May, 10th 2019: I only want you
(pevious play)
(Joint project from @riddikulus und @shakshuka-grandpasweaters, translated from @girlwholovesagirl, @divingdeepintothewater, @m-ger and @julerocks. Here is the timeline and the link to the original blog @unsere-zeit-ist-jetzt. If you would also like to help translate, please contact one of us.)
Friday: 8:53 pm
David: *can't believe that he's standing here in the middle of the pool - underwater - together with Matteo - that Matteo is here with him, that they kiss (and how!) and most of all he can’t believe that Matteo said that he loves him* *can't believe that Matteo was actually looking for him, found him and still wants him* *feels his heart racing and Matteo's lips on his, Matteo's hand tenderly on his neck, Matteo's closeness and somehow everything is just too much and yet too little* *feels a big lump in his throat from relief and slowly releases the kiss* *puts his forehead briefly against Matteo's, wraps his arms around him and hides his face on Matteo's shoulder* *feels tears of relief rise in his eyes and exhales shakily* *squeezes Matteo tight and doesn’t want to let him go* *has no idea what to do now, but that's not important now - the important thing is that they are finally together*
Matteo: *can't believe what actually just happened* *that he told David that he loved him and that David even said it back* *was so worried and scared and frustrated and yes, even angry* *wasn't sure at all to find the right words at all* *and now he stands here and kisses, feels and holds him* *breathes heavily as David ends the kiss* *wraps his arms around him and just holds him* *buries his face in his hair and kisses his head* Hey...*he says quietly*... it's gonna be okay, all right? Somehow...
David: *feels Matteo returning his hug and feels so close to him - much closer than with any other hug before because finally there's nothing left between them* *then hears his voice and holds his breath for a moment* *smiles at his words and for the first time in forever actually feels that everything could be fine* *this thought is so new and absurd and surreal to him that he even has to laugh softly for a moment* *says then in a shaky voice* Somehow... if you say so... *laughs again softly and a little disbelieving* And I kind of believe you... *lets him go a bit to look at him* *still has watery eyes when he says to him softly* Thanks for coming.
Matteo: *nods and squeezes him a little harder* That's good... you should believe... *looks at him while he breaks loose a little and raises his left hand to touch his cheek* *shakes his head slightly* You're real... *doesn't finish that sentence but shakes his head again* I've been looking for you all the time... *slightly tilts his head* So thanks for the hint... I didn't think you'd be here...
David: *closes his eyes briefly as he feels Matteo's hand against his cheek to enjoy the feeling, but opens them again to look at him* *hears that Matteo was looking for him and feels guilty* *actually knew that Matteo must have been worried, but still just wanted to be left alone* *explains hesitantly* At first I didn't want to be found. I... had to sort out the chaos in my head. *looks around briefly when Matteo says he didn't think he would be here, smiles slightly and shrugs his shoulders* Well... it's not a five-star hotel. But at least dry and running water... it's okay for a few nights.
Matteo: *slightly bites his lower lip* *could tell him again how many people are worried about him, that a message where he is isn’t wrong, that he would have given him time* *but thinks he already said it all, and doesn't want to talk about it anymore, about his worries and his fear that he lost David, not now at least* *then nods slightly* Well... *looks around*... if you think so... but it was probably cold, right? Just on the sleeping pad...
David: *shrugs his shoulders at Matteo's question* It's okay. The sleeping bag is actually quite good. *can’t lie to himself and Matteo, sighs, grins a bit and says* Yeah, okay, it was pretty cold... *tilts his head and grins a little more* I didn't had anybody to keep me warm... *squeezes his lips together and looks at Matteo in a slightly roguish and challenging way*
Matteo: *laughs and smiles and is kind of relieved that the weight is off* Oh, yeah? *jiggles back and forth a bit to imitate the playfulness* Is that an invitation? Let's see your super sleeping bag.
David: *pushes Matteo away from him as he imitates him, but grins and pulls him back immediately* *imitates Matteo instead with the back and forth wiggle* Of course it's an invitation! *laughs softly, detaches himself from Matteo and takes his hand to pull him towards the sleeping pad* *drops on it and lets go of Matteo's hand* *pads invitingly on the seat next to him* It's not that uncomfortable. *would actually like to stay here a little while longer before Matteo and he have to face reality outside*
Matteo: *lets himself be dragged along and then looks skeptically at David's camp at first* All right, well... *sits down next to him and slides his butt back and forth a little* Hmmm, I don't know... *then lowers his head onto David's shoulder and grins* You're right... it's quite comfortable this way...
