He runs into sthunakarna, and bares his heart to him. It feels surprisingly good, maybe even better than he expected.
He doesn't look like his mother anymore. He doesn't sound like his mother anymore. His new body... it's all lean muscle and a wonderful bushy moustache and his hair is so soft and wavy and he's decently tall(still shorter than most of his family, though). He speaks once, and he doesn't know what to feel. His new voice is melodious, it's like honey and butter spreading smooth on freshly roasted bread. But no matter how absolutely ruined his old voice was, at least it was like his mother.
Mother talks about the small stone house, still on the palace grounds, less than an hour's journey on horse.
He doesn't realise she talked about it so he could be saved from seeing how ill she had become of late. He postpones his plans, and the house stays locked.
"You sound good," she says, sitting up from the bed with no small effort. "You look happier," she continues. At his hesitant expression, she says, "No matter what you look like, you will always be my child. I will never stop loving you,"
He cries at that. He doesn't think he stops crying until her ashes are in the water.
They called it maternal depletion. She gave so much of herself to them that there was nothing left in her.
He can't face anyone. He sees her in their faces, but not in the way he saw her in himself. All he sees is her pain.
The little stone house is opened, cleaned, and he begins living there.
If no one hears him, is he really speaking?
For the first time in years, he allows himself to think about Ambika and Ambalika. They had only one child each. But the way the kurus took everything from them....
He half wonders if he should try to find them. In some universe, maybe he even succeeds. But not here.
He prays to mahadeva, he begs his lord to grant them peace wherever they are, but he can't get through the prayer.
His voice is hoarse again.
There is no one to seek comfort from, now. Except for him.
They share a quick, perfunctory hug,
He breaks mirrors because he can't bear the fact that he has lost the only thing he has of her.
What use is his melodious voice when he might forget hers soon?
That night, they finally talk. The deep chasm between them may never be repaired, but they start building a bridge. Baba tells him, "You sleep on your left side. And you like wearing rings. And the colour green. You wear a lot of green. And you never, ever hesitate to ask me for things. And-"
"And?" he prompted gently.
"I like giving them. You have to understand, son, that I am a very selfish person. I don't give things away so easily. I hold onto them. But when you ask for them, I- I find it easy to let go, to give you whatever you want. Just like she did. You still have a lot of her in you, Shikhandi, a lot, lot more than just her looks. And you swallow the bitter acrid sting of pain and act as if everything is alright, just like her."
That doesn't take away the pain of losing his voice. But maybe, just maybe, it gives that pain a place to stay.
But oh, he feels so happy. His body feels like a home for the first time ever and he doesn't feel the urge to punish himself for existing like he used to.
The next time he sits down at the altar, he notices his voice, the way it vibrates in his chest and the way the words move around in his mouth. He notices, that it sounds beautiful when he sings. He shyly asks Manu if he can teach him.
He wanders around with a skip in his step, warbling a tune wherever he goes. He talks incessantly, and jitu looks at him in shock and awe and Shikhandi can tell he's a bit annoyed and would like to go back to work but he doesn't tell Shikhandi to stop. So Shikhandi doesn't.
Life slowly comes back to normal.
It's a winter afternoon, warm and sunny, when he starts the habit of visiting Shalaka.
It takes half of winter and all of spring and a fourth of summer before the walls between them break down, and he cups her tear streaked cheek in his palm and tells her that she has been on his mind this whole time, despite everything(its a half truth but he's more focused on being romantic.)
They run through the house like children, giggling and flirting and chasing each other, until she has him pinned down on the bed, absolutely at her mercy.
It's a repeat of that night, but he hasn't lost his voice. Somewhere amidst the moans of pleasure and the sweet words whispered to her, he has found it.
It has been quite a few months, and Shikhandi had almost settled into a routine. His quarters were a little ways away from the prince’s, but his days were spent following him around as the king went on conquest after conquest. He longs to accompany him when he realizes that Panchal is throwing itself against Hastinapur, again and again and again— even as hopes grow slimmer and slimmer. But his job is to be not much more than overglorified nanny, and so he watches over Satyajit’s lessons, and as he wipes away the dirt and blood on the prince’s skinned knees, he observes. He learns.
