#pot headed

[projectdimesztv]

💚 For the Stoners 💚 #weed #tree #natures #heals #plants #2026

[savageleewriting]

Changing, Changing, Changing; Smoked Under Water

"Let me ask you this: do you self-medicate much?"

I've smoked marijuana, a fair amount of marijuana, every day, for years. I've smoked about an ounce a month for the past fifteen years, and aside from going dry for a day or two, I've never quit. 

But yesterday... 

For seven months I've been on a diet. For six months I've been going to the gym. For three months, I've been taking acting lessons. 

Yesterday, my acting teacher called me on my being a heavy pot-smoker. He said he could tell, from the subdued quality of my performances. 

And you know something? He's right. 

For years, I've been using weed to tap down my emotions. I have very strong emotional responses, and when I was younger, they used to hint at the possibility of self-harm and deep depressions. So I smoked weed to mellow myself out. To stop crying. To stop being so mad.

I remember how much I needed it in my twenties. When I felt alone and sad and scared all the time.

But I'm not that kid anymore, am I? I'm thirty-five now. Thirty-five and a half, nearly. And here I am. Here I sit. 

Every day for the past couple decades, I've smoked weed before I've eaten. Before I've done almost anything. And it was pretty nice. I think. It seemed helpful to my processes. Or so I thought. But here I am now. Staring down the barrel of myself. Wondering what happens. Where I go to next.

So. Here's what happens. No more wake-and-bake. I'm still gonna smoke, but I'm gonna do it at night, when I'm done everything else. No more smoking on my lunch-break, and on the walk to wherever I'm going. 

It's a pretty major change for me, especially if you know me.

And I'm a little scared. I'm a pretty emotionally volatile person, which is why I smoke so much. But what's the truth of all this? That I'll snap and hit somebody? Doubtful. That I'll snap and say something harsh? Possibly, but not the end of the world. That I'll snap and hurt myself? Extremely unlikely these days. 

My violent, unhappy urges really cut back when I cut back on snacks and started working out. So maybe... Maybe I can just keep becoming better and better. More myself. More real. More vibrant and alive and in every moment. 

So, here we go. I've made a bunch of changes. I'm making more. I'm giving up my suits and wearing T-shirts with the sleeves cut off to show off how in shape I am now. I'm moving to a larger apartment. I'm eating right, and making most of my own food from scratch. I'm taking lessons, and becoming a professional actor.

And I'm not going to smoke so much weed anymore.

We'll see how it goes.

And I appreciate all your support. ;)