David: *smiles as Matteo sits down and watches amusedly as he slides back and forth* *then immediately wraps his arm around matteo as he lowers his head towards his shoulder and grins too* See - I told you! *wraps the other arm around him too and squeezes him* *closes his eyes, hides his face in Matteo's hair and inhales the typical Matteo smell he missed so much* *mumbles softly at some point* I want to kiss you again.
Matteo: *closes his eyes as David wraps his arms around him and just enjoys it* *this is how it should be, this is how it feels right and good* *realizes that he'll keep fighting for this - for David* *grins when he hears him and opens his eyes again* *turns to him* All right, well... *grins and grabs David's hair with his right hand before closing the gap between them and kissing him again*
David: *laughs softly and is outraged at Matteo's answer, but then feels Matteo's hand in his hair and that he's actually getting closer to kiss him* *grins into the kiss for a few more seconds, but then forgets why he grinned in first place and everything else around him anyway, because only Matteo and this kiss count* *deepens the kiss after a while and pulls Matteo even closer* *strokes his cheek tenderly with one hand, the other just holds him tightly* *just enjoys the moment for a while, but then is brought back to reality by a stomach growl from Matteo* *has to grin and release the kiss just for a second to realize* You're hungry... *but then continuous kissing him anyways*
Matteo: *is almost outraged at first when David loosens the kiss* *but then grins* Get used to it... *kisses him again and pulls him even closer if possible and moves his body even closer to him* *then hears his own stomach growling and pulls back* Sorry... are you not hungry?
David: *has to grin at Matteo’s words and murmurs into the kiss* Okay, um... *has the feeling that somehow he will probably get used to everything concerning Matteo unconditionally and that everything about him is absolutely lovable and great - even a stomach growl while kissing* *lets Matteo pull himself even closer, then he hears his stomach growling again* *laughs when Matteo finally backs down and apologizes* No problem... *tries to feel his stomach and shrugs his shoulders* *hasn't really eaten much since yesterday and can't really tell if he's hungry or not* I don't know... *reaches for his bag* I have some waffles somewhere... I mean, they probably don't really fill up, but if you want, you can have them... *looks at him questioningly* Or would you rather have some real food?
Matteo: *looks at him with a little skepticism* When was the last time you ate something? *nods the second he mentions the waffles* I would take them... but we can just go back to my place now and I'll make some pasta or something... real food. You can't just live on waffles.
David: *thinks about the last time he ate something and bites his lower lip* I don't know... sometime this morning... *he ate a waffle there* *smiles when Matteo says he'll take the waffles and dig them out of his pocket* *he hears his offer to go to the flatshare and grimaces slightly* *buries his head briefly on Matteo's shoulder and makes a grumbling sound* Well, that's tempting, but... *looks at him and grimaces again pretending to be desperate* I don't want to leave... can't we hide out here together for a little while? *looks at him begging* *then gets an idea* One street away is a kebab restaurant. You could get some real food there... or I could get you some...
Matteo: *shakes his head* This is not good... Luckily I am here now and can make sure that you eat regularly... *takes the waffle, breaks it through and gives him a piece back* *looks down at David's face on his shoulder* Hmmm... okay... just like you want to. *bites off the waffle and then nods* Yes, kebab sounds great. I could go... *raises up and does not notice how his cell phone falls out of his jacket pocket and remains on the mattress* You want a dürüm with everything?
David: *looks affectionately at Matteo as he speaks and gives him a piece of waffle* *is then quite astonished that Matteo immediately agrees to them staying the pool and doesn't even try to persuade him to go to the flatshare with him* *remembers, however, that Matteo has often simply taken his words seriously without having to explain much* *actually wants to tell him how much that means to him, but can't find the right words and since they are still on the subject of food* *also bites off a little piece of the waffle when Matteo offers to go to the kebab restaurant* *smiles at him and nods his head at the question* Yes please! Hurry up!
