Was it always going to go like this?
I thought You loved Me, Ackaru Bi. Why did it come to this? Why did You do this to Me? Why Are You doing this to Me?
Is this where I die? Is it how I die?
Nothing splits beside you, and you get a look outside.
Outside. That means I'm inside.
Your limbs are sphaghettified, your neck, your torso. All you have is your mind. you close your eyes. You don't want to think about what your face must look like, what the shape of you must be. You cannot laugh when you think of Amigara Fault; your lungs are too far from your mouth. It hurts.
When you were young, before Hunger left, you were close with him. You don't remember him looking like this. You can't remember what he looked like. You were...socially awkward, poorly constructed. You were fed, but it was hard, and your powers were still developing. You starved sometimes, but never like you did when you were trapped in your Domain. Hunger would come, and He would keep you fed when you couldn't feed yourself. Never fed enough, but...well, it is his nature.
.
.
.
"Hy, you're thin."
"And a fine morning to you, too, Kar," you grouse, digging with one hand at your scalp, where you have been trying to encourage hair to grow, another at the dirt, and the others fiddle and weave.
"Don't show your anger to me. Come and eat."
"Eat what? You said that the people must want me, but they don't. And look at me! I am strange to them. I am strange to all of you. Why did my body turn out like this, when yours and Kyh an Ri and Nia and Rume all got the, the main bodyplan? What about this form of mine is 'Lustful'?!" You sweep one of your hands to indicate yourself; huge, corroded, an unmoving face like a mask. You whip away from him in shame. Ackaru Bi's presence moves nearer. You feel their cold body, their ribs, and eventually their hips but not their belly, press against the tatters of your back.
"...I think you're beautiful. Rume does, too."
"Rume does not," you scoff. "Rume thinks I am unique. He would see me sit in his halls. You know how he is."
Ackaru Bi's hands drift. "What fine halls you would make them. Think kindly on him, little beauty; it is in his nature. Come, Hylois. Come and eat with me."
You soften. "With you? And what of you?"
"I'm ever hungry, but you're feeding me now. Don't worry."
.
.
.
"Where's Nia? Do you know at all?" you ask.
"You know Byrnia kol Vra. He follows his passions," Ackaru Bi mumbles, washing his shirt and concentrating hard as he scrubs.
"Don't we all," you mumble. "It's just. He's been gone for months. Usually he's sent me a trinket, or a letter, or caught up."
"Do you know what he was fixated on before?"
"No, that's part of what worries me...I don't remember him talking up anything in particular." You feel sick. Kar senses your discomfort, and he pulls his soaking shirt in from the river. He sits quietly and looks at you fidget for a long time. You've come a long way, as far as your Shape goes.
"What will you do?" he asks quietly. Everyone knows that Nia is as close to your heart as can be. It caused some jealousy and some arguments between you and your boyfriend. He's barely over it.
"Talk to...talk to Morar, maybe?I wouldn't wanna accuse him, but..." Kar nods, and crosses his arms, mouth a firm line.
"I could stand with you?" he suggests, and you nod and hug your arms.
.
.
.
"I'll always love you, you know." Even though it's Tarkaros Voy - what he's going by now - and not Morar, it turns your stomach. You're too fresh off of what Morar's done to you.
"...I know you mean well, Kar, but don't say that. Please."
"I just mean..." His voice is a little desperate. "I just mean, I wouldn't ever want anything to happen to you."
Your lip curls. "Like you wouldn't want to let Rume do anything like that to me?"
"Aitar..." You wave him off sharply, and turn your sapphire face away from him. "Aitar, come on...."
"Come on and what, Tarkaros Voy?? You told me give him a chance, that it couldn't be so bad! He'd treasure me...it's in his nature. His damn nature...damn you!" you shout, the words tasting poisonous even as you say them. You're not really as mad at him as you are at yourself. You should have left so much sooner. Thousands of years ago. This is your own fault. You hold your head in your hands.
Arms wrap around you. Ribs press against you. Kar's pelvis. Never his belly in his life. But it is his nature. You don't hug him back, but you press your eyes into his neck. His hands rub up and down your back.
"What'll I do?" you ask, voice coarse and wet, because it's been a long, long time since you've made any decisions for yourself. Almost half your life.
"...You'll have to decide that for yourself, Hy. But..."
"But...?"
"Let me do something for you. Give me a piece of you. I'll hold onto you. I'll protect you. If anything happens, I'll never let you disappear." You sob quietly. You miss your brother so dearly. You can't believe Morar took him, and lied about it to your fucking face, among everything else he's done to you.
"......you promise? Kar, do you promise?"
"I promise, my beloved." You shiver sickly. "...Sorry. Hold still, though." You do. You trust him.
His hands sink into your back. It burns, and you wail out in pain. It goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on. You claw at his back, and it's everything that you can do to remain upright; so much so that when it ends, you collapse to your knees and cling to his waist, breathing hard.
In his hands, he holds a beautiful silver star. Something light, blinding, hard to look at. You look weakly up, and boggle at it as much as you can, with no understanding of what it is. You blink and flutter like you're coming to consciousness, or losing it, as Tarkaros Voy, The Emptiness that Needs, plants the heel of his palm against something inside of it, and...pop! Crunk.
The light dims from it. You see a silver star, with five points, and space for a sixth. A rough, broken piece is in Kar's hand.
"What's...?" You slur, you trail off, you don't finish.
"This," he says, lowering the main body, and raising the free shard into the light, "is your Heart. Do as I tell you, now, Hy. Take this, and never put it back in your body. Do what you will with it, but hide it, and hide it well, my beloved. Forever. This piece, I'll keep."
As you fall back onto your bottom, and you take the bulk of your heart in your hand, you watch Tarkaros Voy tip his head back, lift the last piece, and drop it into his wide, deep mouth. It shines like that star again, and disappears slowly down his gullet. He wipes his mouth. You grip your piece in both hands, to your chest. He offers his hand up, and you take it.
.
.
.
You open your eyes, and you see something, a million, billion miles away. It shines white.
Your arm warps as you reach, and reach, and reach.
"..........I'm sorry, Kar. I need this back," you whisper. Your hand closes, and you pull it toward yourself. How could you forget?]
