The author of one of my favorite fics vanished from AO3 sometime within the last month.
I published a podfic of that story on January 7th. On January 8th, the author commented and said "Eee! Thank you so much! And I love your voice. It's just, well. Perfect! ❤" I never heard anything else from the author and they never contacted me to request that I remove the podfic from the archive.
As such, I'm leaving it up, because it IS one of my favorite fics. It's my favorite WTNV fic by a mile, and has some really, really valuable things to say about relationships and respect and acceptance. I can't help but feel somehow... wrong, though, about leaving it up. The author obviously wanted to remove themself and their works from the internet, and now all that remains of their legacy is MY interpretation of their work.
I'm remarkably upset about this. I wanted to read their other stories. I wanted to get permission to record more of their fics. I wanted to have a working relationship, if not friendship, with this talented writer who appreciated my voice and my work.
And now they're gone, and all that's left of them is my version of what they made.
Goodbye, Dee. I hope you're ok, wherever you are, and that you keep writing, if only for yourself, because you've got amazing talent and you have so much good to say.
(in closing, here's my favorite passage from that fic, which I feel ok posting since they never asked me to take down the podfic)
"Carlos is about to say, Are you aware you have tentacles? It seems like a reasonable question.
Or would have, to the Carlos of one year ago.
It occurs to Carlos, in that moment, there are certain things Cecil has never, ever asked him. Things like, “When did you come to America?” and “Where did you learn to speak English?” Carlos has been asked these questions a lot, over the course of his life, and has a whole plethora of snarky answers prepared to give in response.
He’s never had to give one to Cecil.
Cecil asks Carlos about science, and about coffee, and occasionally whatever weirdness is plaguing them this month. Sometimes they talk about the other things, too—family and school and childhood and so on—but the context is different. It’s a conversation, not a demand. Not even a demand phrased as well-intentioned curiosity, or a self-conscious declaration of progressiveness and “comfort”.
Look at how hip I am. My boyfriend has tentacles!
Carlos Gets It. As near as he thinks he can."
-Requisition 128-3C: Intent to Initiate Sexual Intimacy by dee