Matteo: *nods* Will do! *bends down again to give him a kiss* *then grins slightly embarrassed and walks through the pool to the stairs* *exits the building and finds the kebab restaurant down the street easily* *unfortunately it's pretty crowded and it takes time to order and then again to get his food* *noticed in between that he forgot his cell phone because he wanted to write David that it takes time* *then rushed even more to get back* *goes through the door into the pool hall* Sorry, but there was... *stops when he sees that the pool is empty* *has the feeling that his heart just stopped and immediately the anxiety comes back up inside him* David???
David: *smiles as Matteo bends down to give him a kiss and then looks at him* *pulls out his sketchbook again and opens it* *starts to draw a little bit and feels that he is actually a little bit hungry now and happy that Matteo is getting something to eat* *reaches for his cell phone after some time to take a look at the clock and notices that Matteo's cell phone is still on the sleeping pad* *puts it aside properly and then reaches for his sketchbook again* *but can't really concentrate because his mind keeps drifting off to Matteo* *smiles automatically when he thinks about how uncomplicated it was, that Matteo just accepted that he wants to stay here a little bit longer and how much it means to him* *takes another look at the clock and thinks that Matteo has been gone for some time now and it's probably pretty crowded at the kebab restaurant* *anxiously glances at the skylights outside, where it is slowly dimming, hoping that Matteo will be back soon so that he won't have to find his way back to the pool in total darkness* *then realizes that he has to go to the toilet and decides to do it, filling up his water bottle in the process and then maybe walking towards Matteo with his cell phone and flashlight* *leaves the pool and goes to the upper floor, because at the end of the corridor there is the only bathroom with running water he found here* *uses the toilet and refills his water bottle* *then looks at himself in the mirror for a while and washes his face, because he has the feeling that he looks kind of worn out somehow* *doesn't notice that Matteo's back by now*
Matteo: *climbs down the stairs into the pool and heads for their camp* *drops the plastic bag of dürüms and grabs his cell phone* *there's no message, of course* *looks around like that's gonna make David show up* *feels panic and frustration and anger and can't believe that after everything that has happened, David can’t just walk away like that again* *looks at the sleeping pads like they're giving an answer* *thinks then that the bag is gone as well because he can't see it under the sleeping bag and gets angry* *unlocks his phone and types a message to David* Seriously? Where are you? Never mind, I'm going home! *but then erases it without sending it and sinks onto the sleeping pad* *can't leave, but also doesn’t know what to do now*
David: *has filled the water bottle after freshening up and after a last look in the mirror he leaves the bathroom smiling* *plans to take the water bottle back to the pool to see if Matteo is already back and - if he isn't - go to meet him with his cell phone and flashlight, because it's already getting really dark in the building* *but then, as he enters the pool hall, he sees that Matteo is sitting on the sleeping pad and is happy that he is already back* *climbs down the ladder and walks towards him smiling * Hey... you're back!
Matteo: *looks up when he hears and sees David* *jumps up* *and even if that actually shows that David didn't run away, Matteo can only remember that he was gone* *stares at him and speaks in a normal voice, but squeezed* Did you forget something? You want to take the sleeping pad after all? And the sleeping bag? *shaking his head and pointing at the mat* Go ahead, I'm not stopping you!
David: *when he gets closer and Matteo jumps up, he sees the look in his face and automatically stops smiling* *thinks that maybe something happened at the kebab restaurant or something happened to Matteo* *somehow can't read the look on his face at all and is about to ask what's going on when he hears Matteo's questions* *is totally confused and can't do anything with them at first* *notices how everything in his head starts spinning and tries to understand how Matteo thinks he forgot something and how Matteo's mood could change so abruptly* *takes another step towards him* *still tries to read something in his face and is just about to ask what Matteo means when it suddenly "clicks" in his head* *has to swallow when he realizes Matteo thought he was running away again* *takes another step towards him and states more than he asks* You think I was trying to run again...?!
Matteo: *shakes his head, then nods and rolls his eyes* Yeah... you weren't here... the bag was gone... we were so close... I mean... *doesn't find any more words and exhales* Just say it, okay? Cause I'm not doing the silent treatment anymore, okay?
