If I’m a Saint, Then You’re Heaven
Summary: Phil is less than excited to start his Sex in the Bible course, but he can't bring himself to regret it when he meets a gorgeous angel dressed in all pink by the name of Dan. Word Count: 11,068 Warnings: Lots of religious talk, homophobia, physical fight, smut A/N: Hey guys! I wrote this because I was tired of people writing a religious fic where Phil continuously tries to get Dan to sin. So this came out, where they both respect each other despite their religious differences (With a dash of sex at the end). If you're uncomfortable reading smut then no worries! It's easy to tell when they're going to get it on and it ends at the '-' and is very close to the end (: Lastly, special thanks to @insanityplaysfics for betaing this for me and giving me this entire idea! Also thank you @phandommother for helping me out with the idea as well and listening to me rant about it :’) Title Creds: Cement - Citizen Read it on AO3
-
Phil didn’t know why he decided to take the class. None of his friends were taking it and it honestly seemed like a lot of shit that Phil didn’t particularly care about, shit that didn’t really help him with his future career in any way. It seemed like a class that had a lot of reading, reading that Phil would probably never do, and let’s be honest, he probably only took the class because it had the word ‘sex’ in the title.
He walked into his Sex in the Bible class five minutes late on his first day.
The teacher didn’t bat an eye. Heads didn’t turn to look at him. Phil just sauntered in and stood at the back of the lecture room with his backpack slung over one shoulder while he scanned the room for a seat. Sometimes he forgot just how uncaring everyone was in university. He could just walk in ten to twenty minutes late and nobody would give a shit. Especially not in a class where there were over one hundred students.
(He didn’t understand why there were so many students in Sex in the Bible. They probably also just took the class because of the word ‘sex’).
It took Phil approximately twenty-six seconds to find an open seat closer to the aisle, that way he wouldn’t have to slide past many people and disrupt their class. He would only have to squeeze past one boy that was sitting on the end, his head resting in his palm as he wrote notes in a purple pen.
“‘Scuze me, sorry,” Phil muttered quietly, trying his hardest not to knock the boy’s belongings all over the floor as he tried to stumble into the open seat. The boy moved his legs out of the way, allowing Phil to get to his destination without tripping. He let out a triumphant sigh as he settled into the seat, placing his bag on the ground and digging out his laptop.
It was syllabus day, so the professor was droning on about the expectations of the class, the grading scale, and how many tests and assignments there were going to be. Phil’s leg jiggled impatiently as he booted up his laptop and the boy beside him was drumming his fingers on the desk. A constant state of fidgeting.
The boy next to him seemed to lean closer to him, but Phil didn’t move. He didn’t know if the guy was trying to talk to him or was just trying to situate himself in his seat, so he just stayed still. He only acknowledged the guy when he whispered, “You don’t look like the type of guy to be in a bible class.”
Phil raised his eyebrows and regarded his neighbour. He ran his eyes over his appearance, noting the curly brown hair and matching mocha eyes. The guy was wearing a soft pink sweater with a white cartoon cat on the breast and white skinny jeans. The complete opposite to Phil’s dyed black hair, nose piercing, and black leather jacket. Phil cracked an amused smile. “You don’t look like the type of person to be in a class about sex,” he shot back, mildly proud of himself for the quick comeback.
The dude seemed taken aback for a second before a grin spread across his face. It was wide and his entire face lit up with it, a dimple appearing in his cheek. “Touché,” he replied, and he did the last thing Phil expected him to do. He held out his hand. Phil took it. “I’m Dan. Religious studies major. Advocate of dumb dog names. And you are?”
Phil chuckled, shaking his head with amusement. He felt kind of dizzy and Dan’s hands were strangely soft. “Phil. Women and gender studies. Advocate of Joe Biden memes.”
They released the handshake and Dan put the end of his pen to his lips. Phil could see now that he was chewing gum, his lips a cherry red colour and his cheeks were the same colour as the bubblegum. Everything about him was pink. “Nice to meet you, Phil, Joe Biden meme advocate.” They both snickered and Phil felt himself relaxing into his desk.
Dan seemed nice, definitely not what he seemed at first glance. He had a sense of humour that made laughing very easy and his smile was brighter than the sun. He made Phil’s internal dreads about class start to cease, and he started to wonder if they might even be able to be friends later on. He wouldn’t exactly be opposed, after all.
Phil let his eyes run over Dan once more, trying to drink in his new classmate’s appearance. He was attractive. Extremely attractive. Phil felt a bit choked up looking at him, so he glanced back to his laptop, studying the screen with a blank stare.
It had to be illegal for boys to be that damn pretty. There was no way Dan was a real person. It just wasn't fucking possible.
They didn’t talk for the rest of class. Phil didn’t mind. After the realisation that Dan was an actual angel, Phil needed a moment to get himself together. He just hoped that his silence didn’t scare Dan off, that Dan would still want to talk to him when Phil got his wits back together.
The professor ended class fifteen minutes early, claiming that he didn’t want to get into the class material just yet. He let them go with a good hearted joke about how sex can’t be so bad if it’s in the bible so much, and Phil cringed a bit as he stuffed his laptop into his bag. He didn’t know if this class was going to be enjoyable or just plain awkward, but it was leaning towards the latter thus far.
“I’ll see you next class?” A voice beside Phil asked, and Phil turned to find Dan smirking at him expectantly.
Phil grinned and nodded. “See you then.”
Suddenly Phil couldn’t wait until Wednesday. Usually he was thankful to have a day between classes to get himself together. But now, he wished he had Sex in the Bible every single day of the week, and it was corny as hell, but Phil didn’t want to wait to see Dan again. He wanted to sit next to him, listen to him giggle to himself as he listened to the professor rant about bible passages, wanted to speak to him in hushed whispers and maybe even brush that curly brown hair out of his face.
-
“I saw the most beautiful boy in class today,” Phil said nonchalantly. There was a lit cigarette dangling from his lips and smoke leaking from the corner of his mouth as he exhaled. He watched as the smoke danced through the air, a gray contrast to the bright blue sky above.
There was silence from beside him for a moment, and then Phil heard Pj chuckle. “A boy?” Pj asked, amusement clear in his voice. He didn’t sound judgemental in the least, just slightly surprised. “I haven’t heard you talk about another boy since you had a crush on Michael Moore because his shoes were cooler than you were.” Phil remembers those shoes. They were black and lit up in different colours on the bottom. “I didn’t think boys were something you were actually interested in.”
