replying jointly to two askers re: this earlier anon
i talked about all this with @phulge and @asymmetricmediumphaturals last night over pizza, and i'm glad i did because it really helped me solidify where i'm at.
i think specifically themed dan gender video compilations would be fucking wonderful. a video compilation is really different from any way i'd be able to compile information (spreadsheet/list), even if someone did make a series of compilations that together included almost all the same information. and everything else i'm thinking gets so long that i'm putting it under the cut.
tl;dr specifically themed video comps are a great idea because they won't land emotionally the same as a massive spreadsheet.
(i said almost up there because i think the volume of non-video posts/likes/etc is significant and might not be fully includable in even a series of videos).
i want to break this down. bc the format would be different, but the function would be the same: centralizing all known instances of dangender to make information more accessable. and a different format seems like a small thing, but imo it changes the emotional impact completely—and emotional impact outweighs everything else in this context?
i do my best to post from the most respectful and compassionate perspective possible with dangender.
usually that means that before anything else i view dangender is a celebration of dan's gender nonconformity and our connection to it, and whether or not he's trans is not the focus because the joy we take in this would be the same no matter what. that centers dan's autonomy and sovereignty over his identity.
but personally, i feel the most respectful and compassionate approach has to be different when it comes to a possible dan gender spreadsheet. because regardless of factual difference from early phandom outing/archeology, the emotional reality is that a spreadsheet like that could be recieved in a painfully similar way. especially if dan is in some way trans and sees what i post.
yknow? like. if dan is trans but hasn't even put it into words yet internally—or has, but it's new and something very personal and vulnerable?
a written out list could very likely feel like a massive violation, could shut dan down from being able to look at and name his experience/from being willing to be open and share that aspect of herself with us the way she has been/from being even more open someday.
that's kind of a worst case scenario, and i think the odds of dan seeing any spreadsheet i made would be astronomically slim. but any risk of it at all is one i'm unwilling to take.
but if dan is trans—whether that looks like knowing it comfortably, being new to it and feeling it's very personal and vulnerable, or not being able to name it internally yet—and sees a video comp about any of the specific subjects listed or any others that could be picked out?
the emotional impact of that would be so different. almost completely the opposite.
compilation videos of dan choosing fem gender expression with increasing comfort and joy? of dan saying relatable things about gender? a collection of dan's girl characters? a sister daniel timeline? that comes across as being seen by someone who's like i see something you've done and means something to me and i'm celebrating both it and you!
you see how that's not the same? being seen and loved for specific behaviors and trends. no risk of going big enough picture with it or using a format that it comes across as claiming to know an answer about dan that hasn't been shared.
i think "what if dan is trans and sees what i've posted" is a necessary perspective for dangender posters, when it comes to creating and sharing more weighty/substantial things.
i'm not saying to like, obsess about that with every lighthearted or even earnest post/ask/reply. dan and phil leave us alone on purpose so we can play however we want to in our space.
but like. as much as it can't be the main modality with which we engage with dangender posting because of the transphobes. as much as our actions must be careful because of how they might respond. (which shouldn't be the case! anon you're right that we shouldn't have to)!
we can't forget that the other side of the tightrope is being cautious of how we act with an awareness of how dan might be impacted.
i don't think anyone else probably thinks so deeply about all these things with this much detail nor do i think people should. this is just how my brain works and i'm enjoying myself.
but i am sharing both my thought process and conclusions because like. as much as i'm not and don't want to be a leader of dan gender, i do know people take their cues from me sometimes. & i think most of us are on the same page about my 1st modality, of primarily celebrating nonconformity and connection! but i'm not sure how much people think about my 2nd core approach?
xoxoxo love you all thank you to anyone who read in full. this one got long!
I found the question: "Do you ever feel like memories feel strangely distant? Maybe like there’s a thin film between you and the memory, or you and the you that lived that memory?" Difficult if not impossible to answer as a yes/no because we just don't really have much of any kind of clear memory of non traumatic events? Maybe the question should be skipable.
absolutely, thank you for the feedback! we'll put an "i don't remember enough" since that's a pretty good sign of plurality, as well as making the question skippable🫶🫶🫶
The last three or four phodcast episodes are not longer up on the phatreon for me. Could you check if this is a unique issue or they're gone for everyone?
wait that's so weird? it's just fine for me! is all the other phatreon stuff still all there slash could ur membership have gotten messed up or is it just the pod? cause on my end everything is still intact!
wait dan's neck thing is related to trauma of her peers beating her? I missed this when was this discussed? (feel free to answer this privately)
in basically i'm gay she mentions the bullying included a physical aspect and a specific example is given in which she was pinned by her neck in a locker room & slapped in the face for five minutes, but i can't give you the timestamp bc it's been a really long time since i watched.
which. makes it extremely evident exactly why dan was so strongly not okay with having her neck touched by anyone, and why that was especially true in earlier years than over time. it was/is a trauma trigger. one that dan has, to some degree, healed. which wd know because dan has demonstrated being comfortable having phil touch her neck multiple times over the years.
i was already discussing this privately in early spring of 2018 in a conversation abt the bullying dan experienced & we had no confirmation until basically i'm gay.
close—bisexual husband! we transed our genders together over the years. they've always been bi & i started out bi but have been thru a lot of different labels over the years (before figuring out my gender is fluid but that i'm always gay). so it's me who's been his dyke girlfriend boyfriend partner wife spouse fag husband at various times! we've known each other for 22 years probably.
& yes! i live in a tumblr household moreso than a phannie household but we're in phannie mode lately. r @asymmetricmediumphaturals and i first and foremost are leverage dot edu on tumblr dot com together in our living room, roper @phulge & aries @freckliephil (the reason i made this blog!) are our neighbors, & hana @danielbear will be in our city soon too. (this ain't the whole group but it is all of us who'll be sharing a city).
and yes! me and aries and r and the 2 people we met in a gc and stayed with when we saw ii in LA coined fuck energy—i'm just the only one who's got a well tagged blog / have been most consistantly active over the years. but it was a group effort!
I put a little bit of it in mine and Red’s collab but I really want to do full hurt/comfort fic dedicated to Phil’s migraines/chronic illnesses. My brother in pain and tummy aches. Of course I want to use it to not only do some cute fluff but also like, general themes based on real experiences I’ve had. As I usually try to do.
6. the word that appears the most in your current draft (wordcounter.net can tell you)
In the current draft of The Slutty Nun Chronicles part 3, the most used word is ‘Phil’ followed by ‘Dan’. Thrilling. 🩷
18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic
I’m pretty ruthless when a fic is done, I usually delete everything that wasn’t used or I move it to another document if I think it could be usable in something else.
BUT here’s a line that’s been cut from the current draft of slutty nun #3:
“I see you front row. You're front row at a gay open mic night, what else could your intentions possibly be?”
30. share a fic you’re especially proud of
I’m really proud of mine and Red’s collab. I think we cooked so hard with this. It was so much fun and I can’t wait to write more with her!! @jonsaremembers ❤️🩷