David: *can’t really believe at first that Matteo actually thinks he wanted to run away again, but then it makes sense that he thinks so, because how many times did he act the same way and just disappeared without any explanation* *knew even back then that he would probably hurt Matteo with it, but but when he disappeared before he somehow always had his own feelings on his mind rather then Matteo's and only now understands how deeply his behaviour must have hurt him - especially with the thought that he finds being alone so bad* *is so incredibly sorry right now that he's responsible for making Matteo so insecure and moves closer to him so that they now face each other* *looks him in the eye and assures him* I'm not running away again... *explains* I went to the bathroom... and got us some fresh water. The bag... is under the sleeping bag... *doesn't know if Matteo is angry and if it's okay to touch him, so he hesitantly grabs his hand and repeats it again* I'm not going away again... okay?
Matteo: *looks at David* *doesn't flinch and holds his gaze* *sees both relief and skepticism at the same time* *swallows hard* In the bathroom? *suddenly feels very stupid for panicking like that* *doesn't take David's hand in his, but doesn't pull back either* *needs, like often when it's important, longer to answer* Okay... and you... you'll answer when I text you? *knows that this sounds weird too, but needs to know now*
David: *watches Matteo's facial expressions, thinks he sees insecurity* *nods slowly as Matteo asks for the bathroom again* *glad he didn't pull back his hand and wait patiently to see if anything else comes from Matteo* *then realizes that with Matteo's next question everything tightens inside him, and he plans to answer immediately in the future, whenever Matteo writes, and to do everything possible to make Matteo trust him again and not be afraid of him just disappearing* *takes one more step towards him and says seriously* I'll answer when you write. I promise! *would like to hug him now, but doesn't know if it's okay and waits for some sign from Matteo* *gives him a good look and asks cautiously* Okay?
Matteo: *notices how his heart and his stomach and everything slowly calms down* *nods slowly* Okay... *pulls lightly on his hand, bringing him closer* Sorry... for panicking about nothing... *exhales slowly* Do you maybe want us to sit down and... eat?
David: *feels how he slowly relaxes a little bit as Matteo seems to believe him and even pulls him closer* *shakes his head when he apologizes* *doesn't think he's panicking about nothing* *then smiles when Matteo asks him to sit down and shakes his head* *mumbles* Hang on... *pulls him even closer and put his arms around him* *just wants to be close to him now and feel that everything really is okay* *gives him a quick kiss on the mouth and then hugs him hard* *takes a deep breath and murmurs on his neck* I'm sorry! *knows that he's responsible for Matteo's panic and thinks that Matteo deserves an apology for all the times he let him down*
Matteo: *feels the kiss and the release of that last bit of tension from him* *wraps his arms around him too* It's okay... *sighs softly and bury his face in the back of his neck* I didn't mean... you don't have to apologize… you shouldn’t have a bad conscience now... *kisses his neck briefly and then leans back again* Okay? Can we just drop it and eat?
David: *thinks Matteo is just unbelievable - that he thinks he shouldn't have a bad conscience, even though he's obviously the reason why Matteo felt so bad recently* *mumbles* But I did! *doesn’t let go when he leans back and smiles lightly* Food yes, drop it no. *gives him a quick kiss and then drags him off to the sleeping pad* *sits down and waits until Matteo sits down too* *says then slowly and hesitantly as he reaches for the bag of dürüm and opens it* I've been... kind of too much in my own world these last few weeks. I should have been more concerned about how you were doing. *briefly presses his lips together and gives Matteo a dürüm* *looks up to Matteo* And... I should have checked in earlier... or explained myself. I should have... *shrugs his shoulders and takes a quick breath* I should have never left you alone.
Matteo: *sits on the sleeping pad with David* *then raises his eyebrows slightly as he explains* Sure you were...there was a lot going on... *takes the dürum and shakes his head* No... I mean... you didn't know what to tell me and then... you got outed... honestly, I get it. It takes time... *just sighs lightly and looks at him* Okay, so, yes, I was worried. And maybe at least a note back here and then would have been nice... but we'll just do that from now on, okay?