Phil shrugged, muttering something under his breath about how he was still jealous of Michael Moore’s shoes. He took a drag from his cigarette, grimacing as it burned a bit too close to the filter. “It’s not a big deal,” he replied. “I’m attracted to anyone I find nice looking. And let me tell you, Peej. I think Dan is the nicest looking person I have ever seen.” One more puff from his cigarette and then he was snuffing it out against the brick wall. “Ever.”
Peej tsked, shaking his head. “Nicer looking than me? I’m offended, Lester.”
“Talk to me again when you come to class in a pink sweater and white trousers.”
“Hold up- the dude was wearing pink? Tell me more. I’m interested.”
Phil laughed and shook his head at his friend, kicking Pj’s shoe lightly. But he couldn’t be mad really, not when Pj was giving him an easy excuse to rant about Dan. “Well. He just looks really soft.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No!” Phil exclaimed, elbowing his friend in the side and glaring at him to keep quiet. He just needed to gush a little bit. These emotions had been tearing him up all day and it was hard to keep quiet when Phil really just wanted to scream to the world about how a cute guy talked to him. And then said he’d see him later. “Like he wasn’t wearing any harsh colours and everything was so soft. He has curly brown hair and these pretty brown eyes and freckles on his nose. And when he smiles, he has dimples. Dimples, Peej!”
Pj laughed and snuffed out his own cigarette, shaking his head. He seemed like he didn’t mind that Phil was ranting about another boy, which was nice. Phil just wanted to be able to talk about this sort of thing as much as he wanted to without the fear of judgement. That’s what Pj was for. “Oh man, not the dimples! You’re utterly screwed, mate!”
Phil sighed, shaking his head sadly. “I swear when I saw them, I died a little inside. I don’t think I can last the entire term without going through cardiac arrest every time I see him.”
“Might as well just give up right now then,” Peej commented. Phil raised his eyebrows. “What! You know I’m right. Go swoon him, make him fall for you or some romantic shit like that. You’re Phil Lester. You can make anyone you want get on their knees for you.”
That wasn’t true. Sure, maybe Phil had gotten down on quite a few girls and a decent amount of guys, but he couldn’t have anyone he wanted. If it were like that, he’d already have Dan by now. “He’s a religious studies major.”
Peej stared at him. And stared at him some more. And some more. Finally, he sighed and shook his head. “Fuck, mate. You’re screwed. Absolutely screwed.”
He said that as if Phil didn’t know that already.
-
Phil made sure to sit in the same seat for the next few weeks, hoping that Dan wasn’t going to sit somewhere else. It seemed as if luck was on his side, as well. Usually in a large lecture hall, it was hard to sit in the same desk without someone else taking it. Phil’s had multiple desks taken by people who hadn’t been to class in weeks, and it always made him feel so offended each time it happened, as if they’d done it on purpose. Thankfully, his seat hadn’t been taken by anyone and Dan continued to sit right next to him.
He got cuter each day. Phil could swear that he had fallen in love with Dan the moment he laid eyes on him, but it was nothing compared to now.
Dan was… Dan was an enigma. He had an air around him that made Phil relax in his seat, all of the tension flowing from his body and into the floor. He never wore loud colours, never wore anything that clashed. He always wore baby blues and pastel pinks and soft violets. Occasionally he would wear a pair of black skinny jeans, but it was always accentuated with another light colour to make it seem a thousand times brighter. Sometimes he wore a pair of earrings and other times he would swap it out for a septum piercing Phil hadn’t even known he’d had. When he first saw that piercing, Phil almost shit his pants. It was nearly as bad as when Phil realised Dan had a tongue piercing.
A fucking tongue piercing.
Since when was it legal for someone to be that damn attractive? And since when do religious studies majors have piercings of any kind? Especially when they’re a hardcore Christian like Dan was?
Okay, maybe that was a lie. Dan wasn’t that hardcore of a Christian. He just believed in God more than he believed in himself and that helped to shape him as a person today. Compared to all of the other religious people Phil had come across (his parents *cough*), Dan was much more liberal. It was refreshing.
They’d gotten talking about Dan’s beliefs during class when he’d perfectly quoted part of the bible, his lips moving in perfect sync with the professor’s as he mouthed the verse along. Phil had wondered how he’d known that so well, and Dan had shared with him how he’d been studying the bible since he was a little boy.
Now it was twenty minutes after class had ended and they were stood outside of the classroom, Dan chattering excitedly about his religious beliefs while Phil smiled fondly at him. He didn’t even care in that moment that he was an agnostic-atheist. He just liked listening to Dan talk about something he enjoyed, liked watching as his hands moved to accentuate his points, how his face lit up when he thought of a new idea. It was mesmerizing.
They decided to get coffee because Dan claimed he ‘needed a mocha like he needed water’. He also had an hour before his next class, and Phil felt thrilled that he’d decided to spend that time with him.
“So,” Dan started when he settled down in the seat across from Phil. He gave him a small smile as Phil sipped at his black coffee. “Any beliefs in a higher power? You’ve heard all of my beliefs and whatnot. I’d love to hear about yours.”
The first thing that ran through Phil’s mind was that he should lie. Because Dan would like him more if he was religious right? And Phil wanted nothing more than for Dan to like him. But then he thought about it a little bit more. He didn’t want to lie to Dan. Dan was a good person and he would probably like Phil no matter what religious beliefs he had. “I don’t believe in that shit.” The word came out of his mouth before he could stop it and he cringed. “Ah. Sorry. Stuff, I mean.”
Dan rolled his eyes through a sip of his pink drink. Of course his drink had to be the same colour as his clothing, Phil would expect nothing less. “Oh shush, Phil. You can cuss all you want. I don’t care.”
“But you don’t like to cuss?”
“Just because I don’t like cussing doesn’t mean I care if you do. We both have different beliefs, I promise it’s okay.” Yeah, Phil was definitely in love with the guy if he hadn’t been before. “But you really don’t believe in anything? Not even a little?”
Phil shrugged, feeling a bit hesitant. What did he even say to that? “Not really, no. I mean, I question it sometimes. I think everybody does, but I don’t actively seek it out. I’m indifferent to the whole thing, I suppose. I personally don’t think there’s a God, but if there is then that’s cool too.” He cleared his throat, feeling slightly embarrassed. “Not to sound rude or anything, but you’re a lot more chill than most religious people I know. It’s kind of refreshing to be around a christian without having God shoved down my throat.”
Dan laughed and Phil got a glimpse of that tongue piercing he loved so much. It made his imagination run wild, made him think about all the things that tongue piercing could do. He shivered, shoving the picture out of his head. Dan would probably think it was sinful for him to think of something like that. “I like to embrace other people’s differences,” Dan replied easily, almost like he’d been asked this before. He brushed a curl out of his face, giving Phil a dimpled grin. “Everyone is different so there’s obviously going to be some people who don’t believe in God. And that’s okay, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. It’s just a difference in preference to how we each go through life.”
