#pluto tales

[transplutonic]

no but the way i despise winter actually. it feels like i will never be happy again. i wish i could wax poetic about it but really i just feel cold and alone and hopeless and so, so heavy

[transplutonic]

i get so dumb stupid when i am sick. whcih i am. it feels like every thought has to pass through a thick layer of mucus before it can leave my head. this leads to me stopping the think. this does not help my inherent awkwardenss

sometimes i think people should just pat me on the head and tell me to shut up (fondly)

[transplutonic]

i keep holding conversations with you in my head. i am imagining you suddenly coming up to me, demanding an answer. i imagine going into the club room, and finding you there. i imagine some day seeing you in the corridor and being unable to escape.

why are you escaping, you would ask. i'm not, i would answer, as if it was not obvious. maybe, i don't know. maybe, i'd choke up and turn on my heel.

you talk a lot of shit about people you don't like, do you know that? you find someone new, you bond, you frolick, you burn, you crash. you fuck around and find out, you colour your language in inside jokes, you laugh, you say remember The Incident? no, not that one, the other Incident. what even happened, i ask, and you tell me that they were a bad person anyways. we don't like them anymore. don't worry, you're still in our okay books, implied.

i don't know, i am just exhausted, i would say. it just became too much, i wouldn't say, walking on eggshells, keeping in line, pretending to be interesting, pretending to be fine. but you don't know, do you? i don't know, i'd say, the social anxiety just got too much, i'm sorry, i'm sorry for ignoring you.

i imagine you talk about me behind my back. amongst yourselves. i imagine the other you, you finding me alone, asking if it was your fault, because you feel guilty. no, i'd answer, i forgave you long ago. and i did. but you came back, and maybe it was my fault for not telling you off, for keeping you close, and time heals all wounds, but not this one, i suppose.

i have ran from it for so long, but the hurt caught up. maybe it would've been better with a clean cut, a quick sting of disinfectant and sutures to keep it shut. but you had to press on it, didn't you? it hurt so deliciously, i begged you to continue, but now i feel used. knees used to spring for you, now bloodied and bruised.

[transplutonic]

oh how lovely, here we are again. bitchass body woke up of 'stomach ache' after 3h of sleep, the promptly decided to also suffer 'brief panic attack', valiantly fought off in my bathtub with my (least) favourite destressor: 'cold water'. what can i say, it is hard to focus on panic when you are focusing on The Big Cold. sadly, The Big Cold isn't that effective against stomach aches...

[transplutonic]

i was at a birthday party last night with eleven "gosig råtta" from IKEA. naturally, i was hoarding them in my arms on the couch. the rats were then replaced by people. i was at the bottom of a squishy pile for a couple of hours. got arm scratches. life is good

[transplutonic]

-be me

-move out of your parents house

-have to plan dinner all by myself

-literally no supplies

-go to ica (one of swedens main grocery+more stores) to buy a potato peeler to make potato soup

-be really hungry but responsibly pass all of the pastries and new baked bread

-find the potato peeler

-on way to cashier, go by the chocolate bars...

-fall to temptation and carefully choose just one

-no chocolate before dinner! make soup and sliced bread with roommate

-its like 10pm, time to shower!

-ok what now... guess i'll just brush teeth and sleep

-brush teeth

-enter room

-find chocolate bar... tragically uneaten....

-depression

[transplutonic]

ochem!

(admit it, those reaction mechanisms look pretty cute)

[transplutonic]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box of the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers. ❣️

five things that made me happier this last week.

1. waking up home, alone, in silence after sleeping in because it is week-before-exam and we have no class to get to

2. my lab partner telling me that sometimes, she had to conciously tell herself not to stare at my industrial, because whe thought it was pretty

3. my friend, writing notes in exactly the same way that he talks, which includes calling math formulas "brats" and "weirdos"

4. interacting with a stranger at the climbing gym, working on the same problem and encouraging each other, for no other reason than "we happened to be here at the same place and the same time and we probably won't ever meet again"

5. biking through what must have been the aftermath of a storm, with fallen leaves whirling around me and mitski's "a pearl" in my ears on an unusually warm october day and thinking that maybe, life can be more than than an obstacle to overcome