All There Is To Know
So. Has this been on AO3 for two years? Yes. Sorry. I once again forgot to keep my lovely tumblr updated. My bad, guys, have some pre-royality as an apology
Summary: Roman knows everything there is to know about his best friend, Logan. He knows he loves bees, and books, and his little brother, Patton. He knows he would kill anyone that hurt him, and he knows never to get near in case he’s the one that does so.
It works.
Until it doesn’t
Characters: Roman, Logan, Patton
Warnings: implied child abuse (minor), arguments, school anxiety (minor)
Words: 3854
Roman met Logan when he was seven. They were both sent to a gifted and talented club in elementary school, and were the youngest two there by three years. The rest of the kids had hated them, feeling shown up by the two young geniuses.
So of course, they had to team up! And team up they did. They soon became the best of friends, unable to be separated. They would bounce ideas off each other, debate endlessly and viciously, critique everything the other said, and still offer to kill someone for each other, after everything.
Roman knew everything about his best friend. He knew that his family life was… complicated, but that he and his mom were happy. He knew that he wanted to own the largest beekeeping facility in history when he grew up, and he knew that the only time he was ever physically violent was when he punched a kid in the jaw for purposely standing on a bee which Logan had been trying to get out of the classroom.
He knew that Logan had a half-brother who was just over a year younger than him, Patton. Roman had never seen Patton, though, not even in photograph form. He knew he lived really far away, with Logan’s dad and his mom. He knew they FaceTimed sometimes — just Logan and Patton, never any of the adults, he said.
When they were ten, Patton suddenly moved house to live with Logan and Ms Foster. His last name was Hart, though, and he was really hurt. Roman hadn’t been allowed to meet him until months later when he was all better, and he’d never been told why Patton moved in, or what got him so bruised and broken.
When they did meet, Roman realised that Patton was Logan’s polar opposite. They both had the same jet black hair, but that was where the similarities died. Where Logan’s was pin-straight and lay flat on his head, Patton’s was large and coily and wild. Where Logan was fair-skinned with pale blue eyes, Patton’s was a golden brown, freckles dotting across his cheekbones. Patton cried a lot — all the time, it seemed, when Roman first met him. Logan never cried. Patton loved flowers and pretty colours, though was deeply, deeply ashamed of this fact, while Logan adored space and insects and spoke about it with every chance he got. Patton was very small for his age, while Logan was gangly and lean.
Roman didn’t speak to Patton often. Logan was fiercely protective of him, constantly scaring off anybody who dared to look at the boy wrong. He hated when people flirted with him, and he made Roman swear to never speak to the kid so that he couldn’t be another one of Patton’s apparent suitors.
To be fair, Roman wasn’t all that mad. He probably would flirt with the younger of the brothers, even if it was just to irritate his best friend. He didn’t really care enough to disobey though, and the opportunity never arose.
Sometimes, Roman saw him around school. At first, he’d wave, and Patton would smile shyly and wave back, but as they grew older he realised how uncomfortable the kid looked and stopped. Around the same time, Logan stopped having proper birthday parties, and Patton started going out with his own friends, so Roman… never really saw him at all. For all he knew, the kid was still the same frightened, soft-spoken nine-year-old that just appeared in Logan’s life one day.
However, all of that changed when Roman was seventeen.
He was meant to be meeting Logan at his house at 1pm. They were, as always, partnered together for an English project, and were supposed to be working on it that day.
However, when Roman arrived at Logan’s house, he was early. Seven minutes early.
He shrugged it off, actually rather pleased with himself — he had never been early for anything in his life — and knocked on the door.
A voice shouted from inside. “I’ll get it, Lo! I think it’s Virgil!”
Roman hesitated. Should he have texted his friend before knocking, to warn him of his presence? Or maybe he should have waited in his car until 1pm, and then knocked a few minutes later.
Before he could hurry away, the door swung inwards, revealing the most beautiful person Roman had ever laid his eyes on. The first thing Roman noticed was his hair. His curly black hair that seemed to float away from his head freely. Next was the small gap in between his front teeth that showed when he grinned. And then he was talking.