By this point, Phil was full-on staring at Dan. He swallowed, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re amazing, you know that?”
“You’re one to talk, Phil. You’re better than half of the people in my church, and you don’t even believe in God!”
Phil could feel his cheeks heating up and he hid it behind a large sip of bitter coffee. His breath had sped up a little bit, and he adjusted in his seat uncomfortably. He could hardly believe how easily Dan could make him flustered. “So what else do you believe differently than most other christians then?” Phil asked, trying to change the subject so Dan didn’t notice how red he was.
Dan hummed, sipping at his drink thoughtfully. Phil watched the way his lips puckered around the straw and his stomach twisted at the sight. Dan’s lips were pure sin. “Sex,” Dan said simply. Phil nearly spit out his drink. “You- What?”
“Sex!” Dan exclaimed loudly. A few people turned to stare at them at the outburst and Phil glared at them until they turned around. This was funny to Dan, who stated that Phil was much softer than he looked and they didn’t even know it. “I think the notion of sex has gotten to be less taboo than it was in the old days, but even now I know some people who think sex before marriage is a sin and still think virginity wasn’t created as just a social concept.”
Phil swallowed. His tongue felt swollen in his mouth all of a sudden. “Yeah?”
Nodding, Dan went on. “I don’t think sex is all that bad. It feels good so why would God hate us for enjoying ourselves? He wants us to live our lives to the fullest and happiest we can be, and if sex makes us happy, then why deny ourselves of that? I hardly think God is looking down on us like ‘Wow! That person had premarital sex! Better send them to Hell where they belong!’” Phil snickered at the tone of voice Dan used, one that was obviously mocking what God would say. They both giggled together for a second and Dan only moved on when they calmed down. “People take things out of context all the time and forget that you’re supposed to love and treat everyone with respect and love despite their differences. I really don’t think God’s that shallow that he’s going to send someone to Hell for being gay or for having premarital sex. I think he’d be happy we’re being ourselves and living our lives to the fullest.”
Amazing. Dan was utterly amazing. Instead of using his religion for hate, he was using it as something to spread love to everyone he could. He used it as a positive outlook on life to form him into someone he truly liked and was proud of. He was absolutely unlike anybody else Phil had ever met. “So you’re saying that if I was a killer, then I wouldn’t go to Hell because I love myself anyways?” Phil snickered.
Dan glared at him and kicked him under the table. “Shut your mouth, Lester. You and I both know you’re not that daft.”
“Do we now?” Phil mused, kicking Dan right back. It spurred on a kick war (Phil tried not to think about how they were practically playing footsies) for the next few minutes, and the giggles coming from Dan’s mouth were like music to Phil’s ears. They only stopped when Dan complained that his shins were starting to bruise and it wouldn’t look good on Phil if he showed up the next day wearing shorts. Phil kicked him softly one last time and told him that he shouldn’t wear shorts tomorrow then.
It was comfortable between them, even though it was the very first time they were hanging out outside of class. Dan was just very easy to talk to and Phil found himself opening right up, which was rare enough. He usually didn’t like to talk to people, usually didn’t really put in enough effort. Most people stayed away from him due to the tattoos on his arms and the nose piercing. He was deemed as scary and a bad influence to his peers. Go figure that the one person who actually braved a conversation with him was a cute christian boy who had an affinity for pink.
Although, Phil wasn’t exactly complaining.
-
On Friday, three months after Phil had first laid eyes on Dan, Dan came into class wearing high waisted jeans and a violet crop top that said ‘meow’ in white. Phil lost all ability to speak and he couldn’t stop staring.
Dan was stunning, a piece of art that Phil couldn’t quite grasp the concept of. His shirt rose high enough to expose some of his stomach when he sat, and Phil couldn’t tear his gaze away. Phil was enamoured with the boy to the point where it should have been mildly embarrassing. He wanted to scream to the rooftops how Dan had him wrapped around his little finger.
“Mornin’,” Dan greeted as he sat beside Phil. He set his bag on the floor and immediately bent to retrieve his laptop from his bag. Phil’s eyes were glued on the strip of skin that showed when his shirt rode up his back. He wanted to run his fingers over it, but sadly he had to refrain himself. “I’ll tell you what, high waisted jeans are a blessing until you sit down!”
Phil snorted and tore his eyes away. He fiddled with the Metallica patch on his backpack. It was falling off and he needed to resew it on. “What d’ya mean?”
Dan set his laptop on his desk and sighed, straightening up. He gestured to his stomach in annoyance. “When I sit, it digs into my stomach! I have to undo the top two buttons whenever I sit down.” To accentuate his point, he undid the top two buttons.
Phil couldn’t stop staring the entire class. But that wasn’t any different, if he was being honest.
When class was over, Dan was the one who first spoke up. “I’m going to my church group, but do you want to meet up afterwards? I think it’d be fun to get coffee again or something.”
“Church group?” Phil wondered aloud.
Dan nodded, seemingly confused. “Yeah? We meet up every Wednesday.”
“Can I come?” The words were out before Phil had time to think about them. Immediately, he started to regret them. Dan obviously knew he wasn’t a religious person and he would probably be weirded out by Phil asking him to join. He would probably know Phil had a huge crush on him and wouldn’t want to be friends with him and-
Dan grinned so large that his dimples caved in. “I would love that.”
All of Phil’s fears floated away. He didn’t even care that he was an atheist going to a church group at that moment. He was just glad that he could see what Dan did every Wednesday. He was just glad he could spend more time with Dan.
The church group was held in a church called St. Matthew, and it had pretty statues of religious figures (Phil had no idea who any of them were; Dan had to explain them to him) and stained glass windows that cast rainbows onto the marble floor. There were paintings on the ceiling of chubby, naked angels and a very large statue of Jesus on the cross. Even from where he was sat in one of the pews, Phil could see the grotesque details of nails going through the statue’s hands and feet.
Phil was kind of disgusted, but mostly uncomfortable.
People in the church didn’t adjust to his company very well. They gave him side glances with raised brows and upturned noses. He could tell they were raking their eyes over his leather jacket and black hair. His tattoo was peaking out underneath the collar of his shirt and his nose piercing itched. He normally didn’t care what people thought of him, but when it came to Dan, he wanted to be perfect.
How could he be perfect when Dan’s peers obviously didn’t respect his decision of style?
