#phdblog

[thephdpensieve]

Confessions of a Chaotic PhD student✨

I am here to make a 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻:

to feel comfortable as my true self and also to let people know that they're not alone.

I have always tried to show here the struggles and confusions I'm facing as a PhD student. I talk about my failures, my struggles with perfectionism, and the ups and downs of my PhD. But I feared that, without realising, I've given a picture of myself as a very organized PhD student who has everything under control. So this post is to come clean.

💬 𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝗳𝗮𝗿 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗲𝗱. 𝗠𝘆 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗼 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗰. 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗰𝗸𝗹𝘆. 𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗹𝘆. 𝗜 𝗴𝗼 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸.

But the one thing I do is, I give myself time. I sit with myself to untangle the messy things: be it thoughts or schedules or cupboards. I pause and take time to untangle the chaos and bring some order. And 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, I am able to be organized.

I am also slow, in that respect. I take a lot of time to find the best way something works for me. I experiment so many apps, I seek and try so many tools/processes and change through so many plans before I find the one that works for now.

All these processes are messy, nonlinear - that's how they work. Only after I give myself the time to go through the messy am I able to feel the calm.

❓I was worried that if I share all these processes with you, wouldn't I be confusing you? What if I use one method this month and soon I find something better? So should I share only the things, I know for *sure*, that work?

💡But then I realized, this page is my *𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙚* - where I store 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘗𝘩𝘋 for me and for you to see. I HAVE TO show the process, not just the end product.

I realized, you guys know that!

By sharing the process, I am sharing the reality. And only by sharing reality will I be able to form authentic connections ♥️

That's it. Just putting it out here.

So I hope to be more *real* and let's all be imperfect together in this weird journey of a lifetime!

[twigletandboo]

Halloween and Fireworks has led to an active week. Twiglet and I bought some chocolates in case trick or treaters turned up at our doorstep. As it is our first All Saint’s Eve in MK we genuinely had no idea what to expect – a stampeding horde of sugared up 4 year olds or a street so quiet we would be throwing chocolates at the tumble weeds? Settling in for the evening we decided to fit the mood with a Lovecraftian game of Elder Signs, not realising that all bar the kitchen lights were off.  If you are going to face the greatest of the Ancient Ones and win, you want atmospheric. Clearly it looked like we were out; our bowl of chocolates sat by the front door unloved as I think maybe 4 gaggles of children and supervisors went past.  But the upside is Cthulhu was defeated and we have chocolates for the rest of the week *win*.  Then Saturday we went with the Bears to the Park to watch the fireworks! Music, explosions and loads of deep fried doughy products; much fun was had by all.  When we got back, to make sure the whole family could enjoy the day, we had sparklers in the garden with Purr-More.  We are really lucky she is completely not bothered by fireworks and likes to watch the pretty lights if she can.  It was very astronomical spelling out Boo and Twiglet in stars - xxx

[thephdpensieve]

🌻Morning routine & mixed feelings✨

Today, I feel hopeful and excited.

I have been on a rollercoaster the past few weeks - with some big wins, confusion, pressure from every side, support from unexpected people, roaming directionless, and also good guidance. It was such a mixed feeling - being not able to celebrate my wins, trying not to get too excited, and at the same time working to make that dream true.

I know I am being cryptic but bear with me. I have something big coming up and you guys will be first to know when it actually happens. ❤️

Right now I am preparing for that Big Thing, and building my reading/writing habit is the first thing I am doing. Reading journal articles is such a soothing activity for me and it also gets my brain working. So I have chosen to do that first thing in the morning, every day.

The night before, I select an article to read in the morning and I try to finish the AIC - Abstract, Introduction, and Conclusion - within my one-and-a-half-hour reading time. If that paper is interesting and if it looks relevant to my study, I will bookmark it and spend more time on it. And because of that, I won't be able to read one paper every day (which is actually the goal). But, no perfectionism. Go with the flow. Right?

Do you guys have a similar morning routine? I would love any tips on how to keep this up in the long run - any advice is welcome!❤️⬇

[thephdpensieve]

Today I was so excited to start an online course on research writing. Because....I was supposed to be doing another course on climate modeling, and I wasn't feeling like doing it.

This is my productive procrastination on a new level 😂

[twigletandboo]

First full week this week. I have managed to get nothing done! I have read the chapters in the book I was asked to read, and one article that resembled more a syrup like substance than reading material.  A lot of this week has been taken up with coffee mornings, seminars and meetings, and though I feel I have improved my knowledge on parent bodies of meteorites and OB associations, this has been somewhat countered by the amount of cake I have eaten.  Maybe someone should do a PhD on it?  Tawny summoned us all to her house for our first group meeting. I got to meet Hare and Joey properly for the first time since my interview, and our bubbly intern came along for the ride.  They explained what they were all up to which, thanks to my reading, I understood about 80% of what they were saying, but I do need to start a Book of Big Words Made Easy. As if that wasn’t enough socialising, there was an opportunity to sign up to clubs around 100 Aker Camp.  I may have signed up to so many emailing lists I will spend all next week deleting myself off them.  I am, however, excited to try the Dance and Theatre Clubs, though I have no idea where I am going to fit in any research over the next three years! – Boo xxx

[ashleywestmacottphd]

Busy week

My week has felt like a bit of whirlwind. I spent less than 24 hours in Germany on Wednesday for a flute lesson, along with a busy week of rehearsals, practice, reading, writing, re-writing and a smidge of self-doubt. 

It’s Friday now and back to a calmer routine day of more reading, and taking my lovely dog out for a walk. It’s important to take time for some self care, especially after a hectic week.