For context: In celebration of my one-year anniversary of being in this fandom, I'm going to share 12 of my favorite fics, one for each month. (a little more detail on how and why I got here in the first place) (a note on methods)
I'm so excited to tell you about the first fic that took over my brain and my life, because it took me absolutely zero time/thought to decide this, it was that obvious:
This Dreamcrossed Twilight, by @prackspoor
Summary:
“I want to know you,” Celebrimbor said. “You and all that there is to you.”
Beneath his hands, he felt Annatar tense, his skin growing colder as if every part of him, including his blood, wanted to withdraw from Celebrimbor’s touch.
“You don’t know what you are asking for,” Annatar said quietly.
“Perhaps not,” Celebrimbor replied. “And yet this is what I want. You have offered me so much over these years: unnumbered gifts that you gave freely, that I did not even need to ask for. So let this be the first, the last, and the only thing I ask for myself.”
Let me in. Let me know you. Show me who you were, before you came to me. Let me know all that is ancient and primordial, terrifying and incomprehensible about you. Show me the god beneath the face of the man. Permit me to know you as you truly are.
On the eve of the creation of the Great Rings, Celebrimbor makes a dangerous request and history changes forever.
This wasn't the first Silm fandom or Silvergifting fic I ever read, but it is the one that turned me into an absolute gremlin for this world. Prackspoor's take on these characters is so thoughtful, and the world-building so rich and inventive, I constantly found myself feeling as though a spell had been cast on me. (more spoilery comments under the cut)
As I was trying to put into words what I love about this fic and why it means so much to me, Prackspoor literally added an epilogue 10 months after the original fic appeared to have concluded, which just threw me completely back into a Dreamcrossed Twilight fugue state for several hours.
This fic is technically the third installment in a series; I recommend all three wholeheartedly, but I do think that one can start here (you can always pick up the earlier fics later on if you like this world, which I can't imagine you wouldn't).
The structure of the story: Annatar revealing himself, by his own choice, as Sauron to his bestie Celebrimbor, followed by Celebrimbor's horror, despair, research mode (the incredible Mirror chapter in which he sees countless visions of possible futures), a showdown of will that results in Annatar's capitulation, but then it isn't over.
It's not a simple fix. Sauron being Sauron isn't something that Celebrimbor can just get over, and the following despair over several chapters and a thousand years in-story, feels so real and painful in the best possible way. Everything in this story is earned. It isn't showy, it isn't gratuitous; it's deeply human and feels like an intimate character study of two individuals even as the scope and scale of the things they are dealing with are so larger-than-life.
And that, I suppose, is why it means so much to me as my entry point into the Silm fandom as a whole: to take mythic characters and themes like repentance, good and evil, grief and loss, and then bring them down to an incredibly human, character/relationship level, is basically why I'm here.
(I know I act like I'm here for the smut, but that's just one way to go about this task, not the only way.)
Some favorite lines, stray thoughts, odds & ends:
“Accept me,” he said, pressing Celebrimbor’s hand to his forehead like a thane swearing fealty to his liege.
Rereading this fic is a hilarious reminder of just how much I tried to absorb in Silm canon and fanon in such a short time. I discovered this fic while it was still a WIP and eagerly awaited each chapter update. In an early chapter, Celebrimbor talks about escaping a balrog with his father and uncle, and I remember being puzzled, but not confident enough to know whether this was a canonical event or what. Then later, Maglor shows up halfway through, and I like, *knew* who Maglor was, but at the same time, I didn't *really* get the significance of Maglor, right? By the time Prackspoor published another Maglor chapter, I had already mainlined so much fic I was like OHHH YESS I GET IT NOW. (I did not, entirely, get it.)
I said in a prior post that these recs aren't really about the personality of the writer, and I'll hold to that as much as I can, but Prackspoor's engagement in comments is specifically aspirational to me. I've never been in a fandom where authors have been so generous and thoughtful with readers, as a general rule, and this author has been such an exemplar to me of how to interact.
"Show him fire." (another very very well earned climactic scene)
Hey elesianne, how about 3 & 4 and 7 & 8 of the Behind the scenes Fic Writing Ask?
Thank you for the questions :)
3. Do you write fics from start or finish, or jump around?
I jump around like crazy. Very few of my fics were written nicely from start to finish.
