you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
i miss my local library and i miss the mall and i miss my best friend and i miss the dennys on the corner and i miss my grandmother and i miss my math class and i miss the aos watch party i was going to have with my fake-baby-sister and i miss my church and i miss the pool and i miss my life
Dark! Maekar Targaryen x reader
warnings: This is a Dark/ Yandere work that contains Dead Dove Do Not Eat, Non-con, Toxic Marriage, jealousy, age-gap (older man/younger woman), loss of virginity, forced pregnancy, emotional abuse. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT
I obviously do not support nor encourage any of this behaviour nor these actions, this is simply a fictional work.
PLEASE DO NOT READ if any of this triggers you. I am not responsible for your media consumption. Please read the warnings before continuing.
Summary: A short conversation with a knight is just what you need in your loneliness. Your husband disagrees.
word count: 4735
A/N: okay so I’m not really happy with how this turned out, the ending is kind of weird but I idk I kind of got stuck. Not my best work but I hope you can enjoy it still. I’m currently working on both Dark! Daeron and Dark! Aerion so I hope those turns out a bit better. Feedback is always appreciated :)
~~~~
The sun was high in the sky, bearing down with a sweltering heat. Your dress was light and more revealing than you usually wore, but being this unused to the heat meant you had to make some adjustments to your usual wardrobe. Besides, being a princess meant you that access to far more options than you had before.
The garden was beautiful, full of flowers and the sound of water flowing from the fountain nearby was almost helping with cooling you down. A servant had been kind enough to fix forth a makeshift canopy to help with a bit of shadow from the sun. Still, you were getting tired from the heat, but with the children running around, you couldn’t well rest either.
Rhae and Daella was sitting close to your side, one busy attempt to draw you, the other being on the busy trying to fix the dragon she was attempting to embroider. It was coming along well, with her pausing every other stitch to get your help. Aegon on the other hand, you learned, could not possibly sit still. He was wielding a wooden sword, pretending to be a knight. He was casually switching between being the winner of a tourney or being in the midst of a war.
You were content. It was a beautiful afternoon, and you got to spend it with three beautiful children you had the honour of calling your own, despite not being related by blood. You were a princess, and the servants were there to help with any need you could imagine. Surely, your life was beautiful. The only thing missing was your husband, and only the gods knew where he was. When you wedded Maekar, it was arranged, as almost all marriages of nobles are. With the Blackfyre rebellion still raging in some parts, alliances were important, and your family offered that. So, despite you being younger, and Maekar being widowed with six children, you were shipped off to Kings Landing.
When you first meet him, you were worried. He was a stern man, gaze hard and rigid body language. He had greeted you with the excitement of a prisoner being sent to the gallows, and every other meeting afterwards had been the same. Yet, after getting to know him a bit more, your terror melted away. He was never cruel, you realized, and did as was expected of him during courting. So, when you finally wedded in the Sept, you weren’t as sad as you thought you would be, and when the wedding night arrived, you were even further relaxed.
He had told you, with that gruff and harsh voice, he had enough children already and didn’t need any more. While you were expected to share a chamber, he wasn’t interested in more. You had been more than happy with the arrangement, and since then he hadn’t touched you. Each night you slept beside each other, on the far side of the beds, broke your fast together and then you wouldn’t see each other for the rest of the day. He went off to do his duties, and you were left to do whatever you wanted. It would have been a lonely life, if it wasn’t for the children filling the void.
“You must sit still, mother!”
The shrill voice of Rhae had the most opening your eyes and smiling at the little girl. She was studying you carefully, before turning back to her drawing.
“Of course, my sweet. We must be careful if we are to show this painting to your father”
She smiled proudly at your words, puffing out her chest and smiling widely before focusing on the parchment once more. The children, being as young as they are, take quite the pride in showing their father their work, and even more pride in the fact you are as invested as them. They lost their mother young, and you are happy you can bring them some comfort and guidance.
You prepare to answer her when you are cut off by the battle-scream of the boy beside you. He jumps right into your lap, and you barely have time to catch him before he starts swinging the sword around.
“Die, Blackfyre-bastard! I will not let you kidnap my family; I’ll fight for their honour!”
You let out a laugh at his wild fantasies, but neither Daella nor Rhae finds their loss of peace entertaining.
“Aegon, you are ruining the drawing! Move!”