Swords.
Daggers.
Bows and Arrows.
Spears.
Battleaxes.
The weapons slowly make a home inside Satyajit’s quarters, but Shikhandi doesn’t touch them. They don’t know who he is. He knows what happens when a mere attendant touches the weapons meant for royals. He’ll just have to buy his own. He cannot risk anyone figuring out the truth— at least not yet.
He saves up and buys a dagger for himself. It’s not fancy like the one he knows the prince will be given soon— not to practise with but to make his own, but the cheapest one at the shop. It will do for now— for practicing everything he has observed the prince do. Now, beneath his bed lies a trunk, in which he has begun building his personal armoury beneath the layers of clothes and other materials. One month’s salary buys a knife. Two months’ salary buys a dummy sword— one meant for practicing young boys. Three month’s salary saved gets him a basic hunting bow and one more month of saving gets him a meagre quiver.
But that is not the only thing he observes. He observes how men walk and talk, how they move and behave. It’s like he is a scholar— except what he studies are not texts or stories of gods, but humans. From the shadows, he watches the prince’s etiquette lessons— now learning everything the opposite of what was taught to him as a child. A quiet envy curls up inside his gut— a cruel voice that says you will never be like them, you cannot be a real man, not in this life,— and he strives to rid himself of it. It’s an ugly feeling. He hates himself for feeling a strange jealousy of Jitu’s boyhood, of the way he moves through the seasons of life and grows up. He lets the monster within him grow and grow and curl inside his stomach and throat and arms.
The pain keeps him awake sometimes. It goes deeper than Jitu’s skinned knees, deeper than the king’s pulled muscles, deeper than the monthly cramps he once used to experience, deeper still than the headaches that plague the queen when she is expecting. The ache is in his bones, the ache is a price, it’s a reminder of what he gave up and who he became and how he can never go back to that dreamy-eyed girl who just wanted a good man who would let her be queen and make a home with her—
Amba was dead. A ghost lived in Ahichhatra in her place.
Mahabharat Episode 114 | भीष्म पितामह का अद्भुत पराक्रम 😱 श्रीकृष्ण हुए क्रोधित | Kurukshetra War
महाभारत Episode 114 में कुरुक्षेत्र युद्ध के तीसरे दिन का सबसे रोमांचक और ऐतिहासिक प्रसंग देखने को मिलता है। भीष्म पितामह अपने अद्भुत पराक्रम से पांडव सेना को बुरी तरह विचलित कर देते हैं। उनके प्रचंड बाणों के सामने बड़े-बड़े महारथी भी टिक नहीं पाते। भगवान श्रीकृष्ण अर्जुन को उसका क्षत्रिय धर्म याद दिलाते हैं और भीष्म के विरुद्ध पूरे पराक्रम से युद्ध करने के लिए प्रेरित करते हैं।
जब अर्जुन पूरी शक्ति से युद्ध नहीं करते दिखाई देते, तब श्रीकृष्ण अत्यंत क्रोधित होकर रथ की लगाम छोड़ देते हैं और स्वयं भीष्म पितामह का वध करने के लिए आगे बढ़ने का संकल्प लेते हैं। इस एपिसोड में भीष्म, अर्जुन और श्रीकृष्ण के बीच युद्ध का रोमांच अपने चरम पर पहुंच जाता है। अगले एपिसोड में जानिए कैसे श्रीकृष्ण सुदर्शन चक्र लेकर भीष्म की ओर दौड़ते हैं और अर्जुन उन्हें कैसे रोकते हैं।
