#possibly dpd

[krisseycrystal]

why do i feel like i'm dying inside

this needs to s t o p 

seriously self

stop this

stop it

[krisseycrystal]

i really really hate possibly being dpd because like

I do enough, I do something self-sustaining and good and of course do sustaining things for my roommates and my loved ones and so forth or I have a good day where I do things I take charge and initiative and it's awesome

and then like I--i hate it but I like--need something back...? or I need to be cared for afterwards like I need someone to take care of me. make my dinner for me think of me take care of me and i get really anxious when that doesn't happen or it isn't evident someone's caring for me after I've successfully cared fo rmyself and the people around me. i need almost like a reward for at least doing enough...?

and s h i t that's? that's--what

maybe that's not even dpd maybe that's just being spoiled as f u c k why do i feel this way

anxiety go away 

someone not making dinner for you or not waiting to watch the next episode of something with you does not mean they don't love you and you aren't cared for s h u t u p

[ontheimportanceofbabydragon-blog]

I can't tell if I want to binge watch something, or do system stuff, or do mental health stuff, or play some kinda game

[ontheimportanceofbabydragon-blog]

do I want to listen to angry angsty lady-lead playlists?

or do I want to silence my mind by binge watching tv?

[ontheimportanceofbabydragon-blog]

someone please tell me how to spend my time