I have a ton of posts partially written, and this particular one will probably touch on some of those themes. Particularly the concept of time (and how little of it there is in a week).
So. Apologies in advance for that. I have swiss cheese brain. I might not even remember if I’m repeating myself. Maybe y’all will forgive me, or maybe not. I figure readers are happy enough to click next/close and move on. <3
The topic I’m thinking about today is how editing and drafting can be inherently antagonistic.
It’s no secret that I owe multiple books right now. I have two that need to be drafted: the next in the Seven Lakes series, so my indie publishing life doesn’t fail before it gets off the ground, and the next Welcome to PHU book, otherwise known as Nate’s book, which uh… I should’ve started drafting two years ago.
It’s also no secret that I am working with Duck Prints Press to bring out paperback editions of the PHU books, starting with the Twinned trilogy. Commit to the Kick is already in print through DPP, and the second and third books are in progress. We’ll Kickstart print editions once they are edited and ready to roll.
Editing is… hard. I mean, it’s probably hard for everyone, but it’s really hard for me because it is one of my mental breaking points. My brain assumes that when something is drafted, it’s done, and making big changes (or even small changes that have big effects) is hard for me to do. I am more than willing to admit to this fault.
It means that when my brain goes into edit mode, drafting mode goes POOF and disappears. And well, vice versa.
Over the last year, I’ve done a lot of work in learning how to edit, and I’ve gotten better at it. I did a first round edit of Into the Split to handle some large issues before DPP starts working on it. I did a big overhaul of a short story and turned it into a much better version of itself that I could submit to a market. But during that time, I couldn’t draft.
Part of that was time being a finite commodity, and part of it was that editing makes me overthink everything. And for Nate’s book in particular, there is a lot to overthink.
Nate’s book (Run Together, or RT in acronym form) is a book where it would be very easy, and possibly even a good idea, to have multiple narrators. While I had considered it briefly for Pels’s book (Not Your Guardian Angel), in the end, that one was a stronger book for being a single POV. This one I can see all the ways that having all three characters allowed to speak could make it stronger. Cass internalizes so much. And Dax… we’ve hardly gotten to see into his head at all in the PHU ‘verse so far. We know about how he handles his Talent, and that he’s a football stats vending machine. But seeing into his emotional side would be nice, especially considering the things he needs to work through during this storyline.
Every time I started working on the book, I thought about all the pieces that had been broken in ITS and needed to be fixed, and I stalled. I couldn’t wrap my head around the best way to tell the story.
I dubbed this problem “Nate vs. the Edits” in my head, which seemed like a decent title for a bout going multiple rounds in my brain with heavy fighting and damage. Like. Yikes.
Editing makes me analytical, and drafting requires me to shove my analytical parts into the background, letting the foreground take inspiration without failing under the anxiety of the details.
I have always trusted my subconscious when drafting. I have a brain like swiss cheese—I can’t hold details in my mind on purpose, but if I trust them to be there (like programming to a base case for recursion—yes, I know this makes no sense to anyone but me) the story works. I can recall things if I don’t try to recall. Trust my subconscious to fill in the blanks.
Right now, I have “outlined” the first maybe… quarter? third? of Nate’s book. I split a few of my pieces of the timeline into enough information to be able to draft three chapters. Except I feel like they aren’t quite right. The pacing is off.
I’ve lost the ability to write for the joy of writing the serial, for the joy of rolling around in drafting fic about the characters who live in my head. Or, I haven’t lost it… not completely. But I’m struggling with it, and yes, continuing to second guess myself. I’ve become my own gatekeeper, constantly concerned about whether I’m doing it right.
Ironically enough, this also affects editing. I haven’t opened the file for MF that I received a couple of weeks ago because I’m a bit afraid of what I’ll see. Like. They are edits and there are already notes in there that I just have to either agree with, reject, or find a different way to do it. Easy peasy, right?
HAH.
Instead, I’ve decided to use blog posts as my palette cleanser. I’ve spent the last half hour after work accomplishing nothing more than eating dinner and reading half a volume of manga. I know I need to write something so here I am, putting words on a page in hopes that it breaks the fiction loose.
Nate’s rattling around in here somewhere. So is Adam (for the 7Lakes book). They are ready to roll. It’s me that’s stalling.
