“Have you lost your mind?” Lily seethes. “Are you even listening to yourself? Remus is not—”
“—Dumbledore said so,” Sirius bites back. “You think I want to believe that Remus is the spy.”
“To hell with Dumbledore.”Lily barks and whips around. “James, tell him. Remus is not the spy.”
James sits on the loveseat, alone, his head hanging low, hands clasped tightly and hair messier than it has ever been by the amount of time he has run his hands through it.
“I mean, he hasn’t been telling us where he goes on missions. He is gone for weeks on end, even now, and no one knows where he is.” Peter squeaks from the corner.
“HE COULD BE DEAD FOR ALL YOU KNOW.” Lily yells. The room flinches.
“He is not dead.” Sirius whispers, thumbing the ring on his ring finger. Lily’s eyes snap to it.
“Then he is not the spy.” She says with finality.
A few days later, Remus returns back, battered and barely alive. Dark magic emanates off him like thick heat waves on a humid summer day. He refuses to speak , refuses to tell where he went, what he saw, what he did.
He is there with them, but he is not.
“He should be here.” Lily says through clenched teeth on the night they are deciding the secret keeper. “He is not a spy.” Lily stays adamant. “You cannot do this without him. He deserves to be here as much.”
“He can be here if you want Harry dead.” Sirius says, no trace of familiar warmth he has for Remus in his voice. He doesn’t wear the ring on his finger anymore but he also can’t seem to get rid of it. It hangs around his neck like a noose, like he is mourning something that isn’t dead yet.
“Lily,” James starts, his voice hoarse. “It is him.” He whispers in defeat. Lily snaps her glare towards him.
“What’s your proof?” Lily questions. “What evidence do any of you have? Sirius could be the spy for all you know—”
“—He is a Black, afterall—”
“—I am nothing like my fam—”
“—And Remus is nothing like you all have made him to be.” Lily heaves deep breaths. “Peter could be the spy.”
“Me?” Peter squeaks. “I–I–I would– I am—”
“Oh, come on, Peter could never be the spy.” Sirius scoffs. Peter bites his lips and looks away.
“So you are the spy.” Lily levels her glare at Sirius.
“Lily,” James cajoles. “Think about Harry. We can’t— We need to protect him. I know you don’t want to believe that Remus is the spy and neither do I. Or any of us but right now all the evidence points at it and this is war, Love.”
Lily’s resolve weakens. James pulls her in and wraps a warm arm around her. “Our priority has to be Harry.”
“Do you think Remus is the spy too?” She whispers.
James grimaces. “All the evidence—”
“That’s not my question, Potter.” James looks the saddest Lily has ever seen him, despite having lost his parents, half the order, and the people he looked up to.
James looks devastated as he whispers, “Yes, I think he is the spy.”
Lily sucks in a sharp breath. She looks around the room.
At Sirius, who clutches at the ring hanging from the chain, like it is keeping him tethered, like the fluttering heartbeat and the warmth that denotes that Remus is alive is keeping him going.
At Peter, who hides behind his work at the ministry instead of actively fighting the war, who has been more squeamish these few months than she has ever seen him.
At James, who looks defeated but determined to keep her and Harry safe.
“I don’t think—” She breathes deeply, collecting herself. “I know Remus is not the spy.” She says, standing up. “And I hope he never finds out his closest friends ever thought so. I hope all of you know,” She levels her look at— “Sirius, that he too would die before betraying any of us.”
Peter becomes the secret keeper as a great ploy to keep Voldemort away.
A perfect bluff, Sirius calls it.
Remus is not the spy, Lily adds.
When the door rattles with a knock on 31st October 1981, James barely has the time to think before he loses his breath. James, so full of life, always the light in the darkness, the loudest laugh in the room, gone without a noise. Harry, Lily. Lily was right. Peter. Sirius. Remus. Remus. James dares to hope Remus never finds out they thought he was a spy.
Lily was right as she stood in front of Harry facing death.
Lily was right, Sirius chants in his cell in Azkaban every time he thinks of that night.
Lily was right, Peter knows as he gives the much needed information to Voldemort.
“They thought you were the spy,” Dumbledore tells Remus.
“All of them?” Remus begs croakily, shattered.
