sweet voice of his, as if he isn’t actively making the situation worse.
And then: “Oh, I see. So that’s how it is.”
Cue the soft chuckle. The delighted expression. The realization that he now has information. Dangerous information.
And if Reader gets even more flustered after that? Oh, he would thrive.
I can imagine him tilting his head and going: “Hm. I wonder if I can make the red wander elsewhere.” 🤭
Or something equally unfair.
And then the nibbling. Yeah. He would be very thorough about that.
And the fact that Reader would now be painfully aware of the shirtless upper body in question. Reader never stood a chance.
And after all of that? Phainon would absolutely decide that sleeping shirtless is an excellent idea and continue doing it FOREVER. :D
Thank you for this! It really cheered me up in the middle of a stressful period once again.
I will never get tired of Phainon thoughts, so please keep them coming.
They definitely had sex in that wheat field afterwards, I just can’t prove it 🤨
Anon, I’m losing it. I love this. ☺️😭 Well. And I agree with you. And honestly there is nothing to prove because spiritually I think this is simply true.
The real question is HOW it happened.
Personally I think there are two possibilities:
1) They completely lose their minds immediately in the wheat field. (🤭)
OR
2) They attempt to behave normally after the kiss because there is fish waiting and Phainon’s parents exist and society unfortunately has rules.
Which means they return looking suspiciously flushed while trying very hard to act composed.
Meanwhile Phainon is internally experiencing approximately every emotion at once because:
- you get along with his parents,
- you love his home,
- you kissed him in his favorite place,
- and now he cannot stop thinking about your mouth.
So naturally he becomes unbearable.
He’s kissing you in quiet corners of the house. Pulling you closer every time you pass him. Whispering things in your ear while pretending to be normal. Completely failing to be normal.
And eventually he absolutely asks you to go walking with him again because “the wheat fields look beautiful at night.” He also brings a blanket “so you won’t get cold, dawnlight.” (While internally thinking, very persistently: I will make you warm)
Sir, you are not subtle. And THEN the yearning finally collapses completely.
Personally I think the sex would start very soft and emotional and then progressively become less civilized (read: wild) once they stop overthinking and fully realize:
oh. this is real. we can touch each other as much as we want.
Also yes, I’m still convinced that Phainon is the kind of person who would be very intense about physical closeness once he finally allows himself to have it.
Also there is something very interesting to me about the symbolism of the wheat fields specifically.
Because this is where he used to come when he wanted peace. Where he grounded himself. Where he sat alone looking at the sky and trying to quiet his thoughts.
And now suddenly you’re in the place that always belonged only to him.
And there is also something to be said about him lying in the wheat field looking upward the way he always used to… except now the sky isn’t the only beautiful thing above him anymore. (;-))
Things to think about. :D
Anyway I support this agenda completely. Thank you for sending me this brainrot. Now I have Thoughts.
You haven’t talked about the most devastating part of the Phainon date vid! The part at the end where he notices something stuck on our face and the tone he uses when he says, “Close your eyes and let me help you.” SIR?? Hello??? And why would we need to close our eyes, hm?? 🫢🤭
Anon, yes I am very aware that I haven’t talked about this because I was embarrassed by how much that moment got to me 😭
First of all they are sitting in his favorite spot overlooking the sea which is already enough to emotionally destroy me because the sea is one of the only places where I truly feel at peace. And then this man (with THAT voice and THAT tone) just goes: “Close your eyes and let me help you.”
Sir. (The “let me help you” in particular got to me because all I could think was: “Help me with what again? Huh?” 🙈)
And yes indeed WHY would we need to close our eyes 🤭 Okay let’s see:
a) He is yearning™️ and wants one moment to just look at your face properly without shame and without immediately looking away again.
b) He is also probably afraid of accidentally startling or hurting you which is objectively very sweet but personally I think he could just kiss it better instead. Ahem.
c) He removes the wheat very carefully and then starts softly rambling about something completely unrelated midway through because he’s trying to act normal and failing. Probably something about the fish or the sea or the fields and then suddenly he’s just admitting he’s happy you’re there with him.
d) And THEN comes the dangerous part because I can absolutely imagine him chuckling softly once he realizes how flustered you are. And now suddenly his voice is a little deeper and he’s still touching your face and you can already feel his breath because he’s too close and—
Anyway.
