In you I"m lost

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In you I"m lost
W-w-2-2, half speed.
YD6-99(-2 Cradle)âVampireâs Hush and nestling the Capricorn bicycle squeal
Epigraph: A hush lingers in the marble houseâNyx still breathing through its cracksâwhen the Capricorn arrives, wheeling his squealing bicycle like an omen of work and destiny. Between Aetheriaâs vision and the brute Earth of tools and hands, the excavation begins. The house will yield or resist, but its awakening has already been decided in light.
The Preamble: Aetheria is the lens of consciousnessâa rhythm seeking its ultimate form. These pages unfold as she begins to reveal herself, leading me not through a zodiacal forest, but through the physical architecture of memoryâthe derelict Belle Ăpoque house we now inhabit. In this space, where reality is constantly drawn and erased, Aetheria moves toward the name she will one day claim: Sunshine. This journey clarifies the path begun in my earlier philosophical memoir, The Code: Horizon of Infinity.
YD6-99(-2 Cradle)âVampireâs Hush and nestling the Capricorn bicycle squeal
As Victoriaâs gaze wedges past, he leans aside behind the dormant door leaf, and she steps down, squeezing past the relentless mid-twenties handsome manâhandsome, polite, yet tethered in fixation on me. A few strides on, she halts, head turning brisklyâcaught in a curious gripâas if dawning on herâwhile I speak: âRenovating isnât a fairyâs morphâmanpower is needed.â Iâm scrutinizing the manâa bodybuilderâs chest filling his shirt sleeves and jeans. I wonder, âWasnât I once bred in the callused industry, a youngster among adults and old trade profanity?âÂ
I lead Rudyâs gaze with mine toward the crystal cottage portal shadowing Nyxâthe door Iâd left ajar, revealing the tenebrous entrails of the house. âRudy,â I ask, â[Es-tu prĂȘt pour ça ?]âare you up for the job?â
Rather than flinch, Rudy steps forward blindly to task, replying: â[Puis je commencer maintenant ?]âCan I start now?â Cutting me off, he adds, â[Ca câest le travail]âThatâs the job!â
I ask. â[Connais-tu ton signe⊠Quelle est ta date de naissance ?]âDo you know your birth sign⊠Whatâs your birthdate?â After answering, I reflect. âHumm!âââA CapricornâElement of Earth, a steadfast nature.â The man had beamed down on our doorstep as I was prying through the shell of procrastination. Still I press on: â[Sais-tu manier une pioche et une pelle ?]âCan you swing a pick and shovel?â
Without hesitation, Rudy says. â[Oui !]âYes!â His eager eyes outreaching around my forearm, â[Je peux commencer maintenant ?]âCan I start now?âÂ
Rudyâsturdy as a marble statueâstands firm while I forestall the monster of a task. Victoria, distracted, her pixie-haired head turns away, declares with a flick of impatience: âIâve heard enough, seen enough.â Resilient in her trajectory, she steps offâsunrise jubilant across the avenue, starry pixels peeking through the hedgegrowth foliage of the park thickets before her.
Rudyâs eyes persist, bright with the unspoken vow, âIâll show you what I can do.â He asks, â[Je peux commencer maintenant ?]âCan I start now?âÂ
I reflect. âThere are no utensils hereâŠâÂ
Sill fixated on the houseâs entrails, Rudy insists. âCan I start now?â
Victoria steps down the curb through the interstice of the chain cars, crossing the asphalt dim fieldânight lingering along the avenue against the woods and thicket hedge. She reaches her blue boxy Panda. Slips inside, and behind the driverâs window pulls out amid the nightâs parked silhouettes, heading downhill toward the glazed bus shelter at the parkâs sunlight gaping accessâthe golden gritty path edging the pooling lawns.Â
She vanishes from Rochefort Square, dissolved into the faint stir of foot traffic toward the tram platform, with cars disappearing through the cracked hedgerows of fenestrated brick townhouse facades. Â
I hint at Rudyâs punctuality: â[Vient demain at sept heures]âCome at seven in the morning.â And to myself, âIâll have time to show what needs to be done.âÂ
Rudy exhalesâlike a boy whoâs found his favored toy againâand says, âIâll be here at seven in the morning.â His eyes drift aside; both hands reach for a bicycle salvaged from a heap of discarded metalâcrutches of a sentinel resting by the dark-green, peeling, dormant doorâanchored to the pillar where terracotta brick the party seam to a sand-yellow facade of number 13âs barn doors.Â
