about Lian-- alcohol makes him sick. the smell of it, the taste of it, makes him feel panicked. it takes him back to that day in the field, when his mind was too hazy to register anything but that feeling. of being trapped under his weight, his heat, feeling choked by fear-- but most vividly was the smell of his breath. the way he reeked of alcohol. he can’t drink without thinking about it, even when he tried. (1/5)
He did at first, when the memory was still fresh, when the grief still cut like a knife-- and how ironic is that? people drink to forget, but for him, it only makes him remember, in details too bright and clear that he can almost still feel the sun on his face, the earth scraping his palms, the hands and the smell and the unwelcome weight-- but leave it to Bain to take that from him too. leave it to Bain to twist the easiest way to escape the feeling into the fastest way for him to drown. (2/5)
juice is sweet and not bitter. it doesn’t burn. it’s his choice. but he can’t control the smell. other people drinking around him makes his palms sweat and his stomach churn, but he’s quiet and doesn’t like to start trouble. he’ll say nothing and keep it to himself. he can leave. if it’s someone he doesn’t want to leave, he can deal with it, because saying something might drive them away and he doesn’t have enough people in his life to start sabotaging the relationships he does have. (3/5)
Which is.. part of the reason he’s nice and quiet. you catch more flies with honey. he can pretend it’s okay if it means the people he cares about won’t think he’s keeping them from something they like. if it means he can keep them. and to be honest, he’s a little envious; he’d love to be able to drink and feel good, so he’s not about to ruin that for other people like bain did for him. (4/5)
he won’t do anything that might risk his relationships with the only people he has left (other than Buckle, who’d never leave him, the sweet girl. but best friend or not, she’s still a mule, and it’s been nice to be around other people lately.) So yeah, juice :) (5/5)
Oh my fucking God. This poor bean needs love, acceptance, and therapy right away. That some mighty freaking PTSD right there!
Bain deserves to rot in the deepest depths of hell! And the bastard is lucky that he’s already dead, cause Morkai would literally skin him alive for this!
Morkai isn’t usually sadistic in his kills, makes them quick, but this guy he’d make a huuge exception!
Poor Lian needs to feel and understand that Morkai and the rest of his friends won't leave him because he is hurt, they will help him instead. Set boundaries and look after yourself, Lian!