अगर आपको महाभारत की ऐसी ही ज्ञानवर्धक और रोचक श्रृंखला पसंद आती है, तो वीडियो को Like करें, Channel को Subscribe करें और Bell Icon जरूर दबाएं।
Mahabharat Episode 113 | दुर्योधन का भीष्म पर कटाक्ष 😱 | अर्जुन का अद्भुत शौर्य | Mahabharat Hindi
Mahabharat Episode 113 में कुरुक्षेत्र युद्ध के तीसरे दिन का रोमांचक वर्णन किया गया है। इस एपिसोड में भीष्म पितामह द्वारा बनाई गई गरुड़ व्यूह रचना और अर्जुन की अर्धचंद्र व्यूह के साथ रणनीति दिखाई गई है।
युद्ध के दौरान अर्जुन अपने अद्भुत पराक्रम से अकेले ही हजारों महारथियों का सामना करते हैं। दूसरी ओर, जब कौरव सेना पीछे हटने लगती है, तब दुर्योधन भीष्म पितामह पर कटाक्ष करता है और उन पर पांडवों के प्रति पक्षपात का आरोप लगाता है। दुर्योधन की बातों से क्रोधित होकर भीष्म भयंकर युद्ध का संकल्प लेते हैं।
इस एपिसोड में देखें:
⚔️ तीसरे दिन का कुरुक्षेत्र युद्ध
🦅 गरुड़ व्यूह की रचना
🌙 अर्धचंद्र व्यूह का रहस्य
🏹 अर्जुन का अद्भुत शौर्य
😠 दुर्योधन का भीष्म पर कटाक्ष
🔥 भीष्म का क्रोध और युद्ध का नया मोड़
अगर आपको महाभारत की यह श्रृंखला पसंद आ रही है तो वीडियो को Like, Share और Subscribe करना न भूलें तथा अपने विचार कमेंट में जरूर लिखें।
Mahabharat Episode 112 | अर्जुन, धृष्टद्युम्न और अभिमन्यु का ऐसा शौर्य देखकर कांप उठी कौरव सेना
इस एपिसोड में कुरुक्षेत्र युद्ध के दूसरे दिन का अत्यंत रोमांचक और भीषण युद्ध विस्तार से प्रस्तुत किया गया है। इस युद्ध में अर्जुन, धृष्टद्युम्न और अभिमन्यु अपने अद्भुत पराक्रम, युद्ध कौशल और वीरता से कौरव सेना को हिला देते हैं। धृष्टद्युम्न अकेले ही अश्वत्थामा, कृपाचार्य और शल्य जैसे महारथियों का सामना करते हैं, जबकि अभिमन्यु अपने अद्भुत साहस से दुर्योधन के पुत्र लक्ष्मण को चुनौती देता है। दूसरी ओर, अर्जुन के प्रलयकारी बाणों से पूरा रणक्षेत्र कांप उठता है और कौरव सेना भयभीत होकर पीछे हटने लगती है।
इस एपिसोड में आप देखेंगे कि किस प्रकार भगवान श्रीकृष्ण के सारथी बनने से अर्जुन का आत्मविश्वास और भी बढ़ जाता है। भीष्म पितामह और आचार्य द्रोण भी अर्जुन के अनुपम धनुर्विद्या कौशल की प्रशंसा करते हैं और स्वीकार करते हैं कि युद्धभूमि में उसका सामना करना अत्यंत कठिन है। संजय द्वारा धृतराष्ट्र को सुनाया गया यह युद्ध वर्णन महाभारत के सबसे प्रेरणादायक और रोमांचकारी प्रसंगों में से एक है।
यदि आप महाभारत की सम्पूर्ण कथा, कुरुक्षेत्र युद्ध के सभी 18 दिनों, भगवान श्रीकृष्ण की दिव्य लीलाओं, पांडवों और कौरवों के युद्ध, तथा सनातन धर्म से जुड़ी प्रेरणादायक कथाओं में रुचि रखते हैं, तो यह चैनल आपके लिए है।
🙏 वीडियो पसंद आए तो इसे Like करें, अपने परिवार और मित्रों के साथ Share करें, चैनल को Subscribe करें और Bell Icon 🔔 दबाना न भूलें, ताकि महाभारत के अगले सभी एपिसोड सबसे पहले आपको मिल सकें।
Mahabharat Episode 111 | दूसरे दिन का भीषण युद्ध | भीम, धृष्टद्युम्न और द्रोणाचार्य का पराक्रम
Mahabharat Episode 111 | दूसरे दिन का भीषण युद्ध | भीम, धृष्टद्युम्न और द्रोणाचार्य का पराक्रम
महाभारत के Episode 111 में कुरुक्षेत्र युद्ध के दूसरे दिन का सबसे भीषण और रोमांचक संग्राम देखने को मिलता है। इस एपिसोड में धृष्टद्युम्न और आचार्य द्रोणाचार्य के बीच भयंकर युद्ध होता है, जहाँ गुरु और शिष्य आमने-सामने खड़े दिखाई देते हैं। दूसरी ओर भीमसेन अपने अद्भुत पराक्रम से कलिंगराज, शक्रदेव और विशाल कलिंग सेना का सामना करते हैं और रणभूमि में काल बनकर शत्रुओं का संहार करते हैं।
