For your writing weekend, a double prompt: "You are shaking" from the first link you shared + "Don't Let Them See You Cry" for your BTHB card, if you got nothing for that square yet :)
First fill for @badthingshappenbingo
So thank you for actually making me work on this, I guess 😂 Hope you like it!
Words: 1,4k
Not beta read
Established McKirk
Warning: Minor character deaths
To be a doctor was many things but it certainly wasn't easy. To be the CMO of a starship was again a whole different thing.
When you work in a hospital on earth you don't really know most people you treat, but here on the Enterprise Leonard knew everyone. Sure, some he knew better than others. Still, it was a completely different thing to treat somebody, who was mostly a stranger to you than having a friend on your operation table.
It made the whole job so much more difficult.
Of course Leonard still loved what he was doing, he just wished he wouldn't have to save his friends from death so often, that they would be more careful.
It was a wish that wouldn't be granted,he knew. Most of time it wasn't even their fault anyways. For some reason missions just tended to take an unexpected turn downhill.
Just like it happened today or rather yesterday.
Today had to be one of Leonard's worst nightmares.
Nearly everyone of the crew was in MedBay, groaning in pain, whining helplessly. They had all been poisoned.
Yesterday evening there had been a dinner on a new discovered planet to celebrate the contract they made with the natives. However, apparently they hadn't been as friendly as it seemed.
The poison had only started showing effects this morning and since nearly the whole crew had been invited to celebrate, it was pure chaos.
Thankfully the medical staff hadn't been there, since they had an important video conference yesterday they had to attend.
Or maybe, if he would have been there, Leonard could have prevented this. After one too many allergic reaction the doctor had made a habit of scanning the food and drinks beforehand.
However, Leonard had no time to think about this now. He had to focus on finding a cure. The first people had already died. Two engineers and a security officers.
Nobody the doctor would consider a friend of his. Still, he remembered the security officer having a crush on Geoffrey, always looking at him with so much adoration when she was here being treated and blushing when their eyes met.
He also knew from Scotty that one of the engineers had great talent, potential to become a CEO themselves one day.
Scotty.
Leonard looked over to where the Scotsman was sitting, leaning against a wall. There was a smile on his face as he talked to the younger engineers, clearly calming them down. But Leonard could see the signs of discomfort,of pain.
Leonard took a deep breath. He had to work quicker. He had to focus completely on the task at hand, he couldn't let himself be distracted by his emotions too much.
He was the CMO. If he lost his cool in front of patients and his staff, this wouldn't be good. It would only increase the panic and the chaos.
He had to stay strong, no matter if he would rather hide in his office and cry.
Fifteen deaths. Fifteen lives gone. Before they finally found the cure.
When the steadiest hand of Starfleet were shaking slightly as he injected the cure to Jim, his boyfriend chose to not comment.
At least everything was under control quickly with the cure.
Leonard was ready to let out an relieved breath, to relax a little but then:
"Doctor McCoy! Come quickly!" Chapel was calling for him and she sounded slightly panicked. It had to be something bad.
He quickly scanned the room to find her and spotted her next to Spock, who was still lying on a biobed. He went to them with large steps, trying to ignore the panic rising in him.
"What is the problem?" Leonard asked his head nurse.
"It's not working on him. The cure, I mean." Chapel replied worried.
Leonard cursed and looked at Spock.
The half Vulcan really looked like he was in pain. His eyes were shut, he was panting slightly, breathing uneven. The doctor had never seen him like this. It definitely didn't help ease Leonard's or Chapel's worry.
McCoy took a deep breath before saying:"Okay, let's get back to work."
If they were lucky they would only need to alter the original cure a bit. Still, they had to figure it out quickly. They didn't know how much time they had left.
Losing Spock, losing one of his closest friends, Leonard didn't know if he could handle that. He would only blame himself.
However, he had to try not think about this possibility now.
Thirty minutes. They needed thirty minutes to figure it out.
Leonard was barely holding it together now. Worrying about Spock, having a nurse update him on how their first officer was doing every five minutes.
Thirty minutes was probably incredible fast. Still, for the doctor it felt like an eternity.
He was emotional exhausted, he just wanted to curl up and cry until he fell asleep. But he couldn't do that. Everyone was looking up to him. Everyone was thanking him. They are were happy and relieved now that this was over.
Of course, Leonard was happy and relieved too. He just wished they wouldn't have had to go through this in the first place. Lives were lost and for too many it had been a close call.
It was on of these days were Leonard wondered how he kept on doing this job.
McCoy went into his office. He pulled out his bottle of bourbon he kept there and poured himself a glass before slowly sinking down the wall until he sat on the ground.
He took deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He could see and feel his hands noticeable shaking.
He took a large sip. He didn't know if he wanted to get drunk to forget or just to numb the pain. All he knew is that he wanted to distract himself. In his opinion this was the better option than just sit here and cry.
Crying felt wrong. Everyone was counting on him. Everyone was always complimenting him on how he kept calm in MedBay even in chaos. So, he couldn't let them see him cry. He may be in his office, but somebody could come in any minute. He also still needed to write his report.
Only a few minutes later the door to his office was really opening. Not a nurse was coming in but his boyfriend.
Jim kneeled down in front of him, Leonard just stared at the wall behind him.
"You are shaking." The captain observed and gently took the glass with alcohol from the doctor.
Leonard tried to stop it, tried to get that much control over his body, but he failed. If anything the shaking worsened and his breath became slightly irregular.
He hated this. Sure, Jim was not only his boyfriend but his best friend. McCoy still didn't like being weak. Not in his own MedBay.
"Hey, Bones." Jim's said softly, but sounded far away. Then he felt two warm hands on his cheeks, turning his head slightly until his eyes met the so familiar blue ones.
"It's over. You did a great job today. You saved so many people." The captain told him.
"But not everyone and for many it was a close call. Too close." Leonard replied, his voice sounding hoarse.
"Still, I think no doctor would have done better than you."
Upon hearing this from Jim, the person he trusted so much, who he was most afraid to lose, he couldn't help but let out a sob.
Jim's hand left his cheeks and the captain wrapped his arms around the doctor.
"It's okay to cry." Jim whispered and pulled Leonard against his chest, "It's not only ok, actually, it's perfectly normal."
The doctor didn't reply, he just clutched onto his boyfriend and cried. Finally letting it all out. The stress, the doubts in himself, the fear of losing his friends.
And Jim let him, was there for him. The captain hold him, made him feel safe,warm and secure. He whispered comforting words into Leonard's ear.
The doctor knew, it wouldn't make his job any easier. However, he had a shoulder to cry on. A man that would hold him and be there for him, whenever Leonard needed him.
Castle Bravo was the code name given to the first U.S. test of a so-called dry fuel thermonuclear device, detonated on March 1, 1954 at Bikini Atoll, Marshall Islands, by the United States, as the first test of Operation Castle (a longer series of tests of various devices). Unexpected fallout from the detonation—intended to be a secret test—poisoned the crew of Daigo Fukuryū Maru ("Lucky Dragon No. 5"), a Japanese fishing boat, and created international concern about atmospheric thermonuclear testing.