Aegon didn’t seem phased by his sister’s complaint, instead laughing as he continued to cast his sword around. It’s not until Daella lets out a noise of complaint he gets up, only to charge right at his younger sister.
“Come on, you are no fun! Play with me instead, you can’t sit still all day”
You don’t have time to stop him, barely having time to open your mouth when Aegon suddenly snatches the parchment out from under Rhae, only to bold away further into the gardens. No more has his name left your lips in a scolding manner before Rhae is up and chasing after him with a shrill cry. Daella is not long after her, angry and determent to protect her younger sister, her embroidery-work now laying disregarded beside you.
Almost as soon as the scuffle started, you find yourself alone, save for a few guards and the maids. As much as you adore the children, the quiet of the moment doesn’t disturb you, instead allowing you to finally take a sip of the cold lemonade before slowly laying down on your back and closing your eyes. The children wouldn’t get far, and by now you were sure a maid or septa was on their way to capture the little siblings anyways. You could use the moment to rest before they were delivered back to you.
“Princess, are you alright?”
Your eyes open to gaze upon the knight that has moved to your side. Dressed in shining white armor, his helmet secure and his hand ready on the sword handle, he looks every bit of a proper knight in the sun. You smile at him before sitting up, brushing off some invisible dust from your skirts.
“Yes, thank you Ser Robyn. I’m just a bit warm… I didn’t mean to worry” You shake your head, looking away towards where the children had run off to. “They are full of energy, those three. I try to rest when I get the chance”
Ser Robyn lets out a soft laugh at your words, the sun reflecting on him in a manner that makes him shine even brighter. A true knight, indeed.
“Aye, you are right in that, Princess. I know them as quite the rascals”
You answer with a hum as you turn your gaze back to the knight. You hadn’t known him for long, but he was employed in your husband’s service, and as of late he had been guarding you and the children quite oft. You didn’t know if he was assigned to you or one of the young ones, but his sweet smile and calm demeanour was a pleasant addition in your life.
You were happy in your life, but you couldn’t help but sometimes feel lonely. The children helped fill the void, but sometimes a conversation with a friend was just what you needed, and Ser Robyn has always been kind.
“You must be warm in your armour. I can only imagen the sweltering heat you suffer clad in Steel from your heels to the helm. Please, have some lemonade to drink and sit with me”
As you speak you are carefully filling one of the empty glasses with lemonade, holding it out for him to take. He only shakes his head as he lifts a hand in protest, still smiling.
“Oh, no thank you princess. I couldn’t possibly…”
You don’t let him finish, instead just lifting the glass higher towards him as you give him a pointed look.
“I will not have you fainting, Ser Robyn. You don’t have to sit beside me but at least take the glass and drink. That is an order”
You smile at him as you add the last part, the jest still somehow pointed at him. He relents with a soft “thank you” as he takes the glass and step closer to you. He doesn’t sit down, despite how you pat the blanket beside you. In the end, you must content yourself that he at least took the drink.
You talk some more with him about how good the weather is, how much you adore the silks and dresses and how sweet the children are. You help fill his glass once more and you share another drink together. Before long, the children are delivered back to you, Daella and Rhae stomping back to you with anger, and Aegon being carried kicking and complaining under the arm of another knight. Ser Robyn thanks you once more before taking a step back to give you space as the children once more settle down on the blankets.
“Aegon tried to ruin my drawing!” Rhae complains as she cuddles into your side, reaching for a glass of lemonade.
Aegon huffs and opens his mouth, ready to complain but you cut him off before he has the chance.
“Aegon, enough. Let your sister be”
A pointed look makes him close his mouth, crossing his arms. Daella smirks at him, before picking up her embroidery again. You simply shake your head, suppressing a smile at the younglings.
“What would you children say to some lemoncakes, huh?”
That has them all snapping their eyes to you and quickly nodding their heads in agreement. You merely laugh before turning to the maid and asking her to fetch you some and bring some more lemonade. The children had a lot of energy left and the day was far from over.
~~~
The evening breeze was cool against your skin as you sat by the window. The dress from earlier had been changed out to a softer, lighter gown as you were trying to wind down after the day. You shared the Lemon Cakes with the children and spent a better part of the afternoon outside playing with them. Then, you went inside to share supper with them before parting as their Septas came to take them to bed. You had been surprised your husband hadn’t shared Supper with you, but when you asked the servants, they said he had business to attend to.
