#mahabharat

[sambhavami]

Bheel Mahabharata - All Parts

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

[sambhavami]

Bheel Mahabharata - Part 9 [Last]

Dharamabai nu Mameru

Once Bheem had taken the animals out to graze, when he met a crying woman called Dharam Bai from Gornagar, and made him the Pandavas’ dharma sister. She didn’t have any biological family, except a Khejadi tree that she had sown herself, so Bheem promised that the Pandavas will attend her daughter Terasi’s wedding. Then she tied a rakhi around his wrist and Bheem told her to send a formal invite to them as the bride’s uncles.

Then she sent a Brahmin with the invitation, who reached right when Bheem was out on an errand. He had also forgotten to tell them about Dharama Bai. So, the rest of the brothers and Krishna went to Kutma and begged her to tell them exactly how many children she had. They were expecting to find out about a hidden sister but Kutma confessed instead to…Kiran. The Pandavas however didn’t react at all, and were far more upset that they did not, in fact, have a hidden sister.

The Pandavas then got very excited to be uncles in a marriage, but Kutma said that they should forget about Dharama Bai, since it is Kali Yuga now and they must kill themselves on the Himalayas, lest their punya is completely exhausted. Draupadi too supported Kutma, since she saw a fly sit on her poop the other day.

Kaljhug

Arjun saw a man carrying his wife on his back and making his mother walk behind them. When Arjun told the man to pick up his mother, he said that he’s Kali Yuga and rattled off a list of predictions: salt/jaggery will lose their taste, kings will become farmers and yogis will be in parliaments, young girls will be forced to give birth, and overpopulation will decimate forests etc.

Kutma heard that and told them to hurry up, and maybe drop the marriage plan. The Pandavas refused to, so they invited all nine lakh deities and Indra and his crew etc. Before they entered Gornagar, Kutma decided to test Dharama and so she disguised herself as a lower-caste woman and went to her. When Dharama heard that she was from the Pandava group, she hugged her and accepted a blouse that she’d brought. She then wrote a letter to the Pandavas and told them to not forget the traditional Saanpli saree, and it turns out that the brothers have brought all the wealth in the world, but have forgotten that one thing.

Kutma yelled at them, because now it’ll be even longer till they can go to the Himalayas, and sent Arjun to Patal to grab a Saanpli saree [it’s only available there].

Arjun reached Heerapath’s house to see that they are celebrating something. He asked her for the saree, but Heerapath told him that the celebrations were to get Nepji married to Terasi. Arjun hit his own head and lamented that it truly must be a sinful era, since now there’s a brother marrying a sister [they are treating the dharma-sibling status the same as biological].

Kutma heard that and told the brothers that simply by realizing this, they have lost 50% of their punya, and so they must abandon this marriage and climb the Himalayas right now.

Pandayo Emale

Krishna tried to convince them to not leave Dharama Bai hanging, but Arjun simply told him that they’ll never meet again, gave him the saanpli saree, and told him to represent them in the marriage and left.

Just as they started climbing the mountain, Bheem’s fingers started melting in the ice. The rest of them left him and went away. Then Kutma started melting, followed by Dhofa. Then Nakul and Sahadeo melted, followed by Arjun. Only Dharmaraja reached Vaikuntha safely, and then he and Krishna lived together happily ever after.

Rata nang Saamhlo

Saamhla [Krishna] married his childhood sweetheart Rata [Radha] and brought her home. Immediately, he told her that he’ll go to Dwarka for 6 months. Saamhlo told her that she’ll be happy here or else she’ll die on the road of thirst if she went with him. Then he told her to count the leaves of the peepal tree and sleep in the arms of his sister. Rata said he was insane and she will not do any of that.

Still, Saamhlo left the next morning. Then, halfway through, he decided to test Rata’s loyalty. So, he dressed up as a Manihari [jewel-seller] and went back. He demanded to see Rata since he had special ivory bracelets for her. Hearing about the exemplary beauty of this Manihari, Rata dressed up to the nines. First Saamhlo refused to believe that she was Rata, just to mess with her, but then when all the sakhis vouched for her, he put the ivory bangle on her arm.

Rata invited him to her room in the middle of the night to ‘pay’ him. Saamhlo refused to come, pretending to be scared of her husband, and so she agreed to come to him. At night, Rata pretended to have a stomachache and shooed off her sakhis.

