#phobpat

[heretherebedork]

The HANDS and the STARING and the SOFTNESS and I just adore them so much, they're so gentle together.

[heretherebedork]

Phob sitting in the audience of a show dedicated to him, sitting and watching someone he should know act out a show he should know and not know any of it, not remember any of it, not have the meaning he wants and needs and slowly, slowly, seeing himself in the show and his own memories and his own past in those moments, remembering who he was before his life was taken from him and before he lost everything and to find the place his nightmares come from and to find the place he has to go after all of this.

[heretherebedork]

The absolutely heartwrenching heartbreak in Phob's eyes when he realized that the person he'd fallen in love with a lie made up specifically to win his heart and had nothing to do with the real person he'd thought he'd love.

[heretherebedork]

And then Phob's tiny loneliness after watching Pat get comforted by his mother? Darling. Absolutely darling. I love these boys so much. The way he just curled up and needed to be comforted, needed that so much because he doesn't have any else besides Pat and Uncle Nong. He doesn't have parents or friends or... life. He's dead and a ghost and he's alone, very alone, and he's been alone for a very long time.

[heretherebedork]

I absolutely adore Phob. He's just this little goofy trickster trying to make the best of what's left of what he's got and get some help and still have a little fun in the process when there's nothing else for him to do. He's just do adorable. I am lost.

[heretherebedork]

Phat so desperately wants Phob to trust him, to tell him everything, to know everything about him, to have the chance to know everything about him, to be able to protect him and comfort like he failed to do in his dream. And that want lead him to holding Phob to an unreachable expectation of perfection and that lead to Phat leaving him alone in anger.

[heretherebedork]

The way Phat looks at Phob when he's struggling is so soft and so loving and so tender and filled the need to protect him but also to push him, to help him, and it makes me chest ache. And the way Phob looks back, the way he struggles so hard and trembles through holding the pencil and takes the picture with a mischievous smile...

I cannot wait for the moment that Phob finally draws something. Because what he's going to draw is going to show his love for Phat.

[heretherebedork]

It's the way Phat is fighting and yelling and so, so angry and so, so broken and then Phob just... catches him, Phob stops him and catching him and holds him until that anger turns into tears and those tears turn into the truth later on, turn into soft words spoken in confidence to someone whose shown he can be trusted. It's about how fear becomes anger and how anger hides pain and how trust and love can help to heal that pain.