He was fumbling so much that Dan must have realised, which is how Phil found himself flushing red as Dan’s hand covered his own. “Stop thinking so much. I can hear you all the way over here,” Dan whispered. He leant into Phil, so close that Phil could smell his cologne. Except he didn’t smell like cologne. He smelled kind of flowery, like peonies and honey. “My church can be kind of judgemental. That’s why I like you so much. You’re better than most of the people in here.”
Phil stopped fidgeting and he also stopped caring so much about what other people thought of him. He also held Dan’s hand for three more minutes until the group leader came in to speak.
To say Phil didn’t know what was happening was an understatement. He was absolutely clueless. Dan kept his eyes on the speaker like they were glued there and Phil had a hard time keeping his eyes off of him. The speaker was talking about some topic before backing it up with bible verses and everyone around them nodded as if they had a clue what was going on. And to be honest, they probably did.
Phil was just here for Dan, but he didn’t want to admit that he didn’t actually give two shits about what the speaker was saying. Was that a sin? Probably. Phil didn’t really care, though.
The man started talking about homosexuality, then, and Phil’s eyes were dragged away from Jesus’ feet to stare in disbelief at the speaker. He was talking fast, saying how the bible states that homosexual thoughts weren’t a sin, but acting on those thoughts were.
Somehow, Phil didn’t think the bible said that anywhere in the text.
He glanced over and met Dan’s gaze, who immediately rolled his eyes. Dan leant close to him again, giving Phil the perfect excuse to lean into his warmth. “Told you people in my church can be terrible,” Dan whispered in his ear. His breath brushed against Phil’s neck and he shivered at the warmth, trying not to notice how close Dan’s lips were to him. “The bible says nothing about that. Everyone translates it in their own way.”
Phil raised his eyebrows and whispered, “I must be a huge sin then, considering I’m bisexual as fuck.”
Dan stifled his laughter behind long fingers and Phil hid a smile as Dan kicked him hard in the shin. “Don’t swear in the house of God, Phil!” A pause. “Glad I’m not the only gay one in church anymore, though.”
Phil could have sworn he just had a heart attack. Dan was gay? As in, he liked boys? Sure, Phil probably could have used deductive reasoning and figured that out, but hearing Dan say that out loud… Was Phil dreaming?
He couldn’t slow down his racing heart, not even when the group leader had everyone pray in turn for someone in need of it. Phil passed on his turn, Dan said he wanted everyone to pray for his cat who pukes everywhere, and someone named Scarlett asked everyone to pray for her mum.
The group ended and Phil was glad to get out of there, even though he admitted to himself that he might come along next week as well. Just because he liked spending time with Dan and feeling his breath against his skin when he leaned close to whisper in his ear.
That alone could make Phil start to believe in heaven.
The group dispersed and everyone started to form little cliques, including Dan. Phil stood by awkwardly as a few people started to chat animatedly to Dan about the group, how they ‘were so glad they could pray for homosexuality to go away’ and how it was ‘the best speech they’d ever heard’. Phil tried not to scoff as Dan’s smile twitched.
“You guys know the bible doesn’t actually say that, right?” Dan asked, clearly exasperated.
One of the girls, Scarlett, looked confused. “Why would he say it if the bible doesn’t say that?”
Dan shrugged. He seemed uncomfortable. Phil wanted to wrap an arm around him. “It’s the way he read the bible. It speaks differently to everyone, you know. You should really read it and draw your own conclusions before putting blind faith into somebody else.”
Phil was definitely in love. He smiled at Dan, which drew the attention away from Dan’s words and onto himself.
“By the way, who’s this?” A boy with blonde hair and blue eyes asked. He flickered his eyes over Phil’s appearance with a furrowed eyebrow. “I’ve never seen him before.”
“This is Phil,” Dan said easily, turning to grin at Phil. His face lit up when he met Phil’s gaze, but Phil tried not to dwell to much on it. It was probably just what he wanted to see. “We met in my RELS 260 class. Phil, this is Scarlett, Ryne, and Blaine.” He gestured to each person in turn. The blonde guy was Ryne and the third person, Blaine, was a girl who looked nearly identical to him.
“You were in a religion class?” Blaine asked, disbelief clear in her tone.
Phil bit his tongue and smiled. “Guilty as charged.”
“You don’t look religious.”
Dan opened his mouth and there was fury in his eyes. Phil cut him off before he could ruin what he assumed was probably a friendship. “Sorry, I wasn’t aware religion had a dress code.”
That shut them all up. Thank God (pun intended). Phil didn’t know how much more of that he could take.
It was only when they were out of earshot of the three when Phil spoke up, voice devoid of sarcasm. They were walking back to the campus Starbucks now to get some coffee. “Your friends seem lovely.”
Dan tipped his head back, slumped his shoulders, and groaned loudly. “Don’t lie to me. I know they're terrible and I’m so sorry about them.”
Phil shook his head, following the expansion of skin on Dan’s neck that was revealed. He pushed away the image of kissing down it, as pretty an image as it was. “No need to be sorry. I’m glad you’re you.”
A dusting of pink brushed over Dan’s cheeks and he smiled, somewhat shyly. He bumped his hip against Phil’s. “I’m glad you’re you as well. Thanks for coming with me tonight. I know it wasn’t your idea of fun, but I appreciated the company.”
“I was worried I was going to burn in Hell the whole time, you should be kissing my feet.”
“Sorry, I’m not into feet,” Dan replied nonchalantly. Phil choked on his spit. His surprise made Dan laugh brightly. “Or am I? I guess you’ll just have to find out one day.” He winked and Phil gaped at him. Was he flirting with Phil? There was no way!
“If you have a foot fetish, I’m going to have to seriously rethink this whole friendship thing going on,” Phil teased, and Dan’s responding giggle was music to his ears.
“Shush, you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried!”
Phil didn’t bother to tell him that that was all he really wanted.
-
They were running ten minutes late to class, but neither Phil nor Pj cared about that. History was Phil’s least favourite class, anyways. He didn’t give a shit about the history of the Western world or how the United States came to be a thing. He would much rather sleep in for an extra two hours than wake up at ten in the morning just to listen about the past.
But they couldn’t skip again, because they’d been skipping this class for the past two weeks and an exam was coming up. Phil would hate himself even more than usual if he failed the exam just because he was too lazy to get out of bed.
They were walking in a comfortable silence, sucking bitter smoke into their lungs like it helped them breathe. Phil thought it was ironic, considering cigarettes had the opposite effect, but with the way they sucked them down, they might as well have. The smoke burned Phil’s lungs as he breathed it in, made him feel warm all through his body. It was relaxing, the tension from his shoulders dissipating with the smoke.