Then Rata went to the Manihar’s dera, and convinced him to visit her at home. She also gave him the ring Saamhlo had gifted her. Her sakhis guessed what happened, but Rata refused to acknowledge it. That night, Saamhlo as the Manihari came to see her, but pretended to be offended to see a picture of himself hung up in Rata’s bedroom. Rata immediately broke the glass and threw it away, and wiped off all the pictures she had drawn on the walls of him.

The next day, a furious Saamhlo returned home as himself, and Rata immediately cried that she had missed him oh so much. Then he asked about the photo and the pictures and Rata blamed it on her sakhis. Then Saamhlo asked for his ring with his royal insignia back, and Rata said that she had accidentally dropped it in the palace lake and a fish had swallowed it. So, Saamhlo ordered that every fish be killed to look for the ring. Rata decided that would be too much of a sin, so she changed the story to that a bull swallowed it when she was feeding it. So, Saamhlo now ordered that all cattle be murdered, and Rata was even more mortified. She finally told Saamhlo that she had accidentally swallowed it, so Saamhlo pushed her to the ground, sat on her belly and tried to cut her open with a knife.

Finally, Rata cried and confessed, but adding onto it that this wasn’t a big deal, because she knew that the Manihari was Saamhlo all along.

[sambhavami]

Bheel Mahabharata - Part 8

Bharathani Nutar

Dalajojana challenged the Pandavas to a battle over the unfair land distribution by Krishna. The Pandavas wanted to reject the challenge but Balo Himmat accepted it, despite everyone telling him no. Balo then told them that the Kauravas would use the Chakravyuha and he could only break six out of the seven houses of it, and Bheem assured him that he will break the Cow-Dung house will in time.

Hodra yelled at all of them for this stupid plan and went to Kutma to find some way to save Balo.

Etarana Aana

Kutma told Hodra to run to Krishna and tell him that he’s still a child, since his wife is still at her natal place. Their plan was to stall the war for at least a year, under the guise of bringing Etara home. Instead, Krishna used his magic to stretch one night into six months so they can go and get Etara. Then Kutma sent Bheem to fetch Ratna Aahir and his new wife Roopa Aahir.

Then, Kutma gave them a talking camel called Pavanbegi and sent them to fetch Etara. Enroute, they met Ratri who was going home but Ratna captured him and tied him up in their bag and went towards Etara’s kingdom.

Etara meanwhile started dreaming repeatedly about Balo Himmat dying in the war. Biyor Belro’s Rani tried to console her but also freaked out when she saw the Aahir couple standing at the Surajpol in their Manak Chowk, just as in Etara’s dream.

Then the Rani woke up Biyor Belro by pulling on his big toe, and took Etara to that market to shop for a nice dress to wear to her in-laws’ house. Incidentally, the first dress that Etara picked only was black, the colour of funerals, and so the Rani cursed the shopkeeper and Etara somehow kept her from murdering the poor guy.

Crying Etara said her ‘melaani’ [goodbyes] to everyone and left with the Aahirs. Midway, she remembered that she’s forgotten her Amiya-kuppi and Ami-ka-hansa [things to bring Balo Himmat back to life after he died], and so she sent Ratna to her mother.

Ratna tried to memorise the two words but ended up asking the Rani for a tel-ki-kuppi [oil-jar] and kanghi [comb]. When he returned with these, Etara cried a lot, but then took it as a divine sign and accepted her fate.

Bharath

Hodra cried and cried, trying to convince Balo to wait just a minute for his wife to arrive, lest he run into war a virgin. Then Etara, got off the camel and charged into the city on a bull, desperate to see Balo. Balo heard her anklets ringing furiously, but he had already turned towards the battlefield and so he walked on, without even glancing at her, leaving her a sobbing mess.

The war then raged on between the 88 Kauravas and the 4 Pandavas [plus Balo]. The Chakravyuh has 7 houses, and Balo broke one each.

A Titir bird had given birth in the middle of the field and so she prayed to the deities to save her babies and a large bell tied to and elephant’s neck fell down, saving them just-in-time from Balo Himmat’s onslaught.

On the seventh day, Balo stood aside, his face resting on his bow, watching, as Bheem charged at the cow-dung house. Krishna, who was waiting for just this chance, transformed into a rat. The rat then crawled to Balo’s feet, and cut off the bowstring. The bow straightened immediately, cutting off Balo’s head. Balo Himmat then was granted a high heaven, and the 88 Kauravas all died, because God committed a sin on earth.

