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My fellow premeds can probably relate to this, but do you ever come across a doctor, premed, or medical student who is so self-absorbed and cocky that you just think, "Few things would give me more joy than to quash your overly expanded ego and teach you some humility and respect for the people who have entrusted their lives to you,"
Sometimes having a bunch of fellow premed friends on Facebook is really damaging to your self-esteem, especially if you're like me and well basically spend 90% of your time feeling like you're either not doing enough or doing it all wrong. Especially when you see posts from those people talking about how they got 101% in a class you're struggling with or the ones who post about the bazillion volunteer activities they're doing this weekend. I just get really tired of the rat race aspect of premed. I don't want to compete--that's not why I'm going into medicine. Of course I want to do the best possible job I can for my patients, but I get so sick of all this competition, pettiness, ego explosions, bragging, etc. It exhausts me and drains me of that energy and fire and passion I have for medicine and science. I'm not here to compare grades, I'm here to learn how to become the best doctor I possibly can be. I wish more premed people tried to think like that--focused on what should ultimately matter.
Sigh.
I get tired of having to throw myself into 20 different classes and 20 different activities, work, meetings, MCAT studying, etc. because "that's what you have to do to be competitive for med school." I can't wait until (hopefully) I get into medical school, and then truly the only thing I will have to "throw myself" into will be medicine. I'll be able to immerse myself in it and in its complexities, mysteries and benevolence/healing. That's what I want more than anything. Just to be able to devote my attention to something I love 100% instead of having to spread myself out so thinly all the time. Having to do that makes me feel disingenuine and exhausted.
Random thoughts...
If there is one thing I've learned from being premed, it's this: if you want to be a doctor, you've got to want it more than anything else. You've got to want it more than a prolific social life. You've got to want it more than sleep. You've got to want it more than the ice cream or pizza that's calling your name across campus. You've got to want it more than you want your snuggly warm pajama pants when you're studying in the freezing library at 1am. You've got to want it more than you want that shot of vodka on a Friday night after a grueling week. You've got to want it more than you want "normality." You've got to want it more than you want to tumblr and Facebook all night long after endless homework marathons. And lastly, you've got to want it more for yourself than for the sake of your future patients--not that helping them isn't important--but surely there are easier ways of helping others than putting yourself through 10+ extra years of education, burying yourself in debt to your earlobes, and then spending the rest of your life knowing all you worked for might be taken away with a simple slip of a scalpel or mistake on a medical chart; because the one you save, might just turn into the one who sues you for all you've got. So you have to love medicine and love it for itself alone and then for the good you can do. I'm not so sure anyone could make it through premed and med school otherwise.
