Pins and Needles
I'm really bad at this updating thing wowee.
1/2/3/4/5/6/7/?
AO3 Mirror
You stop, and for the first time in about a week, you take the time to look across to Dirk Strider. His exposed eyes study you from the roadside, everything about him a tense statue, a calm before the storm with a clenched jaw and fingers clinging to his own helmet tightly. You hate him for looking at you, his attention sending a shiver down your spine, a need to have more of it. More of him.
==> Be John Egbert
"Are you going to explain the cause of this avoidant behavior, John?"
Rose's voice cuts clear through the busy noise of the school cafeteria, and when you glance up to look across the table, she catches your eye over the top of the book she'd been reading. One brow arched over a meticulously lined eye, her gaze was curious and accusing, hard to escape from.
"Huh?"
Beside Rose, Jade gives a quiet laugh at your cluelessness, flicking a piece of lettuce from her fork in your direction, joining the conversation you didn't want to be having in the first place.
"You keep bailing out on our plans, you ass. What's up?"
You pick the lettuce from out of your hair with a frown, dropping your eyes back down to your own untouched sandwiches and giving a shrug. It had been two weeks now, of course your friends were going to notice a difference in you after so long. But still, you found yourself scrambling for an excuse, your mouth opening and closing before Rose was already cutting you off.
"I've noticed that you only ever seem to be busy when we plan to spend time at Dave's apartment. Could it be that you finally grew sick of the smell of leftover pizza that seems to seep from that place?"
Sat beside you, with one leg haphazardly hooked over the armrest of his plastic chair, Dave gives a small grunt, his attention still fixed on the game he was playing on his phone.
"Shut it Lalonde, it ain't that bad. Besides, he's just wettin' himself over seeing Dirk again after they fucked."
Your jaw drops. Across the table, there was a thud as Rose slammed her book shut, and Jade almost chokes on her mouthful of salad in a flurry of curses.
"Dave!"
The reflection of his phone screen in his shades tilts as he looks up to you, his expression seeming slightly bored and expectant, meeting your own shocked one with a calm coolness. You're fairly sure that you'd turned beet red, the realization that he knew washing over you in waves of humiliation. Had Dirk told him? Had they both sat and laughed over how you acted in bed? Oh god.
"Dude, c'mon, you woke up the next day with a hickey the size of Texas under ya jaw that you didn't have the night before. And I sure as hell didn't get that clingy during the night. Besides, ever since then, you've both been acting weird as fuck and it's getting annoying as hell."
Wait. Dirk had been acting weird?
Rose was leaning across the table by now, face lit up in a devilish curiosity to know more, and even Jade had completely abandoned her food in favor of gaping in your direction. You wished you could just give them some easy explanation, but quite honestly, you didn't even know what it was between you and Dirk yourself. So you turn your attention to Dave.
"You knew all this time and you never said anything?!"
"What was I supposed t'say?" He shrugs, thumbs tapping quickly against his phone before you reach out and snatch it from his grip. "Hey, I was on a new high score!"
"Dave, I fucked your god damn brother and you have nothing to say about that?"
"Save me the details, dude, jeez," he scrunches his nose a little before giving a huff, "Look, I guess I was a little surprised because y'know, didn't know you were into the dicks and-"
"I'm not!" Your eyebrows fly up and Dave's furrow down. Glancing across to Rose and Jade, they both look just as unimpressed. "Well... I mean, I didn't think I was. I like boobs!"
"Jesus, John," Jade drops her face into her hands and you give a pained expression out of want for an explanation that wouldn't come. Rose finally swoops in to save you, but you already feel like your drowning in embarrassment.
"John, you admit to sleeping with Dirk, which means you must harbor at least some form of bicuriosity if nothing else, which is totally fine. Quite frankly, what I'm more surprised about is the revelation that you were the more dominant one in bed."
"Well, I dunno because he was still pretty demandi-"
"Can we please," Dave cuts you off with a slam of his hand against the table, effectively shutting you all up and making the cutlery rattle against the surface, "Stop talking about my brother being fucked by Egbert's dick, for the love of god."