Arajhan no Hog

Heerapath came running and brought Arjun back to life.

Then Arjun returned home and Hodra told him what had happened. Arjun hit his head on the wall and cried a lot every day, cursing Krishna out. He went to the cremation ground every night, and cried unceasingly.

Balo Himmat’s ghost, who was unable to move on, spoke to Arjun one night, and told him that he had been Arjun’s son only once, but Arjun had been his son seven times before. This knowledge erased his grief and he went back home.

Kasno nang Arajhan

One day Krishna came to visit the Pandavas. Krishna then told them how he had seen some ants wearing anklets on his way, that then those ants then gave birth to elephants and that an elephant had crossed a gate where then his tail had gotten stuck. Arjun laughed and called him a liar.

Krishna was pissed, and so while Kutma was baking bread, he took Arjun to the banks of Ganga and left him there to take a bath. When Arjun came out, he saw that his body had transformed into a woman’s. Not only that, he found that he was pregnant, and within minutes, he gave birth to twelve children one after another. Then the babies grew into toddlers and started pinching and pulling Arjun’s hair demanding food. Arjun called out to Krishna, who appeared and touched him to turn his body back into a man’s. Then they returned [presumably abandoning the kids right there] and Arjun saw that Kutma’s bread hadn’t even finished baking.

However, he still refused to believe Krishna. So, Krishna explained that what he had meant was that a banyan seed can give birth to a large tree and a baby can come out of the mother’s body, leaving the umbilical cord still stuck. Then the Padavas all agreed and Krishna left.

Midway, Krishna realised that he was still mad at Arjun, so he returned, in the form of a half-man half-horse centaur. The Pandavas tried to buy him, but he said they should try riding him first. Then, Krishna refused to let any of the brothers get on his back, but the moment Arjun climbed him, he flew away. Arjun was now terrified, somehow holding on so that he doesn’t fall to his death.

Then Centaur!Krishna dropped him on a solitary rock jutting out of the ocean, and left him there. When Arjun tried drinking the water, a Jaljogini came out and tried to eat him. Arjun pleaded with her and promised to do whatever she wanted, and so she made him marry her. Then, within 150 seconds, they had 150 children, who immediately started climbing Arjun begging for food.

Then Arjun begged Krishan for help again, and Krishna parted the sea and Arjun ran away. Most of kids could not follow, but when Arjun reached land, he found 25 children and their mother still running after him. They demanded to be taken to Aasnapur, but Arjun was too ashamed and gave them a forest to rule instead and ran away.

When he finally limped back to the Pandava Sabha and Krishna laughed at him and taunted him by saying that he smelled bad and he looked so tired that he could be the father of 150 children. Arjun was more embarrassed and stood on one leg until Krishna finally forgave him.

[sambhavami]

Bheel Mahabharata - Part 7

Biyor Belro

Bheem and Arjun became very worried with Balo Himmat’s growing strength and audacity and Dhofa suggested they get him married to a nice, human girl. Then she said, Biyor Belro’s [Virat] daughter Etara [Uttara] would be perfect for him.

So, Bheem was sent to his kingdom to negotiate a marriage. Biyor Belro agreed but only if Bheem could produce as many relatives for the marriage as there were mustard seeds in a 2.5 kilo bag. Biyor Belro warned Bheem to not cheat, and told him to give one seed to each person so that the count could be verified during the marriage.

Krishna, Kutma and Dhofa, hearing that, took fistfuls of the mustard and threw them in all directions and invited the  lakh gods, Indra, the 12 clouds, the 13 lightnings, 1 crore Brahmas, the Chakra-veda, Lakshmi and her retinue, 1000 Yoginis, Dudhiya-Deval’s nine lakh goddesses, Patal’s Kala-Gora Bhairavs, Surya, Chandra and Vidhata.

Kutma then called Bheem and told him that Biyor Belro’s kingdom was six months’ journey away from Aasnapur, and since he always creates a fight wherever he goes Bheem should stay home and eat the snacks that she would leave him. Bheem said okay to her face, but the moment the entourage left, he packed up all the snacks and took a shortcut and waited for Kutma under a banyan tree near the kingdom.

Kutma scolded him again and told him that the Pandavas will die immediately if he moves even slightly out of the shadow of the banyan and left. Bheem was sad at first, but then thought about the words and then uprooted the entire tree, held it up like an umbrella and took another shortcut.