इसके साथ ही इस एपिसोड में युद्ध की भयावहता, भीष्म पितामह का हस्तक्षेप, सात्यकि की मित्रता और पांडव वीरों का अद्भुत साहस देखने को मिलेगा। यदि आप महाभारत की प्रत्येक घटना को विस्तार से, रोचक शैली में और प्रामाणिक जानकारी के साथ जानना चाहते हैं, तो यह एपिसोड बिल्कुल मिस न करें।
👉 वीडियो पसंद आए तो Like, Share, Comment करें और Channel Subscribe करके बेल आइकन जरूर दबाएँ ताकि महाभारत के अगले सभी एपिसोड सबसे पहले आपको मिलें।
I just got this idea and wanted to put my two cents in it. With people debating about Radha’s existence and whether she really existed or if she was added on later. I notice a lot of the things people say about her are taken from Krishna and arjuna’s relationship. I know it’s kind of an out of the ballpark theory but if you really look at it. Like how Krishna’s said “I love arjuna more than my wives, my children and my kin”. Also if you read Dnyaneshwar’s commentary he says “Lord Krishna and Arjuna appeared distinct only on account of their separate bodies; otherwise no such distinction exists between them.” Krishna mentions his love and infatuation for arjuna over and over. He even says anyone who hates arjuna hates him and regardless of the relationship between them it just feels like the same wording has been used for RadhaKrishna. I don’t want the RadhaKrishna fans to hound me believe whatever you want but…especially if we consider Radha is not présent in the Mahabharata or the earlier texts and shes added later on during the Bhakti movement. It feels like inspiration taken directly from krishna and arjuna’s relationship.
Since no sins were sent and I'm not going out of my way to look up the nitty gritty of Yudhishthir's life, I'll just assume gambling as his biggest sin. And then there is the narova kunjarova bit that comes to mind. So gambling and betrayal are two sins I'm judging him for.
There is no one hell for gambling per se, but this kinda applies:
Taptaloha/Burning iron (Vishnu Purana): Hell for Sellers of their wife/wife's pimps, jailers, seller of a maned animal, and the one who deserts their devotees/bhakta.
You can argue that he 'sold' his wife in the course of gambling. There is no sin for selling brothers or yourself.
For betrayal:
Jwalamukha/Fire face (Brahmavaivarta Purana): Those who betray trust go to this hell. This hell is 20 bows wide and has eternally burning flames. Sinners stay here for 14 Indra lifetimes and condemn their pre- and post-seven generations to be tortured by Yamadutas in this hell. After the period of punishment has passed, one reincarnates in Bharat as a tiger for 7 lifetimes.
Jwalamukha accommodates other types of sinners also for similar punishment and punishment times. They just reincarnate into different creatures depending on the sin. If Yudhishthir had betrayed a friend instead of general betrayal, he could have reincarnated as a mongoose for 7 lifetimes.