4. Do you outline before you start writing? If so, how far do you stray from that outline?
Hmm. I rarely do proper outlines. What I most often do is write down the short scenes and paragraphs and individual lines that come to my head and are the core and the inspiration for the fic, and I put them in order and perhaps write between them 'add here X' or 'scene with X here' if I think I need that.
For Your spirit calling out to mine I did have a proper outline from the beginning and I kept updating it while I wrote and the fic changed shape. That outline, sparse as it was, is one big reason I managed to finish a fic that long.
Generally, the longer a fic, more outlining I do for it.
7. Which part of writing do you struggle with most?
Writing those not-so-interesting transition scenes that I mention above: the 'need to add x here's.
8. Do you listen to music while you write? If so, share a song that’s been inspiring you lately.
I usually listen to one song or a few songs on repeat, or some ambient music like this one. I've also been listening to The Amazing Devil a lot since… February. My favourite song is Not Yet/Love Run (okay so it's two songs, kinda).
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Annatar/Celebrimbor | Telperinquar, Celebrimbor | Telperinquar/Sauron | Mairon
Characters: Annatar (Tolkien), Sauron | Mairon, Celebrimbor | Telperinquar, Durin III, Original Male Character(s), Original Female Character(s), Fundin Silverhand
Additional Tags: A journey down memory lane, The Kingdom of Khazad-Dûm, Dwarven History; Culture and Technology, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
Series: Part 2 of The Unread Visions of a Higher Dream
Summary:
Celebrimbor turned to his friend. "Annatar, have you ever seen the city under the mountain?”
Annatar shook his head. “No. I have never been there. The Dwarves are a suspicious folk and they guard their treasures jealously from those they consider outsiders. I never had a chance to befriend them.”
Celebrimbor looked out over the woods and hills of Eregion stretching out beneath the tower they were standing on, his gaze fixed onto the majestic peaks of the Caradhras, Celebdil, and Fanuidhol. “It is beautiful. The Mountains of Moria were raised up by none other than Morgoth himself, and yet today they house the proud line of Durin and his sons, the mithril mines, and the splendour of Khazad-Dûm." Celebrimbor glanced at Annatar and found him watching intently. "Some day I will take you there," he said.
Celebrimbor and Annatar visit the Dwarven kingdom of Khazad-Dûm. Memories are revisited. Bonds are broken and reforged. Friendships and loyalties are put to the test as cultures clash and worldviews waver. In the end, more than one lesson is learned by everyone, and not all of them without pain or sorrow.
prackspoor replied to your post “I am actually icking myself out a bit with the latest project. ...”
@raisingcain-onceagain: DID I HEAR 'LATEST PROJECT'? My "impending new awesome story" spidey senses are tingling! @simaethae: I read your reply and proceeded to have a long contemplative session about my own writing preferences.
aw, shucks. . . and actually, you are directly implicated involved because it’s a WIP I was inspired to pick back up after reading ‘Duplicity,’ so. . . thanks :)
prackspoor replied to your post “Day after day I want to write, but by the time when I have time to...”
How about you start with a scene that you find particularly interesting, no matter where in the story it takes place, and see where it goes from there? I tend to find that very helpful whenever I have a new idea in my head, but only a vague idea of the story overall. That being said, I wish you the best - may your muse stay faithful and grant you a lot of inspiration!
That is good advice and it’s what I usually do, I write down the line or paragraph or scene that captures my imagination, and see where I can go from there. I write almost all of my fics in bits and pieces and in the completely wrong order. It is definitely the easiest way for me, very helpful as you say! The problem is that sometimes I am so tired and/or anxious that even that doesn’t work ._. Thank you for your good wishes <3 I’m sure the mental block will fade away sooner or later.
@prackspoor asked me to answer the following Behind the Scenes of Fic Writing: 30 Questions for Authors questions. Sorry that it took a while, I had a busy weekend!
(I'm still happy to answer more of these, btw, if someone is interested! I've done 3, 4, 7 and 8 in addition to the two below.)
17. What fic are you most proud of?
Your spirit calling out to mine. Not just by default because it's my only novel-length fic but also because of the worldbuilding (the Vanyar…) and characterisation-building I did for that fic – plus all the Vanyar OCs.
18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.
Agh, I've got a lot of fics, and to be honest I'm proud of many scenes… hmm.. The first one that comes to mind right now is how I handled the Aegnor and Andreth romance in the last chapter of Ever-beloved, my fic about Edhellos and Angrod.
