What hurts the 2nd most
You know that feeling when you realize if you didn’t have someone or something in your life you don’t know what you would do. I mean you were suffering before and you coped as well as you could, and then, then,
BOOM
enter in the most amazing and precious thing you’ve ever known, had, longed for, prayed for, wished for, or maybe didn’t even ask for, but now they exist and are stuck in your head always and they won’t frickin leave. That feeling of, God dammit I love you and then you’re just glad that they/it exists and then you love them more when they actually show some form of compassion for your fucked up life and it’s like wait wait wait someone gives a fuck? A fuck about me? That weirdo, insomniac, anxious, depressed, needy bitch/bastard?
And it’s the feeling of being cared for that eats at you and it’s not really a bad thing but it’s so unnatural that you don’t know how to function and you’re constantly asking the question What do? What do? And then they don’t care what you do as long you're happy/ healthy.
And then the feeling when they start fading, when you notice that their smile is fake and you realize you weren’t the only one suffer. That they were trying their hardest to keep you from drowning when they were sinking themselves. Then you feel bad because they were there for you and you never did the same. And the moment you go to help they slip away, they get agitated, aggravated, and closed off. And you think to yourself, that’s not them, that’s not my love. But it is, it’s the them they never showed because they were too busy fixing you.
They start fading faster, and you keep latching onto them only for them to pull back even farther away, they don’t want you, they don’t want your love, at least not right now and that’s what hurts the most.
They don’t want you’re help
They don’t want you
And then you try try again and fail fail again and then one day
They don’t text you
They don’t call
They don’t smile
They aren’t them
And then…
Then they disappear
And that’s what hurts the 2nd most.
