#poly ramblings

[butchfagminotaur]

I want 2020 to be a year full of love! 💖

Romantic love, platonic love, loving my friends, romantic affection, platonic affection. I want all of it and I plan to go out and find it.

[thehomoadventuresofzimbits]

what it feels like to be polyamorous part 4:

-they break up, just out of the blue, and you thought you were over it but your stomach twists into knots when you hear about it

-it’s amicable, they tell you, and you know it is, but you know they’re hurting, and that hurts you

-at this point, it just feels empty

-you cry your tears, you wonder why you feel broken all the time, and it just feels like a pattern

-like you’re supposed to feel this way

-like everything you touch breaks

-like you aren’t worth it

-your friends say it’ll happen someday, but that someday is what grinds into you, constantly, ceaselessly, endlessly

-the intrusive thoughts claw into your brain and wrap around your heart and make it feel like you can’t breathe

-you wonder when it won’t feel like this anymore.

[thehomoadventuresofzimbits]

How are you bi and a lesbian?

Hi there!

So, there’s a difference between sexuality and romanticism, at least, to my understanding. I consider myself a biROMANTIC homoSEXUAL–meaning that I have the capacity to fall in love romantically with both men and women, but I’m only sexually interested in other women. Dudes just don’t turn me on! 

Another way to look at it, though not entirely the same, is thinking about the Kinsey scale. If you aren’t sure what that is, please Google it, because I am in no way an expert on sexuality and gender. From what I understand, Kinsey basically stated that sexuality and the like is all on a spectrum, with 0 being strictly heterosexual, and 6 being strictly homosexual–therefore, a 3 being entirely bisexual. I would probably rate myself as a 5 on the Kinsey scale–I’m someone who has a very active sex drive, so I find myself falling for more girls than guys–because I’m sexually AND romantically attracted to girls! 

BASICALLY, sexuality and romanticism are two different beasts. But if you really wanted to boil it down, I’m not interested in sex with men because that’s not my jam, but if the right dude came into my life and swept me off my feet I’d probably crush on him. 

It’s also important to note that I’m polyamorous–meaning I can fall in love with multiple people at once without being any less in love with anyone. So me dating a couple consisting of a guy and a girl is perfect–I’d be romantically into both of them, but only get my sexy on with the girl!

Thanks so much for the ask, and I hope that clears things up! 

[ignis-et-equi]

I don’t feel like there’s a place for legalism in polyamory.

Emotions are always fluctuating. Rules can be changed after a discussion. But if your partner is saying, “I’m feeling x, y, and z, and it’s making me uncomfortable with a new development/situation,” legalism should not be used to coerce your partner(s) into following your poly-idealism.

Hypothetically, person A is in a triad with persons B and C. Person C has another partner, person D. Only persons C and D are dating, but person A would like to date person D too. However, C isn’t ready to open up their relationship with D yet. A finds this unfair and is jealous. B is content with the open triad.

Instead of A saying, “We’re poly, but you’re acting monogamous by not sharing one of your partners with me,” they should approach a conversation about their interest in D and ask C why they aren’t comfortable opening up that branch of the relationship without trying to argue their way into getting what they want.

I feel like it would basically be like a person walking up to someone’s mono partner and being indignant that they aren’t entitled to that person because the couple isn’t comfortable being poly. Even though technically, persons A and B and C are all primaries, with D being a secondary.

My point is, relationship agreements are very important, and just because you have one kind of agreement with one person, doesn’t mean it applies to everyone until everyone is on the same mental and emotional page. There’s nothing that says everyone has to abide by the same exact rules all the time, unless everyone is in unison about it. Especially where sexual orientation and hard limits are concerned.

It’d be really fucked up if D was gay and A wasn’t their preferred gender but A still expected to be allowed to fuck them. Or if B had a hard limit about not wanting to be tied down during sex, and thus insisted that no one else is allowed to enjoy bondage.

God, that sounds fucking complicated. Hope that made sense.