He would kiss you there. Very softly at first. And then maybe not so softly because this man is still wet from throwing himself into the water to catch fish and probably running on adrenaline and joy and affection all at once.
-🧋anon
Do you ever think about how Phainon's eyes have the Worldbearing symbol in them? Because I do and I have decided to choose violence with sharing this brainrot! ^o^ (I won't suffer with these thoughts alone… >_<)
Just imagine Reader getting all shy and blushy whenever Phainon looks at them… but when they work up the nerve to look him in the eyes, they notice something. A symbol that looks just like the symbol for Kephale, the Throne of Worlds, that they've seen in books; the Worldbearing symbol. At first, it was just something they thought was a fascinating detail, the sort of trait that wouldn't be out of the ordinary for a Chrysos Heir to have.
But…
Hearing how much the people wish Phainon would deliver them from the Black Tide, how he's considered this perfect Chrysos Heir with no flaw, how he carries the wishes and expectations of everyone around him… remembering how much self-doubt and insecurity he harbors over his ability to be a hero, how he barely gets any sleep, how he would brush off his troubles with the reasoning that his existence "is of little consequence"…
They remembered that in Amphoreus' calendar, the seventh month of the year is the Month of Freedom with its patron deity being Kephale. It was supposed to be a month when people could work on their hobbies, pursue their dreams, and do whatever they wish to do (Side Note: learning about this from the in-game readable felt like a punch to the gut). So it was such cruel irony that the Chrysos Heir associated with Kephale wasn't free to do those things, having to be void of desires to embody everyone else's.
That Worldbearing symbol in Phainon's eyes became a constant reminder of how much crushing weight he has to carry. And something Reader couldn't bear to look at.
So Reader would find themselves unable to look Phainon in the eyes.
And of course Phainon noticed. But at first, he didn't think anything of it. He knows how flustered he makes his Dawnlight and it would be far from the first time they shied away from his gaze.
But as things progressed, it became clear Reader wasn't acting like a timid lover. They wouldn't meet his eyes when they spoke. They would look at anything but him whenever they went on walks. And if they were forced to look at Phainon, it would only be for the quickest second before looking away. But not before Phainon caught that concerning sorrow in their eyes. If he asked them what was wrong, they would tell him everything was okay. Zagreus would be ashamed by how poor that lie was. But if they weren't ready to share what was on their mind, Phainon would respect that.
It would be worse at home. After returning from a mission, Phainon would his Dawnlight already asleep in bed instead of waiting up for him. He would hold them in his arms like he normally does, but they would be faced away from him. So that's got Phainon thinking, "Is it me? Are they upset because of me?" And he's doing his best to replay everything in his head, trying to analyze anything he said or did that could've somehow made his beloved Dawnlight so sad that they don't even want to face him.
The next "night" after Curtain-Fall Hour as they settle into bed, Phainon lifts their chin to make them face him so he can say, "I love you."
Reader says "I love you" back, but they can't hide how the longer they look Phainon in the eye, the more uncomfortable they become. To avoid talking any further, Reader immediately buries their face in the crook of Phainon's neck. Not knowing how to approach this, Phainon decides not to bring up the matter for now and goes to sleep.
BUT
In the middle of the "night", Reader wakes up and sees Phainon's sleeping face. They feel silly for avoiding the topic and want to tell him, but they get choked up whenever they think doing so. Plus, what right did they have to share their feelings on Phainon's burdens when they would never be able to understand them? That thought caused tears to well up in their eyes and, unable to hold them in or choke back sobs, they decided to leave the bedroom to cry in a separate room.