It was then that they turned a corner, and Phil’s eyes immediately landed on a familiar face with curly brown hair. His face lit up and he opened his mouth to scream hello to Dan when he noticed the situation.
Dan was leaning against the brick wall, looking a mixture of distressed and annoyed. His outfit of the day consisted of short shorts that showed off his beautiful, long legs, and flowered pink Vans. He had on a pink tank top with a white mesh bomber jacket over it. If angels were real, Dan would definitely be one.
However, a second person took away from the pure joy that overcame him when Phil saw Dan’s appearance. The second guy was huge, with arms bigger than Phil’s face. He seemed angry and he was pointing a finger at Dan, jabbing it into his chest. Phil could tell just by the way his mouth was moving that he was probably spouting some bullshit about Dan, and it made Phil’s eyes go red.
“What are you doing?!” Pj whispered urgently as Phil veered off track and started to walk over to the two.
“That’s Dan,” Phil muttered back, just as he made eye contact with the brunette. Immediately, Dan grinned and waved wildly. “Hi, Phil!” he called, even though Phil wasn’t too far from him. It made the bully turn and take in Phil’s own appearance. He rolled his eyes and Phil heard it when he spoke this time.
“What, is this your boyfriend coming to rescue you then?” The guy sneered. “Too much of a pansy to stand up for yourself?”
Phil ignored the way his stomach fluttered pathetically at the implication of Dan being his boyfriend. Now was not the time. He squared his shoulders and crossed his arms over his chest as he came to stand next to Dan, taking a slow drag of his cigarette just to make himself seem scarier than he actually was. “You going around being dicks to people, mate?”
The dude rolled his eyes. Phil saw his muscles flex underneath his shirt. Yikes. “I’m just putting this faggot in his place. Can’t have someone like him walking around campus dressed like this.”
“What’s wrong with his style? Too attractive for you?”
“Like Hell!” Buff guy roared, pushing Phil hard in the chest. Phil grimaced, annoyance raising inside of him. “It’s fucking disgusting!”
Phil made a point to look Dan up and down, raking his eyes over him like Dan was the most attractive thing he’d ever seen. (He was). His eyes stayed trained on Dan’s legs as he responded. “I dunno what’s so disgusting. Though I could see why you’d be afraid of him. Someone as attractive as him could definitely compromise your heterosexuality. Wouldn’t want that to happen.”
The guy lunged at him then and Phil felt like everything suddenly went into slow motion. He could hear Pj yelling, trying to stop the asshole from punching Phil in the face, and Dan’s smug face turned to one of horror. Phil internally groaned as his cigarette dropped to the ground when he reached out to grab the guy’s shoulder.
And then Phil punched him in the face.
He must have been weaker than he looked, because he dropped like a sack of potatoes, clutching his bleeding nose. Phil scowled, bent over to pick his cigarette up from the pavement, and took a drag of it. He flexed his hand and hissed as a sharp pain went through it. “I think the fucker broke my hand,” he muttered.
Dan and Pj stared at him. And stared. And stared some more. Phil fidgeted on his feet, ignoring the crumpled man on the ground. In perfect sync, Dan and Pj started to laugh hysterically. “I can’t believe you punched him in the face, mate!” Peej screeched, patting him hard on the back. “I had it under control, but I’m so glad I got to see that,” Dan cackled, nudging Phil’s boot with his shoe.
Phil waited as his friends got their laughter out of their systems. By then, the bully had struggled to his feet and stalked away, cursing expletives in Phil’s direction until he was out of earshot. “You done?” Phil asked flatly. His friends nodded. “Great. Peej, we’re later than usual for class so we may wanna leave.” He turned to Dan and smiled. It was hard not to when Dan was looking at him with such warmth in his pretty brown eyes. “I’ll see you later, yeah? Try not to get beat up or anything, okay?”
Dan saluted him. “I’ll try not to this time,” he said. His face got serious for a moment, his brows furrowing, but it was gone so quickly that Phil thought he might have imagined it. In a millisecond, Dan leaned forward and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to Phil’s cheek. He could feel the softness of Dan’s lips against his skin, and his face heated up accordingly, no doubt a terrible red colour. “Thanks for standing up for me,” Dan whispered.
Smiling, Phil couldn’t help but admit that he was slightly shaky and out of breath just from that small gesture. “Anything for you,” Phil responded easily. He must have been imagining things now when Dan’s cheeks turned slightly pink.
As they were walking (reluctantly) away from Dan, Peej elbowed Phil in the side. “You’re fucked, mate.”
Phil sighed. “I know.” Though somehow, he didn’t really think that was a bad thing.
-
Living alone had its advantages and disadvantages. For one, Phil could bring over whoever he wanted without having to ask for permission. Secondly, Phil could be as loud as he wanted, whenever he wanted.
He still wasn’t prepared to see Dan inside of his own flat, though, and it came across as somewhat of a shock to see the gorgeous boy amongst all of his knick knacks and personal items. “So give me the grand tour!” Dan exclaimed when Phil opened the door and gestured him inside.
It was the first time Dan had ever come over to his place, and Phil was an absolute wreck when he’d asked him to. They’d been friends for months, so it was the obvious next step. But Phil couldn’t help being nervous about the fact that the object of his affections would now be able to see where Phil slept every night. It was rather intimidating.
Phil’s flat was tiny and consisted of the kitchen, a lounge, a bedroom, and a bathroom. That was it, but it was perfect for him anyways. He made it his own by putting art on the walls and cardboard cutouts of Boba Fett and Buffy around the place. There were stuffed animals on the cabinets that Dan poked and played with, and stickers stuck to miscellaneous items. Dan made fun of him for that, but it made Phil feel warm inside anyways. He imagined Dan living in the same space with him, sharing memories and making a home with the random items found all throughout Phil’s flat.
Dan loved it. He could tell that much just by the way his face lit up whenever he saw something new. He would trail his fingers over the pictures in Phil’s hallway, making fun of Phil for having ginger hair when he was a child. He commented on the artwork strung on the walls and pretended to make out with Boba Fett. It was good. It was natural. Phil felt himself relax entirely.
“Aren’t you going to show me to your bedroom?”
Just like that, Phil tensed. “What?” he choked. He needed to get his mind out of the gutter.
Dan smirked at him and chuckled. “Show me where the magic happens, Phil!”
That fucker. He had to know what he was doing! Phil’s face was going to be a complete tomato by the time Dan left. In fact, he was probably going to explode. “It’s literally nothing special,” Phil assured him, leading him through the house until he reached his own room. He opened the door and allowed Dan to go in first, watching him fondly as he glanced around. Phil’s bedroom was much like the rest of his house, but it was brashly different from his style of clothing. While Phil had an affinity for black and spiky shoes, his bedroom was filled with blues and greens and yellows. He had a large bookcase filled with books and movies and anime. It was nothing special, it just showed how much of a massive nerd he truly was.
