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Het graf in Isola di San Michele 19e eeuw

Het San Michele‑kerkhof, het historische begraafplaats‑eiland van Venetië, fungeert sinds het begin van de 19e eeuw als hoofdkerkhof van de stad en ligt tussen Venetië en Murano. Het kerkhof wordt vaak gezien als een openluchtmuseum vanwege de kunst, geschiedenis en unieke architectuur, met lange rijen grafstenen en hoge rode bakstenen muren. Op het eiland liggen vele beroemde personen begraven, waaronder componist Igor Stravinsky, en de graven worden vaak verfraaid met stenen sculpturen en bloemen door nabestaanden.

#post 20 #venezia #kerkhof #sanmichele #italy

So Ellie what are you? does your species have a name?

#mlp #mlp oc #mlpfim #ask #post 20

[January 5, 2021 at 00:43] | Notes

Okay, before saying anything I wanted to mention that I am kind of terrified and in shock. For two reasons. The first one being: I just read a fanfic about a throuple. I didn’t know that it was going to be about THAT and now i’m like: 👁👄👁

The second one being the whole reason I’m here. It’s a lot. Be ready.

Well, one of my childhood friends is pregnant. And she’s 15. Yeah. A lot, right?

My first thought was: OH MY GOD!?

My second thought was: dude, she had sex without protection???

My third thought was WAIT SHE HAD SEX.

Because, well, I haven’t even kissed yet, how behind am I?

And then my fourth thought: how is she going to go through a pregnancy!?

And yeah, you get where this is going. I had a lot of thoughts when I heard the news.

I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to say where the problem is because the problem is everywhere here, man.

Alright. Let’s start with the obvious. Age.

Her future is really compromised here and I have no idea how the next few years are gonna be for her. It’s just a lot. This is all too much for a 15 year-old. You know?

I don’t really know what to say.

This girl could enjoy her youth but she’s not gonna have so much time because she’ll be too busy being a MOM. A MOM!

It’s crazy.

Now, let’s go to the part of the problem that I come in.

This girl has my age.

And well, we can tell who is the responsible one here but, I don’t know, I always have that feeling that I am behind, you know? I mean, girls in my age only think about boys. And kissing and hooking up, finding boyfriends or whatever.

And I’m not saying that’s not something I want. It’s quite the opposite actually, I want to fall in love. Or to live anything close to a romance or something. Of course I want. But, I don’t want this to be all. Like, I don’t need this to be the only thing I talk about, you know?

Does it bother me? That I haven’t kissed yet? Well, yes. That’s the reason why I’m always thinking about it after all.

The thing is: I don’t have friends either. And it bothers me just the same.

It’s about people. You know?

I mean, I don’t even have friends. Let alone a boyfriend.

And this is where the real problem comes: the pressure.

I’m in good terms with myself about that. I’m aware that this is something that bothers me and I’m willing to work on that. To get better. Mostly now, with therapy.

It’s just that, everyone’s always asking. And even though I’m okay with not having anyone in my life right now. When I say it out loud for the girls who are just obsessed with people and guys, it sounds like the most horrifying thing. And I feel embarrassed, small even. Like I’m just an idiot for being so behind. For not even trying. For being stuck in my imagination reading books all day like a 7 year old.

And I hate that feeling.

I hate feeling behind in life.

Not in life life, but in love life.

Because I’m simply crazy about romance (and it’s only not my favorite thing in the world because I’m much more crazily passionate about music). So, why am I not investing in that?

Here it goes, what I’m really doing for my life, what’s really going on in here, in this crazy mind of mine:

I’m ill. I’m mentally ill. I have a lot of plans for my professional life. But I’m not thinking about them. I’m thinking about my mental illness. I’m thinking about getting better as if nothing else matters. I’m just so scared of letting life slip out of my hands. I’m scared of losing years of my life, so I’m living the present moment. I’m trying to live life to the fullest. I’m trying to learn a new thing everyday so I have more opportunities to improve in the next years. Because I know that the years will go by so quickly. And when I realize, I’ll be 30.

I don’t want to decide what I want for my life at 30, I want to decide now. Or at least to make a pattern for me to follow, that can lead me to being something.

I don’t know what I want to do. But I’m doing many things to make whatever I want to do, go well. I’m learning new languages, I’m learning how to be with myself, I’m learning how to deal with big problems (problems don’t exist of course! shoutout to Elkhart T!) and traumas. I’m learning that we kind of need to fall to learn how to get up. I’m learning that along the way a lot of people will give you wrong advice and you can’t always listen to them. Most of the times, you gotta listen to yourself only. And most of the times, you will have to choose yourself in life. And it’s gonna be hard in the beginning, but that’s okay. More than okay. I’m learning that I really love to learn new things everyday, like, I’m really obsessed! I’m learning that you might not be the best at something, but there’s no such thing as talent, what matters is always the effort and GRIT. I’m learning so much about myself and every day I try to understand a new thing about mental clarity. Because I want to grow. And I’ve been suffering so much lately, I don’t ever want to put anyone in the kind of pain that I feel. Like, last night, when I couldn’t sleep. Not even a little, no even two minutes. So, I cried. The entire night. Because I couldn’t shut my mind. Because I couldn’t turn it off.

It hurts. And I don’t want to feel that. I don’t want to make people feel that.

So, I’m kind of learning how to be a part of this world. Because a little mistake can change your entire lifetime. However, I’m not thinking about my future. I don’t plan where I will live. I’m not planning the college I’m going to. I’m looking forward, yes. But I’m in the present moment. (Thank you, meditation!) I’m living in the present. TODAY, I’m doing things that will probably make my future a lot better or easier, I hope. And that’s it. That what I’m doing. Trying to stay sane. Trying to stay here. Trying to not let life slip out my hands and trying to enjoy every moment. Paying attention to the little things, not only looking at things or people, but really seeing them.

Because, yeah, I feel too much. I’m very sensitive. And everything’s a little too much for me. A little too overwhelming, a little too loud, a little too suffocating.

But, I’m being careful.

And, maybe my today plans don’t involve having a time to go out and fall in love. But hopefully they’ll be in the foreseeable future when I’m healing and ready to love. Because, God knows, how much I crave for love.

Romantic kind of love.

(I really crave it.)

Right now, I’ll choose myself to take care of. Hard to believe, right? Yeah, I’m really changing...To the better! ;)

#POST 20 #january #2021 #one of the most mature things I’ve written #thoughts i wanna put out

Я заболела находясь дома п***** Только я так могу что ли болеть заболевать находясь дома.....

#psihosomat #post 20

Trevor: *Eats questionable leftovers that he's not even sure what's in it*

(2 minutes later) *Throws Up*

Trevor:

#post 20 #gta v #trevor philips #gta #gta 5 #gta memes #GTA V memes #type: photo #grand theft auto #gof’s post