David: *unpacks his dürüm while he listens to Matteo* *is worried about him, because he knows that Matteo was more affected than he might admits now, because otherwise his last reaction would have been different* *but then is glad, that he at least admits that he was worried and nods instantly at his suggestion* *says with a smile* I promise! *bites into his dürüm and realizes now that he was actually very hungry* *waving the roll and muttering with a full mouth* Thanks, by the way... *swallows down and then takes up the subject again* *admits* I used to run away all the time... Of course it didn't really change anything... but at least I was always able to cool myself down somehow... *takes another bite, chews, swallows and then shrugs his shoulders slightly* And so far, there just hasn't really been anyone who's been worried...
Matteo: *has also bitten off and nods with a grin* No big deal... *swallows and nods slowly at David's words* Yeah... you know... sometimes you just have to, I guess… I mean being alone to cool down... So don't think you have to give up on this this now or I'm going off when you do... but just let me know next time, okay? *takes a quick look at him* *then shakes his head slightly* I don't believe this... what about your sister? *gets big eyes* Shit! Laura! She's probably worried sick. Have you written to her by now where you are?
David: *shrugs his shoulders again slightly at Matteo's answer* *is indecisive and actually hopes there won't be a next time so soon* Let's see... if I feel I need it again, I'll let you know anyway. *smiles again slightly* *just about to answer Matteo's question about his sister when Matteo says she'll be worried* *lowers his head shaking his head* Shit... no, I didn't. *moans softly* She's kill me... *pulls out his cell phone and stares a little helplessly at the screen, which suddenly appears quite garish in the always gloomy pool hall* *then explains to Matteo* My sister has been living in Berlin for almost 4 years. Most of what happened at home she didn't really notice... when things got so bad at my old school, she offered me to move in with her. She hasn't seen me running away a lot... *pulls a face* What do you want me to write to her?!?
Matteo: *shakes his head when David says that Laura will kill him* I don't think so... *nods slowly* *wonders what exactly was going on* *realizes just now that David has never actually talked about his parents before* *but postpones asking about this* *watches him staring at his cell phone* Wait... I'll do that... *grabs his cell phone that is still lying next to him and types a message to Laura* "Found him. All good so far. Don't worry." *shows it to David without sending it* Yeah?
David: *is relieved and grateful that Matteo is taking over with the message to Laura, puts his cell phone aside again and continues eating* *leans over to him when he's finished reading the message, smiles and nods* Perfect! Thank you! *waits until Matteo sends the message* *then takes the water bottle out of his pocket and offers Matteo some water*
Matteo: *sends the message and then takes the bottle from him* *takes a sip and gives the bottle back* Laura was really nice to me by the way... at least the last time I saw her... I don't think she's mad at you... *looks at David and shrugs* If you're worried about it, I mean...
David: *takes the bottle from Matteo and takes a sip too, before he puts the rest of the dürüm in his mouth* *listens to Matteo and shrugs slightly* Well, I still feel guilty. She lets me stay with her, and I leave without a word... *slides back a little, leans against the pool wall and looks at Matteo from the side* She texted me that you were with her on Sunday and that I should get in touch with you because you were worried. I wanted to, but before I knew what to write, you sent me a voice message...
Matteo: *looks at him and has to laugh* Yeah, she told me to give you time, so I've been at it for like 12 hours... *also leans back against the pool wall and turns his head to see him in the dark* Hans once told me that sometimes people can surprise us... somehow he's right, isn't he? Sometimes we stand in our own way, because we think the other person won't understand us... *thinks of his mother and how he left her in the church and how she still wrote to him afterwards, how nice it was to see him and that she hoped that everything would be allright*
David: *grins a little too* It's probably a good thing you didn't last more than 12 hours. Who knows when I would have had the courage to get in touch with you. *listens to him when he talks about Hans and think about his words* *then nods and lowers his eyes* *admits quietly* I was so afraid to tell you that I am transgender. And I kept pushing it off. I... didn't want to lose you. *takes a short break and then continues* And then when I told you, I was so sure that... *shakes his head slightly* ...that that's it for us... I didn’t just stand in my way but in both our ways… *laughs softly* And even when you texted me that you needed more time... and when you called and wanted me to pick up... or when you waited for me at school and after all those messages when I left... even then, I still couldn't quite believe that you didn’t actually care that I… am who I am. *rubs his face and grumbles because he had so little faith* It wasn't until you were standing right here in front of me that it kind of clicked. I'd say I wasn't just standing in my own way, I was building a wall in front of me. *somehow has just about a thousand questions for Matteo - would mainly be interested in how he was dealing with the whole thing, but doesn't really know where to start*
Matteo: *listens to him and lets him finish* *puts his arm around David and pulls him closer when he says he was scared* Sorry I reacted so stupidly when you told me... I kind of... didn't have any words... and then... it wasn't so much about what you told me, well it was... but I kind of had to sort that out for me, you know? Sorry, that sounds stupid, but yeah... *nods slightly* I'd say it's pretty good that we both clicked. *then shakes his head a little when he thinks about what David said* I actually care who you are. I have some pretty strong opinions about what you're like... *gives him a kiss on the temple* So I think we can agree to stop thinking the other one doesn't want us, okay?