“So this is it,” Phil said awkwardly, eyes trained on Dan. “My nerdy ass room.”
“It suits you,” Dan said softly. He turned and looked at Phil, a smirk on his lips and his hands on his hips. They stared at each other for a moment, which was normal, except Phil couldn’t help but feel his face go hot at the realisation that Dan was in his room. It’d be so easy to just push him backwards until his knees hit the bed. Then Phil would climb over him, run his hands all down his curvy body, kiss him until his lips were red and he was breathing hard.
He didn’t, though. He didn’t move.
Dan sighed and raised his eyebrows. “Well? Aren’t you going to ravish me?”
Phil choked on his own spit and his heart picked up the pace until he could hear it pounding in his ears. “What?”
Rolling his eyes, Dan stepped forward and reached an arm around him to close the door. Phil didn’t know why he did that; they were the only two people in the flat. He didn’t stop him though, instead frozen in place, so close to Dan that he could feel his body heat. His eyes were so pretty up close like this, little flecks of gold and black in his dark brown irises. “I see the way you look at me, Phil. I’m surprised you haven’t tried to get me into your bed yet, if I’m being honest.” Dan smiled at him and leaned so close that Phil could feel his breath across his lips. “Don’t be embarrassed. I feel the same.”
It took all Phil had in him not to surge forward and connect his lips together. When he spoke, his voice was strained with the effort to hold himself back. “I don’t want to hurt you or disrespect you,” Phil whispered.
“For fuck’s sake, Phil, I’m not gonna break!” And with that, Dan closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to Phil’s.
Kissing Dan was one of the strangest and most amazing experiences in Phil’s life. Everything about him was soft, all the way from his lips to where Phil grabbed his hips to drag him closer. He kissed Phil like he’d been waiting for this moment his entire life. He tangled his fingers into Phil’s hair and pressed himself so close to Phil’s body that there was absolutely no space between them.
“I’ve never heard you cuss before,” Phil gasped when they parted for air.
Dan glared at him. “Did I say you could stop kissing me?” He demanded.
Phil just chuckled and captured Dan’s lips with his own once again. It was like he was living out his dreams, as lame is it sounded. He started to back Dan up, and Dan let him, until his knees hit the bed. Then he was pushing Dan backwards and collapsing on top of him, bracing his arms on either side of his head. He ran his fingers over Dan’s sides, trying to draw more sighs from those pretty pink lips as he did so.
He swiped his tongue over Dan’s bottom lip and was mildly surprised when Dan opened himself to him, allowing him to explore his mouth with vigor. Phil really shouldn’t have been surprised, considering how they’d gotten to this point, but it was hard not to be when he was kissing the boy he’d been dreaming about for months.
“You’re so beautiful,” Phil whispered against Dan’s lips. He started to nibble on Dan’s bottom lip, earning a delicious whine from the boy. He could feel Dan’s hands gripping harshly at his hips, bringing him in so close that Phil could feel Dan’s hips pressing into his own.
Dan was wearing shorts again, ones that showed off his tanned thighs. Ones that allowed Phil to get his hands all over his skin. He didn’t initially mean to do so, but then Dan was wrapping his legs around his waist and Phil immediately put his hands under his thighs to help support him. His fingers curled around soft skin, and then he just couldn’t help himself.
One hand squeezed tight to keep Dan in place, he let his other hand explore Dan’s skin, trying to drink him in as much as he possibly could. Dan was so soft and he made the best noises when Phil lightly scratched his nails over him, gasping into Phil’s mouth and kissing him harder, slipping his tongue into Phil’s mouth to take over for a little bit. Phil let him have that, just happy that he got to finally taste and feel Dan after waiting for so long.
There was a heat under his skin. One that wasn’t able to be put out. Phil felt like he was on fire. Whenever Dan scratched his nails over his clothed back, trails of heat would be left in their wake. When he arched into Phil’s touch, Phil felt like his skin was made of lava. He was sensitive, so sensitive, and it was like nothing Phil had ever felt before. So it was only normal for his body to start responding.
Especially when it was the boy of Phil’s dreams laid out under him.
He was growing hard in his trousers, and he didn’t know what to do with himself. Dan could probably tell how hard Phil was, but he also didn’t want to make Dan uncomfortable. He didn’t know how Dan felt about all of this, if he was being honest. Sure, they’d had the conversation about sex before, but they weren’t even dating. He didn’t know if this was crossing a line. With great regret, his body screaming at him, he pulled away. Dan whined and chased after his lips, seeming to be greatly distressed by this new addition. Phil put a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back gently. He licked his lips, trying not to let his eyes stray down to Dan’s own, which were plump and red and slick with spit. “S-sorry,” Phil stuttered. Dan’s face immediately morphed into one of alarm. “Did I do something wrong?”
Phil shook his head, horrified that Dan could even think he’d done something wrong. “No!” Phil insisted. “I just- I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He trailed off, glancing down at the very obvious bulge in his jeans.
That probably wasn’t the smartest idea. As soon as Dan realised what was going on, he let out a quiet snicker. “I’m not doing anything I don’t want to,” Dan assured quietly. He put his hand on Phil’s knee, rubbing soft circles into the material of his trousers. The touch went straight to his dick. “If we do anything, it’s because we both want to. Okay?” His hand slipped a little bit higher so he was caressing the inside of Phil’s thigh, much like Phil was doing to him earlier. Phil’s head was spinning.
“I- yeah,” Phil managed to grit out. He opened his mouth to say more, to tell Dan just how much he liked him maybe, but before he could get a word out, Dan’s hand was suddenly pressing down on Phil’s bulge and a groan ripped it’s way out of his mouth. “Fuck.”
“Lay back,” Dan ordered. This time it was he who was pushing Phil backwards by the shoulder, pushing him onto his back. Phil let him. It was hard to think past the delicious friction against his hard cock and the beautiful boy in front of him.
It was even harder to think of anything when Dan was pulling back, only to shed himself of his shirt, revealing the expanse of pale skin on his chest. His skin was smooth, hairless, only interrupted by pert, pink nipples that Phil wanted to run his tongue over. There was a lot that Phil wanted to do with Dan right then, but he couldn’t do any of it because Dan was very suddenly taking control and ripping off Phil’s shirt as well.