But what they hadn't realized was that Phainon was awake. He always had trouble sleeping and even on good days, he was a very light sleeper. And Reader simply sitting up in bed was enough to wake him. He thought they were simply getting up to use the bathroom… until he heard them crying.
That was it. His Dawnlight? Crying alone? Not on his watch. Finally, he goes to comfort/confront them on what's been bothering them and begs to know why they seem so sad just from looking at him.
When he's told it's because he has the Worldbearing symbol in his eyes, he's confused. That was why? Not only can he not change how his eyes look, he doesn't understand why a symbol associated with Kephale, the Father of Humanity, would upset them. He gets his answer when Reader finally spills everything about their feelings on the weight Phainon carries, his way of trivializing his troubles, how they wouldn't be able to help or even understand them and the Worldbearing symbol is literally marking him as someone who'll have to bear everything while having nothing for himself and seeing that in his eyes is why it's been so hard to look at him.
And Phainon is shook. He was not expecting that as the reason why Reader had been so off lately. Honestly, he would have preferred that they were upset because of something he did rather than his burdens trouble them to the point of driving them to tears.
Phainon would tell Reader that even if his, their, future looked bleak and uncertain, his time with them would always bring the brightest dawns of his life.
Hi again 🧋anon! :) Oh my. Well, now I’m thinking about it.
And everything you wrote made my heart ache for both Phainon and Reader. I didn’t expect this amount of suffering and yearning and just… all the feelings from your ask!!! Waah. But I loved your brainrot, and the emotions were so palpable.
I just need to mention that the things Reader is thinking about and associating with that symbol are very relatable. And I loved what you wrote about the Month of Freedom because that absolutely shattered me too. Then again, I also always saw it as something to hold onto, you know? The things Phainon will get in the future. (Side note: It doesn’t help that July is my birth month, so my thoughts are running wild. :D But in general I just love the themes surrounding the Month of Freedom.)
So I think it would make perfect sense for Reader to think about all those things, and also that they would only arrive at that point gradually. Because they would only get to know Phainon gradually, right? So the realization of just how much he is shouldering, how much he is bearing for everyone, and all the pain he is going through… that wouldn’t be tangible in the very beginning.
Ahh, but the progression of their relationship really gutted me. Because of course Reader wouldn’t want to bring it up. But I can also understand the confusion Phainon is going through. Of course his thoughts would be along the lines of: Did I do something wrong? I like that he isn’t pushing Reader. And the moment where Reader hides their face in the crook of his neck was both so heartbreaking and so sweet. It just shows how much they trust each other and how much comfort Phainon brings them.
I also liked the part where Reader watches Phainon sleep. And while I usually want Phainon to sleep through the night, I like that he woke up here. It also felt very authentic that he finally confronted Reader the moment they started crying. Because before that he could have found all sorts of reasonable explanations for Reader’s behavior (or simply thought he was overreacting), but not once his Dawnlight was crying. This actually hurt to read. And I think it’s very interesting that Reader has all these thoughts while Phainon has never really thought about it that way. And well, in a way it’s understandable that he would think like that.
I also really like what he tells Reader in the end. In general, I think the whole eye situation is something that fits a dynamic with him very well. Because realistically speaking, being with Phainon wouldn’t always be easy, at least not at that stage while he still carries that role. And I think it’s interesting to think about how Reader would react to all of that, so thank you for that. Personally, my heart would break for him too, so that was very relatable. And when I read that Phainon would have preferred it if Reader had been crying because of something he did… I just nodded along because, of course, he would rather carry that burden too.
In the end, I think it’s very important that they talk about things like this, and I felt such relief that they finally did. So I really love that your thoughts show how they both only want the best for each other. It was just lovely to read. And I also think that, over time, Reader would begin to associate that symbol in his eyes with different things.
And yes, I think Phainon would tell Reader exactly that.
Also: the moment where Phainon finally confronts Reader must be such a relief for both of them. Because of course he is realistic and knows that he can’t promise the brightest future, but he can promise that he will do everything in his power to make it happen. And to make Reader happy every single day. And he would truly mean it: that every day with them is one of the brightest parts of his life. So I think he would very much be in the mindset of enjoying the time they have together to the fullest while still holding onto the hope of a better future.