You all fall into a heavy silence, and Dave simply grabs his phone back to start playing his game again with a sigh. It starts to get a little painful not to say anything after a while, and you glance to each of them in turn before speaking, "Okay, fuck, I'm sorry I never told you guys but really, it was just... one night. He was drunk and I was frustrated at him for being an ass and it just lead to stuff, that's all. He doesn't want anything more from it, and I was just confused, or bicurious, or fucking whatever, and that's it."
You stand, grabbing your bag and shoving your untouched lunch back into it. All of a sudden, you really needed some time alone to think, and the cafeteria was too busy for your liking. You take one step before a hand grabbing at your jacket sleeve brings you to a stop, and you turn to look at Dave. His lips were pressed into a thin line, his phone lowered to look up at you.
"John. He hurt you, I get it. The guy's a massive asshole who has no idea how to handle humans, I would know, I've lived with the douchebag my whole damn life. But you haven't seen him the past two weeks... You don't get to see him drift about like a ghost, snapping at every little thing, wracked with guilt. I haven't seen him this bad since he broke up with Jake, dude." Dave's eyes meet your own behind the shades, and you have to look away in case he caught anything in your own gaze. "We ain't blind either, John. We can see that it wasn't 'just a fuck', so cut the shit and talk to him."
Something sharp twists in your chest, and you don't think you can bring yourself to look at any of your friends. You pull your jacket out of his grip carefully, shouldering your bag.
"I have to go."
And with that, you turn and leave the cafeteria before any of them could see exactly how much you cared.
...
The black bike sits where it usually did every time Dirk picked Dave up from school, you catch the glint of the late afternoon sun against the metal before you quickly direct your gaze downwards. The school bus was in the opposite direction anyways, your dad was baking brownies tonight, you wanted to go home, you weren't even going to look across to see if- Fuck, you looked across to him.
He doesn't notice you, in fact, his attention is very much fixed on his younger brother, his expression hard and annoyed as you try to pick out the fast words being snapped between the two of them on the sidewalk. They were arguing, that was obvious enough, Dave's shoulders pushed back to try and give himself more height against Dirk in his heavy biker boots. A helmet is shoved in Dave's direction, and he shoves it right back with a flurry of more words. You'd never seen them argue over anything bigger than what pizza toppings to choose, and it felt invasive to stand and watch all of a sudden. You turn, making for the bus.
"John!"
Dave.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
He's beside you in seconds, the red helmet Dirk had been trying to make him wear now in his hands, held out in your direction. You almost laugh in his face, but his lips are set in a stern, thin line which makes you feel a drop of dread in your stomach instead. He wasn't going to let this go, stepping forward as you took a step back away, your eyes focused on the ground as you didn't dare to glance over to where you could feel Dirk watching the two of you.
"Leave it, Dave."
"He really likes you. He's too fuckin' pussy to tell you though."
Now that did make you laugh, a short, sharp noise through the nose as you look up to Dave's frustrated expression. Dirk Strider was scared of you? Right.
"I'm going home."
"John, fuck, no. He deserves to be happy, okay? And guess what, asshole, you're the only one who seems to be doing the trick for him lately... Doesn't he make you happy too?"
You stop, and for the first time in about a week, you take the time to look across to Dirk Strider. His exposed eyes study you from the roadside, everything about him a tense statue, a calm before the storm with a clenched jaw and fingers clinging to his own helmet tightly. You hate him for looking at you, his attention sending a shiver down your spine, a need to have more of it. More of him. You can't even cotemplate a future without seeing the crinkle in his nose when he laughs again, or the lust hazed amber eyes after he'd shouted for you during sex. The smooth southern drawl, the faint smell of cigarette smoke lingering in the leather jacket you'd pressed your cheek to, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk.
He looks away from you, his lips moving in a fast curse as his helmet is shoved down over blond hair. He was climbing onto his bike, starting up the engine to leave, to escape from you again.