Reaching the palace, he asked Biyor’s Rani for some food and emptied all the kitchens of their whole city, and dried out the bavdi in the city by drinking from it.

Then Biyor’s Rani, in an attempt to stall them, stops the Pandavas when they come to do the ‘toram marna & khisariya’ ritual [the groom’s side gifts the bride’s side a coconut while the groom’s father is beaten up by the women who also sing explicit songs at him]. Biyor’s Rani demanded a rope made of the husk of a dried bajra seed to make the mandap, and Arjun somehow escaped the woman and asked Krishna to explain how to get that. Krishna was also stumped by the riddle, and finally they called Bheem, because he’s the smartest of them all. Then Bheem told her to bring water in a sieve so that the rope can be made, and Biyor’s Rani said that’s impossible, and Bheem said yes, and her ask is also impossible.

This placated her, and Etara and Balo Himmat were married.

Khand Besani

Dalajojana [Duryodhana] once shot an arrow at Vaikuntha, ordering Krishna to divide up the earth so that everyone is happy. So, Krishna and Narad, came to Dhavalagarh, but the Kauravas were busy playing dice and didn’t even look at Krishna. Dalajojana then finally came up to Krishna told him to give one part of the earth to the Pandavas, and the rest of the earth to the Kauravas. Krishna was angry at the previous insult, but said yes in the moment.

Krishna gave the Pandavas Mount Abu’s helm, Dakshin Khanda, Rajasthan and Mevar. Dalajojana was furious so he and his brothers brought out their bamboo sticks and munja-grass whips and beat Krishna and Narad within an inch of their life.

Somehow, Krishna ran away to Kutma. The Pandavas then worshipped Krishna, fed him nice food, and devoted all their property to him. So, Krishna told them that a big war is coming and then told them the secret to win it. He told them, in order to win, they needed to gather Kirankunvar’s Agan-pichhora and bow-and-arrow, the Teerath Thamba, and a sheath/drum made of a rhino’s skin from Patal.

Bharathani Taiyari

Agan Pichhora: Kutma took Balo Himmat and went to Gokalgarh. At the gate she started shivering pitifully, and so Kirankunvar sent his Agan-picchra to cover her, and Kutma tied it tightly around herself. Then Kutma met Kiran and told Balo Himmat to start crying loudly, and Kutma told Kiran that that was his nephew and he really, really wants to play with Kiran’s bow and arrow. Kiran gave it to him and asked him to stay near, but Balo ran full speed and only stopped once he’d reached the Pandava sabha. Then Kutma, pretending to find and bring him back, also ran back, leaving Kiran still waiting for his mother and nephew.

Teerath Thamba: Nakul and Sahadeo went, with the help of Hodra, to the land of the one-legged people and then to the land of the people who walked on their heads, got the pillar and placed it in the middle of their Manak Chowk.

Rhino-skin Sheath: None of the Pandavas wanted to go, but Dharmaraja voluntold to go to Patal to get it since he knows the way. Arjun went, killed the first rhino he saw by the Kanogara Lake, and then Agan Nepji, who was the herdman, hit Arjun over the head with his stick and Arjun died. Turns out, Nepji is actually Heerapath and Arjun’s son, and she scolded him and left him to ward off flies off Arjun’s corpse whiel she went and got the Amiya-kuppi. Again.

[sambhavami]

Bheel Mahabharata - Part 6

Eekodanav

All of the Danavas died, but Mahish’s wife had gone to the forest and so she was the only one who lived. She was pregnant at the time and ran away to Uttarakhand t her family. When her baby was born, he was named Eeko. When he learnt about how his father’s side died, he was determined to avenge them.

He went to a carpenter and had a big cage made with sandalwood to lock Krishna in. Krishna, however, found out about this plan, and disguised himself as an old Brahmin. Eekodaav lied and said he was planning to invite Krishna to play with him inside the cage because they were old friends. Krishna then asked him whether he was sure that Krishna would fit inside the cage, since the real him was quite heavy. Then he told Eeko that they have similar builds and so he should try entering the cage once himself to ensure Krishna would also fit. Eeko agreed, and Krishna put him in and immediately locked him in.

Then Eeko realised it was Krishna and started jumping with the cage to try and crush Krishna under it but Krishna kept moving away. Finally, Krishna dragged the cage back to Vaikuntha and then locked the cage seven floor underground in his basement. He warned everyone to never try and open it.