And when that future finally arrives… well, I just think his eyes would become a reminder of how far they’ve come and of everything they carried together. Because even when Reader thinks they could never truly understand Phainon’s burdens, I think Phainon would see it differently. He would simply be grateful for how much Reader understands already. But I’m rambling. :D
Thank you so much for sharing your brainrot with me! I really loved reading it.
For the longest time, I could not understand what that gold line near Phainon’s collarbone was.
One of my friends said it was a part of his sun mark on his neck, but HOW?? I don’t understand???
And now I can’t stop imagining Reader being just as confused about it as I am. Think about them staring at the gold line and Phainon notices but thinks they’re staring at his chest only, being amused that his Dawnlight would feel the need to sneak looks at him like that (but that makes him feel validated since he also sneaks looks at them, he’s just stealthier about it). And then when Phainon is training shirtless, Reader just steps up close and traces the gold line, FINALLY asking Phainon what exactly it is supposed to represent and why is it on his chest specifically.
And it is the only reason why they’re staring at his chest, don’t misunderstand. The gold line was just very perplexing, that’s all.
Hi there! :) Okay, first of all: I need to preface this by saying that I am by no means an expert on the exact lore implications of Phainon’s gold line situation. :D But I was always convinced it was connected to the sun mark on his neck too (especially because it almost looks cyclical?).
That being said: your thought process here is taking me out because this is EXACTLY the kind of thing I would do too. :D Just staring at him like: “Hold on. What IS that actually?” while conveniently ignoring the fact that yes, he also just happens to be absurdly attractive.
And Phainon absolutely notices. Immediately.
The thing is: he already likes when Reader watches him train. I genuinely think he enjoys being observed by them in general, especially physically, because he himself is constantly sneaking glances at them too. Meanwhile Reader is over there staring at the gold line near his collarbone with the intensity of someone trying to solve a historical mystery.
And of course this happens while he’s shirtless because the Nameless faces trailer apparently decided peace was never an option for any of us. So now I am convinced that he basically trains shirtless all the time. 🤭
(Side note: I truly will never recover from those scenes. The lighting. The fact that they animated every muscle in his torso with religious devotion. The close-ups. Like. Come ON.)
But yes, I think at first Phainon completely misreads the situation in the funniest way possible. Reader keeps staring, keeps getting distracted, and meanwhile he’s over there internally going:
Ah. So my Dawnlight likes what they see.
Which is valid. :D
So naturally he starts showing off a little more. Nothing too blatant at first, but enough. Slower movements. More stretching. Taking his time wiping sweat from his neck. Very aware of his own body in that quietly confident way he has.
Because I really do think Phainon knows he’s attractive. In the sense that he understands the effect he has on people (well... I think so?! He can be so endearing when he’s a little clueless or surprised). Or at least he knows his body… looks like that. :D
And Reader, meanwhile, is STILL trying to figure out the gold line.
I love the idea that eventually curiosity wins and they finally walk over while he’s resting after training. And Phainon immediately notices the determined look on their face.
Then Reader steps closer. Close enough that he automatically stills. And maybe they trace the line lightly with one finger while asking:
“What exactly is this gold line supposed to be?”
And OH he would absolutely get affected by that. Because I think the line is sensitive. Or at least emotionally charged for him somehow. (This is just my headcanon, though...)
So the moment Reader touches it directly, especially with genuine fascination, he probably shudders a little before he can stop himself.
And Reader notices. Obviously. :D Which makes the entire situation worse in the best way. I also think Phainon would tease them immediately to recover. Something like:
“So that’s what’s been distracting you?” (he chuckles)
And Reader, trying to preserve dignity: “I was curious.”
“Mm.” He looks entirely unconvinced. “Only curious?”
Meanwhile Reader is fighting for their life because now they’re touching his bare chest and he’s looking at them like THAT.
