Woah mama, my pretzel business is falling behind, what new pretzel flavors should I introduce

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Woah mama, my pretzel business is falling behind, what new pretzel flavors should I introduce
Woah mama, over a hundred and fifty followers, I think that makes me Tumblr famous...
Or maybe I just make good pretzels
the problem with being too busy to date is that at a certain point you develop a very strong attraction to a fictional character that simply cannot be beaten any way other than getting back on the horse but the horse is actively galloping away from you at top speed and you're carrying a 20kg backpack full of work you have to get done and even when you do manage to chase the horse down your tastes have been irreparably influenced by your new fictional wife and now you're only attracted to sweaty women with grease on their faces
A ranking of every US city by someone who has never set foot on the American continents
1. Portland. Just seems like a cool city. I heard it's bikeable and there's good coffee and beer there. Important.
2. Boulder. Right by the mountains, fuck yes.
3. Seattle. Hoa hoa hoa hoa hoaaaa.
4. Memphis. Blues, baby!
5. New Orleans. Jazz, baby! Also: linguistically fascinating.
6. San Francisco. My favourite city in the world has a music venue named after it, so it must be decent. Also: hilly and gay, my two favourite things.
7. St Louis. My friend lives there!
8. Houston. We have a problem. And it's that when I look at the stars these days I just see constant fucking satellites.
9. Los Angeles. Home of The L Word (yay!) but also Hollywood (boo!).
10. New York. Points for Broadway and food. Minus points for the fact that my friend who went there said it's so polluted you can feel the grime on your skin at the end of the day. That's yuck, you guys.
11. Miami. It's a place that exists. Warm and humid?
12. Las Vegas. Why is everything neon, do you hate your eyes?
13. Salt Lake City. Mormons and salt.
14. Washington. Home of so much evil.
15. Boston. How dare you desecrate tea like that. Fuck you.
16. Chicago. It's not even that windy there. Stop lying to people. Fuck you.
That's all of them, I think. Let me know if I missed any!
to be honest I tell everyone I'm looking forward to going home and seeing my friends and family and getting to spend time in beautiful nature and all, but the thing I'm most excited about is getting to see my physiotherapist and podiatrist
queer culture is when your ex-girlfriend and her musical theatre boyfriend adopt you into their steam family so you can play stray
I need everyone to know that when you see weird shit happening that smells vaguely australian but the australians deny responsibility, you should absolutely not look southeast. those islands across the tasman sea? just ignore them. they mean nothing. they don't exist, even. I mean it, don't look over here, it wasn't us we're normal and we don't do anything weird ever
does anyone else's university campus have an entryless building that makes strange humming noises on cold winter nights or is that just me