David: *leans on Matteo as he puts his arm around him, but then shakes his head at his words and interrupts him briefly when he apologizes* No, it was really okay... you didn't expect it and it's obvious that you had to digest it first. *then listens further and nods sympathetically when he thinks he had to sort it out for himself* *mumbles in the end* Doesn’t sound stupid... *has to smile then when Matteo says he has some pretty strong opinions about what he's like and nods his head at his suggestion* Sounds good. We want each other and period. *laughs softly for a moment, then gets serious again and asks* And was there a certain point where it clicked for you?
Matteo: *hums slightly on David's question and sways his head back and forth* Click, that you're pretty cool? *grins and giggles a little* When you were wondering if there was still March on the other bus, that was pretty cool... *laughs again a bit and then goes quiet* Or click, that it doesn't matter that you're trans? That must have been Hans again, who told me that it depends on how you are and not who you are... of course he put it better... but yes... *tilts his head and nudges David* I've... I don't know... sometimes it was somehow easier to just let everything happen... everybody has a girlfriend, so I just get one too... at least it was easier than dealing with me...
David: *laughs softly when he mentions the bus ride and nudges him briefly in the side* *comments briefly* Oh god, I was so overwhelmed, and I was just saying some shit... *but actually means the being trans thing and listens to it* *smiles and repeats* ...the way I am, okay... *laughs quietly* How am I!? *keeps listening to him and nodding* *can understand him so well and wished so often just to be "normal" and to belong* *but never just let anything happen, he was forced to deal with himself* *back then it was hard and can pretty much relate to how Matteo was doing* *nods and says softly* Hmmm... I know the feeling. But at some point you can't ignore it anymore and have to just deal with with what you need to be happy and to be yourself...
Matteo: *laughs* Fishing for compliments, huh? *then grins and nods* Well, you are amazing and you... I just feel good when you are there... and you are not the ugliest person I have ever seen... *squeezes his shoulder a little* *then nods slowly* Yeah, I just-- I never really realized I was different. Only when Jonas got together with Leonie and all of a sudden everybody started talking about breasts... well, I wasn't that interested in that... but somehow there was so much else going on and I just didn't want to attract attention... and you can like boys without telling anybody... *thinks about his crush on Jonas and how that feels like half an eternity ago now, when it was not even three months ago* *sighs* Well, and then you came... and somehow... it was time and I admitted it to myself and... I started coming out and then... *wants to phrase it well and needs some time* And then I just didn't know if "gay" was still true... I know now that it was stupid... but well, it was still pretty fresh...
David: *grins at Matteo's question about the compliment* Always! *smiles then when he actually gets compliments and raises his head to give him a short kiss on the chin* *mumbles* Thank you very much! *then listens to him and realizes how nice it is and how good it feels to know more about Matteo* *when he speaks about his outing, he realizes again that they both had no contact during this time and thinks that he should have been there to support Matteo* *then shakes his head again as Matteo comes to an end and nudges him again* Stop calling yourself stupid all the time! I don't have a stupid boyfriend! *only then he realizes that he just called Matteo his boyfriend for the first time, he hopes on the one hand that it is okay and on the other hand he thinks that it feels right and good* *quickly continues talking* Obviously, you were confused and trying to define it somehow...