A part of me thinks that when I’m retired, it’ll be easier. Mornings for drafting and afternoons for editing, or vice versa. Chores as palette cleansers between tasks. I hope that turns out to be true.
But for the moment, I’m squeezing in writing and editing like a teenager hiding my viewing of racy videos—hiding in a closed office for thirty minutes and praying I can get to the end before the time is up. Stealing away and closeting myself with my tablet, spewing words onto the keyboard, spilling my mind like blood from a wound.
/exhales
Yeah. I’m full of weird analogies.
I know that there’s no secret to this. Yes, we all believe that we have a muse when we write, but we also have to put in the work. Editing is work. The paralyzation comes with the territory, and it means I’m learning. I am discovering what I’m doing wrong (and right!) and I need to internalize it.
No magic formula, just… patience. Doing it anyway. Pushing through.
If I have to edit and re-edit the first chapters of RT, it’s okay. It’s a serial, but I always try to get 4-8 chapters in before I start posting. I have time to fix things.
And somewhere, somehow, I have to do the editing for MF, too.
Two entirely different parts of my personality vying for what little time we have.
Best let them get to it, then, huh?
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“I’m hungry,” Chelsea whispers. She hisses softly when Mattie lays a hand on her shoulder.
“I know,” Mattie says reassuringly, patting her shoulder. “You’d do anything for a bright soul, and believe me, these are some of the brightest. Such beautiful Talents… they are so strong and effervescent. But someday maybe you can eat chocolate instead.”
From my recent continued editing of Into the Split. I love my Shadows. I think they are very much my nod to my early vampire fandom.
Self, this book does not need to be 40 chapters just because the other two in the trilogy were. It's already almost as long as the second book, and we're only on chapter 31. It's okay to have fewer chapters. The length is still plenty there. It's going to be the longest book. HAH, and Self? You were worried this one would be too short. You were worried Pels had nothing to say.
This is what happens when the quiet ones finally reveal the plot they've been hiding all along...
I'm proofing the print edition of Commit to the Kick and every once in a while I come upon a passage that just makes me smile. This bit reminds me why I love writing Pawel, and also why Alaric dealing with Pawel entertains me so damned much.
They step out into a long hall that Alaric didn’t even know existed. “What is this?”
“Access space behind the lecture halls.” Pawel sets his things down on what looks like a lab bench across from the door. “I think it also used to be a lab space, but that was long before I was a student here.” He pokes the air nozzle on the wall. “These aren’t live anymore. I know, because I tested them ten years ago. Just in case you were wondering.”
I’m posting two books for @welcometophu right now, plus have a few fics in progress, so we’re going with three things here...
Not Your Love Song (Book 2 of Marked)
Rory sits on the couch, guitar balanced on his knees, idly picking out notes.
New Adult, modern fantasy, alternate earth (magic, college), Soulmark
Rory (Harrison Everett), 18
“I am so fucking tired. Tell me I don’t have to walk far to get a bed, right?”
Missed Fortunes (Book 2 of Twinned)
That which covers…This position within the reading indicates the current situation of the querent.
New Adult, modern fantasy, alternate earth (magic, college)
Carolyn Merrill, 20
“Pawel said he’d meet us here, that Conor’ll be happy with scones and his tablet while we talk.”
cover me, cover you, cover all (not started posting yet)
Stiles loves the Friday night shift at the campus library.
College AU, novel length PWP, Stiles/Derek/Jackson/Lydia fanfic
Stiles Stilinski, 18
“Just get it out and start.”
I suck at tagging... so um... please tag yourself and start posting fun things and tag ME when you do if I’m at fault at all for this so I can see your fun things!
Last year, on September 4th, I started posting Commit to the Kick, the first book in the Twinned trilogy of @welcometophu.
Today, on June 18th, the final chapter posts. The first book, coming in at about 165k, is complete.
If you’ve been waiting to read until Alaric’s story is posted, this is a great time to start. Just go to the first chapter and keep clicking next!
There will be a brief hiatus while I get the next books ready (second in the Twinned trilogy, and first in the Marked trilogy), and during that time some minis will be posted. I’ll also be putting together a Kickstarter to hopefully launch in August to print this first volume; I hope you’ll consider supporting me so you can hold the first Tris Lawrence NA novel in your hands! (And share with your friends!).
So yeah. Good time to go read. I’ll be reblogging that last chapter shortly.
