#pnigophobia

[coleinyourstockings]

BFTChallenge- September 20: Not Your Typical Villain

Tomura Shigaraki from My Hero Academia.  He’s covered in hands and he can cause anything to disintegrate.

[angededesespoir]

We are mountains meant to crumble, Ch. 2

A/N:  Cont. of this.   Request from the Hurt Meme: "It's ok to hurt and breakdown. You don't have to be strong all the time." + Reaper76.

It's venting time, friends!  ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

(Also posted on  AO3.)

He enters the office to find the Strike-Commander pacing rapidly, tablet clutched in hand, breathing a little too fast, a little too unsteady.

He approaches the man cautiously. “Jack.”

Jack jerks his head up, startled. He stops where he is, gazing in Gabriel’s direction, mind working to process what he sees.  

He swallows.

“Hey,” Jack finally replies, trying to look composed, though there’s still a hitch to his breath, a tremor to his limbs.   “What did you need, Gabe?”

Gabriel steps closer until he stands within a foot of his husband, looking him in the eyes.  

“Breathe,” he says calmly.  “You need to focus on breathing in and out, deeply and slowly.  I know it’s hard, but please try for me.”

Jack nods, averting his eyes as he sucks in another breath.  Gabe waits.  There’s a shuddering in some of the breaths, surges of panic he knows Jack is trying to contain.  

“You’re doing fine, Jackie.  Keep breathing.”  

It’s several minutes before his breathing and heart rate return to what passes as normal, Gabe with him all the while, guiding him back down.  His legs feel weak, hands shaky.  He thinks he should be used to this by now, but the sensation has the panic bubbling again.

“Do you need to sit down?”

He nods and Gabe drag his desk chair over.  Jack sinks into it and looks up at his husband.  “Thank you.”

Gabe nods..  

“I came to see how you’re doing.  The situation’s a mess, as to be expected.”

Jack let’s out a weak laugh, all nerves and exhaustion.  “Tell me about it.  Gabe, we’re in even more hot water now.  They’re threatening to further reduce funding.  Several governments are looking to cut ties with us, which will no doubt encourage others to do the same, causing a global-wide problem on how we will carry out future missions.  The Prime Minister’s still in an uproar.  The media’s in a frenzy.  Half the stuff they’re saying isn’t even true.  And if the U.N. learns of Jesse’s involvement-”

“They won’t.”

“But if they do, it’s going to be more ammo against Blackwatch, against you.”

Gabe shrugs.  “If it comes to that, so be it.  I can handle whatever they throw at me.”

Jack sighs heavily, running a hand through his thinning hair.  “I know you can.  I don’t doubt that. But you shouldn’t have to. You’re just doing your job. You don’t deserve what they’re saying about you and your men and…and I’m not sure how to make them stop.”

Jack looks down, focusing on his hands, one rubbing a slow, rhythmic circle on the other.

“I feel like I’m failing you. Like I haven’t lived up to your expectations and... that every day I’m letting you down more. I don’t know what to do, Gabe.”

There’s a crack to Jack’s voice that makes Gabe’s heart ache.  He gets on his knees so he’s more level with the man, scoots in close, and rests a hand on one of Jack’s thighs.  His partner doesn’t flinch or fidget at the touch, and he takes this as a good sign.

“Jackie,” he says gently, “you haven’t failed me. Do you handle things differently than I do? Yes. But that doesn’t mean that you’re doing badly or letting me down. On the contrary, with everything going on, I think you’re managing pretty well.”

“Listen,” Gabe says, as he soothingly rubs circles on Jack’s thigh. “I know that you’re under a lot of stress. I know that you haven’t been taking care of yourself -and don’t you dare try to deny it.”

Jack bows his head and grumbles something he can’t quite make out.  He squeezes the man’s leg gently and continues.

“I also know that you keep taking on more than you can bear, and not always by choice- though heaven knows that you would still choose to do it no matter what.  That’s just how you are.”

There’s a weak smile on Jack’s face.  He can’t deny the truth of Gabe’s words.  He would do anything to make the world a better place.

“I want to remind you,” Gabe continues, “that it’s ok to hurt and breakdown. You don’t have to be strong all the time, Jackie. Don’t let others convince you otherwise. You are only human, and you are only one man.”  

He leans up to kiss Jack’s cheek.  “I’m here for you, my bluebell, and so is the rest of our family. Just like you’re always here for us.  You don’t have to bear this alone.”

“I-I know.” Jack’s voice shakes, his eyes blinking rapidly as his hand reaches up to rub at one of his eyes.  “I appreciate it,” he manages, throat tight.

Gabe pulls him into an embrace and Jack allows it, arms curving around him as he buries his face in his love’s shoulder, tears beginning to fall.

Gabe holds him close, rubbing at his back.  “It’s okay.  Let it out.  I got you.”

He presses another kiss to a tear-streaked cheek, another drop sliding down to meet his lips.  

“We’re going to sort this whole mess out, Jackie.  Together.  Don’t worry.”

And if only it were that simple.....

[angededesespoir]

@ My Body:  Please stop with the coughing fits.  You’re freaking me out, making me feel awful, and making me make more of a fool out of myself than I usually do.  Please cease the sore throat, throat itchiness, and coughing, please.

[angededesespoir]

I had a frickin’ coughing fit during French & I thought I was going to die.  I legit panicked & ran out of the room b/c if I’m going to die, I might as well go out alone and away from where I could cause a disturbance.  :P 

[humdrum-hobgoblin]

seeing people wear chokers makes me so nervous. just seeing it makes me feel short of breath. I can't imagine how people wear them all day long. they're cute and all but holy hell I can't even deal

[angededesespoir]

How do you even breathe during this weather? It feels like I'm being smothered. :P So much for relaxing today.....

[angededesespoir]

I’m.....half-regretting eating rn.  Like, surprisingly I didn’t experience too much nausea during the meal.  What was bad was that I got a small piece of food stuck in my throat & I started to panic and it took all my self-restraint to not run from the room [b/c if I’m going to die, might as well save the embarrassment of having an audience].  Luckily I fixed the problem, but I was too set on edge after that, so I didn’t even finish my meal.

So, I barely ate anything [by ‘normal’ standards, at least], the nausea is starting to kick in, and it feels like someone is squeezing my guts.  This is fun..... 

[angededesespoir]

Ah, yes, how lovely.  It's almost 5 in the morning & I just want to sllep, but instead I keep feeling like I'm suffocating, which is causing me anxiety on top of the anxiety that I already had.  And I'm now worried that this is going to wind up triggering an anxiety attack (especially since I felt like I was getting close to having one earlier), which in turn is causing me even more anxiety.  :P

I'm half-tempted to just pull an all-nighter, but I'm exhausted & my body and mind really need a chance to reset.