If he remained weak, then the other seraphim would have no cause to fear him... or so he had thought. He couldn’t even remember the years now and it had made no difference to their attitudes once they had caught on to the rumor surrounding him. A rumor that was... while not entirely false, a lot of it was untrue. Fingers being pointed while there was no solid proof. He could understand that his case was a unique one, he didn’t have a choice in where in started out-- that certainly shouldn’t define him as... cursed.
And in one wrong movement one of the trees he had been focusing on to practice his artes had been completely uprooted when he let his mind trail back to... that. Jude didn’t resent the others for feeling that way, if anything he felt... that he was the problem, he knew that wasn’t the case too. This was why he removed himself from their presence, why he avoided contact with others. Why he was... alone. Maybe if humans could see him, they might be different?
Sadly, humans were incapable of seeing seraphim. He had read that there were cases in the past, but... Jude shook his head at the thought. At least humans were interesting. He could be near humans and they wouldn’t tell him to go away, they wouldn’t even notice he was there. “A-Ah the tree!” finally breaking from his thoughts as he went over to examine it. “I’m sorry... You didn’t deserve that.” his arte control was so poor because he had to figure out the fundamentals himself, nobody would teach him.
“...I wont get anywhere like this.” sighing as he looked over the accidental damages.