So, here you were, sitting by the window of your shared chambers trying to fix the last pieces of embroidering Daella didn’t have time to finish. You promised her you would help her fix the last parts so she could present the final piece to her father.
When the door opens, you recognize the sound of Maekars boots against the floor, and the way his breath sounds. You don’t even bother to look up from your work, knowing he is there. That meant you missed the uncharacteristically angry look he wore, and how his jaw was set.
“Hello, Maekar”
You are concentrating on your work and your tone is dismissive, which only serves to annoys him more.
“Wife”
You don’t respond, since you usually don’t. It’s not like you were often sharing a conversation with your husband during the evenings, instead content sitting quietly. Which is why it come as a surprise to you when your husband continues to speak.
“You have been busy today”
You look up, brows furrowing as you finally seem to notice something is off. Maekar stands right by the door, his hands closed to fists by his side as he stares you down. Still, you can’t fully put your finger on what is wrong. Mayhap he had an odd day, hence the work keeping him over supper.
“I don’t think I’ve been busier today than any other. I spent a great deal of time with the children in the garden”
You try to keep your tone light, shrugging in the process. He simply continues to look at you, moving his jaw as if trying to release pressure. He takes a deep breath, slowly taking a step closer to you. For a reason you can’t name, you want to take a step back, putting some distance between you. The only reason you don’t is because you can’t, not while sitting by the window.
“Really? And it was only the children you spent time with?”
Now you are truly confused, the crease between your eyebrows deepening as you try to think. Yes… yes, you broke your fast together with your husband, then spent some time in the library before having lunch (a lunch you were supposed to share with Daeron, but he never showed up), and then you went into the garden with the little ones. You had only spent time with his children all day.
“…Well, yes, only the children, I suppose. Are you wroth with me?”
Your question is timid, genuinely confused and slightly worried about his tone. You had never seen this side of him, only used to the quiet gruff kind of way he spoke to you. He doesn’t seem to share your confusion, though, as he once more takes a step closer to you.
“Yes, Silly girl, I am wroth with you” He all but growls, hands still close to fists. “I have all the right in the seven kingdoms to be upset when my own wife has been drooling over a knight, and then lying to my face about it”
You stand up at the tone of his voice, dropping your work onto the windowsill to push yourself flat against the wall. Your heart is starting to beat faster, like a fist banging against a wall. You have nowhere to go. Your husband is not close yet, but he stands in the way of the only exit. For the first time since your marriage, you find yourself afraid of him.
“What? I haven’t… I don’t know what you are speaking of!”
Your voice has risen in volume without you noticing, your panic starting to grow. It had been one thing if you knew of what he was saying, if you knew how to defend yourself. Yet now you stand utterly confused and scared. Maekar don’t seem to take your fear into consideration, as slowly closing the distance, causing you to press even closer to the wall.
“Really? You are trying to tell me you weren’t practically throwing yourself at Ser Robyn the second the children weren’t close?”
The cogs in your brain finally seem to connect as you realize what he speaks off, but it doesn’t calm you the way you hoped it would. Talking to Ser Robyn had been completely innocent, you had simply shared some words and helped him to a drink, he hadn’t even sat down with you! Yet, with horror you realize your husband hadn’t heard that. No, he had been watching you from somewhere else and had only seen the interaction. Tears begin to kiss your eyes as you stumble over your words trying to explain.
“No! No, we… we were only speaking, the children had… they were fighting and I tried to rest so Ser Robyn just asked if I were fine and… and then he seemed tired so…”
He cuts you off, not entertained at all by the words you babble out.
“And what about that promoted you to insist he have a drink? You were practically throwing yourself at him trying to convince him to sit down with you”
“No!” You stutter out, shaking your head desperately, somehow trying to get through to him. It doesn’t work. “I just thought he seemed warm in his armour, and I didn’t want him to faint! He wouldn’t sit down with me so…”
“You shouldn’t have offered him that in the first place!” The sneer on his face and the tone of his voice only further distress you.
You had never seen this side to him; hell, you had barely spoken to him since the wedding! Since then, the only conversation you shared was regarding the children or how his work was going. Never had he spoken to you like this and never accused you of anything and certainly never been wroth with you either. You didn’t know what to do or say, so you did the only thing you could think of: apologizing.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… I never meant to insult you!”