The cold air hit Phil’s chest like a train, but it did nothing to cool down his heated body. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Dan, especially not when he was leaning back down to press chaste kisses over Phil’s jawline and neck and chest. They were featherlight, and Phil reckoned he wouldn’t have been able to feel it at all if his body wasn’t so hypersensitive right then. While he was nipping and sucking at Phil’s skin, Dan’s hand appeared on Phil’s bulge again, palming him through his trousers. Phil’s hips bucked of their own accord, so overwhelmed by all of the feelings that he could barely wrap his head around what was happening. Their chests were pressed together and Phil liked that way their skin slid against each other, how warm Dan was against him, how he seemed to know all of the places to make Phil’s toes curls. Or maybe that was just because it was Dan. Everywhere was Dan.
“Can I take these off?” Dan whispered suddenly, nipping Phil on the collarbone while his hand tugged at the button on Phil’s trousers. Phil whimpered and couldn’t do anything else but nod. And then his jeans were being shoved down, followed closely by his boxers. He was fully exposed, just for Dan to see, and it was both exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time.
“F- you’re huge,” Dan whimpered, wasting no time in getting his hands on Phil. Phil moaned at the feeling of Dan’s hand wrapping around his bare skin, his thumb running over his slit to smear through the precum leaking from it. Dan looked down at Phil through dark eyelashes. “I need to get my mouth on you. Can I suck you off? Wanna taste you.”
Hearing Dan talk like that was almost too much. He was gently stroking Phil’s cock, waiting for permission to actually give Phil a blowjob, and Phil almost came right there and then. “Fuck, please,” Phil gasped out.
It was all Dan needed to hear. He bent over, his knees under him as he braced himself on Phil’s hips, his (still clothed) ass in the air. Phil wanted to spank him, maybe even call him a bad boy, but he sadly couldn’t reach. Dan’s tongue flicked over Phil’s slit, lapping up the precum and humming appreciatively. “Taste so good,” Dan growled, and then he properly sank down onto Phil’s cock.
Phil let out a loud gasp as the wet heat of Dan’s mouth suddenly enveloped his cock. He could feel the tongue piercing against him, creating a sensation that made Phil’s toes curl with pleasure. He sucked him down like Phil was the best thing he’d ever tasted. It was messy, but it was good in a way that made Phil’s head collapse onto the pillows, his back arching into the touch. Through half closed eyes and his messed up fringe, Phil glanced down to watch as Dan took nearly all of him into his mouth, his cheeks hollowed and his lips swollen and stretched around Phil’s length. It was impressive, to say the least. Phil wasn’t exactly the smallest guy around, yet Dan still took him and enjoyed every single inch.
“You look so pretty like this,” Phil breathed, reaching down to tangle his fingers in Dan’s curls. Dan moaned around him, the vibrations making Phil’s hips buck of their own accord. He could feel the head of his cock brush the back of Dan’s throat, and his eyes rolled with pleasure. Dan didn’t seem to mind, so he did it again. And again. And again, until he was practically fucking Dan’s face.
It was such a beautiful sight. Dan’s mouth was slack and he was staring up at Phil with those dark eyes, spit leaking from the sides of his mouth. Phil watched in awe as inch after inch of his cock disappeared into Dan’s mouth, only to ease back out again. He held Dan’s head there while he fucked his mouth, only stopping when Dan started to pull away, breathing hard and gasping for air.
“You okay?” Phil asked. His head was still spinning from pleasure and his cock was pulsing with need, but he wanted to make sure Dan was still comfortable above everything else.
Dan nodded and wiped his mouth off, smiling reassuringly. He shimmied up Phil’s body and pressed a kiss to Phil’s lips, sweet and everything that Phil needed right then. When he pulled away, he smiled down at Phil. “Do you have lube?”
Slowly, Phil gave his affirmation. “I do.”
Dan gave a relieved sigh. “Get it. I want you to finger me open for your cock, and then I want you to fuck me so hard that I can’t go to church in the morning.”
Phil stared at him for a moment, his dick twitching with the words. Then he was scrambling off his bed, rifling through the drawers as if his life depended on it. At least, it felt like his life depended on it when he had a gorgeous person on his bed begging him to fuck him so hard he can’t go to church. What was Dan Howell doing to him?
He grabbed the lube and a condom with renewed vigor, turning to Dan only to find him stripping off what looked to be lace panties. Phil stared for a moment, his eyes following each and every curve of Dan’s body, trying to commit the sight to memory. He was only pulled out of his trance when Dan demanded him to get over there again.
Phil climbed over him, kissing him softly and groaning as their naked bodies came into contact for the first time. He almost never wanted to pull away. But he forced himself to, knowing that there were much better things coming. “Spread your legs for me, sweetheart,” Phil ordered softly, rubbing Dan’s tan thighs just because he could. Dan obliged and Phil stared as Dan presented himself to him. He was clean and shaven, his dick leaking and his hole just waiting for Phil to press himself in.
He shivered at the sight and cracked open the bottle of lube. Dan licked his lips in preparation, watching in rapt fascination as Phil squeezed the liquid onto his fingers. He took a deep breath, hardly believing that he was actually going to be able to do this with Dan, and then pressed his index finger to Dan’s entrance. “Ready?”
Dan nodded wildly and Phil pressed in the first finger. He watched as Dan scrunched up his face, mostly just out of discomfort, and held his breath. Already, he wanted to hurry this up, but he knew he couldn’t do that. Dan’s body was just so tight around just the one finger; Phil could hardly begin to comprehend what it would be like with his dick. To distract himself from that mental image, he started to pepper kisses to Dan’s thighs, loving the way Dan whined and moved his hips to meet his touches.
After a moment, Dan told him to add the second finger. Phil took his time, scissoring his fingers when he was able to and curling his fingers just to get used to Dan’s body. When Phil added his third and final finger, he made it his mission to find Dan’s prostate, just so he could know where to aim his thrusts for the actual thing.
He bit down on Dan’s inner thigh just to hear him make those delicious noises, and curled his fingers as if he was telling Dan to come here. He did that a few times until Dan’s back was arching off the bed and he keened loudly, panting. He was blabbering words, telling Phil to just fuck him already and get on with it, and Phil only elongated the moment to make sure Dan’s body was rightfully prepared for him.
