Posting this here because I feel...idk... like I'd be more likely to get ask advice sent in here rather than my personal blog???
I just was asked soemthing that... it really tears at my heart.
For context, a friend of mine recently went through a similar breakup to what I did. Different circumstances leading up to it, mind you, but same end result: BF not wanting to talk out issues with GF, ultimately leading to an arguement, a tantrum on BF's part that ended with him leaving, and their relationship ultimately over.
In a nutshell, BF not wanting to communicate and work through issues similarly to what my fiance did before he moved out and ended our relationship.
Now... this week, she and I are planning to hang out. I want to check up on her and make sure she is okay, because she's been with her now-ex since 2017. She's been with him for 5 years, so obviously she's extremely down and also has her own me that health struggles added added that.
Tonight...I got a message from her... and she was asking for a huge favor.
This favor... was asking if she can love in with me and my mom.
Her ex can afford their apartment on his own, whereas she cannot.
She's offering to pay rent, to do the driving needed when we get grocieres...
But theres a few issues...
We don't have a very big "house". It's a trailer. It's a 30+ year old trailer. And it's small.
On top of this, we are still getting our house in order after my ex pretty much left it trashed and cramped. I mean... some of his shit is still in my closet because he just up and left it.
I'm still sleeping on the floor. We sont have a space for her to sleep unless unless she is okay with sleeping on a broken, torn, and overall gross couch that we technically have to get rid of whenever we have the funds and can get around to it...
My mom also is trying to get social security (disability). We already don't know how it will go given I still live with her and have an income of my own, paying for everything that's in her name with my money. We don't know if that will be a roadblock for my mom being able to get her own income lest she "leave me out" of things, if you get my meaning.
And the last issue (that pops to the forefront of my mind that is) would be that of my mom's response. I do plan to being the queation to her, but... I'm scared of her reaction. The entirety of my ex living here started well and and slowly delved into emotional and mental abuse from all three of us going at each other and my mom eventually not really eating and constantly saying she's not even at home in her own house house that she may as well sell it or give up and die. It's dramatic, yes, but all of us were at each other's throats essentially. It wasn't pretty, it was chaos. With this experience having ended just... what, not even half a year ago? Maynbe 3 or 4 months?? I don't know how my mom is going to take the idea of someone moving in with us yet again.
And as for my friend, she does t have family in town anymore. Her parents left for Texas, her grandma with dementia lives way out of town in a place that's way too dangerous and she herself doesnt want to move to, for her own safety and mental health.
She has no where to go. Quite literally. And if she ends up being kicked out without somewhere she can go, she becomes part of our state's growing homeless population and I don't want that for her.
This is why I ask for advice. I don't know what to do. She isn't isn't ex, she's also not a guy, so it would jsut be me, my mom, and her. Us three girls...
I want to tell her yes, I want my mom to say yes... and as I said, despite the fear of her reaction I do plan to ask my mom tomorrow as it's pretty late tonight.
But I want to know what all of you would do. What you guys would do to ha dle this type of queation in the circumstances that I'm in as is with my mom.
Her paying rent and being a second income with her own vehicle and license would help, after all I have to get orthodontic work done eventually. I've had to take each of my cats to the vet every other week, one by one, since the last week of September and that's a huge cost on one sole income (paid barely minimum wage, $14 per hour). Her paying rent, along with me still giving my mom bill money from my paycheck, would allow her to pay larger portions of our bills and we'd be able to get stuff doen that my mom.and i alone would t be able to do... such as fixing our dryer, fixing our propane heater, etc. Plus, my friend has OCD. She's willing to clean, which is a major difference from my ex who would leave used forks and bowls around the house, left our white stove top black from not waning after cooking, and being the reason we had to throw out our cookware and buy a new set. With her and I paying stuff together we could maybe get our septic looked at and get it fixed so our toilet doesn't whistle every time it gets flushed.
Plus it would get her away from her ex and into somewhere with a better environment.
I just... with what hapoened before with my ex, I have no idea how to do this...to ask my mom...I need advice...
