I clenched my fist because I didnt want to cry.
I wake up and i looked at my phone to see if i got any messages. Its around 9am, but i guess from the just woken eyes i couldn't really see well. And once i saw my phone, i just went back to slap.
I wake up. Its around 11:15 and i have no intention to staying on my bed. I woke up with the heat so high and moist around my skin.
I check my phone and i have texts and a mysterious caller. I call back, but then i hanged up right around 30seconds. A second later, my phone rings and i answer.
Its one of my friends moms. and she greets me to a hello morning. I was happy to hear a nice voice. But the nice and happy attitude quickly went away.
Lets go back to yesterday for a while. around 3:30 when im on the bus around 169hillside. I feel the tingly vibration coming from my left pocket. Its my phone and I calmly get my phone. Its her. I answer back and i get off the buss to the train.
She answers back around 4:45 saying that she wants to hangout. And i said sure sure. When she is finally outside my building. she says she has to get her wax done first. She goes and gets it and she comes back outside my building and we have this playful argument, which she wanted me to go outside to go to the park.
I was too lazy, so i ended up not going. She had to talk to me about why she was in the hospital. But i didnt think it was anything serious.
Back to the main part, we are talking on the phone and she asks me if i can come over but i notice her voice losing its luster. Without letting me speak she explains why she wants me to come over.
Her daughter, my bestfriend attempted suicide. And she wanted me to be next to her bed when she wakes up.
My breathe somehow forgot how to exhale. And the pressure in my chest increased. I had no words to speak. No thoughts passed.
By now the mom is crying over the phone begging me to be there for her daughter.
I tell her im on the way. And i go to the bathroom, trying to regain my posture. I leave in five minutes.
I arrive to the door and i knock. and the door opens. The dad is there and he smiles and gives me a hug. Which i was surprised because I had the idea that he disliked me. And with his think spanish accent he says "gracias por venir" which means thank you for coming.
I ask him if she is awake and he says yea.
I enter and there she is on her bed, smiling because she see's me. She says why im here and i say "Just thought i'd pay back the favor for ditching yesterday"
We end up having our normal and funny conversations, when i bring up the question to her why she was in the hospital.
Then thats when i noticed the smile on her lips fade, the shine in her eye dim, and her pupil return to its small state.
"I took 6 tylenols, 8 advils, and 4 sleeping pills" "i just wanted to sleep and forget that i can breathe and see anything" " Its like i dont care anymore, im tired of waking up. And im tired of being so happy and assumed that i am" " nobody's ever there for me, im just given stuff to replace hugs and kisses. Nobody ever decides to spend time with me and just talk"
"I dont even think i care anymore raul"
You resented the fact that you were able to wake up. And you resented the fact that it didnt work. Your eyes grow limp as each word spoken. And you could feel that her heart was numb.
I said what i said, and i beg that you took me seriously. Don't you know that your one of the few people i still look up to?
You taught me so much things and made me feel like i wasn't the trash that society didn't want.
You made a promise. And I made a promise too. Your mine. And im your's.
Trust me whenever your crying, i'll be by your building, going up your fire-escape and knocking your door. I'll make you feel better and i'll stay by your couch, making sure you fall asleep with a smile.
Your my bestfriend. I always put my friends before me. Especially you.
Im sorry i haven't been there for you as i use to. I will always be there for you, as long as when i get there, their's still a heartbeat.
