#polonious

[the-mad-prince-of-denmark]

Polonius: My lord, what were you looking at?

Hamlet: Nothing!!

Ophelia: He was looking at Horatio~!

Everyone: Hamlet likes Horatio~!

Laertes: He does not!!

Everyone: Laertes likes Hamlet~!

Osric: He does not!!

Everyone: Osric likes Laertes~!

Bernardo: He does not!!

Everyone: Bernardo likes Osric~!

Polonius: STOP THAT! NOBODY LIKES OSRIC!!

[the-mad-prince-of-denmark]

Ophelia: Oh my god, I don't want to deal with my father. Ham, if you see him, will you steer him in the opposite direction?

Hamlet:…Yes. I can do that.

[A few minutes later]

Polonius: My lord, have you seen my daughter? Ophelia?

Hamlet: Ophelia died eight years ago.

[the-mad-prince-of-denmark]

"Well, if you wanna dance with the devil, you gotta live with it when he sets you on fire."

-Hamlet, after stabbing Polonius

[the-mad-prince-of-denmark]

Polonius: What is it about Ophelia you find most attractive?

Hamlet: Her brother.

Polonius: What?

Hamlet: What?

[the-mad-prince-of-denmark]

Hamlet: I can jump higher than ANY tree.

Polonius: How is that, my lord?

Hamlet: Trees can't jump!

Polonius:

Polonius:

[the-mad-prince-of-denmark]

Gertrude: Stop pretending to be crazy around Polonius!!

Gertrude: Neither him nor I have time to indulge in your shenanigans!

Hamlet: Well…single shenanigan. Really more of a hijink.

[the-mad-prince-of-denmark]

Hamlet: So…you’re not mad about me and Horatio?

Ophelia: Hamlet, you’ve found a man who believes in you! You SHOULD be with him, because life is short. I would love to have that, you know? A real family. Nothing else matters.

Polonius: *coming down the stairs* Ophelia?!

Ophelia: Shit, hide!!

[the-mad-prince-of-denmark]

Polonius: Have you ever seen the face of…the devil?!

Hamlet: Every morning in the mirror.