When I decided to cover all of Edhellos' life up to her death I knew that I'd have to include the tragic, unfulfilled romance between Aegnor and Andreth in the fic in some way, especially since I wanted to write her being close with Aegnor, a close friend rather than just sister-in-law.
I expected it to be difficult to write, especially keeping it suitably short, but in the end it was easy.
Rest of the answer behind a cut because it spoils the fic.
I didn’t want it to be a long scene or too many scenes, though, because the fic consists of short scenes that are all pretty tightly focused on Edhellos and I didn’t want that derailed by Aegnor’s personal tragedy. And I had to be especially careful with that because Aegnor meets Andreth close to the end of his and Edhellos’ life – close to the end of the fic.
So following a scene that describes the house of Beör moving into Ladros, the north-eastern part of Dorthonion, I wrote Aegnor coming home to Minas Avras (the stronghold I made up for Angrod, Aegnor and Edhellos) and Edhellos being the first to greet him.
She notices at once that something is off with him. She asks him if he’s hurt and because I write Aegnor as someone who expresses himself rather dramatically, unlike Angrod, he answers, 'I have been dealt a strike from which I will never recover.’ Having met Andreth, fallen in love with her, spent a little time with her and then left her to never see again feels to him like his world has shifted and will never be right again.
Later in the evening Aegnor has a private dinner with Edhellos and Angrod and talks about Andreth a little more. I incorporated the descriptions of Andreth and his meeting from the Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth (in HoME 10), as well as Aegnor’s rationale for riding away from her.
I really like the resulting sentences, and the mental image of that conversation: the three of them sat at dinner but not really eating, Aegnor staring into the fire as he speaks.
Angrod doesn’t know how to react; he ‘sits frozen‘. But Edhellos, whose strength is in her compassionate heart, understands that Aegnor cannot be consoled by anything but the knowledge that he will never forget Andreth (this is also based on the Athrabeth, where Finrod says that Aegnor will always have an elf’s memory, more vivid than a human’s, of meeting and loving Andreth, to treasure). So the scene ends with her expressing her understanding of that, and with ‘She embraces Aegnor's still, stiff form and takes Angrod's hand, and they leave Aegnor to his memory and silence.’
I love that sentence.
If I may cheat a little, I’ll talk a bit about the next scene as well, even though this is already ridiculously long.
It’s a connected scene: Edhellos and Angrod in their bedroom that night, curling into each other metaphorically and literally, in horror of the grief Aegnor must feel at the love he couldn’t have, at their brother having lost something so dear.
They talk about how fortunate they were to find each other young and to have been together since then. Angrod says to Edhellos, 'Even if Morgoth should break the siege tomorrow and slay us, we have had centuries to love each other. Aegnor didn't get a single moment of love unsullied by heartbreak.'
And that is an important bridge to the next scene, the last scene of the fic, because that’s where Morgoth begins Dagor Bragollach.
I love it when I manage to write passages that serve many purposes.
prackspoor replied to your photoset “pkmntrainerkris-1: THE KRUSTY CREW!!!! Characters from our dnd...”
So, who's who?
the elf on the left who’s ready to fight is my idiot boy Kaehlan, the tiefling in the back who’s far cooler than either of us is @thulimo’s Rafail, and the halfling on the right who just needs a nap and he can take on the world is @pkmntrainerkris-1′s Throckmorton VIII.
together they cause mayhem (mostly by accident), solve crimes (utterly by chance), and usually make the world a better place (by being as photogenic as seen here in a rare still moment before they charge off into the sunset hollering)
mmarycontrary replied to your post “Feanorian week, day #5”
Good father Curufin -- and the best proof, that when Feanor's sons swore, Curufin's son didn't. Thanks for this, I love that he's proud.
Aw, thank you!! I headcanon Celebrimbor being born in Middle-earth, so that a) he never actually met Feanor and b) has heard various things about the Oath and its mythos among his family, so, yeah. . .
prackspoor replied to your post “Feanorian week, day #5”
I'm about 114% sure that reverse psychology is the only way to get any descendant of Fëanor to do as you wish. I'm also quite sure that Curufin and Celebrimbor both know this and yet it doesn't keep the former from using it and the latter from falling for it. If it weren't so grim a setting, one might be tempted to grin. That being said, ow, my feels.
oh gosh, I love this! And the degree or subtlety of that reverse psychology just depends on which son or grandson it is, and what you’re trying to get them to do. Headcanon accepted! And thank you :)
