#playing big

[katiejay]

"My shorthand definition of playing big is this: Playing big is being more loyal to your dreams than to your fears."

— Tara Mohr

[wildheartcoach]

Just start

Have you ever thought that what you know is not enough? 

I love the “story” above by StoryPeople artist Brian Andreas, because it speaks to the conundrum that I find myself in so very frequently. Certainty is not about knowing enough, it is about making a decision. But often I will put off making a decision EXACTLY because I don’t believe I know enough to start. Which keeps me stuck.

I fall into this habit of thinking: “Just this one more thing, just one more piece of information, THEN I can start. THEN I can say I’m an expert. THEN I can be certain about myself. THEN I can build trust around what I do.”

Recognize these?: “If I just read that book, if I just attend that course, if I just listen to that podcast or watch this video, I’ll have most of what I need to get one step closer to knowledgable. Being knowledgeable will get me one step closer to being seen as an expert. Being seen as an expert is important to make a living doing what I do.”

The truth is that I’m already knowledgeable and so are you.

I have knowledge about so many things. I learn all the time. I’m absorbing each and every day. Like a never-satisfied sponge, I soak up all the information I can, because I simply can’t not do that. 

Decide

So the questions are: When will you decide? When will you decide you know enough? When will you decide to start?

Tara Mohr calls women out on this behavior of putting things off in her book, “Playing Big.” She writes:

“Brilliant women seek out more education for another reason [than getting the degree, credentials or skills]: because getting the next training or degree is within our psychological comfort zone, and leaping into playing bigger right now is not. Talented women with a dream believe that they need another degree, training, or certification because they are not “enough” as they are." 

An example she shares is one of her graduates who put it this way:

“I thought I would apply to graduate school and get a second master’s, but I realized that I was using education as a reason to stall the process of what I really want to do—write, build websites, and teach. More graduate school wouldn’t help me with that and would probably take me away from those things. I need to leap from where I am, not wait for a better-educated me.”

Tara’s suggestions are to have compassion for yourself if you have this information or education seeking habit. Because it just means you're scared.

Becoming educated, sitting in “training” mode allows you to put off the scary work of stepping into your role as leader, creator and change agent, while convincing yourself that it is actually preparing you to step into those roles. 

"Share what you already know."  -- Tara Mohr, from "Playing Big"

That's how you play bigger.

You will never know enough. You will never know everything there is to know. So just start. Start and be certain you will learn as you go.

A friend of mine put it this way today as we were talking about starting a business: "The best way to learn is to teach."

I agree. Teach what you already know and you will learn what you don't. 

How would it be for you if you could turn around that thought of needing more education and decide that what you know is exactly what you need to know? Can you give yourself that permission? Right now?

[Photo by Diego Jimenez on Unsplash]

[gizreads]

Book Review:  Playing Big by Tara Mohr

Publisher:  Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House Pages:  258 Rating:  6/10

What’s really holding you back from meeting your potential?  Why aren’t you pursuing you dreams?  Why are you sitting on your big ideas when they could lead to incredible change?

In her work as a leadership coach, Tara Mohr has challenged women to answer these questions and found a frustrating pattern:  women with tremendous talent, ideas, and aspiration often didn’t see their own brilliance.  Through her personal and professional growth program called “Playing Big”, Mohr emboldens women across the country to find their authentic voice, achieve their goals, and seek more fulfillment in life and work.

Now, in her debut book, Mohr offers you her proven, innovative tools for playing bigger, whether you’re a corporate professional aspiring to executive leadership, a community volunteer looking to make an impact, or an entrepreneur working to expand your business.  Combining inner work with practical skills training, Plyaing Big delivers real and easy-to-implement strategies that will enable you to have the impact, the influence, and, ultimately, the life you want.

Start playing big today, because when women play big, we change the world. (from back cover)

I received this book as a gift after my college graduation.  Deep in the throes of job searches without really knowing what I want to do as a career, I hoped that something in Mohr’s advice would help me figure out where I’m going.  It didn’t, but I was intrigued by many of her ideas.  She emphasizes the importance of understanding ourselves, our abilities, and the personal elements that hold us back from pursing what we believe is our calling.  While I didn’t agree with everything, I do believe that understanding one’s interior life is key to empowering an individual to change and shape her position in the world.