I also think that he might not even give a serious answer at first. Knowing Phainon, if he realizes Reader is flustered, he might deliberately make something up just to amuse himself (and Reader :D).
Like: “It’s where the sunlight leaks out, dawnlight.”
Or: “Oh, this? This started appearing when I fell in love with you. Sometime after we first hugged, I think. I found a liking to it, so I presume you should keep touching my chest just to make sure it stays.”
Meanwhile Reader is staring at him like: “You are impossible.”
And he’s clearly enjoying this far too much. But beneath the teasing, I do think there’s something genuinely intimate about the moment too. Because the gold line does feel deeply personal somehow, almost vulnerable, and Reader touching it without hesitation would probably affect him more than he expects.
Especially because Phainon is someone who carries so much symbolism and burden in his body already.
So once Reader starts tracing the line slowly, absentmindedly, maybe following where the gold disappears beneath his skin—
Yeah. At that point the tension is catastrophic. :D
And depending on the mood/location/privacy levels… Reader is definitely not just tracing the line anymore after a while. ☺️
Thank you for sending me this brainrot! :) (And for the pics too!)
Lily 💙
P.S. I took some screenshots of said video again. Just because. 😇
actually also consider if you're someone twitchy like me that gets instincts to knead and scratch at stuff. using phainon as a stress ball. go cat mode on him. like he's bread. he's just happy to be there
Hi again! :) First of all, I loved both your energy and the fact that you sent me two asks in a row. :D That made me smile because it felt very much like “I just had a thought and now Lily needs to hear it immediately.” Which I fully support, by the way.
And I absolutely loved both asks. I will also get back to the other one. :) For the clingy-and-grumpy Reader one, I still haven’t decided whether I will simply reply with my thoughts or if I might actually write a short fic because that scenario is so sgvujdkfjdlfjdkf. 😭
Now back to this ask. :)
So I read your tags on the clingy Phainon fic where you mentioned that you love the idea of simply doing your own thing while he’s nearby. And same, actually.
I love that dynamic. Perhaps because I’m somewhat cat-coded myself in certain regards. :D
Sometimes my hands just need something to do. Sometimes my brain gets loud. Sometimes I just start absentmindedly touching whatever happens to be nearby.
So this made me laugh out loud because yes. I immediately understood the vision. And Phainon would be perfect for this.
The hair alone. We need to discuss the hair because I am convinced it is ridiculously soft.
So naturally Reader would start threading their fingers through it without even thinking about it. Just absentmindedly combing through it over and over while reading something or focusing on another task.
And Phainon would absolutely notice. He would not immediately say anything, just quietly enjoy it.
Then there is the neck situation. :D Because if Reader is particularly cat-coded, I can absolutely see them lightly dragging their nails over the back of his neck or along his shoulders while they’re thinking.
Which would probably soothe both of them (well or not? I guess it depends :D).
And then there are his arms and chest. Because if we’re staying with the “Phainon as a stress ball” image, I think Reader would absolutely end up poking, squeezing, pressing or absentmindedly kneading him like bread while thinking about something entirely unrelated.
The funniest thing is that Reader is doing all of this completely subconsciously while Phainon is over there experiencing the emotional equivalent of being chosen by some divine being.
Like… Reader is absentmindedly using him as a comfort object.
And Phainon is thinking: “This is the greatest day of my life.” Without saying it out loud. ☺️
He would definitely tease Reader about it too. “You’re doing it again.”
“Hm?”
“You’ve been petting my hair for ten minutes.”
“Have I?”
“You have.”
“Sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
And then Reader would immediately continue doing it.
I also think that if Reader is reaching for his arms or chest, Phainon would very obviously and very shamelessly adjust himself so they’re more comfortable.
Like Reader isn’t even paying attention and suddenly his arm is right there. Or his shoulder. Or his chest. Entirely by coincidence, I’m sure. :D
And I think this could go on for hours. Reader gets comfort. Phainon gets affection. Everyone wins.
Thank you for this mental image. It made me giggle. :)
