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... following up from the last blog...

I want to mention first before you continue on that I am a very open person. I once met a person and had vomit of the mouth as usual and scared him off. He told me I was “complicated” when I was just telling him parts of my story. This all doesn't define me, I don’t dwell in it. I use to dwell in some parts but It grew me into the person I am today- I am a strong person and I have gone through a lot. The world gives you things that you need to grow from- You need certain experiences to happen in order to achieve your highest being. If I never died I would have walked through life like there's always tomorrow, I wouldn't be grateful, I would have kept manipulating my mom into giving me more money. I would have been lots of terrible things. Maybe I would have become an addict. Who knows.. Simply put, don’t let my life be scary- Its full of lessons. Lessons I’ve learned from. I am not my past. I am what I am today, and I think I’m a pretty good person for the most part. :) and now we continue..

I woke up from this black hole I was in. It felt like a dream, black everywhere. Kind of like the night sky with no stars. It was almost like a tunnel of this, and then I heard something quiet... I listened... it was saying my name, but so quiet I couldn’t hear him. He gradually said my name louder- and I opened my eyes. He was asking me things, and I couldn’t hear his words, I could hear him but not his words. I was freezing, I was so cold, and all I could say back was that I was cold. I said it probably 20 times. “I’m cold.” that's it all I could say. He finally got me a blanket and I stayed silent. I cant remember if I said anything else. I think the overdose effected some sort of memory process. Its like it deleted memories from my mind. I even forgot songs after the accident, and couldn’t re-memorize them for a long time. I still struggle sometimes. Its like it shut down a tiny part in my brain and it doesn’t want to work again. When I woke up I was only minutes from the hospital. It felt like two minutes. The ambulance door opened and my brother, my bf, and my brother’s gf all peaked there head in the doors. Its like they opened the doors and were desperate to see if I was okay. Now I’m borderline in tears- That moment was so deep. I was placed in the hospital a makeshift area behind curtains. I was told to pee in a tub type thing on the bed. They wouldn’t let me get up and use the bathroom. Reason being they wanted to see what was in my system. All sorts of stuff.. It went way back months and months. My mom had no idea. She had been giving me money for months. Lots of money. She had a bf she would visit a state away and it consumed all her time. She didn’t pay any attention to us. Well, she got that call and she was a state away. So my Aunt showed up in her place. My mom thought I tried to kill myself. She went through all my old journals and read them all. I use to cut myself and be suicidal but I was beyond that stage. I wasn’t trying to die. I was trying to get high. My good friends came and saw me the moment they walked in the door was bittersweet. They brought a balloon signed by everyone- but they walked in thinking I tried to commit suicide and I had to explain I didn't. It was so nice that they showed up. My grandma and another one of my aunts came to visit. That was nice too- It’s nice to know your loved. One of my grandmas first questions was if I saw a light or heaven or anything. I told her no, I wish I could have said I did see a light- but I’m not a liar and If I have* too I’m super bad at it. CPS was involved and that's what my mom told them. I tried to kill myself. My bf came a lot too- and he would stay as long as he could, I was told I was going to a different hospital my mom told me there was a person that could look at me better.. as if I was dying and I was not. They had kept me in ICU for the whole week. So the night before transfer they told my bf he couldn’t stay and that broke up both. So I was transferred to the next state over and rode the ambulance the whole way. I get there and bring in my flowers that everyone gave me, my balloon, my phone, and the nurse told me I couldn’t have any of it. That was super weird to me I didn’t understand. I kept my phone and went upstairs. My mom brought me in a room and finally told me I was in a phys ward. Where I would be staying. I still can’t grasp if she really thought I was trying to kill myself. Or was she putting on a show for CPS..? She left me there- and bought me snacks before she left because I was starving. The nurse comes in when my mom leaves and tells me to go to my room- I explained my mom had just bought the snacks and I wanted to finish eating- She told me I could not and I lost my shit. I slammed those tables so hard with my wrists- All the anger I ever had exploded. She threatened me- I can’t remember with what because I was in anger mode so I went to my room- where she looked over my entire body and broke the news that I couldn't have my phone- and when she left I stared out the window- Here I was in prison. I could see the grass but I couldn’t touch the grass. Stuck.

#rebirth #cps #phyc #psych ward #icu #overdose #overdosestory #reality #tragedy #life #boyfriend #toxic people

•Basic info• Pasta name Phyc Name: Addison Melony Nickname: grayscale, grey, psycho D.O.B (Date of Birth): 11/23/1999 Age: 19 sex: female gender: A-gendered Species: ghost Currently living: hospital •family• Mother: Amy Melony (alive Father: Derrick Melony (dead) Brother: none Sister: none other family members: they claimed Shadow as their adoptive sister •physical features• Height: 5'1 Weight: they doesn't weigh anything, ya know, being dead Tattoo(s): none Scar(s): none Other noticeable mark(s): the black things coming out of their eyes Physical strength(s): casting hallucinations, the long armed teddy bear thing is the actual dangerous one Physical weakness(es): very weak, they are missing part of one of their arms •about him/her• Personality: they are introverted and unable to care about anything living, but if you're dead/ not 100% human their sorta nice, sorta Likes: Darkness, Teddle, anything dead/ not human, open spaces, Dislikes: fire, closed spaces, humans, smoke Back story: okay so- long story short their parents thought they were 'broken' b/cause they're a-gendered so sent them to a mental hospital. They got a teddy bear they named Teddle, Teddle was possessed by a demon. then the place burnt down and now they're a ghost. The place was rebuilt and they haunt the new hospital, scaring the patients daily. How(s)he kills: Phyc doesn't kill, they just scare the patients, Teddle kills the people, he just uses them hands to either rip them apart, or pull out their organs Saying: "ashes ashes the place fell down" "don't 'phyc' out your luck"

#cp #oc #cpoc #phyc #teddle

I'm going into grd 12 then I'm going into criminal phycology university classes If anyone in the phycology field can answer some questions of mine I would be so thankful. I'm kind of panicing about this

#phychology #criminology #phyc