I fear that I'll never find love or a connection. Rant below.
I find it hard to connect and everytime I do my stupid fucking issues always end up ruining it somehow. Or they see an unflattering angle of the chubby girl because we arent just big ass and big tits, we have big bellies too, fatty underarms.
I fear that I'll never find somebody who truly sees me. That I'm always going to be the person watching from afar while everbody else falls in love, watching them have what I desperately crave.
I always told myself I'd wait, that I'll only ever date with the intention to grow old together... but these days it feels like being inexperienced in love in a hindrance. Because if you don't know how real relationships work then you're automatically labelled as toxic. But what about the people who grew up and didn't have any example of love? What about the people who need to learn?
I fear I'll never find love and thats what acares me the most. Because how can you even begin to accept that you'll be alone forever when all you wamt to do is connect with somebody. Sure I run a blog, and I have online friends but since high-school (literally nearly 6 years ago) ive not had a best friend, I dont have anybody to rant to or have them rant at me. I dont have anybody to facetious while we do nothing. I want to be there when they go through heartbreaks, and wins. I want to connect desperately with somebody.
And it seems impossible. At some point you start to believe that you're the problem.