When he was absolutely positive Dan was ready, he pulled his fingers out, chuckling as Dan whined at the loss. “Just a bit longer,” Phil soothed, grabbing a condom and the bottle of lube. He rolled on the condom and then cracked open the lube once more, smearing it over his dick. Dan was so beautiful when he was all laid out for him. Those dark eyes were watching Phil’s every move, urging him forward for another kiss as he lined himself up with Dan’s entrance. Dan was impatient, wrapping his legs around Phil’s waist and bucking his hips. It was then that Phil realised Dan had never once touched his own cock, instead doing his best to ensure all of Phil’s pleasure, and Phil was once again reminded of how amazing and perfect Dan was for him. With this in mind, he sunk his hips forward. Immediately, he had to stop himself, biting harshly at his lips as Dan’s body seemed to suck him right in. Dan moaned loudly, his heels burying into Phil’s back and causing Phil to sink down further. “You’re so hot,” Phil gasped, dropping his head to Dan’s shoulder. He was panting with the effort not to just fuck Dan raw and hard right then. “Tell me when I can move.”
It was absolute torture having to wait for Dan to adjust to him. He wanted nothing more than to just fuck the living daylights out of Dan. But he had respect for him and he didn’t want to hurt him, so he waited for Dan’s command. When Dan finally gasped out that he could move, Phil didn’t wait a second longer. A deep groan found it’s way out of his throat as he pulled back slightly, only to bury himself back in Dan’s tight hole. He could feel every inch as he pressed forward, every inch as he slid back out. “Jesus Christ,” Phil moaned, started to fuck into Dan just a bit rougher to satiate both of their needs. Dan was panting, his chest stained a bright red, and his fringe plastered to his forehead with sweat. Even so, he managed to glare at Phil with his mouth gaped open. “Don’t-” A loud gasp as Phil managed to hit him just right, “Don’t use the Lord’s name in vain.”
Phil shook his head, snapping his hips forward roughly, as if punishing Dan for what he’d said. Dan almost sobbed with pleasure, his head falling backwards and his thighs twitching around Phil’s hips. He must have hit Dan’s prostate. “Dan, I’m literally balls deep inside of you,” he admonished. “I don’t know what you want from me.” It seemed like Dan was going to say more, but Phil didn’t let him. He sat back on his heels and grabbed Dan’s hips with both hands, giving him a better angle. With the new position, Phil was able to fuck Dan rough and fast, leaving Dan a whining mess underneath him. He made sure to hit his prostate with each thrust, not giving Dan any chance for rest. “Touch yourself,” Phil commanded gruffly, knowing that he wasn’t going to last much longer. Dan, the good boy that he was, reached down and started to stroke himself in time with Phil’s thrusts. He was making these beautiful noises like he was trying to moan but just couldn’t get in enough air. His hole was clenching around Phil, drawing Phil closer to the edge. But he had to wait, he needed Dan to cum first. Just as he thought he was going to explode, Dan let out his loudest moan yet and his body went rigid. Phil glanced down in time to see ribbons of white shoot across his chest and hand, Dan’s cheeks the colour of roses and his jaw completely slack.
That sight, along with the heat of Dan’s body, was what urged Phil towards his oncoming orgasm. With one, two, three more thrusts, he was coming into the condom, fingers digging into Dan’s hips hard enough to leave marks. It was like the breath was knocked out of him and he was seeing stars. He collapsed onto Dan, ignoring the surprised squeak that came from underneath him. “Get off, you nasty,” Dan complained, pushing Phil slightly. Phil whined, but complied and rolled away, reaching under his bed to grab a random shirt to wipe them both off with and to hide the condom in for now. He frankly didn’t feel like getting up yet. He was trapped in post-orgasm bliss and that’s how he wanted to remain for the next ten years. Then he remembered where he was and who was lying naked next to him, and he sat up so quickly that it gave him a head rush. “You okay?” Dan asked quizzically. “I didn’t even take you on a first date yet! I’m such an awful person, you must think I’m the worst,” Phil fretted, the words tumbling out of his mouth with no filter. “I know you said you wanted to, but I could have at least had the common decency to ask you to be my boyfriend before-.”
Dan broke him off with a giggle, pressing his finger to Phil’s lips to shut him up. “Phil.” Phil sighed, voice miserable. “What?” “Be my boyfriend?” Dan asked, pouting out his lip and giving Phil the most adorable puppy dog eyes in the world. As if Phil was going to say no. But it seemed to succeed anyways, because Phil was laughing along and putting an arm around Dan. He dragged him in, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Do you even think I could say no to a face like that?” “Nope! Which is why I did it!” Dan exclaimed, cuddling into Phil’s chest. They were still completely naked, but neither of them cared. Phil was far too gone with bliss to care, and he liked the warmth that Dan’s body provided him.
Phil decided that this must be what heaven was like if there was one.
-
“I can’t believe you’re making me go to church with you the day after I fucked your brains out,” Phil muttered, taking an exaggerated puff of his cigarette. He wasn’t even annoyed at all, but it was mostly due to the fact that Dan was holding his hand and rubbing his thumb over his skin as they walked. Phil was a sucker for holding hands. “I can’t believe you’re making me go to church wearing all black,” Dan shot back, gesturing wildly to his attire. Phil snickered at that. Apparently having sex had made the both of them so tired that they fell asleep until the next morning. This meant that Dan had no clothes of his own and had to borrow Phil’s. Which meant he was dressed in black skinny jeans and a leather shirt that looked strangely good on him. Phil leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “Awe, don’t be like that, sweetheart. I think you look good in black.” All this earned from Dan was some grumbling under his breath and a soft kick in the shin.
When they entered St. Matthew’s church, it was like Phil had been there for the first time. There were considerably more people this time, ones that looked at him as if he were the scum of the Earth. However, this time they also looked at Dan like that. Phil wasn’t scared to give them his harshest glare, which immediately made them shuffle uncomfortably and mind their own business.
They sat in one of the pews in the very back and Phil was once again distracted by Jesus’ feet on the cross. He didn’t know what to expect today, but he knew that he probably wouldn’t be listening. He just went today because he knew it made Dan happy to have him there with him. (And honestly, it made Phil happy to spend time with him too).
A few things had changed since Phil had first come to church with Dan. The first was that Dan was wearing black, which should be a miracle by itself. An even bigger miracle was that Phil was actually wearing colour. Sure, the colour came in the form of a bright red hickey on his neck, but that still didn’t take away from the absurdity of Phil Lester in red. The second thing that changed was that Phil had a better understanding of religion and why people chose to believe in God. He understood that just because someone was religious did not necessarily mean they were bigots. Some people generally just used it as a way to guide their lives and live to be the best person they could possibly be.
Finally, and most importantly, Phil was holding Dan’s hand hidden just out of view from everybody else. They didn’t separate no matter what, and Dan even let Phil hold his hand while he prayed, Dan cradling Phil’s hand in both of his and holding them close to his face.
Phil didn’t necessarily believe in God, but he didn’t have to. He had a literal angel right next to him, and that was all Phil needed.
