I’ve never been on a first date
too bad this first date only happens in my dreams
He knocks on my door at 7 p.m. to go to that local restaurant that sells fancy grilled cheese because he knows that they melt the cheese just right. The serving is just the right portion size for my little tummy, and he anticipates that my metabolism will leave me starving again in one hour, so he knows to take me to that ice cream parlor around the corner to get a vanilla cone topped with rainbow sprinkles.
My stomach is in knots and I can't believe that he actually picked me up on time and he is sitting here without his phone out. Am I talking about myself too much? I worry that I have bad table manners or that I act too weird, or, what if he takes me out for steak? I can't properly cut steak for my life. Questions running at 100 miles per hour, I can barely believe this is real.
We end up sitting in the grilled cheese bar for hours longer than we anticipated, and we ended up missing the movie we were going to watch. But time flew by with stories leaving our lips left and right. We seemed to talk about everything: our lives, our jobs, our adventures, and we seemed to talk about nothing - every silence between us felt so natural. We connected so quickly. I could see the light in his eyes. I could sense that he really enjoyed my company.
My heart is racing and I'm so self-conscious. The light in my eyes went out years ago, but can he see that? Gosh, I'm not good enough for him. I hope I don't ruin the night with my lack of self-confidence. Am I too boring? Worse, am I too damaged?
I tell him how I want to travel the world, how everyday is an adventure to me. I tell him how I am a sucker for Disney movies and how Taylor Swift songs are my jam. I tell him how I never rode a bike or learned to swim, how the little things in the world excite me, how I love the city, but the beach is also so relaxing, how I am so indecisive, and how I think that nothing matches with the color green. I'm not sure if I'm making a good first impression. I'm sorry for talking about myself too much.
Gosh, he makes me smile so much. I hope I don't look like an idiot. Vanilla ice cream and sprinkles end up sticking to the tip of my nose, he smiles. Oh, how embarrassing. I tell him how I love his smile and how he cares for his family. He's such a gentleman, something you don't see much anymore. He tells me how he looks up to his father and watches for his little sister. He tells me how he loves cooking, but most of it is trying some new recipe he found on Google. He tells me how he loves adventures, but staying in and watching movies can make for a perfect weekend. He smiles and compliments me on how I have the brightest smile. I just hope my eyes show the same.
We stay in the ice cream parlor talking about our lives until closing, and soon I find myself in his car again. I worry that he'll be like the other guys. Please, please don't be like the other guys. He stops in front of my house. He looks at me and says, "You're beautiful and I hope you can see that too." I can hear my heart pounding and I can feel the blood rushing through my veins. I don't know what to say, but I am grateful. Thank you, for not being like the others. We said our good nights and he smiles. I hope he had just a good of a night as I did.
I hope I don't ruin this. I feel like this is the beginning of a lifetime.
j.t. // "I've never been on a first date"
