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Inhale: 55 Words
A night spent warm in their bed,
quiet save for steady breath and rustling sheets.
Drifting, until the dream takes him
Floating, on an orange sea.
A familiar visitor speaks, small and verdant,
filled with fear.
No order in these flames.
Screams turning to ash.
Can’t breathe, he can’t breathe.
Drenched in sweat, he wakes.
Resolve: 55 Words
A cluster of stars sputters,
blinks from existence.
A morning spent in prayer.
She goes to Tori.
She thinks to write.
Dear Andaeros, but your heart is so heavy.
Dear Renrael... but then again, no.
Dear Father, Mother, brothers- LIGHT.
It’s too much to bear,
but she will not yield.
“Send for the Captain.”
(( @astorila-dalfinal, @andaerosdawnflare, @renrael-wra for mentions! ))
Should I stay or should I go
Norialonn felt sick. As soon as the first bodies had been thrown from the ramparts, her enthusiasm had been murdered with them. Her first test run had been a funeral march, complete with an accompanying dirge of war and death. When it had finally been done, the banner taken, the day so pyrrhicly won, she'd wrenched herself free from the harness to see the carnage with her own eyes instead of through crystal screens of safety. An arm and accompanying silver bracer was the first and only thing she needed to find before the sick feeling found it's way into her stomach, cramping and nauseating as it took hold. The world spun, the ground racing to meet her, until the unlikely intervention of her knee kept her nose from bloodying on impact with the darkened soil. A voice in her head droned on and on, something important in its words. She didn't care, and neither did her stomach; it's contents forcing their way up her throat until they brightened the soil in technicolor shades. "...Protector? Are you alright?" Hadar's voice suddenly cut through the fog and static around her mind. The bile made her smack her lips in distaste, but it helped strengthen her sudden moment of clarity. "Ally casualty report." Bile and vomit clung to the words as they left, leaving their foul taste to linger on her tongue. "How many did we murder?" "We did not personally assault any of our own forces or that of the prisone-" "Hadar, the number. Now." She felt the hesitation in her companion, the pause as he contemplated the number. "Just over one-half of the prisoners were killed in the fighting, Protector. All...were due to friendly-fire." Another wave of nausea washed over her, and she renewed the vile collage on the ground beneath her. "Protector, it is not wise -" "Don't call me that." "What do you mean?" "Don't call me Protector, Hadar. After today, I don't deserve it." A chirp came from the pink gem in her throat, pulsing with Light on every syllable. "Protec-Norialonn. What happened was not your fault. The operation was a success, the Legion was routed. You took extreme care to ensure that your actions did not harm any of the prisoners; Others are to blame for this tragedy. You should be proud of the role you played in today's victor-" "Hadar, fin-" "Norialonn, stop interrupting me. You said it yourself earlier; My position is to advise, as it has been for over two millennia. So shut up and take this advice: You can win and still lose. The two are not exclusive. Your commanders will make poor decisions. Your fellows will not follow an order. Both can still carry the day with numbers or a better equipped force. You also might do everything right, make every right choice, and still lose. Just as you cannot win every battle, you cannot save everyone." The void in her stomach remained, though it appeared to have calmed it's violent heaving. One hand shoved her free from the trampled grass and vomit-stained earth, righting her and orienting her to the horizon. "Then what do I do, Hadar? Why should I even do this? I may as well go back and turn myself in if I will make this little of difference in the end. What do I do?" The gem remained still and unlit, silent and without immediate answer to the query posed it. Then, it flashed in a series of bright pinks, "Save as many as you can."
tête a tate //
the redblack thrum of your despair rings out across the decades — commanding my soul attend, & close; swallowing dull hum of the hasty tourist traipse.
prostrated, i come to pray in this closed room flatplane church of abstract jesus & his transatlantic offerings; drawn in once again to the gloomy hell of frames in frames, while behind my lids, the ever-present palinoptic bloom of future blood pools on your studio floor —
i seek no communion in here, & seagram sees no redemption even now, but still i leave each time with the impossible ache inside me
somehow quelled
-h.b.
A Secret Saved - Voltron Legendary Defenders
"What's that weapon you carry?"
"It's a ceremonial blade that each member of our order carries."
It's familiar. Painstakingly familiar. Keith looks at it, and he just knows. Knows that something isn't right, that there's something he's forgetting.
The symbol on the blade - the symbol of the order, he guesses - is something that he's seen before. Of course he has, as it's the symbol on his own fucking dagger.
But how can that be?
How can he have a ceremonial dagger for an order he never knew existed until today? How is that even possible? It isn't possible, that's what.