I step down, pulling the door close, shaking my head in disbeliefâwatching a phantom of the house after the weekendâs move. His hands seize the saddle and the handlebar; with a deft lift, he whisks the bicycle up, swinging it off its wheels in a brief orbit before landing.Â
My eyesight piggybacks his head and shoulders, leaving me quite baffled. He strides off, trots, kicks a foot backswing over the luggage carrier, and saddles to coast across the porte cochĂšreâs apronâthe interim cranking pedals, the chain rolling, whinnying, and squealing. He bounces across the gutter, hits the asphalt; his feet sporadic on the pedals. The figure crossing the avenueâthe crank squealing at every footâs treadleâcurbs into the downhill toward the bus shelter, and floats awayâfolding into Victoriaâs earlier stream of people and cars; in disbelief, I reflected, âThis is too good to be true!â
I step away uphill, passing a few undulating cars, to reach my Audiâmy thoughts at liberty, tracing a new route toward the highway, heading south toward work. I slip into my seat, tweak the ignition, pulling out with a U-turn across the avenue and turn away from the bus shelter - patter patter, patter. . . - cutting the cobblestoned squareâs corner against the traffic, past the lopsided pointer with a highway insignia, the outbound artery through the trough of the valley of Forest. Losing the thread before downtown, a side street opens into a fork-square flanked by fenestrated brick facades, estranged by a generationâs absurd crotch; in the morning light, Aetheriaâs breath styles destinyâmirrored in the glittering curtain wall that imprints upon my mind the prow of St. Eloiâs ornate splash.  Â
But itâs the hardware that resonates in my mindâa boyâs toyshopâas I regain course, passing the back-artery Volkswagen factory, breaching the night cast in the underpass to rebound into the morningâs skimming sunlight, weaving through a spiderweb of a countryside interchange to merge with the southbound highway traffic, the gantry flashing Paris-ParijsâLile-Rijssle.Â
Breaking free from the bilingual Brussels region, a trickle of tradesmenâs panel vans flick their indicators for egress and ingress ramps as Flemish Flandersâ gantry flashesâParijs, RijsselâRijssel, fatigued, on the board, shuns itself to bifurcate its lanes away, drawing the traffic vanishing in the woods. I break out of Flanders, praising myself for holding to the speed limit; the gantry signboards hurls up, perpetuating Paris in a slipstream over the windshield to disappear in my wakeâat the rate of finger-pointed signs dropping Walloon village names by the wayside.
I shunt off with the Paris lanes, curling beneath the wrought-iron bridge along the river, furthering into Walloniaâgathering the morningâs traffic toward Charleroiâuntil I veer into the industrial zone, amid Jumetâs scattered steel sheds. I pull to a halt on the apron before the facing brick wall. Stepping out of the car, the door swings shut behind me. In a few strides along the facade, I reach the office door, push the door swing open to the walk-up. The corridor launches into the dark glazed maze of a warehouseâs empty offices: I pass beneath the CEOâs spying regard. His unrelenting eyes follow me across the corridor until I settle at my table, crouched in a daylight gleam, diving into the Materne Bill of Quantities Iâd left there before the weekend.
After a day of ruffling through subcontractorsâ faxed-in prices, I turn to evaluate the construction site. In my mind, a holographic scene unfolds: the crane operator spreads the outriggers, raising the latticed boom. A cable thread through sheaves, maneuvering a hook that dangles a steel column down to the waiting steelworkers. They align and bolt the base plate to the concrete footing, perpetuating the modular rhythmâlike soldiers outlining the factory.Â
The crane heaves to interpose the tie beams, amid the steelworkers against the skyâwiggling, throttling, and trawlingâthey erect the trusses, then span purlins across, shaping an aired steel skeleton. The framework pilfers daylight from within, sheathing above with sheet-metal roofing; cladding sheets soldier and dress beside their neighborsâ wrap, boxing the space in. My eyes settleâfalling onto separate items on the page, halfway through the reamâstipulating the framing of emergency doors and a cargo door, the shedâs skylights and ventilators.Â
