*peeks out from under my heavy blanket of sadness*
I am a reactionary person. I yell first and think later. It’s a problem. But these last few days has left me uncharacteristically speechless.
I’m not here for a hot take on the situation—that’s not productive or necessary coming from me. But I do want to reach out to the TDBM fandom, which has truly become a family to me.
The last few days I’ve been having a hard time figuring out what I’ve been feeling. Was it anger? Sadness? Disappointment? I now recognize it as a paralyzing cocktail of the three, leaving me feeling more than a little lost.
This community, these characters and this show have become my happy place and that has been threatened and that’s what has upset me probably more than anything.
I’ve cried a lot over the last few days. I’ve yelled a lot. With a lot of you. Thank you for letting me do that. Whether it was on twitter or in private, I appreciate so much having true friends who understand this.
I’ve stayed away from Tumblr for the most part. Historically, it has not been the most comforting or safe space. And I was worried. I was worried we’d sink; that we’d disappear, too shattered to ever be put properly back together. I didn’t want to watch us crumble. But this fandom has never let me down and I don’t know why I thought this would be any different.
I’ve been reading what you’ve all been saying. I’ve been so encouraged by your words: that you’re feeling what I’m feeling, that you’re here, that you refuse to let this ruin us. This fandom is more than one man’s poor choices. We’re tiny, but resilient. The red rims under our eyes will fade. We’ll be okay.
There is still so much love here.
The work of everyone else involved in the show still matters. The writing still matters. The crew still matters. The performances of the supporting cast still matter.
Many of you have put countless hours into writing and creating for this fandom and I want you to know that your work and effort are still valued. Your work still matters. You still matter.
Some of you aren’t ready (myself included) to engage in this fandom and that’s okay. Some of you might never be and that’s okay. Whatever you’re feeling is okay. Your feelings are valid. Feel them. But please take care of yourselves.
As always, I’m here if you need anything or just want to talk.
*squeezes fandom tightly*