“Hi! How can I help you?”
Roman stared at him, suddenly realising how gorgeous of a brown his eyes were. This is ridiculous, he snapped at himself. Speak! Like a normal person!
Roman could only stare. The boy — this must be Patton, but he looked so different, what the fuck? — had freckles dusting the golden-brown skin of his nose and cheeks that bunched on the ends of his bright, gleaming smile. His bracelets clinked against each other prettily, earrings swinging as he bounced lightly on the balls of his feet. His large, round glasses showed Roman his own reflection, standing like a deer caught in the headlights.
Roman! Speak!
The angel’s grin disappeared, replaced by an embarrassed oh shape and widening eyes. “Oh! Roman! Hi! I’m so sorry, it’s been a while, huh? I didn’t even recognise you and Lo never told me you were coming round! Hang on a sec, I’ll go grab him. Come on in!”
Suddenly, there was a thump upstairs, and then frantic footsteps. Patton sighed, shot an apologetic look at Roman, and turned to the stairs.
Before Roman could ask what was happening, Logan was bolting down the stairs.
“Roman! Stop talking, right now!” he called. He reached the bottom of the stairs and stood in between Patton and Roman.
Roman stared at his best friend in surprise. “Nice to see you, too, specs. How was your day? Mine’s been great, thanks for asking.”
“Shush. We’re going upstairs. Patton, leave us alone.”
“What? But Log—” Patton began.
Logan cut him off. “We have very important school business to attend to. No distractions. Especially not for Roman.”
“Rude,” Roman muttered.
Patton frowned at his brother, putting his hands on his hips. “Now, Logan, don’t you think that maybe I’d like to actually meet your best friend? You’ve met Virgil enough times!”
Logan blushed at the ‘best friend’ part. “You have met him.”
“I was nine, I don’t remember it!”
“Well, too bad. Come on, Roman, it’s work time.”
Roman stared at him as he ran back up the stairs. He looked at Patton, and, after a second’s hesitation, bowed.
“It was truly a pleasure meeting you, fair sir. I hope we meet again.”
He then turned and hurried after Logan, rolling his eyes at his friend’s call.
He went into Logan’s bedroom, and saw that his friend was already sitting at the desk chair, his arms crossed and an unimpressed glare on his face.
“What? I didn’t do anything!” Roman instantly defended, his hands up in mock surrender.
“I’ve told you many times I don’t like when people talk to Patton like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like he’s some— some prize to be won!”
“I didn’t speak to him like that!”
“That’s how you speak to everyone, Roman.”
“So, what, when he opened the door I was meant to just stare at him until you came along?”
That’s what you were going to do, a voice in his head hissed. He pointedly ignored it.
“No! But you’re meant to warn a person before you knock on their door. Those are the rules of houses.”
Roman rolled his eyes and sat on the bed. “Oh, whatever. I can’t believe people claim that I am the dramatic one.”
“Roman. I don’t want you to try and make a move on my baby brother, understood?”
Roman let out a startled laugh. “Make a move? Oh my god, Lo, never say that again, okay?”
His friend didn’t rise to the bait. He leaned
forwards seriously, face set. “Promise. Promise you won’t try and create a romantic relationship — or any other kind of relationship, for that matter — with Patton. Promise.”
“Logan. With all due respect, it isn’t any of your business who Patton has a romantic-or-otherwise relationship with.”
“Roman.”
Roman could see how serious his best friend was. He sighed. “Fine. I won’t try and date your brother.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
Logan nodded, satisfied, and sat back in the chair. “Okay. Thank you.”
Roman smiled at him. “As adorable as your younger brother is, I wouldn’t want to make you leave.”
“Thank you. But don’t call him adorable. Don’t talk about him.”
“Lo. He’s a person. No offence, but you can’t control who he interacts with. That isn’t up to you.”
Logan glared. “You don’t understand, Roman. He’ll get hurt.”
“You think I would hurt him?”
“No! Because you’re going to leave him alone!”
Roman rolled his eyes. “Yes, but you think I would hurt him? Hypothetically?”