You don't even recall snatching the helmet out of Dave's grip, but here it was in your hands, and the sound of sneakers hitting the school sidewalk is fast. Thud, thud, thud, heart hitting ribcage. You make a leap over the handrails of the school steps, take a shortcut over the small green and hear shouts of surprise as you practically leapfrog a student tying his shoelace in the way. The roar of the moving bike engine fills your ears, your breath ragged as you dip and dodge the after-bell crowds, cutting the corner to slip between two parked cars. And you were on the road, arms flung wide, eyes even wider as the approaching bike screeches to brake, veering to the side dangerously.
It narrowly misses crashing into a car, coming to a skidding halt by the curb, and you're still stood frozen in the middle of the road, contemplating the fact that you'd almost gotten yourself run down on purpose. Breath heavy and face panicked, you watch the angry Strider yank off his helmet to send you a glare and words spat like fire.
"Why the fuck do you fuckers never look before you run out onto fuckin' roads?!"
"I looked! I did it on purpose!"
"You what?"
Your mouth was dry, voice too strained to give a reply. The anger on his face seemed to be melting away though, a more thoughtful expression taking it's place, his brow pulled down in confusion. Around you, people had stopped to observe the almost crash with peaked curiosity, and somewhere along the queue of traffic, a loud car horn demanded that you get out of the road immediately. You pay them no mind, gripping tight to Dave's helmet, swallowing hard and speaking quickly in Dirk's direction.
"Give me a ride."
"Where to?"
"Anywhere."
His tongue darts out to wet his lips, and for the briefest of seconds, you see what Dave had been talking about. He was scared. It was obvious in the way his pupils darted across your face in jittery movements, the slight twitch of lips and sudden paleness of cheeks under scattered freckles. But he still sends you a quick nod, straightening up his front wheel before hiding behind his helmet again. You give a breathless grin, heart pounding as you pull on your own helmet, climbing quickly up onto the back of his bike.
He takes you a familiar route, and you take in a familiar warmth of body heat as you cling to him. The cars whizzing by didn't scare you anymore, and even when the bike bumped and jolted over the dirt track, you didn't try to shuffle your hips back again.
Makeout point hadn't changed since the first time you'd been brought there, which made sense. Why would the place change? It was just a flat hilltop, dusty and bare beside a few threadbare trees, the occasional rock to climb and admire the view of the town below. It wouldn't change like you had, since that time a few weeks ago where you'd sat and talked about tattoos and anime and the future like you had it all planned out. Now, you were used to the flicker of Dirk's lighter as he lit up a cigarette, and you didn't hesitate to follow this time as he quickly walked away from the bike without you.
He doesn't sit on the edge of the drop like last time, choosing a safer option of a wind beaten rock under one of the bare branched trees, his feet firmly planted on the floor as opposed to swinging gently over the edge of the world. He's doing a very good job of not looking at you, even though you stood directly in front of him, dark hair tickling the back of your neck where the slight breeze blew it forward into your face. It was so quiet here.
"Spit it out, Egbert."
He sounds annoyed and you can't help but flinch at the words. He notices, because you can see him tense for a second, and you're so fucking sick of this game you were both playing and both losing.
"Fine." You huff out through your nose. Why was it so terrifying just to speak all of a sudden? "Firstly... do you always sleep with people and then demand they leave immediately afterwards? Because, fuck, that sure is a way to make someone feel wanted, Dirk. Got the real warm, fuzzy feelings for you when you kicked me out of your bedroom like a used piece of trash."
"I never do that."
"You did it with m-"
"You're different."
You flash him an offended look and he shoots it back with a persistent glare as if to stop you in your tracks. Fat chance of that happening though.
"Do you like me?" You ask, and the question seems to throw him off completely, his mouth gaping for words and his cigarette forgotten by his boot, burning down to nothing.
"What kind of question is that? I... of course I like you."
There's a slight skip of a heartbeat, a softening in your expression for the way his eyes were looking right at you, cheeks turning a rosy shade of pink. He was all metal, and black, and sharp jaw lines, but also so painfully vulnerable for you. It makes your words come out quieter than before, a little less accusing.
"But you can't be with me because... I'm not Jake, right?"