You sobbed, shaking your head and trying not to look at him. You really hadn’t mean anything by anything. You had simply wanted some conversation and to ease Ser Robyns day. Had you known how your husband would react, had you known your husband had been watching, you wouldn’t even had sat down in that part of the garden. Had you known this was how he would react, you wouldn’t have married him.
He didn’t seem phased by your tears, but the apology seemed to at least calm his down somewhat. He took one last step, now standing within an arms reach of you. He looked down on you, still with that sneer in his faces.
“Ser Robyn…” he spit out the name as if it was an insult. “… has had a change of post. He will not be in your service anymore and if I find you have spoken to him again, I will have him sent to the wall”
The finality of his words has you taking a deep breath of air, finally allowing yourself to feel some sort of hope again. You would be sad to see Ser Robyn go, you liked Ser Robyn, but if it meant you wouldn’t be attacked like this again it would as worth it. It was over, he had accepted the apology and you wouldn’t do the mistake again. He would leave you be. You nod your head quickly, not wanting to disagree when you finally have him in a better mood.
“Yes, yes of course… I’m sorry, thank you I… I won’t do it again”
Maekar gave a nod, pleased with your agreement. Yet he didn’t step away. He stayed in his spot, close by and studying your face. For almost a full minute, neither of you moved nor said anything, the only sound in the chamber was your laboured breaths and his calm ones. When the tension became too much, you tried to quietly step to the side to go away, to put some sort of distance between you, anything that could mean you would be allowed to breathe again. When you slowly move, you are once more surprised by arm that shoots out to grasp at your wrist. Your lips quiver but you don’t have the courage to let out a sound, despite the pain that shoots out from your wrist harsh grip.
“Do you like my children?”
The question shocks you, and you don’t respond right away. How could you, when the question came out of nowhere? Out of reflex, you gently try to pry your wrist back, but his grip stays strong and his eyes won’t leave yours.
“I… yes, of course. I adore them”
You aren’t lying. You love the children and find pride in the fact. They are sweet and raised well, and they seem to adore you just as much. You would never replace their mother, but you could at least help them fill they void she left. Maekar seems content with the answer, nodding his head.
“That’s good. They like you too… and do you ever wish you had a child of your own?”
Your fear has ebbed away now that he was calmer, and now fully replaced by confusion again. Truth was, you weren’t sure you wanted a child. You had his three younglings to take care of, and they were a handful as they are. Your husband is old and you know where he stood on the subject, which had only cemented your beliefs further.
“I… No, I have your children. And I know you don’t want another…”
You don’t have the time to finish before he cuts you off.
“Maybe I’ve changed my mind”
You stare blankly at him; not sure you understand what he wants. He sighs as he pulls you closer, raising one hand to brush a strand of hair from your face. A gesture that’s oddly intimate.
“I… I think this is a conversation best had some other time”
Your voice is surprisingly steady, as your brows crease up. You don’t like where this conversation is headed, and you still aren’t fully sure you follow. The adrenaline was still running high from fear, and you felt you needed a few moments to collect yourself before this madness continued. Maekar didn’t seem to agree.
“Why? Its not like my opinion is going to change. I’ve thought about this”
His head is slightly tilted to the side as he regards you. Your wrist is still firmly in his grasp, and absentmindedly he lets his thumb softly draw patterns into your wrist. Its distracting, and you struggle to hear his words.
“I have seen you with the kids. They love you, and you are a natural. You would make a good mother” He pauses for a second before he continues, even more sure. “You will make a good mother”
With that, takes his other hand to grasp at your forearm before twisting you around and harshly dragging you towards the bed.
You stumble over your own feet as he pulls you backwards. Grasping onto his forearms, your fear coming back tenfold. You don’t understand what he means, and you’re not sure you understand what he wants. All you know is that he is suddenly talking about children and dragging you towards the bed. You aren’t stupid, but everything is happening so fast you aren’t sure if you can catch up. Almost without meaning it, you dig your feet into the ground, but that seems to annoy him.
“Quit your fighting, girl, or I’ll just take you against the wall”
He shakes you as he speaks, continuing to move you with more force. When he finally reaches the bed, he practically lifts you from the ground and throw you onto it. You land on your stomach with such force you bounce on it, and you scramble to crawl away to the other side, away from him. The sheets crumble beneath you, and suddenly the bed seemed endlessly bigger than before. You don’t even get far as his hands grabs your ankles with such force you are sure they will bruise, and drags you back across the bed. He flips you over in the process, and he climbs over you quickly, straddling your waist as he struggles to remove his tunic while keeping you still.