Underneath the sunlight, as the shade wiggles across the courtyard walls behind me into the afternoon, I rise, slide my Toshiba laptop along into Ricoâs executive briefcase, and trace my steps back to the Audi. I slip into my seat, tweak the ignition, and pull off, weaseling out from the industrial zone through the Gosselies interchange, blending into the outbound stream of office-workers along the thoroughfare that ploughs toward a sun lowering over the horizon. After interchanges shed traffic to wayside villages, Iâm engaged into the slip road that splits at the junction flashing atop the gantry signboardââ[Bruxelles]âBrusselsââbeside the morning stretch reversed, to shun into the suburbs and pull up beside St. Eloiâs glass prow. I step out, enter the hardware store, warmed by the sense of honing in on toolsâhoney to the hands that know how to implement.Â
The attendant disappears from behind the counter, returns with the handlesâstanding them against the counter, a pick and a shovelâthen sets down cement-sized construction debris bags, settling the purchase. Heavy in my grip, I walk out across the street. Lift the Audiâs trunk, and lay the utensils inside - slam - closing the lid. I slip behind the steering wheel, tweak the ignition, and pull away, weaving through the streets until I pull up before number 15 on the avenue. I step out of the car, remove the tools from the trunk - clang - and stride indoors.Â
In the depth of the dark stairwell, I descend the flight of stairs toward the -1 landingâdead giant spiders hanging in the cornerâreminding myself, the electric panel. I enter the basement and turn toward the street-front window. In the room, I lay the utensils beside the flank door before stepping into the crawlspaceâinto the dark age of gas lightingâtracing the supply lines of gas, water, finding the sewer pipe, and noting the ultimate bricking-up of the door that distances the technical shaft from the -1 apartment, feeding anew each individual apartment up to the loft.Â
I head back up the flight of stairs to the +/-0 Belle Epoque landing, then up to the mezzanine swingback. I flick the pilot light on at the +1 landing, continue to the +2, and stop at the loft apartment. Victoria greets me, pecks a kiss on the lips; groceries finding their place along the chopping block, the stove its pots, a meal in its steam, onto a plate. We settle in, clear up, and tuck ourselves under the duvet for the night.
I awake to the hush of autumn light lagging, barely peeking through the mansard roomsâ hatches: Nyxâs skirt still hangs in the air, announcing a spell of winter. My mind returns to where I left off last nightâthe task of the upcoming novelty. I jump out of bed, dress, leaving Victoria behind, curled in the bedding. I step out of the dormer room, run my fingertips along the barn stairâs handrail, and, from the swingback landing in the somber glow of a dangling bulb, I count +2, +1âon track with the mezzanine. The rhythm of a shoe-roll dances down the nosing cascade, landing at ±0 of the Belle Epoque.Â
At the sentinel of the panel door, I step into the dark, miserable derelict. A waft of stale airâthe pet of the previous owners leaps at me with a foul embrace, its emotions welcome: âYouâre going to breathe life into us again?â I turn toward slivers of daylight, pacing the linoleum through the tenebrous march toward the crystal grandeur of the interleading portal. I pace through the enfilade of rooms, approaching the distant, sketchy French door. Outside, a lizard-mirage crawls up from beneath the lopsided roller shutter. Squeezing through the gap between the doorâs exterior kick panels, it rolls over the sill and through the paneâa fatigue crawl of light spilling into a reverence at my feet.Â
I grope the French doorâs right casement; the architraves offer the flat winder strap. I take hold. As my hand tugs, the wooden slats crack openâlight seeping through the louvers from the top, multiplying downward, striating the doorâs face toward the bottom with an arid, age-still cringe along the routed gliders. Reaching the crumpled wedgeâlopsided bottomâthe lizard crawl unfolds a winkâthen morphs into a sluice of brightness spilling over the sill. Engulfing the French door as the slats - growl - roll onto themselves into the shadows of the stow box beneath the ceiling, the strap stops my hand - clicks - into the satiation of its steel hooks.
