sunrise, parabellum @mjvnivsbrvtvs - Tumblr Blog

hey what's up everyone it's been a hot minute. one might even say it's been over a year! things are good, I left this account on a melodramatic downward spiral of despair and tbqh it's like. whatever, you know!

anyway, I always meant to come back to update this space, so this is me doing that. I'm in other places now! you can send me a message/ask off anon over at @erceldounes if you want to know where.

take care everyone! have a good day, eat good food, etc!

#the thing that made me leave had more to do with a crisis of self confidence than anything else #if you can't trust what you make then goddamn #and that was just the last straw on top of the cancer thing and everything else #but its like. man. looking back? whomst cares.#im always going to be kind of sad that this place stopped feeling like a place where i could talk tho bc it holds #YEARS of my life and it stopped feeling like a place i could sit in #but hey! that's how life is! i am somewhat reluctant to leave it once again and i may revisit it in the future but im having a good time #elsewhere etc #uhhhh. don't ask for my new account if you hate cassius. i know that was my brand for a minute but i'd suck his dick now

indefinitely, I’m archiving this space

#friends mutuals the usuals suspects and lovers can DM me for where im at now. i just.#it doesn't matter.#i don't know how to cope with regretting a full year's worth of art

I slipped back into trying to turn myself into an easily consumable brand, when it’s like

I just wanted to draw romans in my sketchbook and fill the togas in with colorful washi tape :/

#anyway please forgive this string of personal posts im just. its devastating to look at art youve made and regret a lot of it #this is exclusively about 2021 art btw everything before that is a whole different landmine

I haven’t stopped drawing dead romans art, either, I just don’t know how to post it. I feel kind of. I don’t know. I look at it. I wonder if it’s good? A lot of people who do classics art like. study in the field. I don’t feel like I can talk to a lot of these people, and I don’t like what I make on my own, and I don’t want to go out and try to make friends because I need some kind of interlocutor or muse for me to like my stuff.

#this is first year art school bullshit. i know how to power through this. i just. idk. i feel like im lying to everyone by keeping this url

this is just a kind of. existential crisis. you know, it’s like you spend over a year trying to put your heart into something and finally thinking ‘oh, I made something good, I can do this again,’ only to realize that none of it was as good as you thought it was and you can’t recognize yourself in it and did any of it actually mean anything to anyone

#this isn't!! a plea for people to send me asks or anything!!! im just having a very very bad day in a very very bad year #i miss. idk. art is a conversation and most of the stuff from this year was a conversation i had with myself and at the end of it i just #didn't like who i was i guess

so sorry for everyone who followed for dead romans and didn’t expect me to veer off in six totally different directions and then do a 180 into doing modern setting horror adjacent comics

#lmao im sad. classics is lonely. it was easy to do when it was a conversation of love but im actually miserable right now #i feel bad for using this url when im unsure of when i'll go back to doing late republic art #it turns out! a whole year of art! none of it was good! i look at it and im just. unhappy. it's not fair to anyone that i feel this way #i feel ungrateful that i do. im just. sad sad sad sad sad. i don't feel like i can do anything right anymore

it’s like, you meet a guy, and you find out the school you teach at is haunted as fuck, the artist/writer of this story realizes that Julio should be called Jerome, actually

#behold! my favorite setting to mess around in: filipino horror #anyway. it's a horror story. haunted universities. lonely people trying to learn how to open up to each other #'unfortunately an artist' used to be my bio description. it's not serious. i have since decided that i love art #i love it enough ive decided to move to a different country. so.#(I loved art so much I was going to go to Florence and then Rome next year but like :/)#technically an art tag

‘you finally said something sensible.’

#francisco watches word of honor #like im not going to say priest's works make me want to believe in love BUT i think a lot about uhhh #scenes out of this novel. and guardian. and it sure does make me feel something.#not 'i want what they have' bc. the context. of the characters. uh. im good on that front #but i think about zyl and sw sometimes and whenever i re read it im like oh i want someone to love me the way zyl does sw #FOR THE RECORD the context? those two are kind of insane about each other. these two as well.#priest just writes stuff that unlocks the Longing part of my brain i don't spend too much time focusing on.#thinking about zyl and the house thing :/ thinking about wkx and zz in this scene :/ and all their other scenes :/

toomucharitime

Eliot, Eliot, Eliot. Why do you care about him so much? Because I do. You kill him, and we are done. I swear to God, I am serious. I will abandon you and I will die trying to burn you to the ground.

#the magicians

valendyke

i made a quiz: what does your soul smell like? (friendship/ relationship compatibility in the results!)

kabbal

#uquiz #Coffee #key words: intelligent old soul complex. you are an extremely thoughtful individual with a creative mind and loving heart.#compatible with: coffee candle smoke freshly baked bread.#this quiz made me miss being in a kitchen with friends and baking things :/#if it wasn't almost 1am i'd go downstairs and bake some bread

librarycard

i love doing apologism for fictional characters. yes he killed people and ruined everything but thats ok bc i like him and hes my little baby. so who cares

#me with kaz miller :/

thotfuss

Lorde // Emily St. John Mandel // Geoffrey Hill

cithaerons

inferno, canto viii (sean o’brien & john ciardi trans.)

#words #ang puso ko na mayroong sinasabi

that’s romance, baby

#liveblog tag #francisco watches word of honor

s1e1 but it plays out differently

#i got rid of twitter and im not using remade twitter until im convinced that i wont end up doom spiralling after three months of it so #tumblr gets the hbo rome comic that ive been kicking around that also became the gladiator au #gabriel fucks around with hbo rome #nsfw implied #kind of tempted to do an hbo rome watch party? on saturdays i could post a link and anyone around could join in. idk.#if you do want to watch rome the link to download it is on my about page #anyway this is.....at least two months old i think. i just dont have a lot of new stuff to post.

some studies from july

#sorry about the lack of art! a lot's been happening. im waiting for a new sketchbook to arrive #also my body was in disrepair for a bit. so. still getting back into the habit of things #technically an art tag #family health crisises my absolute beloathed. i keep feeling numb and then suddenly i start crying and then i feel numb again

crawfordapologist

I love when baby gays are clearly still unlearning a lot of biases and like every couple of months try to find a progressive reason to explain why men wearing dresses makes them uncomfortable. Like obviously transmisogynistic caricatures are Bad but if it's just a guy irl who wants to do drag or something that's literally fine. This has been a thing longer than you've been alive

crawfordapologist

Also like I need you all to understand that historically the line between gnc & trans people has always been way less distinctly defined than you want it to be. And for a lot of people that's kind of the point. Drag in particular is about radical self expression it's about taking gender performance and turning it into a literal show and it rules

crawfordapologist

To the people in my notes talking about "it's okay if gnc men make you uncomfortable as long as you don't police anyone <3" no it's not actually. You need to think about why that is and deconstruct it. Lol

saltnburned

Who’s driving your car?

#a queued post #spn #flashing lights cw

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