Matteo: *grins slightly at the kiss and nods only briefly* *feels his heart flutter briefly when David calls him his boyfriend and can't stop his face from glowing* *can only hope that the darkness hides it a little* If you say so... *then shakes his head again* Yeah, well... but still… I could have done that better. *looks at him* But anyway, we're here now. Now we've made it... *smiles slightly and then moves so that he can give David a kiss*
David: *nods* Yes, I say so! *wants to disagree with him just when Matteo adds that they have made it now and nods approvingly* *thinks that the other stuff actually doesn't really matter in the end* *mumbles smiling* Right! And that's the main point! *meets Matteo half way, as he leans into the kiss, he closes his eyes and immediately feels a tingling in his stomach as their lips touch* *wants to deepen the kiss, but finds it rather uncomfortable in the current position* *mumbles against Matteo's mouth* Shall we lie down? In half an hour it'll be so dark in here anyway, there's nothing else to do...
Matteo: *nods and then backs off* Okay... *stands up so they can spread out the sleeping bag* Let's see what your ‘super’ sleeping bag can do. *takes off his shoes and jacket, but leaves everything else on* *suspects it's gonna be pretty cold anyway* *watches David open and spread out his sleeping bag and takes off his shoes too* *lets him lay on the wall and then lies down next to him* *pulls the sleeping bag over both of them and rolls over on its side* *grins slightly* And what exactly did you have in mind keeping us warm?
David: *laughs insecurely as Matteo talks about his sleeping bag* *hopes it won't be too uncomfortable for Matteo* *also takes off his shoes and jacket, spreads out the sleeping bag and sits on the sleeping pad* *folds his jacket and puts it under his head* *looks up at Matteo and explains* Pillow... *moves to the wall as Matteo lies down next to him and lies down too while Matteo spreads the sleeping bag over them* *laughs softly at Matteo's question and feel him blush slightly* *asks insecurely grinning* Making out and cuddle? *has never spent the night with a boyfriend before and has no idea if Matteo is expecting anything and if so, what exactly*
Matteo: *nods slowly and smiles* Sounds good. *but then feels somehow David's insecurities and puts his arm around his waist* *speaks softly and gently* Hey, no stress, okay? *gives him a quick kiss and then look at him* *gives him some space and time to decide what he wants*
David: *wonders if Matteo wants to calm himself or him, but nods and repeats quietly* Don't stress...! *smiles at him and gently strokes his cheek with his hand as Matteo gives him a short kiss* *can hardly see him in the dark, but feels even more hat he is here and how perfect that feels* *then leans over to kiss him properly and at the same time moves closer to him*
Matteo: *kisses him back and closes his eyes immediately* *puts his hand on David's back to be a little closer to him* *deepens the kiss and doesn't really notice how his hand starts to wander after a while* *just feels the need to be as close to him as possible* *so lets his fingers slide under David's sweater and shirt, feeling only the excitement that sets in when he suddenly touches skin*
David: *has his hand buried in Matteo's hair while they kiss, but lets his hand wander down his neck and back during the kiss* *thinks it's incredible that he's finally allowed to touch him again and only now realizes how much he's missed this the last weeks* *feels Matteo deepening the kiss and sighs softly into it because it feels so good* *is so focused on the kiss that in the beginning he didn’t even notice that Matteo's hand has gone under his shirt* *can't really think straight, just enjoy the feeling that they're so close* *also lets his hand slide under Matteo’s shirt without thinking and feels his heart beating faster as he touches the warm skin underneath*
Matteo: *shudders in the most positive sense as David's hand touches his skin* *sighs into the kiss as his fingers run over David's skin* *gently pulls up David's shirt and sweater slightly* *interrupts the kiss for just a second to gasp for air and then continues*
David: *at first he doesn't really realizes that Matteo pushes his sweater and shirt up, but simply enjoys the feeling of being touched and touching Matteo* *then feels Matteo interrupts the kiss for a moment, and shudders slightly as he gasps for air* *starts to kiss him again but is suddenly able to have clear thoughts, namely that Matteo's hand keeps on pushing up his shirt and his sweater and that underneath is his binder and that they haven't talked about it yet and that Matteo might be shocked because he doesn't expect it and anyways that Matteo probably doesn't know what he looks like under his shirt and under his boxer shorts* *pulls his own hand away from Matteo's back and moves a bit away so Matteo pulls his hand back as well* *finally interrupts the kiss breathing heavily with his heart is racing and mumbles* I'm sorry... *feel his flight instinct sparking up minimally*
Matteo: *feels David's hand disappear and that he’s moving away* *needs a moment to realize what's happening, but then pulls his hand back* *doesn’t know what just happened, but knows that David has every right to stop if it's too much for him* *shakes his head slightly and needs a moment before he can formulate words* No need to apologize... *swallows a little and then asks* Too much?