I sidestep and rotate the cremone, unlatching the transom and floor bolts. I pull, separating the twin door leavesâthe park's first breeze engulfs me, light in tow, scouting the night behind through the enfilade of rooms. I pace into the embrace of the open door leaves, up to the doorstep parapetâthe regal faux-balcony awaiting the knight on horsebackâas sunlightâs starry rays pierce through the wooded thicket hedge, awakening the deserted avenue. My gaze glides down the asphalt and catchesâAetheriaâs allureâglittering in the crystal bus shelterâresonates with faint treadmill squeaks until Rudy emerges from the shadow of the night. He crosses the deserted avenue into the sunâs glow, his bust low on the handlebars, arms widespread, waggling to the rhythm of the chainâs squeal as his feet grind the pedals, hauling himself uphill.Â
In a flicker of disconcert, I backstepâspreading my grip across the doorsâ interlocking rolling stilesâto press them close, latching the cremone transom and floor bolts. I turn away, backtracking as the brown-marbleâdressed in its white veinsâstands across the crystal grandeurâs threshold, butler-proud: a mantelpiece with a caretakerâs plea long before the apartment turned derelict. âNot now; thereâs greater urgency to the core to resolve!â Iâm called into stride toward the opposite wall and step onto the somber landingâswivel on my feet, through the cottage-portal doorway the split-level down - click - a light crack opens, and daylight engulfs the vestibule.Â
Framed in the glow, Rudyâs foot kicks back; he unsaddles and walks, wheeling his possession up to me. âWait! Youâre not intended to bring that scrap inside?â I thought.Â
After a brief greeting, I watch with a disdainful eyeâa bike no one would stealâthe front wheel - clang - as it rolls over the sidewalkâs coal-chute plate. The tire presses onward and across the doorstep, and I backstep from the doorway. Rudy pushes forward, squeezing himself through, the rear wheel rattling the disapproving metal plateâclanging. Iâm left fixated, fearing the rusty projections might scrape the door or craze the marble floorâto my ridicule. Rudy passes the basement flank-panel door, heightening my dread as he leans the scrap bikeâtire and handlebar smacking the marble wainscot, the saddle tooâbefore stepping back, pressing the door - Kwock - into the frame, and shutting out the light.
Rudyâs steps follow me, past my hesitant waiting. My eyes grope through the stifled light to risers of the split level walk-up, through the hollow of the vestibule's crystal cottage portal. Beneath the upstairs flight, the floor opens behind the handrailing balustrade, and I reach the profound stairwell. With a hand atop the newel post, I wing my shoe around my heelâthe shoeâs toe feeling for the nosing edge before stepping down. The other foot treads further below. My hand finds the swingback railing, groping down the hollow as Nyx oozes from the walls. Rudy clings close behindâin her skirtâs swarm of bats, he piggybacks meâfearful as a vampire in the underground. The shadow yields to the flight of cascading treadsâand I descendâbefore my eye catches the dangling bulbâs meek light. The handrail slides beneath my palm as my feet gain the rhythm of the stairs, echoing the hollow wood to poldergeists meeting in the walls below.Â
Alongside the shadowing, cloth-insulated spaghetti of entry and exit wires and blatant fuses leading to an open switchgear panel. I turn awayâamazed by the invention of electricityâtoward the sentinel of a door off the -1 landing. I crank its lever, opening into the derelict enfilade tunneling the basement floor. I head for the street-front window, its outdoor wrought iron grill scribbled scrawls, light lingering across the walls and casting a shine across the ceiling, revealing a symmetry of foundation plan that underpins the towering house.Â
Off to the side, the embossed panel door lies in shade. The lever in my grip; I crank it open with a leftward swing that plants the leaf, and me a side step line against the load-bearing stairwell wall. Turning my back on the threads of the dangling bulb, and its timid reach of light shading the raw, whitewashed brick walls. I turn to fix the man in the gaping doorway. âRudy! Are you up to excavate the floor?â I say.
Rudy doesnât flinch. He eagerly slips along the flanks of the massive doorjambâseveral bricks thickâinto the vestibuleâs crawl space. Assured and appeased by Rudyâs eagerness to labor, my mind toggles toward ducking to duty. I leave Rudy to the dozen pencil shafts piercing and resting on the raw, chiseled away foundation wallâthe chute from the sidewalkâs doorstep lids.Â
I backtrack from the pick, shovel, and debris bagsâRudyâs earlier glance lingering on the stacked utensils in the shadow of the window lightâand edge back upstairs. My hips swing around the swingback handrailâs return. I pace along the Belle Epoqueâs landing toward the darkness, through the crystal-cottage portal and down the split level. My gaze butts the entrance, sliding past Rudyâs bicycle. I unlatch the door into an engulfing daylight. âIâve got to get you to roam free through the stairwell.â The thought nurturesâAetheriaâs volition pulsing through my mind.Â
Iâm glad to step into daylight, scanning the line of parked cars for the Audi. Across the deserted avenue, I reach the parkâs thicket hedge. Sliding behind the steering wheel, I tweak the ignition and coast downhill - patter, patter, patter. . . - veering through the prow of the most recent generation of apartment blocks, past the lopsided highway pointer, treading the trough artery by the Volkswagen factory, beneath the highway cast shade. I merge with a trickle of panel vansâmen at the wheel, testing my patience along the hypnotic lanes flashing Paris, wailing for Charleroi to appear, then Jumetâand pulling up at the office, for another day striving beneath the skylight Helios peeking to finish pricing out the Bill of Quantities.
Manifestation is the art of bringing one's desires into reality through the power of focused intention and belief. Whether a person subscrib
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