“He’s fragile. You wouldn’t do it purposely, but he would get hurt. I won’t let anyone hurt him.”
“Logan, this is bordering on possession. You need to calm down. I swear, I’m not going to try and romantically involve myself if it’d really freak you out this much, but you can’t control his every move. That’s scary, and it’s not okay. Chill.”
Logan narrowed his eyes. “Fine. I will ‘chill’. But if you hurt him, Roman—”
“I just said I won’t, Logan! I’ve basically only just met him — we barely even had a conversation! I’m not going to fall in love with someone based off their looks okay? Gosh, anyone would think you didn’t trust me.” He tried not to show too much of his hurt in his voice. Did Logan honestly think so little of him? That he would ever date a person — any person, let alone his best friend’s younger brother — just to string them along and then break their heart? Did Logan think he would ever purposely hurt someone?
Despite how hard Roman did try to hide, Logan picked up on it, and sighed. “Roman, I’m not attacking you. I’m just saying. He’s my brother, you can hardly blame me for wanting to protect him, can you?”
“No. You’re right, Lo, I just… you don’t think I’d hurt anyone on purpose, right?”
“Of course I know that. I know you’re not evil, Roman, okay? Calm down. You’re being ridiculous.”
Roman sighed. “Ridiculous? Why? You keep telling me not to harm your brother, and you keep ignoring me every time I say I won’t. How would you feel if I kept ignoring you, huh? You’d freak out. Just… please trust me. I said I wouldn’t start a relationship, I said I wouldn’t hurt him, what else do you want me to do? You need to trust me.”
Logan stared at him. “I trust you. Obviously I trust you. I just… I don’t want anyone to hurt Patton. Okay?”
“I said,” Roman snapped. “Fine.”
Logan jerked back, before his eyes blazed with anger. “You know what? If all you are going to do is yell at me we’ll do this another day. Go home.”
Roman scoffed. “You’re kicking me out?”
Logan scowled at him. “Yes. Go home until you can stop acting totally irrationally.”
Roman stood up. “Fine! I will! But I’ll come back when you can quit being a dick. Call me if it happens. But I won’t hold my breath.”
He stormed out of the room and slammed the door.
As he walked down the stairs, pretending his eyes weren’t stinging with tears, Patton appeared at the bottom, eyes clouded with worry.
“What’s wrong? Are you alright?”
Roman nodded, smiling shakily. “Yes, thank you, I’m very well. Your brother is just—” He let out an embarrassed laugh and tried to subtly wipe his eyes. “Sorry. I shouldn’t talk crap about him. Not to you at least.”
Patton giggled, and Roman’s stomach turned. “Oh, don’t worry about that. I know how he can be.”
Roman grinned. “Yes. Thank you, I’m glad someone understands.”
“Oh, I totally do. It’s… I love Logan, but it’s ridiculous. He gets so worked up, and then pretends that he literally doesn’t feel anything. It’s a little exhausting.”
Roman laughed. “I know .” Patton grinned even further. In a conspirator’s whisper, Roman added, “And he is so totally not emotionless. He’s one of the most sensitive people.”
“Isn’t he just?”
Roman chuckled. He walked down the rest of the stairs and stood in front of Patton.
“He’s like a tower,” Roman said suddenly, breaking the silence. Patton tilted his head with a confused noise. “He locked you up and hid you away from me, a gorgeous little prince like you.”
Patton’s eyes widened, his face darkened slightly in red. “O-Oh! I— Uh— Wow…”
Roman grinned. In the back of his mind, he was thinking of the promise he made Logan, but…
No. This was wrong. There was no way he could betray Logan like this, no matter how angry he was.
He took a step back, feeling a blush in his cheeks.
“Um, well! Goodbye, Patton. It was truly an incredible experience to meet you. Again”
Patton blinked again, shocked by the sudden change.
“Oh, yeah. Um… you too. Maybe I’ll see you if you come over again. It’s weird how we always miss each other, considering how doyen I know you’re here.”
Roman grinned. “It is. And, I hope so.”
