I've come back with another GEM (I hope). SO! I opened a chest with Lohen and got that line where he's upset there's no trap in it. I got to thinking in my little Lune brain "hrmmm this tickles my fancy but HOW"
Well, I've just decided. Idrk if you know the Smurfs like that (aagg this may age me, I fear) but for those who don't know, they all have different traits. So there's Jokey Smurf and his thing is he pranks everyone by giving them presents that explode in your face when you open them.
So like...Lohen with a lover whose thing is trap pranks and rigging gifts and chests with traps.
And they're like NOT an amateur either, they're an expert. Putting an elaborate rope trap at the entrance to the house (they entered and exited through the window) so when Lohen goes to open the door he GETS GOT!
That new cologne they gave him? Boar pheromone that makes them charge like hell. They send him to deliver something to Albedo's camp and Lohen gets FUCKED UP by the Great Snowboar King. He loves it. The next few dinners will consist of meat dishes for no particular reason *coughs*
The "just because I love you" gift box they present him? Er yeh well THAT splashes water on his face. "What? That's it? Man, hate to say you miiight be slipping there, babe.."
...
*smile*
And then the "Cryofreeze tonic #4" (patent pending) gets exploded on him and he's just 🧊🧊🧊 BLOCK OF ICE! He spends hours frozen solid and defrosting like a preprepared Sweet Madame. By the time he's free, it's sundown, his teeth are clacking, he's dripping wet and he might have a cold tomorrow. He hasn't had so much fun in a while.
It sometimes gets so bad that Jean has to tell them both that the KOF headquarters, the church, the city gates, the lighthouse, the sanitorium, Angel's Share, Cat's Tail, the Anemo Archon's statue, and residential homes and local businesses are OFF LIMITS. Lohen thinks she's being a killjoy, his lover agrees to only endanger his wellbeing in their home, in the wild, and safe distance away from other Mondstadters (they never said they would stop pranks within the city walls AT ALL, however).
If he's doing a field exercise with a group of knights and he sees a chest, he literally shoves them out the way so he can get boobytrapped. VERY disappointed when he opens it to find ACTUAL treasure and no venom launched in his eyes. (he feels cheated) Bennett sees this happen one time and he's a bit confused why Lohen's upset with actual treasure because for him a chest that ISN'T boobytrapped and DOES have Mora is a lucky day. (Oh Bennett, my precious, I love you, don't change)
Lohen loves to think of what they might pull next, it keeps him on his toes and aware of his surroundings. And if he falls for it? Well then whatever was inflicted on him will be a wonderfully amusing reminder to keep his eyes peeled.
He's wondering if one day they could smuggle wild Saurians to Mondstadt and just let them loose in the house, waiting for him. And not the little babies either, he'd want adults with real grown up fangs and claws.
They tell him there has to be a line and they don't want to anger the Pyro Archon, the 6 tribes AND the Knights with that. He feels differently and thinks that if they all jump him, it'd be even more fun (he's hopeless, your honor!)
😭😭😭 Lune I'm CRYING,,,,, Reading the traps you came up with and the way you described each trap with such detail (and the consequences thereafter) had me putting down the phone and staring at the ceiling for a very long while,,,,,,,,,, Jean you poor, poor soul,,,,,,,,
Lohen with an lover who's an expert in traps is practically a match made in heaven,,,, Not only will the two of you match each other's freak, but also enable each other to outmatch the current level of freak y'all are at,,,, it's like a never ending game of tug of war except the bystanders (rip Mondstadt citizens) had no clue they were even participating in said game until the rope is tied around them 😭😭😭 Meanwhile, the person who is suppose to be the “unfortunate victim” of the prank is giggling like a giddy kid receiving candy for the first time,,,, Barbatos save him,,,,, (or don't, he's exactly where he wants to be)
Imagine his lover gets bored after Lohen's out of the city for an extended period of time (to fight monsters, train the other knights at dornman port, handling secret missions etc), so they start playing “milder” pranks on other people to pass the time— except Lohen's high tolerance to practically anything has completely skewed their understanding of normalcy so, after a long list of complaints and property damage, Jean has no choice but to throw them into solitary confinement with Klee and Varka.
When word of the chaos they've caused reaches Lohen's ears, he's mildly amused but mostly furious. Why? Because he thinks that he should be the only one who gets the “privilege” to fall into his lover's pranks. How dare his lover share their exclusive thing with people other than him!! Bunny is mad, bunny will not tolerate this injustice 💢💢
Varka, sweating in solitary confinement: The winds are calling me. A disaster is approaching.