David: *shakes his head instinctively at Matteo's question because it wasn't really enough and he longed for more* *wonders for a moment what would have happened if his head just didn't get in his way* *longs so much for Matteo's closeness, but at the same time is afraid of rejection* *takes a deep breath and searches for words* *doesn't always want to be the one who causes problems, or the one who has to be pitied, but at the same time thinks he has to address it, that this time he has to be open to Matteo, so that there won't be any misunderstandings again* *has no idea what Matteo is expecting and to what extent he informed himself and actually thinks of Matteo to be understanding and tolerant, but is nevertheless very afraid of rejection* *decides to just get it over with and not drag it out so long again* *clears his throat briefly and then finally says quietly after some time* Well, I don't know how much information you've gathered or what you're expecting, but... I... *need to take a breath and then finally let it out in a slightly shaky voice* ...I didn’t had surgery... I...don’t have the body of a boy.
Matteo: *notices that something is eating David up and looks a little worried* *then hears him say “informedly” and suddenly has an idea what's going on* *actually read something about surgery* *but didn't care about what David has or doesn't have* *at least not as explicitly* *realized then that it doesn't really matter to him* *grabs David's hand and holds on to it* But you are a boy. And that's all that matters, okay? *swallows lightly and searches for the right words* We don't need to do decide anything today, but... if some day... then just as you feel comfortable, okay?
David: *has a big lump in his throat from happiness when Matteo says what really counts* *but at the same time thinks that this doesn't change anything about his body* *squeezes his hand and strokes the back of his hand with his thumb* *thinks Matteo is just perfect and loves him for just taking things as they come, but doesn't want Matteo to fall by the wayside in any way either* *admits* I am comfortable! *grins embarrassed* And I probably would have been comfortable for a while longer... *sighs softly* But I want you to feel comfortable too... and I didn't know what you'd expect... *still doesn't really knows that and not even in terms of sex, kissing or making out - would probably do anything with Matteo that he would expect or want - means this more in terms of his body*
Matteo: *frowns slightly* What I expect? *doesn’t really know what David means or where his concern is* Well I have a rough idea of anatomy ... but otherwise ... expect? *shrugs and doesn't know what to say* *none of that is really important to him, or at least not as important as David makes it to be* I only want you. *he says finally* I don't really care about anatomy.
David: *watches Matteo - or at least what he can see in the dark* *almost laughs when Matteo says he has a rough idea of anatomy, but then gets serious again and gets heart palpitations when he adds that he only wants him* *is about as amazed as he was with his "because I love you" earlier and fascinated how plain and simple and naturally Matteo formulates such important things* *fully believes that Matteo doesn't care about anatomy and knows deep inside that he just has to get rid of his own insecurity* *releases their fingers from each other and brushes tenderly over Matteo's hair, his ear and cheek* *just mumbles* Okay *because he's at a loss of words and because it really is okay* *gets closer to Matteo again and kisses him softly*
Matteo: *waits for his reaction* *relaxes even more under David's touch* *smiles at his okay* *kisses him back and put his arm back over David's hip* *whispers then* Let's go to sleep, okay? It's been a long day... and tomorrow is another day, yeah?
David: *nods at Matteo’s words* Yeah... okay... *puts his arm around Matteo's hip as well and tries to relax* *realizes that it's kind of uncomfortable and turns on his back after a short time* *but somehow he doesn't like that either* *mumbles* Wait... *raises his one arm so that Matteo can put his head on it and he can put his arm around Matteo and now lies roughly as how they woke up in the morning after their first kiss* That's better... *smiles and brushes gently through Matteo's hair again* *then gives him a kiss on the hairline and whispers* Sleep tight... *closes his eyes and relaxes* *feels eventually that he's smiling and thinks that somehow he has every reason to be*
(next play)