Patton smiled. “Me too. You should probably go. Before Lo realises we’re looking at each other.”
Roman laughed. “Fair, true. Bye.”
Patton waved cheerfully and Roman left the house.
Why was his heart beating so fast? Roman had had a crush before, and this did not feel like a crush. Crushes were short and sweet. They were butterflies, not nausea. They were skips of beats, not racing pulses.
They were good. Not wrong. And this felt so, so wrong.
He couldn’t think of doing anything with Patton without the image of Logan’s face popping into his head. And that was just as weird as it was wrong.
But… it surely wasn’t up to Logan who Patton formed relationships with. And it wasn’t up to him who Roman formed relationships with. So he wouldn’t actually be doing anything—
Stop.
He swore that he wouldn’t do it, and so he wouldn’t. Simple as that. It didn’t matter how fast his heart beat, how his lungs emptied and his blood ran to his face.
“Crap,” he muttered, hitting his head against the steering wheel. He honked the horn, and shot upright. Patton peered through the window at him, frowning. He smiled slightly, seeming to draw himself up taller when he realised it was Roman. The older teen knew he was bright red by now. He waved with a shaking hand and drove away.
Roman forced himself not to think about Patton for the rest of the weekend. He ignored the urge to search for him on Instagram, ignored the urge to go back to Logan’s house under the pretence of an apology, just so he could see Patton again.
“No,” he growled to himself. He wasn’t even going to pretend to apologise to that… that… that jerk.
Every time he thought about Logan, he felt like he might cry again. Logan was his best friend, his oldest. Roman didn’t want to lose him. Roman loved him.
But the fact that Logan had believed what he said. He’d believed that Roman would try to hurt Patton, would try to seduce him only to hurt him afterward. Like… like a siren, a literal siren.
Anger burned in his stomach again. He wasn’t going to think about it.
When Roman went back to school, he didn’t see Logan until third period — English. They still sat next to each other.
Logan, predictably, was already there when Roman arrived. He sat next to him, tense and awkward. Logan ignored him for a moment.
Then, he muttered a tense, “Good morning.”
“Is it?”
Logan winced. “I think… so…”
Roman scoffed quietly. The teacher walked in before Logan could say anything else.
“Alright, guys,” he said. “Good morning. We’re just going to continue with our projects today, so you can just get started. I’ll do roll call as you do so.”
Roman groaned, and pulled his notebook out of his bag. He threw it onto his table and made sure to keep his eyes off Logan.
“Roman, I—”
“I’m not in the mood, Logan, just do the project and stop talking.”
“Roman, please, let me—” Logan’s voice cracked, and Roman’s head snapped around to stare at him.
“Lo?”
Logan was staring straight ahead. His jaw was clenched, lips trembling. Roman saw tears in his eyes.
“Please let me speak. If you interrupt I will… I will ‘chicken out,’ as you like to say.”
Roman hesitated, and then he sighed. “Okay. Go ahead.”
Logan’s shoulders relaxed imperceptibly. He still didn’t look at Roman. “I would like to… apologise for my behaviour previously. I was being irrational and… and rather cruel. I didn’t intend to… to do so. However, that is what happened, through my ineptitude. You were offended, and I attacked that, and then I… I kicked you out of my house. That was unnecessary, and I should have tried to understand what you were feeling. I… sincerely apologise, Roman. I would be greatly relieved if you… forgave me. Although I will understand if you don’t.”
Roman stared at him for several seconds. Then, he laughed. Logan looked at him in shock. “How many times did you practise that?”
Logan flinched, and looked away. “I… Roman…”
“Lo. I’m kidding. We’re fine, Poindexter. Just… tell me the truth. Do you think I’d be able to just… string someone along like that?”
“No,” Logan hissed, vehement. “No, Roman, I don’t. I was… I was shocked, and I was protective and I was… scared. The thought of Patton getting hurt, even… even a little bit… terrifies me. And he gets so attached to things, he’s almost never not a little bit sad, and high school romances just don’t last, something would inevitably come up and you’d break up, and he’d be heartbroken, he would be so upset, so… so I got scared. And I took it out on you, and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to suggest that you… that you were some kind of monster. I’m sorry.”