Keith has never even left Earth until he found the Blue Lion with Shiro and the others. Sure, he thought there was life beyond just what was on Earth, but he never even had concrete proof until he met Allura and Coran.
But then - that can't be true, can it? He had to have met an alien before, at some point when he was younger. He had to have, seeing as he had that dagger. But it didn't make sense, because the order apparently didn't know about Blue being on Earth until after Shiro and Oidge's family had been kidnapped by the Galra. And Keith had had the dagger for a long time before that. Did it take them that long to find the Blue Lion? But even then, how would Keith have gotten his hands on the dagger?
Keith wants to press, wants to ask more questions, but he holds himself back. Tells himself he can't. It would look weird, he rationalizes. Why would he need to grill him over the weapon? It would be out of character, even for him.
So, Keith holds his tongue and doesn't say anything. After all, he couldn't very well come out and say that he had the same dagger. It would look suspicious - especially to Allura. And how could he explain himself? How could he explain the fact that he had a symbol of a Galra resistance with him away? He couldn't.
So, he bides his time and doesn't say anything.
After all, a secret saved is better than a secret sold.
Make it Great(er)
We all sat through the drills. I wasn't the best. I wasn’t the worst, but no matter my test scores in the other subject areas this one physical test had to be passed before I could begin working. I watched the videos and read all the pamphlets and pdfs. Very few of us did well with what the examiners called the “stress test.”
Let me give you some background. Up until the legislation was passed about 5 years ago, you didn’t have to have physical exams to work in public education. That all changed when OFD (our favorite dictator, hey don’t report me it’s funny) and his cronies passed a piece of divisive legislation that lead to riots.. In the BoE until they gave the final line: either do it, or be replaced by someone who will. Even if that person wasn’t as technically qualified since we were nationally short on members to begin with--there were new “earn your degree while gaining real experience” programs that popped up for in need locations. Which apparently was a synonym for nearly every school after the first 18 months.
So here’s where we’re left, after people have settled into the idea of it: teachers not only have to pass their degree requirements (which are rather appallingly low since no one really wants to do public education for some strange reason): 1.5 years of core classes in your chosen subject, 6 months teaching with a mentor (senior teacher who basically is too harried with their responsibilities to help you), and two hours of a gun safety course with a practical exam.
Let me repeat:
3 semesters of basic courses in the subject of your choice
6 months of “co” teaching
2 hours of gun safety
At least our country is great again, right? Oh and ignoring the gross lack of educational merit to this curriculum, if you don’t pass the gun portion you’re out... until the next class which is 3 weeks later.
In fact, if you’re willing to only work part time, you can get a provisional license in a specialized subject (let me break that down: if you can’t suck up the oh so difficult college curriculum) through what equates to summer school. 3 months “intensive” study.
Now I know you’re saying “but these teachers are passionate and learning hands on.” No. No. No.
The people who were passionate about teaching are the ones who lobbied and marched to try and prevent the most important factor of educating 5 year olds from being how accurate you are with a damned glock.
The teachers who cared advocated better mental healthcare for students and more research being done to adapt the national standards that put students under so much stress and leave them with education that teaches them to bow their heads down and suck it up until they explode. Let me say it. Quietly. As I put on a safety vest and aim at a target that’s ⅔ my size. While I straighten my posture and realize that the target is roughly the size of my 13 year old niece. Let me tell you as I silently put the gun down, take off the vest, and walk out.
No.
Nothing has changed in the last few years. Except we perform worse internationally. Our students are not prepared for the real world. Unemployment has gone up 8% in the last 6 years and is expected to increase before the final two years are finished under this current government model. Unless the new legislation is passed which alters the very foundations of our democracy.
Making America Great may just become a lifetime achievement. They said the armed teachers act wouldn’t pass either. Maybe the solution isn’t in adding or subtracting but coming up with a new equation all together, and I guess that’s what “they” are doing anyway. Except there’s nothing new about it if you’d been reading the signs like some dystopian fiction where society gets caught in a noose of its own permission. You might think it laughable that I think the only way to handle this is by escape but then most people aren’t reading the “Independent” (fake is what most people call it now) reports about the new travel bans. They’re inward not outward and my happy ass is getting out while the getting is still there. Because if it passes then no one’s going anywhere. And it’s all for you own good you see? They know better than you, or me when the poor are up in arms and diseases are coming in forms that we once knew but thought we knew better. It’s worse than a low budget movie and out of the lion’s mouth: we’ll protect you, from yourself but not Us.
So, as they yell and shout at me for walking out of the exam and threaten to suspend my teaching license. I remind myself that I already had a job offer for a place over the pond. I have about 18 hours before I’m probably on some list as a dissenter. So, I’m publishing this from the tarmac, rather than the house. Because apparently, a differing opinion is a radical act.
