Poland: A B C D E F G, gummy bears are chasing me. 1 is red, 1 is blue, 1 is chewing on my shoe. Now I’m running for my life, cause the green one has a knife.
Feliks didn't care what others thought. He made it his point to not. If he didn't care what Ivan thought, and he didn't care what Ludwig and Gilbert thought, he didn't care what Björn thought; then why would he care what anyone thought? Feliks lived through spite and spite alone, at least he told himself he did. Everytime he was tempted to give up, to stop fighting and just let go. He repeated his stupid mantra, The universe wants me dead, so I'm alive.
Sometimes even that didn't qualm his thoughts though, and it always decided to hit at the most random times.
Feliks left the meeting room in a rush, he hadn't been able to think straight, a comment from Ivan, something off-handed from Gilbert; it sent him into a spiral so easily he was almost embarrassed. Feliks needed to get out though, he needed to be away from all the people. No one would follow, at least he assumed no one would. Where would it be empty though? There was more than one meeting going on, on top of just day to day UN business being conducted by human government officials.
"Feliks" He heard someone call his name but kept walking, he didn't want to stop, he needed to get away. "Feliks slow down, I can't keep up."
The voice was steady, but concern was evident. It was Tolys, he hesitated thinking he should stop. Knock it off. Feliks thought to himself, you're worrying one of your best friends. You need to stop. Panic is an overwhelming thing though isn't it?
Finally he found a hall that seemed empty, picked a spot along the wall and sat down. Quickly he pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in them. Ignore it all, it will go away: they will go away. There was no sound for a moment, Feliks thought he lost Tolys. Or maybe he had given up and went back to the meeting room, deciding to not try and follow him anymore.
Feliks was trying desperately to calm down, but something wouldn't let him. He continued internally scolding himself, You don't care, remember? It's part of your personality, you don't care. You definitely don't care what Russians or Germans think. It didn't help. They wanted to get rid of you and what did you do? You stood up straighter and said Come Get Me. Nothing helped, nothing that usually made him think about how stupid these attacks were helped. Granted most of the thinking about how stupid they were happened before or after, not during them. During them his train of thought–or lack thereof–seemed perfectly rational.
"There you are." Another voice appeared, one that wasn't his own, nor in his head. Feliks didn't look up, he didn't need to know that it was Tolys finally finding where he was hiding.
He could see Tolys' face as he stopped and hesitated, the worried look that sat between fresh concern and one of being almost bored of the situation. He wasn't bored though was he? He wouldn't come if he was.
Finally footsteps made their way over to him, and he could hear the rustling as his ex-husband sat down next to him. Another stiff moment of hesitation, a thousand memories of moments like those, especially during the early days of their marriage, ran through his head. "Are you okay? Do you need to talk, or... should I go away?"
Feliks didn't move, not at first. Not until he thought he heard Tolys getting up to leave, at which he almost jumped to grab him. "No!" He didn't realize how loud it was until after the word left his mouth. He cleared his throat, and leaned against the wall trying to act more like normal; "Don't go"
Tolys nodded, Feliks was still having a hard time calming down completely. But this was at the very least a distraction. Feliks heard a small laugh, he thought it untimely of Tolys until he noticed Virgil, Tolys' service dog seeming to have a hard time sitting still next to his owner. "I swear," Tolys laughed again a little, "He's learned to be just as worried about you as he is about me"
Feliks snorted, patting his lap and with a little sign from Tolys the dog quickly made his way to the Polish man. He pet the dog, holding Virgil's face and using his animal designated voice; "Well I wasn't the one having debilitating panic attacks in grocery stores was I? No, no I wasn't"
He almost thought he could feel Tolys rolling his eyes. It always amazed Feliks that Tolys followed him, and even to the point that now he was surprised at himself for thinking he wouldn't follow this time.
The voice in Feliks head resumed, but this time it said something different; The universe may not want you here, but Tolys certainly does.