Roman stare at him again. “It’s okay. I forgive you, nerd.”
“Really?”
“I promise.”
Logan relaxed completely, slumping over the table. His breaths were coming in gasps, as if he’d been holding it the whole time.
“Hey, it’s okay, buddy. Breathe for me, Logan. Okay?”
Logan sucked in a deep breath and straightened up. “Thank you, Roman. Really.”
Roman smiled at him.
“However, I still do not want you to date my brother. Okay?”
Roman suddenly felt like he’d been punched in the gut. He continued to grin. “Okay, Lo, I’ll leave him be.”
“Thank you. Would, um… would you like to continue?”
Roman nodded and they continued working on their project. However, he couldn’t manage to pull his thoughts off Patton. Off his curly hair, off his gorgeous eyes and the gap between his two front teeth that made Roman blush for no reason.
God, this was a mess…
Roman didn’t see Patton again for weeks, even when he was permitted to return to Logan’s house.
The next time he laid eyes on him was at lunch, when Patton hurried over to where Logan and Roman were eating.
His cheeks were red and his chest was heaving through his pants. He threw his bag into the table and sat beside Roman without even looking up, before pulling out a book.
“Lo, please help me.”
Roman looked at his friend as Patton passed the book over. Logan ignored it, focussing instead on Patton’s face with stony eyes. “What is it? Are you okay?”
“No— I mean, yeah, I— Logan, I forgot to do my math homework. Again. And I can’t— I can’t miss another assignment, Lo. She’ll fail me, and then I won’t graduate with Virgil and I’ll have to stay in school till I’m, like, twenty, and by then I’ll probably have given up and dropped out and even if I haven’t it’ll be too late to get a college tuition and I’ll end up being a bum forever and— and— I’ll turn out like dad and I can’t—”
“Patton!” Logan interrupted. “Calm down. You’re being ridiculous. One failed subject in your junior year won’t decrease your GPA so wholly you fail to graduate.”
“How do you know? What if I screw up the SATs so bad I end up relying on my GPA and—”
“ Patton . Stop . Take a deep breath.”
Patton sucked in a deep breath and blew it out. “Please just help me, Logan. I’m begging you.”
Logan glared at him, and Patton stared back. Roman kept his eyes on his best friend. If he looked at the other teen, he’d lost his nerve and blush and blabber and Logan would put two and two together.
“I’m not doing your homework for you, Patton.”
“Please, Lo! I need you! You know I won’t be able to finish it before lunch ends and it’s due next period and— and I really need you to help me. I’ll do anything.”
“Patton—”
The younger of the two had tears in his eyes. His voice cracked when he spoke, “Lo, I can’t fail this. Please.”
Logan’s facade cracked, and he made a hurt noise in the back of his throat. “That’s cheating , you always start crying, you know I can’t say no when you’re crying.”
Patton sniffled and wiped at his eyes. “I don’t want to. Don’t like crying…”
Logan sighed. “Come here. I’m not doing it for you, but I’ll help.”
Patton let out a relieved half-sob and stood, hurrying around the table to sit next to Logan.
“Where’s Virgil?” the older asked.
“Um… he— he’s sick today.”
“Sick?”
“Yeah. Lo, please, the math?”
“Sure, sure.” Logan started walking Patton through the problems. Roman watched him, watched the softness on his face even as he rolled his eyes in annoyance at his younger brother.
Roman really did know everything about his best friend. He knew Logan was kind, and thoughtful. He knew that he cared about people so fiercely it killed him sometimes. He knew people didn’t get that — didn’t get to know the Logan that was gentle and caved as soon as his little brother shed a tear. That rehearsed apologies in mirrors because he was scared of getting it wrong and almost burst into tears when he wasn’t allowed to say it.
But now, watching Logan speak to his brother like he’d get the moon for him if he asked, Roman had to wonder how anyone at all could look at Logan and call him emotionless.
And, looking at Patton, eyes wide and earnest and awing, he wondered how the fuck Logan expected him to stay away.