It's like you can see his heart wrenching right in front of you, and when he stands up, you take a step back quickly. You move away from storm about to break, your breath quick in your throat and hands shaking. Maybe you could run away now, find a different way home where you wouldn't have to see those pretty orange eyes begging you to understand ever again.
"John, fuck... do you seriously think that I don't want you because you're not him?"
"You fucking said it yourself!" The breeze sends a shiver through you, and he takes a step closer again. You stand your ground this time. "You said I looked like him, then you tried to kiss me... what was I supposed to think?"
"Fuck, I just-" He cuts himself off, pushing a set of gloved fingers into his hair, tugging in frustration. He sighs heavily, looking away. "I don't want you to be Jake. I like you because you're not him. I like you."
It hits you like a brick wall. Why couldn't he have said that from the start? Why did he have to be such a god damn asshole about all this? As crazy as it seemed, you had the overwhelming urge to hit him. You raise your hand, swipe it down. He catches your wrist, you grab the front of his shirt, his fingers slip around the back of your neck. You tense... and he kisses you.
You push forward into him instantly, bodies clashing together and hands desperately searching in overwhelming need for him. The back of his jacket bunches up in your fist, and your hair gives way to his fingers carding upwards to cup the back of your head. The hand that had gripped your wrist tightly lowers and loosens, digits forcing themselves into the gaps between your own, the leather of his gloves squeezing up against your palm. It felt incredible to hold his hand. Almost as incredible as it did kissing him.
He's more precise when sober, moulding his lips to your own in gentle presses and sucks, his breath coming in soft pants from his nose, heating your cheek, making you smile. He catches the grin against his own mouth, warm and soft, occasionally joined by the brush of cool metal. He melts the tension out of you, and you return the kindness back to him, squeezing back against his hand and sliding your hold to his shoulder to feel it slacken and relax under your touch.
You're close enough to feel his chest expand with his breathing, the fingers in your hair stroking slowly to brush against the shell of your ear. The kiss wasn't the same as the first time, where breathing was fast and there were teeth marking, bodies desperately grinding together. And this time when lips break contact, it wasn't drunken orders to be fucked being said. He breathes out slowly, he keeps your head close, the corner of your lips meeting his own again for a brief second kiss.
"You scare the shit out of me, but please don't go."
"I never intended to go anywhere in the first place. You made me leave," you say quietly, feeling his fingertips walk a gentle trail along the back of your neck. He could be very distracting when he set his mind to it.
"I'm sorry." He sounds painfully sincere and it takes you by surprise. Apologizing didn't seem to suit him somehow, but the small smile that followed most definitely did. "If you'd let me, I'd like to keep you. Date you. Whatever you want to call it."
Well, fuck.
A loud snort of a laugh erupts from your mouth and his face falls, giving an unimpressed huff as you tip your forehead against his shoulder in a fit of giggles. You can practically feel him rolling his eyes at you, and you tip your head to kiss up against his neck, suppressing your laugh with a slow trail along the stretch of skin until you reach his jaw and cheek. He turns his head then to make your lips meet his own, and it brings the right words to your tongue.
"Of course I'll date you, you stupid fuck. It took you damn long enough to ask, jeez."
"I didn't wanna get hu-"
"Oh, shut up, you big baby. I'm not gonna leave you."
He clicks his tongue, but there was a smile growing on his lips, and his hands move to wrap around your lower back, pulling you closer in a quick tug. You hug him back around his neck, bumping noses and stealing glances at his lips until he gets the point and kisses you again. You can't believe you once thought he was more robot than human, because right now he was pouring feelings like rain, and he was soft and warm under your lips.
"Hey," You break the kiss quickly, and he raises his eyebrows in question, "We totally just made out at makeout point."
"You're such a dweeb."
You start to protest but change your mind, huffing against his lips. He laughs, and he's all yours with his crinkly nose and freckled cheeks and his pretty, pierced smile. You can feel arms tighten around you, and he lifts your feet from the ground, ignoring your giggled protests as he carries you back towards his bike.