I can’t even make this shit up. The news at 9: Countries are poaching highly skilled workers from Americans with promises of lucrative job opportunities but when they arrive it turns out many positions are sub-standard. These so called expats--as in former patriots, are having their government issued IDs taken and forced into working for Anti-American foreign regimes. An insider report at 11. But first, John with the Trump Official News Report: A new legislation is being voted on today that addresses the current 2 term limit on presidential office. President Trump has stated his work is not done and he will not give up the fight. America is greater than it has ever been, and we will make it even greater.
TED Talk Review/Reaction
Angela Lee Duckworth - Grit: The Power of Passion and Perserverance
Why did you choose this talk? I chose this talk because passion and perseverance driving motivation especially in education was a topic that I had considered and covered several times in my life. I've participated in debates and attended lectures and conferences of people talking about the topic Duckworth covered in this Ted talk, about growth mindset and the "grit" maintain a solid work ethic.
What did you agree with in this talk? Why? I agreed with the concept of growth mindset and how believing that your failures are not permanent but rather a tool of further learning is crucial to achieving success later down the road, especially when life throws you bigger and more complicated obstacles. In middle school, I had aced most of my classes without much effort at all, and was used to getting high marks with little effort and being regarded as one of the brightest in my class. It wasn't until I got to high-school that I realised that the method I followed wouldn't cut it anymore. I was forced to deal with failure and learn how to overcome it.
What did you disagree with in this talk? Why? I didn't disagree with anything in this talk. This was because every time she said something I disagreed with (such as when she said that when she first became a teacher, she believed every child would be able to learn the same thing the same way, and if they weren't able to it was purely a reflection of their poor work ethic), she would re-mend it by all the experience she's gained since that event. All of her words rung true to me, because I too had gone through relevantly similar experiences in which I had come to the same conclusions.
Did the talk make you reflect on your future/consider new choices or new decisions? Why or why not? This talk did make me reflect on my decisions. In grade 12, when everything is so tense and while it seems that any errors or mistakes that I make would jeopardize my future, I need to make sure that I give myself the room to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. Failure can be a positive thing but only if you know how to both embrace and learn from it. In the end, I'm on an ongoing journey to become the best person I can become, and making mistakes along the way is a major part of that.
Would you recommend this talk to a friend? Why or why not? I would definitely recommend this talk to a friend, especially a fellow stressed grade 12 student. We in particular need to learn to give ourselves a break once in a while, and to not beat ourselves up over things we can use to our advantage for the future.
I Confronted You Today (2 Dec 2015)
I confronted you today Because it's been a week since the incident I have a hard time just saying the word because of how ugly it is and how disgusted I am to have experienced it I never would have thought it would actually happen to me It was a long-time fear, a nightmare A horrible dream that came true.
I confronted you today Because I wanted you to know just how much you hurt me I didn't want you to see me as a weakling this time This time I was going to be brave and stand up to you This time, I was going to take control I took the power back into my own hands However my legs trembled the entire time, I stared at the ground, my eyes bulging with stress I couldn't help it, but I am glad that you witnessed just how psychologically damaging this incident was to me.
I confronted you today So that I could let you know, from the girl you raped, Her voice was not going to be silenced for good; Instead she was going to overcome this Her way With the love she fought so hard to find again after hating herself for so long and greatly despising those around her who "did her wrong".
No Not this time This time, she wanted to face the man who Stripped her body from the clothes she wore; Stripped her mind of the thoughts that kept her conscious and aware; Stripped her heart of feeling the desire to achieve, Or the voice she had worked so hard to use to her advantage at communicating For I am this young "girl" who lost it all in one night and will do everything to get it all back and more.
I confronted you today In hopes that I could see just one more piece of goodness in you I trusted you when you opened up to me about your past Your mental struggles and social isolation mirrored my own I thought we could be really good friends; I really wanted that. I believed you were good-hearted with a rough life but a strong, tough appearance It was for your own safety, I suppose I understand and I wish that I could have been your friend that you so beautifully worded to me
This scar runs deeper than any cut you or I could have ever made on the flesh of our own
I hope you know that my promise to you will be forever true I will not hurt myself because of you I will not hurt myself Ever again Please, I hope you keep your promise that you made to me Please keep your promise I believe in you
I'm going to heal from this, I am confident in that. I survived a major depression and I'm going to survive this. I survived my cuts. I survived the scarf around my neck. I survived the reckless consumption in hopes of never waking again. Like my mother, i am a survivor. I hope you believe in me as much as I believe in you This is why I confronted you today.
