#pretapoetry

[pretabird]

I fear the opportunity of letting go

I fear never being loved enough

I fear never feeling romantic love

I fear being made a fool of

I fear being dramatic and exaggerated

I fear never being able to let go

I fear laughing in a empty room

I fear never having a telephone partner

I fear holding my breath

I fear never knowing what it's like to breathe

I fear knowing what's wrong

I fear not knowing enough

I fear knowing when to leave

I fear looking up

I fear looking down

I see fear when I look around

Fear, fear, fear

That's all I can seem to say, think, and see. Branded behind my glowing red eyelids

The air is heavy, smelly, rotten. It sticks to my skin like polyurethane glue.

How, when, and why did it get so bad?

So fast. Blink and you'll miss it.

[pretabird]

I feel weaker than before

The thought of a slow poison spreading through my body doesn't sound too far off

I feel like I can't tell anyone the fear the chips at me daily.

"The human body is more resilient than it seems."

I don't want her to be resilient. I want her to be strong and aware.

There's a type of disconnection between myself and my body that I simply feel too... Tired to fix...

Those in positions that "know better" tell me... It's all in my head.

All that's in my head is... "I'm dying... And I'm too tired to fix it."

[pretabird]

Photo done by me! Please credit✌🏾

She bathes in the light of the divine mother Moon

Raging skin crawling with an egarness to escape and be wild

Free

She looks on with an unwavering and growing faith.

Faith in herself. Faith in Source Creator

She is blessed with gifts and romance. Tenderly given love and appreciation.

She melts in the warm embrace of the divine father Sun

Invigorated and brought to life with the gentle breath of God. Aching for transformation.

She is blessed with foresight and secret keeping. Learning when and where to share

She leaps ahead with faith knowing she is wise of where not to land. Faith in the unknown possibility of joy. Faith in gentleness of pain.

Amen.

[pretabird]

I think about being curled up in his lap.

Basking in the sun, gentle scritches behind my ears.

A deep sigh slips past sharp teeth and fine whiskers.

I finally feel at home.

[pretabird]

Edge of the Woods

There

At the edge of the woods. At the edge on untapped wonder and potential

He stood

A stag. Silver antlers stretched as far as the tangled over hanging canopy. His eyes chestnut eyes filled to the brim with the viscous fluid of space and time itself.

Watching

Misted breath a step behind seemingly calculated blinks. No words to be spoken yet my soul he touched.

Waiting

Patient and kind. Understanding of the breeze that swayed his trees. Making acorns fall freely to damp luscious ground. Wild flowers growing at his hooves.

I reached out to touch my fate and he left. Leaving me with a curious wonder. Leading me through the edge of the woods.

[pretabird]

I never really loved things like the people around me.

Sometimes I feel muted. Transparent in the world I live in.

Sometimes I wished I didn't care so much. About people, experience, and kindness

I'd be further ahead in the world for sure.

But my heart is full. Sometimes too full.

So full that it's weight is to heavy for me alone...

When will all this tragedy this make sense?

[pretabird]

Sometimes I reach up to the sky in the hopes you'll reach out to me

Saving me from such a massive disgrace. A dishonor.

I hope you reach out to me with faith of my love of my power of my divinity

I hope you reach out to me aching for my sweet lovely caress

I hope you think of me, listening to me in the night as I fail under soft heavy covers

Feeling the way I feel for you inside the dark. I love you more than you think. More than you know.

[pretabird]

Sucked dry of all I may carry. As it came it, it was taken out. Over and over and over.

When tears fall those are taken as well.

Left with nothing but feelings of weary.

They want it this way. They want everything i have. Everything i feel like a need...

It was never enough

Now i am plenty.

I am charmed and charming. Flying through life with ease and without a worry or care.

I am full beyond comprehension.

More blessings than I was able to ask for.

I am fruitful and gratuitous. Free, willing, and able to give. Over and over and over.