As with most self-help books, I found myself thinking that the process would be too easy.  “Try X, Y, and Z and you will definitely get the result you want!”  That’s rarely how things work.  Yet Mohr periodically takes a step back from touting her philosophy to square with her audience, acknowledging that the process of learning and internalizing her lessons will be hard and continual.  I appreciated her honesty there.  She spent a lot of time discussing fear since that seems to be the main inhibitor for individuals looking to “play big”, and she does so candidly.  The strength of Mohr’s philosophy comes from not eradicating all of the negativity surrounding monumental changes in our lives.  She says our inner critic is not to be totally silenced, but acknowledged and learned from without giving it the upper hand.  She explains the two different natures of fear and how we should react to each differently.  Taking the time to reflect on both our strengths and weaknesses helps us to better understand where the negativity comes from and how to move forward with it.

I felt that I didn’t get a lot out of Mohr’s teaching, probably because I didn’t dedicate my time to the journal questions or exercises for each chapter.  But I did feel there were some strange inconsistencies or loopholes in her philosophy.  If the inner critic is an important part of who we are, why should we assign it a character as though it were someone separate from us?  She tells us to do the same for our inner mentor, but at least then it’s meant to be us in the future living our best lives.  I also wished she would talk more about what to do once we’ve achieved our “calling” and are “playing bigger”, if we can ever fully achieve that.  I would be open to revisiting the book in a few years and maybe tackling some of the journal questions, but for where I am now, I’m not sure Mohr’s philosophy will have much impact for me.

[monicamody]

Though dressed in the guise of women's empowerment, all the encouragement for women to find the right mentors and right advice is, often, underneath, the same old message telling them to turn away from their own intuitions and wisdom and to privilege the guidance coming from others instead.

Tara Mohr, Playing Big

[grrracenotes]

Tara Mohr's first piece for goop—Why Women Criticize Each Other—resonated deeply, explaining not only why we sometimes rush to judge each other, but also how our Inner Critics undermine our self confidence and create limitations …

Tara Mohr’s first piece for goop—Why Women Criticize Each Other—resonated deeply, explaining not only why we sometimes rush to judge each other, but also how our Inner Critics undermine our self confidence and create limitations that make us feel—and behave—small. This concept was one of the theses in Mohr’s book, Playing Big, which is a great read on how women can begin to break some of these destructive, often culturally inherited habits. Mohr, a career and personal growth coach who teaches women all over the world how to step into their power, also tackles speech patterns in Playing Big, specifically how women—in an effort to soften their communication—diminish their words. We asked her to take us through the paces.

[laurenrants]

IT’S AN UNCONSCIOUS HABIT MANY WOMEN HAVE: TO APOLOGIZE BEFORE ASKING A QUESTION, TO APOLOGIZE BECAUSE THEY ARE STANDING AT THE MILK AND SUGAR STATION AT THE CAFÉ WHILE SOMEONE ELSE IS WAITING FOR THEIR TURN, TO APOLOGIZE IN ALL KINDS OF SITUATIONS WHERE AN APOLOGY IS NOT WARRANTED! WE APOLOGIZE SIMPLY FOR TAKING UP SPACE.

Tara Mohr

[artoflifelifeofart]

So I’ve been thinking about my inner-critic lately.  You know the one, the voice that says “Give Up!” just as you're getting close to something really juicy.  To be creative in any field, you’ve got to find a way to make friends with that inner-critic.  So I recently thought, “What would that inner-critic look like if she was a person.  What would her name be?  How would she behave?”  Then I stumbled on this video.  It’s a hilarious spoof of Disney’s “Let it Go” put through countless layers of Google Translate.  That’s when I really got it.  My inner-critic is just like that.  It takes this powerful, wholesome intention, puts it through several filters and subverts it into something frightened and superficial.  My inner-critic is Elsa singing “Give Up!”  So here’s my question to you: What character is your inner-critic?