Sicktember - Sick at work
Pairing: Eddie Diaz/Evan “Buck” Buckley
Characters: Eddie Diad, Evan “Buck “ Buckley
Everything si different for Eddie after the shooting begining with himself and ending with his feelings for Buck.
Eddie refreshed his face and looked in the mirror. He looked awful, but he had been determined to go to work as if the world could go on spinning if he didn't go to the barracks that day.
It had been three weeks since the shooting, his body had recovered well, the doctors were amazed at how quickly the wound had healed. Physically everything was perfect, there was no damage to the arm, the lung was intact, they had seen no reason not to give him the go-ahead to work.
Luckily the doctors were not able to see what was going on in his head, otherwise, he would be on sick leave for at least a couple more months, with daily visits to the psychologist.
He had hardly slept at all, although, in those last few days, sleep was totally overrated. Every time he closed his eyes she imagined herself in the shooting, everything was happening all over again, and all night long he kept seeing what had happened over and over again.
It was certainly better not to sleep.
"Hey, Eddie. I didn't know you were coming back today."
He turned around, Buck was standing in the bathroom doorway, staring at him, smiling, calm, though he knew him well enough to know he was making a great effort to hide the concern he felt for him.
"Yeah, I talked to Bobbie yesterday and told her I was tired of spending the day at home alone. Christopher is at school all day and at night he's exhausted, he just feels like eating dinner, watching a little TV, and going to sleep."
"Well, if the doctors have told you that you can come back, then great. You were missed less in the truck."
"But if you come home every day, you see more of me than any of the team."
"Yeah, but it's not the same. You're a fundamental part of this family here."
"And when you come home for the day, am I not a fundamental part of your family? Or do you just come out of pity?"
"I did NOT want to...
Eddie threw the towel he was holding at her and laughed.
"It's a joke, relax. I missed that too, being able to mess with you without Christopher jumping to defend you."
He turned back to the mirror and then he saw it, Buck's clothes stained with blood, in the same spot where the bullet had penetrated him. Buck looked at him, his face was covered in blood, the same kind he had seen before he lost consciousness and his expression was terrified.
He turned to his partner and walked the two steps that separated them, grabbed him by the shoulders, and realized it was still a game of his wounded mind. Buck was fine.
"Eddie are you okay?"
"Yeah, sorry I...sorry."
Suddenly nausea came and he had to lock himself in the first booth so he could vomit without making a mess on the floor. He stood there for a moment, kneeling on the floor, hugging the toilet.
"Eddie, is everything all right? You're scaring me."
"Yeah, take it easy, go get breakfast, I'll catch you now."
"Are you sure? I don't mind waiting for you."
"Don't be melodramatic, go before Chim gets all the croissants."
"Okay, I'll save you a couple, but if you need anything, let me know."
When he heard the bathroom door close and he was left alone, Eddie sat down on the floor and looked at his hands.
They were shaking, he knew the feeling because it wasn't the first time it had happened to him. Some said it was a panic attack, others called it post-traumatic shock; he had always said it was bullshit.
He clenched his hands, closed his eyes, and told himself he couldn't keep thinking about something that had happened, something painful and terrible, yes. It had been one of those moments when he wondered what would become of Christopher if something happened to him. Hence she had opted for Buck to become the legal guardian if the worst came to the worst.
"I'm sorry, I know I should have left and I'm sorry I didn't," Buck said from the other side of the cabin door. "What I'm not sorry for is listening to what you just said."
"Did I say it out loud?"
"Yes, and I didn't know you were worried about me too. I mean, you got shot, you almost died and you still think something bad might happen to me."
Eddie smacked himself in the forehead for being so stupid.
He shouldn't have gone to work, it was too soon. He should have waited for the nightmares to pass, the other time, coming back from Afghanistan, they had passed. His parents wanted him to go talk to a psychologist, but he had always been able to get back to being himself, on his own. He didn't need the help of a guy who charged a hundred dollars an hour to tell him he was struggling with trauma.
"I always worry about you, or haven't you noticed yet?"
"Eddie, man; I have nightmares about you dying and you're still hell-bent on protecting me. Open that door because I don't know if I want to kick your ass or hug you."
It was making life horrible for everyone. Christopher was having a hard time, just like Buck, just like him, he was suffering from nightmares. But Christopher was ten years old, that trauma was going to take its toll.... whether it was happening to Buck or himself.
"Eddie, come on man, open the door. You know I'm not moving from here until you do. Making me your son's keeper in case something happens to you, assumes I have to keep something bad from happening to you to get to that. Open the door please."
Suddenly Buck's voice sounded so close, Eddie feared he might be able to walk through the door and it made him shudder, but instead of making him feel more nauseous, the thought comforted him.
He got to his feet, he couldn't stay stuck in there forever, especially if he didn't want anyone else's questions.
He opened the door and before he could do anything or move, Buck threw his arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Eddie took a step back but held still in place.
He was no stranger to Buck's hugs or to hugging him himself, but this was different, he could feel it in Buck's strength in that he had almost stopped breathing, in that he wouldn't part from him and in that he didn't want to part from his best friend.
"Don't you ever do anything like that to me again?" Buck said almost in his ear. "And if you feel like puking or screaming, you know where I am."
"To hold my forehead while I throw up? It's a grand gesture but it's not necessary."
"Miera you're stupid sometimes, Diaz," Buck said as he pulled away from his friend.
But Eddie grabbed him, pulled him into the booth, pushed him against the wall, and kissed him hard without letting go...though neither is Buck tried to break free. They stood there for a few seconds, their bodies fused into one, time had stopped and that kiss had become the only thing that mattered to Eddie.
Once he let him go Buck gave him a little shove.
"What are you doing, what about Anna?" Eddie burst out laughing without answering. "What's so funny?"
"That you're supposed to be with someone too. Or have you already forgotten about Taylor?"
"Yeah well... but what was that for?"
"Because you said so, I almost died and when I think about something happening to you I find myself throwing up in despair. It comes from the fact that I can't deny how I feel about you."
"Are you saying..."
"I'm saying that I've been a stupid man who thought the right thing to do was to find a woman, because of Christopher and a lot of stupid things." Buck nodded. "But what I really want is for you to talk to Anna, take you home and tell Christopher that, if you want to, we're together."
"What about Taylor? What about me? Have you thought about what I want?"
Eddie kissed him again and again Buck didn't stop him, rather he did the opposite, he grabbed Eddie by the hips and pulled him in.
"You're such a bastard Diaz."
"Are you in love with Taylor?"
"You're using too big a word." Eddie waited for the answer. "No, I like her, we've slept together and we have good chemistry...when we work on some case, but no, I'm not in love with her." A third kiss added more forcefulness to his words. "And I thought I died while we were taking you to the hospital. You're not the only one with nightmares every night."
"Sleep with me tonight, I think we'll fight the nightmares better together."
"Okay but first we have to talk to certain girlfriends."
