Pizza Topping Language
You may be aware that, in the Victorian era, there was a whole secret language of flower-arranging. You could send a specific message - sentiments like "I will forever be true" or "I feel betrayed" - to your loved one by ordering the right kind of bouquet. (There are a variety of lists online of coded flower meanings, but the most comprehensive one I've seen is here.)
As a communications protocol, it's somewhat impractical - depending on which source you consult, some flowers can have different meanings, and there are several plants listed that are not flowers, or that would be very unlikely to be stocked by your local florist. Still, though, the concept is intriguing enough, and it occurred to me that we may be able to do something similar with another customizable, deliverable gift... pizza.
So this is my proposal for the secret language of pizza toppings. Wherever possible, I tried to bring over the same meanings of edible plants in the flower language. Obviously, this whole concept is just for fun - by all means, when ordering or making pizza for someone, their taste preferences and dietary needs should take priority!
alfredo/white sauce - purity, innocence
almond - hope
anchovies - confidence, self-assuredness
apple - temptation
artichoke - complexity
arugula - timidity, fear
asparagus - grief, sadness, mourning
avocado - ego, narcissism
bacon (Canadian) - don't worry, eh.
bacon (crumble) - let's be naughty
bacon (strips) - let's indulge
bacon (turkey) - let's indulge, in a sensible way
basil leaves - good wishes
BBQ sauce - toughness, badassery
beetroot - indelible mark, your touch has changed me
brie - Your well-being is important to me
broccoli - I will be there for you
cabbage - money, financial stability
calamari - entanglements
capers - schadenfreude, gossip, let us take pleasure in another's misfortune
capicollo - security
cauliflower - I will be responsible
caviar - my life is full, I have many things.
celery - obligation
cheddar/cheese sauce - Your pleasure is important to me
chicken - uncertainty, life is uncertain
chorizo - you are strong and will see it through
cilantro - I can appreciate what others do not.
clams - erotic love
corn - let's share!
crust (deep dish) - my feelings are sincere and meaningful
crust (flatbread, thin) - let's not take anything too seriously
crust (gluten-free) - I will take care of you
crust (regular white) - enjoy yourself
crust (whole wheat) - be nourished
dairy-free cheese substitute - I care about your needs
donair meat - artifice, insincerity
duck - imminent danger!
egg - fertility, pregnancy, babies
eggplant - optimism for the future
feta/goat cheese - I respect your beliefs/traditions
fig - argument, debate
garlic - wit, humour
gold leaf - I will give you money.
ground beef - stability, a stable foundation
ham - do not worry
kielbasa - all is well
kale - physical health
leeks - I have been hurt.
lobster - luxury, extravagance
mayonnaise - ingenuity, rejection of conformity, let's try something new
meatballs - mobility, keep moving
mozzarella - you are important to me
mushrooms (enoki) - I see what others do not.
mushrooms (portobello or similar) - big secrets, hidden knowledge
mushrooms (truffle) - I have the key.
mushrooms (white) - I want to speak to you, I have something to say.
olives (black) - peace, we do not need to fight.
olives (green) - peace, tranquility, untroubled by the world
olives (kalamata) - peace, invincibility, we have defeated all challenges
onions (green) - growth, improvement
onions (red) - things will get better
onions (white) - healing, restoration
parmesan - completeness, let's get this done
parsely - feast, festivity
peaches - perfect beauty, you are flawless
pears - affection, tenderness
peas - kinship, we are alike
peppercorns/black pepper - permanence, eternal love
peppers (banana) - I want to spend more time with you
peppers (green) - let's have fun
peppers (jalapeño) - let's get together
peppers (red, roasted) - pleasure
peppers (yellow/orange) - joy
pepperoni (NY style) - you will succeed
pepperoni (traditional) - I wish you well
pesto - rarity, scarcity
pine nuts - pity
pineapple - perfection, you're perfect just the way you are
potato - benevolence
prosciutto - safety
provolone - you are an important person in my life
ricotta - your opinion is important to me
roast beef - dignity, pride
salami - you did it!
sausage - strength, endurance
scallions - I want more.
seaweed/nori - exotic, foreign, I am in a new world
shrimp - small pleasures
smoked salmon - I have experience.
Spam - freedom
spinach - happiness
steak - pride in accomplishments
sweet potato - charity, generosity
swiss chard - reticence, I am unsure
tofu - I don't know how to interact with you
tuna - I know what I'm doing.
turkey - foolishness, stupidity
tomatoes (fresh) - the beauty of youth
tomatoes (sundried) - beauty in maturity
tomato/marinara sauce - I see you, I recognize you
venison - self-sufficiency
walnuts - intelligence, I have a plan.
zucchini - I will not hesitate