“ I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing. ”
prompted. / always accepting! ↷ ( @powermiracle )
HE RETRACES HIS THOUGHTS / THE COUNTLESS JABS OF GUILT AT HIS OWN HEART & the irony stings so badly like blades cutting through velvet, flawless skin that he had worked so hard to keep. but there are other things he has left beyond his care, something he had been given prophecies for ; that it’d make god reach for his soul as means to an early end. but here he was, still standing & better than ever while standing on the edge of a hospital bed. but it should be the other way around, why wasn’t the gown tied up around his neck? maybe because fate doesn’t mess around with logic & tendencies or any of that crap. he dislikes hospitals, using this particular word on purpose because hate would be what his former captain feels towards the buildings, leaving him grinding his shoe against the floor, rubbery & flat almost serving as a reminiscence of their beloved court.
he doesn’t even know what to say, because what do you do when the nightmare that has ruined most of your childhood comes back to hunt you even when you have moved past it or worse ; bites it teeth into you now / greedy like a god / not satisfied with its previous sacrifice. kise honestly never would have thought it would play out like this, fate playing its damn game again. ❛ senpai, how are you … ? ❜ as soon as the question leaves his mouth, he wants to punch his own face because how stupid is that to ask? immediately trying to cover his mistake, he starts to become fidgety & tries to better his question. ❛ sorry, that is a stupid question, of course you’re not doing very good … but are you feeling better than before? ❜ he doesn’t know if that was any better either, but he let’s it be & is waiting for the proof as he realizes that he still calls the other by their school honorific ———- it’s probably kasamatsu’s fault. that the person he thought was always their pillar of strength, like prometheus holding up the fire for the humans to grant them light but now there was just machinery & little fight left.
but the slight sting of guilt at the back of his head won’t leave him & he finally says what he has been meaning to express during his entire time here. ❛ it’s really unfair, isn’t it … i used to smoke all those cigarettes & yet you are the one in this bed. ❜ this sentence is nothing but a fact known to both of them, but it feels better now that he has said it, so maybe that was also why he suddenly started crying & he felt pathetic again ; he wasn’t the one dying & yet he was the one crying next to his senior’s hospital bed, feeling now just like the other had probably felt all these years ago & it really sucked, it fucking sucked! he could feel thin fingers silently threading through his hair & it made his sobs louder as he was again being the one comforted even though he wasn’t the one on death’s doorstep. he was just a useless crybaby.