Eeko, without food or water, shrank to the size of a bee. Hodra, who was very curious, started waiting for Krishna to go out one day so she could see what was in the basement.

Balo Himmat

One day, Hodra opened the cage because she didn’t see the tiny Eeko, and Eeko flew straight into her mouth and down into her belly, and Hodra fell pregnant. Krishna then was afraid that the baby would kill him the moment it is born. So, he locked himself and Hodra in a room nad started reading the Chakra-veda [how to break the seven houses of the Chakra-vyuha], to kill him first. Krishna taught the baby how to break the copper, brass, white brass, lead, water and gold, but Hodra fell asleep before he could teach him the strategy for the last cow-dung house. Krishna realised that instead of being killed or weakened, Eeko had learnt the strategies and he was relieved that he hadn’t finished the lecture or else he would lose his Vaikuntha.

Then Krishna went to the Kauravas begging them to marry Hodra [she was unmarried in this song], but they guessed that she was pregnant and refused to marry her. Then he went to Aasnapur and the Pandavas made him lie down and massaged his entire body. Then Krishna asked Arjun to marry her, and Arjun was about to refuse, when Kutma swooped down and accepted the marriage-coconut on his behalf. They were also suspicious when Krishna told them to not celebrate the marriage in any way, but they were too scared of him to say no.

Then, Hodra gave birth to a boy and he was named Balo Himmat [Abhimanyu].

Narad no Kaurav

Once Narad went to the Kauravas and Duryodhan immediately ordered him to go to the Pandavas. He also gave some impossible tasks to test their devotion: [1] he burnt a mango seed and told Narad to tell the Pandavas to grow a tree from it and send back a seed from a mango from that tree, [2] he gave Narad a male calf and told him to bring back it’s milk, [3] he gave Narad a twig off a Champa tree and told him to bring back some flowers from the tree that would grow from that, [4] he gave Narad a bunch of rice seeds and told him to bring back rice to cook their lunch for the day.

Then Narad went and told the Pandavas and they immediately started singing about Krishna and all the tasks were completed successfully immediately.

Endroni nay Balo Emanto

Once Kamal Rishi, Darbha Rishi and Gautam Rishi asked whose wife in the world was the purest, and Indra said his wife Indrani was the purest. So, they went to his house for dinner, and one of them winked at Indrani, one of them put his foot over hers and the third one pinched her in the belly hard enough to draw blood. Indrani, furious now, refused o still serve them and threatened to break tamburas over their heads if they didn’t back off. This burnt off all of Indra’s punya, and Indrani left his house.

Indrani went and proposed marriage to the 88 Kauravas but they were too scared to keep her. She then went to the Pandavas and they also refused to have her, so then she tried to kill Balo Himmat [12-13-years-old now] to blow off some steam but he picked her up and threw her into a wall. Then Balo Himmat heard about her plight and decided to marry and keep her in Rang Mahal.

Then Indra attacked Aasnapur to take her back and sent Pavan, but Balo Himmat broke Pavan’s limbs and threw him back and lived happily ever after with Indrani.

[mandy4life]

me when i was Mahabharat larper : Omg i love them all.

me when i read mahabhrat with OPEN eyes : I lowkey hate them all.

[sambhavami]

Bheel Mahabharata - Part 5

Bheempandav

One day Bheem asked Kutma’s permission and went to graze animals. He let the animals graze by the Ratnakar Sea and started strolling. Bheem found Karama Dhobi washing the Kauravas’ clothes at the beach and he settled down beside him, eating chickpeas. Karama’s young son, seeing that, asked him for some. Bheem refused to share, and told Karama to get some from the market. So, Karama told Bheem to keep an eye on the boy and the clothes and left. The moment Karama was out of sight Bheem threw the kid against a boulder and then threw him into the sea where a crocodile ate him. Then Bheem tore up all the clothes of the Kauravas and tied it around his legs, and limped on, telling the other people he met on the beach that he’s sick.

A little farther, he saw the 88 Kaurava brothers sitting on a Banyan tree, their tiffin bags hanging off the branches. He asked who the tiffin bags belonged to and they said that Nakul comes to play dice with them every day, and dutifully loses his tiffin to them, and then they hang it up on the tree as trophies. Bheem remembered how Nakul was feverish that morning, and decided to teach them a lesson. He gathered several large thorns underneath the tree, and then shook the tree until all the brothers had fallen unto them.