He doesn’t say anything, not even when you sob, asking what you did wrongs, what happened. You beg him to wait, slow down, but the only response you get is the fact his tunic hits the floor, and his hands find the neckline of your dress. With a brutal yank, he rips the dress down, exposing your chest. He only grunt in appreciation before he leans over you, bracing one hand beside your head while the other starts pulling up your gown to your waist.
You were a maiden, of course you were. You had never consummated your marriage and had certainly never been with anyone before. Everything you knew you had been taught to you by your septa or your mother, and even that had been sheltered. Still, you never thought your first time would be this. A harsh husband, holding you down and speaking of children. When his fingers slither between your legs you let out a gasp, the sensation unknown to you. He isn’t rough, per say, but he also isn’t careful. He is simply… practical.
You are gasping for air, the tears building up faster than you can blink them away. You had never been this afraid of him before. Naively, you had thought that you knew him. You thought that he didn’t like you, that he wouldn’t touch you. He had said so himself, what had changed? What did you do to change it?
When you feel the tip of him at your entrance, your panic comes to a tilt. You take both your hands to desperately grasp at his face, forcing him to look at you. He is so close you can see all his scars, his beard, the way his eyes dart all over your face. With your hands cradling his face, you try to reach him one last time.
“Maekar please, just wait…”
And for a second, he does. He just looks at you, that weird glint in his eyes. Slowly, one of his hands come to grasp at yours, and it’s so large it covers your whole hand. It gives you hope. Hope that he might just slow down, give you a second to breath. Hope that just maybe…
“Quit struggling so much, it’ll hurt less”
With those words, he pushes his face down and let his lips meet yours in a rough kiss. His beard is scratchy against your face, and you realise that this is the first time you’ve kissed your husband since the wedding. This time it was deeper, harsher. His teeth almost clash with yours due to the force, and it knocks your head back. It serves as a distraction when he starts to push into you.
He isn’t gentle, and it burns as he pushes his hips forward. You weep, but there is not much you can do, pressed between him and the sheets. You try to focus on his lips on yours, his harsh grip on your hand, anything but the pain.
When he finally parts his lips from yours, he barley waits a second before moving his face into your neck, breathing hard. He lets you recover for a few second before he starts moving, thrusting in and out of you at a slow pace. You can do nothing but take it, your protests reduced to a soft chorus of “No, please”. Still, they fall on deaf ears as he groans into your ear.
“I’m going to give you a child”
His voice is rough and breathless, and he is so close you can feel his breath landing on the side of your head. He still holds one of your hands in his, and he moves it from his face to force the palm of your hand flat against his chest. You can feel the hard muscles underneath as they work, and you think yourself a fool for ever hoping you could fight him off.
By the time his hips start to lose their pace, and he comes closer to finishing, you have stopped begging. He wouldn’t listen, what was the point? You stare at the canopy above and listen to his quiet whispers of a life together, of the children you were going to have. Children you weren’t even sure you wanted.
He lets out a groan as he finally finishes, pushing his hips as close as he can, trying to stay as deep inside you as he could go. His breath is hot against your temple, but you have nowhere left to turn. You are trapped where you are. Afterward a while, he simply rolls of to the side and to slowly catch his breath. You don’t do move, how could you? You are in shock. Just earlier today you were enjoying the sun, playing with the children. How could your life have taken such a dramatic turn in just a few hours?
You can feel his seed slowly slip out of you, and somehow that’s what makes you come back to reality. It wasn’t a bad dream, some feverish hallucination from sickness. It was real, and that makes you even more scared. Everything feels like a blur as you slowly clench your fist, almost surprised your hands still work.
Maekar lies still beside you, slowly turning his head when he feels you looking at him. He locks his gaze to yours, and you see no remorse in his eyes. No, this is the closest to happy you’ve ever seen your husband. That somehow terrifies you more, that the man you thought you knew was nothing but an illusion. He was a dragon after all, and you had just been too naïve to see the truth. Now you were trapped within the jaws, unable to crawl your way out.
“Don’t worry, you will make a terrific mother. We’ll finally be a proper family”
