One day, after the disastrous night of October in 1981, Remus wakes up with a heavy head. It’s the first time in weeks that his memory and his mind fail him.
“Sirius?” he groans from the couch, covering his face.
“Sirius?” he calls out again when there is no answer.
He huffs out. Sirius is pranking him again, messing with him, poking fun at him.
Sirius knows Remus hates waking up alone. Sometimes, on days when the sun is bright out and the birds are chirping and the smell of coffee and baked goods are wafting in the air, Sirius likes to mess with Remus.
He lets Remus believe he has left, gone out without waking him up and murmuring to him about his whereabouts, letting him feel lost for a mean moment and then, he jumps out of nowhere filling his chest with warmth.
“Sirius, I know you are there.” Remus whines.
He can smell Sirius in their home, Sirius’ leather jacket somewhere, Sirius’ faint breathing breezing his ears and Sirius’ calming scent filling his chest.
“Sirius?” Remus huffs out again when the other boy doesn’t come out giggling.
And then, he freezes.
The cold air from the window behind the couch hits his neck. The goosebumps rise. The feeling of something rotten fills his chest. The memories of the night crashes into his mind like an avalanche.
His heart caves.
Oh.
Oh.
He refuses to move. Refuses to let the moment die where he felt Sirius so close to him, he was sure he could touch him, refuses to acknowledge the truth.
A crow screeches somewhere and thunder rumbles. The sound of rain hitting the pavement fills the eerily silent apartment. The windows rattle from the thunder. The rain fills his throat, his lungs, his chest, his body.
“Sirius.” He chokes out.
















