You know shit is beyond fucked when I'm bombarded with all kinds of videos going "Your mom in heaven wants you to know", "If you have a mom in heaven this is for you,", etc. and it's literally addressing the fact that I have lost all spark and energy.
It's almost like my mom's frantically telling me that I should not give up and that I should take care of myself and be strong, because she sees that I am quite literally fading away and she wants her baby to keep going, when in reality, I have no desire to.
There is no spark left in me. No joy, no life, no nothing. I'm just a hollow shell pretending that I'm keeping it together for everyone else at this point.
I exist, but I don't live.