Then Bheem walked towards Dhavalagarh. Enroute, he found an oil-merchant making til-kachariya [dessert made of sesame seeds, jaggery and nuts] for the Kauravas. Bheem asked him for it and when refused, threw the merchant across twelve villages and then ate everything. Then in Dhavalagarh he met Gatarama, who was taking tiffin for the Kauravas. Then he went back to the tree with Gatarama and started fake-crying, telling her that the eastern wind must’ve blown them off. Gatarama somehow pulled them out, and then stuffed them all in her bullock-cart and went home.

The next day, Kabir [Dushhasan] went t their Kuldevi Kumbhimata’s temple, and promised to sacrifice the five Pandavas to her. Then, he hid under a black blanket and went to Aasnapur, where he found only four of them, since Bheem had gone with the animals. So, he wrapped up Kutma and the four brothers in his blanket and left. Bheem came back, found them missing and followed Kabir’s footsteps.

Arama

Arama [Hidimba] was swinging on a swing. She saw Bheem following the footsteps and asked him to pay a tax for the road to him. Bheem said he doesn’t have any money, and so Arama told him to push her swing. Bheem pushed it so hard, Arama almost reached Surya’s chariot in the sky. Then Bheem and Arama locked eyes, and she fell pregnant and fainted. Bheem stopped the swing and left, and immediately after Arama gave birth to Gharano Ghatukaro [Ghatotkach].

The baby asked Arama who his father was, and Arama showed him Bheem, walking away. Gharano Ghatukaro ran after Bheem and caught his fingers. Bheem asked him who he would support if there’s a battle between him and the Kauravas, and he said he’d support whoever was losing. Bheem was scared of that, and he yanked the boy by his braid and locked him in the seventh Patal.

Bheem then saw the brothers and Kutma tied up in front of the deity idol and Kabir chanting mantras with his eyes closed. Bheem hid behind the idol and commanded, in a woman’s voice, to feed him. So, Kabir brought him halwa, churma, laddoos and water. After this, Bheem jumped out from behind the idol and started fighting Kabir.

In the middle of the fight, Bheem got hungry again, so Kutma asked Bheem to gather a lot of dust and she put her breastmilk on them to make more laddoos. Eating that, Bheem was reinvigorated and tore Kabir into two pieces. However, whenever he did so, the half Kabirs joined back and came back to life. Then Kutma told him to throw the pieces in opposite directions, so Bheem did that and Kabir now stayed dead.

Krishna no Danava

Once Narad asked Krishna how much of the world he ruled. Krishna tried to avoid the question, but eventually told him that he ruled over 3/4th of the world [called Vaikuntha]. Narad then wanted to visit the 1/4th part, named Atara [Andhariya] Khand, that was ruled by the Danavas. So, they went, and before they could run away, the Danavas, led by Mahish Danav, arrested both of them, tied their hands and legs, tied them to the tails of their horses, whipped them till they were half-dead and then dragged them through the forest. Then the Danavas put them inside two foul-smelling leather bags, sew those up and threw them in a garbage dump.

At night, one Brahmin was going to the jungle with a pot, and Krishna started loudly yelling that the Danavas were stupid to do this to them, because he was about to marry all the unmarried girls in Vaikuntha to the Danavas. Hearing that, Mahish Danav immediately ordered that they be freed, and then Krishna invited every single Danava to Vaikuntha on the next full-moon day and escaped with Narad.

On that day, Krishna gathered all the foxes from all over Vaikuntha and dressed them up as girls. Then the real girls all cussed out the Danavas [as part of the marriage rituals], and then everyone locked up all the Danavas in the Dhuliya Kothi and burnt all of them alive.

[sambhavami]

Bheel Mahabharata - Part 4

Pandovono Senetoro Jhagan

After dying, Panduraja went to hell. There, a one-foot insect and a crow bit him. Once day, Krishna went down to hell, and seeing him, called him a sinner again and offered to turn him into a dog in Aasnapur to live out the rest of his sentence, and keep an eye on his sons. So, Panduraja was reborn as a black dog.

