Why 8H/12H/Plutonian Synastry Feels 'Karmic'
In most cases, when someone's inner planets fall in your 8th/12th houses or if someone's Pluto makes harsh aspects (conjunct, square, oppose) to your Sun, Moon, Rising, Mars or Venus; the energy you'll feel from them is intoxicating, it'll be all-consuming, its energy you deep down crave, and energy you don't have within, but wish you'd possessed.
When someone enters your life and they touch these parts of you, any voids your inner self has, disappears. When you're with them; a part of you will feel complete and any upheaval you have within somehow vanishes. Suddenly, the part of you that you avoid, hide, ignore or suppress feels at ease, they are the cushion your soul wishes for.
(This kind of energy is profoundly different when this is dealing with family relations, e.g., your mother's or father's inner planets fall in your 8H/12H and vice versa.)
This is karmic energy because with them you feel your best, but without them, you'll feel your worst. Their presence becomes this necessity that you'll always desire for, once they enter your energy field you'll always need a quick fix, they become this pacifier for your pain and you'll develop a scarcity mindset without them. You'll grow a need for them because without them you can't feel this "high." Without them, you only feel the fear of what it means to be open and vulnerable, without them, you only feel the fear of what it truly means to express suppressed emotions and without them you only feel the fear of letting someone in.
You're terrified of giving a part of yourself to another but with them, that part of you feels healed.
The intensity of this synastry will vary, but for those who are are influenced heavy by Pluto or have natal Scorpio placements with 8H/12H placements with the Moon/Sun making harsh aspects to Neptune/Pluto who may have deep paternal/past partnership wounds (e.g, an absent or un-nurturing parent/s, a chaotic or recluse kind of mother, a bipolar abusive father/past partner; it all depends), will feel this heavy. The absence of the worth you wish you felt from your parents or past partner has now brought this person (who touches the darkest and deepest parts within you) to you.
The fact of the matter is the same. This person came into your life to highlight these neglected needs of yours as a catalyst for you to transform, heal and become a more secure and stable individual.
In some cases, they become this false home in your eyes, a look from them will make you feel warm, and finally for once, you'll start to feel complete. You will feel like it's safe enough to fall for them because they'll make you feel secure within yourself, (the same feeling you wish you could hold onto) their touch will feel like a bandaid from the kind of love you've received from previous relationships/parents, so you'll accept it; even to your own detriment. You'll suddenly feel the care you've always wished you felt and that's why the thought of them leaving or the thought of them choosing someone else feels gut wrenching. They become this savior you deeply wish you had.
The reason this type of energy is so easy to become attached to yet feels so hard to let go is because it's energy that you crave, it pacifies (for the time being) your pain. They are an outside manifestation of what you wish to feel on your own. They're just a reflection of what's 'broken' in you, and it's easier to give your power away, than to give it to yourself.
To look at someone with fear of them leaving will only create situations and scenarios where your self worth is tested over and over again, you'll start to feel the same terror you felt as a child, the same terror you say you try to run from.
You know you will feel this intense loss without them, yet when they're looking into your eyes; that 'feeling' feels okay. That's why this synastry is so transformative and can be life-changing.
Within, there's a desire for someone to erase the hurt that was created by circumstances you couldn't control. And because of this, the universe has planted this individual to enter your life. Naturally the pain you've endured is hard to overcome or accept, only until you have too will the healing really begin, and this person is a catalyst for just that.
You have to choose yourself instead of someone else, and because of constant disappointment, hurt or abandonment you've experienced, that's terrifying.
How can you choose yourself or let yourself receive unconditional love? You're not familiar with that energy so it's feels foreign to you, yet when someone's Pluto make significant aspects to your inner planets or when someone's planets fall in your 8/12 houses, their language and words will feel native and fluent to you.
These questions are the exact reasons why you are experiencing this karmic situation.
Your soul knew what kind of circumstances you were going to deal with, and it wants you to heal. It wants you to accept that pain. The universe does not want you to sit in this pain, it wants you to succeed, accept and overcome any and all challenges that you've dealt with.
You're not alone in this, and you didn't come to this Earth to only experience the same never ending cycles.
This experience is only a pit-stop for you, at the end of it all you will reach your final enlightenment destination.
Book a synastry reading with me or purchase my karmic astrology ebook that is curated towards 8th and 12th house synastry: https://myunsaidthoughts.gumroad.com
P.S:
This post is particularly for those who struggle with self-worth/self-love/confidence etc. 8th and 12th house synastry can be beautiful when both partners are healed and accepting of their harsh past. The depths of emotions you two can create together is unworldly and powerful. Therefore I do think 8H/12H can work but it would have to be with two profound open-minded and spiritual people. You both will have to want this in ways you've never could have imagined before. I'm also a Scorpio Moon and 12H native so this energy for me does feel more enticing, but to each their own and it really depends on the natal chart/individual itself.
Side Note: To balance the intensity these synastry aspects/overlays bring, taking on the opposite houses themes would bring more ease and create less intensity.
For example, dealing with 12H (Even Neptune) synastry, the opposite house is the 6H, the house of routine, daily life, mundane affairs, healthcare, helping others/giving etc etc. So if you take on new hobbies/activities by changing your daily routine with adding or taking away something, that will ease the fixation that 12H synastry brings. Often times with this synastry you will find yourself day dreaming or obsessing over someone you desire, you may have this innate need to be their savior or try and fix their wounds, so you will put yourself in situations where your priority is solely them. you could also fantasize and have an escapist attitude with them, (or the idea of them) they can be an escape for you or you might find yourself thinking about them a lot, repeating scenarios in your head or fantasizing about situations happening, or you might feel confused/hazy with where you stand with them so you constantly are thinking of them but keeping yourself busy is key with this synastry, and that will create more control within you.
For 8H/Pluto synastry, the opposite house is the 2H, the house of value, self esteem, possessions, finances and security etc. So to gain more control within, I would say find something that will bring value to you, something that enhances your self esteem. Something you can accomplish on your own or achieve/do that will bring you a higher sense of self. Because their eyes alone bring you that sense of value or sense of wholeness (you wish you felt on your own), focusing or harnessing your energy towards a deep creative project will ease that "need" for them (the planet person). Create something anything; writing, painting, or learn ways to make more income etc, this will bring you the sense of worthiness or value you crave for and these projects/creative outlets will ease the intensity. If you have many outlets that bring you the satisfaction that you yearn for (the sense of value that the 8H planet person brings you) there will be less of a need for them, and you won't develop a scarcity mindset because without them you still feel valuable, whole, and worthy.
Book a synastry reading with me or purchase my karmic astrology ebook that is curated towards 8th and 12th house synastry: https://myunsaidthoughts.gumroad.com
It's about 8th/12th/Pluto/Neptune/Saturn/Vertex/Nodal synastry. I give insights, exact transits, exact synastry overlays, natal chart interpretations and more advice on what to do in these situations.