So... I was kinda freaking out last night because my mom took my iPod into their room and they made me give them my password to it. i prayed to god that night. I begged him to not let my parents get on my iPod and read notes or conversations, or stuff like that. I was so scared i was shaking so badly! I have ana and mia tips and suicide notes, and confessions of suicide attempts in my notes, and I would definitely not want them reading my conversations with Alex! Or Sean... or Anyone really. and I wouldn’t want them to find my Tumblr account or Instagram or Twitter, or vine, or Kik... god I have a lot to hide. it’s sickening. so... last night i prayed and was trembling with fear and I took a deep breath... and i said, “Lord, I trust you. I trust that my parents won’t look at my iPod.” and I put my trust, my life fully in him. and I took out that noose I've been hiding all these months, and with shaky hands, I untied it. while still continuing to pray and repeating over and over again that I trust god. I untied that noose, and I hid the rope in Christopher's room. I put my trust fully in the lord, and he didn’t let me down. i was at my lowest point last night. i was helpless, i was scared to death i was alone. and all i had left was my faith. all i could do was pray and trust in god. I'm selling you, I've never been more scared, more stressed out, in my life. but... it’s over. I have my iPod back. they didn’t look at it. i had begged god to let them trust me. and they did. if they had read things on the iPod, they would have said something by now.
on a different note, Jonathan walked with me to class this morning! ohhhh! that was actually another prayer answered. this morning i asked god to let us meet in the hallway so we could talk in person. and we did. i saw him, and then he smiled and said “hi” and then i started walking with him. then when the bell rang, he walked me to class.