One day Dog!Panduraja went Sahadeo’s house, where his wife hit him with a thick stick. Then he ran away to Bheem’s house, where his wife beat him with a paddle. Finally, he went and hid inside a garbage dump. Arjun’s queen Hodra [Subhadra] was relaxing on a swing. She had some magical powers because she was Krishna’s sister and so she recognized Panduraja. Seeing that, she went to Dhofa and asked if the Pandavas had not performed the post-death rituals for Panduraja properly, and Dhofa replied that her guru Bala Hargura had been insulted by the Pandavas during the feast, and that must’ve done it.

Then the two of them went to Kunti and told her that she was unlucky that she had all sons and no daughters, since a daughter would never do this to her father. Then the two of them cooked 32 types of delicacies and served it to Dog!Panduraja in the garbage. Seeing that, Bheem furiously accused Dhofa of having an affair with the dog and threatened to beat her to death or to skin her alive. Dhofa too cursed out his entire bloodline and dragged him to the Pandava sabha, where she cursed out the rest of the brothers as well.

Then Krishna calmed her down somewhat and made the Pandavas apologise to both her and the dog. They had performed seven yajnas for Panduraja, but had always insulted Dhofa’s guru by calling him a low-caste man, and so none of their yajnas had been successful.

Krishna told them to do a Menetara [Shankhadwar] yajna this time. For this, they would need virgin gold, soil, a man who was sold by a woman, virgin water, Jhela-jhendara’s head and a tree-toothbrush sans knots. Additionally, they would need to invite Dhofa’s guru Bala Hargura, Kutma’s guru Gatarabasi and Panduraja’s guru, with all due respect.

Virgin Gold: Krishna offered a paan for volunteering [you would eat it if you wanted to do the task, the Hindi adage of ‘beeda uthana’ comes from this practice] to get ‘Kunvara-sona’ from Patal, and Arjun took it. Hodra then came to the sabha and said that Arjun cannot be trusted to go down and return in time, because he’s always distracted by a woman and will inevitably get delayed and then married to Vasanga’s daughters. She wanted to lock him up in her palace for twelve years instead. Arjun still went. Once he was inside Patal, he accidentally wrecked Vasanga’s garden and then went to sleep inside his bullock cart. The big snakes didn’t want to disturb a sleeping man, but the tiny snakes all bit and killed Arjun. Vasanga’s favourite daughter then wanted to bathe in the Kanogara Lake in the garden, and Vasanga wanted to deny her request but she threatened to kill herself and he relented. In the garden, she saw Arjun dead in the garden and asked her father for the Amiya-kuppi [amrita], but he sent the vish-kuppi [poison] instead. Then she, as a virgin girl, threatened to curse entire Patala-loka, and so Vasanga relented again. Then, she realized that Arjun will run away the moment he wakes up, and so she got married to him first and then brought him back to life. She then fell pregnant the very moment that Arjun looked at her, and then she gave him the virgin gold and let him go.

Man sold by a Woman: Bheem went around the entire earth, trying to entice women to sell their husbands, but everyone refused. Then finally one woman told him to go to Nathi Veshya, who was a prostitute and would definitely like to sell a client or two. Then Bheem hid in her room overnight and bought the man he liked the best.

Virgin Water: Nakul takes the paan for this. He went to the Saraja bavadi [reservoir], but got accosted by the Jaljogini. She told him to look at her, and the moment he did, he fainted and drowned in the reservoir. Then Bheem went after Nakul and faced the same fate. Then finally Sahadeo went after them, and promised to marry the Jaljogini after the yajna and so she used her Amar-kuppi to bring Nakul and Bheem back to life.

Bala Hargura: Dhofa went to his dhuni [ashram], and sucked his big toe [a ritual among the Nath people]. He said he took offence to Bheem pouring water on his head the last time they met, because of his low caste. He demanded that the Pandavas make Bheem get a septum piercing, and ran a rope through it, dragged a bullock cart [as the bullock], ate grass from Bala Hargura’s hands and drove him back. The Pandaas didn’t want to, but Krishna scolded them and then Bheem agreed to submit to the treatment and atone for his past sins.

Jhela-Jhendara’s head: Bheem volunteered for this. He learnt the trick to kill the guy, and poured 1.5 pots of flour and 12 pots of down his gullet. Then Bheem prayed to their kul-devata and cut his little finger, and from every drop sprang little Bheem-clones. All of them cornered Jhela-Jhendara and then Bheem cut off his head and went home.

Rest: Bheem went and invited Kutma’s guru Gatarabasi, and Sahadeo brought the toothbrush and then they did the yajna, setting Panduraja’s soul free.